Cami Wardle's Tender Mercies

Can you believe that our miracle baby Zac is two! He is full of so much life and energy. It is a joy to see him grow and develop and watch with anticipation as he hits all of the normal markers. He's got so much to say, most of which we don't understand but go along with anyway. As a grandma, I laugh at all the crazy things he does when as a parent I would probably try to correct and discipline. Being a grandma is the best!!!

I am so proud of Cami and the way she navigates life. It will always be full of extra challenges, but she tries her best to move forward each day as a wonderful mother, spouse and homemaker. For the most part, her challenges are the same as most women - myself included. Aren't we all struggling to find our purpose, to know if we are doing enough, we want to feel pretty and we worry about our children and want to make sure that they feel loved and accepted. As we move through life, we are always in the process of "redefining". It's a challenge to let go of things we used to do and find new activities to take their place. Depending on where we are on our journey, this can be fun and exciting, or painful and difficult. Gratefully we are never alone - friends, family and faith can help us find our true potential.

As I reflect on the past two years, I'm hoping to see value in the lessons that I've learned. August 31st will always be a day filled with so much emotion. It will forever be a day to celebrate life and the miracle that it is. However - I would be lying to say that it isn't filled with fear, sadness and flash backs to what was a terrifying time that I never imagined would be part of my story. I don't often go back and look back at the few pictures that I took during those early days and weeks, but as I have done so this past week, I am grateful for perspective and the gift of time. It has allowed me to see the miracle - Zac and Cami and the fact that they are both here. They are beautiful and have purpose. Their lives continue to bless all of us!

Tender Mercies continue to bless our lives. I pray for eyes to see each one of them and appreciate all that is good. My thanks as always to this community for supporting and loving us on this journey.

With today being AFE (Amniotic Fluid Embolism) awareness day, I thought that I would give a little updated on Cami and her darling family as well as add a few special experiences.

Cami is busy being a wonderful mother. She has taken a break from clinical therapy, and is focusing on daily practical therapy. She is so resourceful at figuring out how to do things with one hand and just like anything else, practice is what it takes. She has a beautiful relationship with her children and they are learning to be great helpers. Bret continues to be a champ and is so loving and supportive. There are always new challenges (as with anything in life) but they navigate through the bumps with faith and determination.

Recently Cami was asked if she would be willing to attend a monthly meeting for the AirMed group. This is the crew that flew Cami from Layton Hospital to IMC - Zac was transported by Life Flight. I was lucky enough to be able to tag along. They asked Cami to come because these professionals are usually dealing with traumatic situations and never get to see the outcome of difficult events. They are amazing health care workers who face a wide variety of events from Avalanche rescue and recovery to maternal transport. It was meaningful for them to see a beautiful survivor and her sweet baby.

Of the many amazing health care professionals who attended to Cami, these two men have always had a special place in my heart. Before they took Cami, they stopped and spoke to me directly and let me know that they would do everything they could to take good care of her. Then - they wouldn't leave IMC Hospital until they found us and let us know they did everything that they could to keep her here. They showed amazing compassion in the face of trauma.

With all of the miracles we have seen as part of Cami's survival, we found out when meeting with this team that one of these two men had just taught an additional training course in maternal transport (repeated about 10 times). It's no coincidence to me that he just happened to be the one to take the call for Cami's transport. (all based on proximity to the need).

I have come to understand that there is an emotional toll that these traumatic situations take on health care workers which gives us a greater appreciation for all they do.

I was also able to attend a blood drive in memory of Heather Shober, a beautiful wife and mother who lost her life to an AFE following the delivery of her 3rd child. Her family - husband, children, parents and in-laws are amazing and have been a source of strength to me. While I was at the blood drive, another young woman came through wearing an AFE Survivor shirt. (only a lucky few are able to wear). Heidi survived her AFE about 4 months following Cami's. Three very different outcomes, and yet we all share an understanding of a challenging circumstance few can relate to.

Thank you all for your continued love and support! We feel blessed to be surrounded by such caring friends.

Becky

If you have any interest in finding out more about Amniotic Fluid Embolism, take a minute to look at this information put together by the AFE Foundation.

https://afesupport.org/awareness/

HI friends, this is Cami chiming in. I just wanted to let you know about something exciting we have been working on:

This weekend June 10-11 Illume Dance Company will present Narnia at Woodland Park in Farmington. My business partner Emily and I adapted this inspiring story for the stage, choreographed, and received license by the CS Lewis Company to perform it. Emily even talked me in to performing in the show this year. And while its not how I would prefer to be dancing, I am grateful that I still get to do something so close to my heart with people that I love! We have had a lot of fun preparing for this over the past several months with the talented cast of 35+ adult dancers. I would love to invite you to join us this weekend for a magical, entertaining, and uplifting journey into Narnia! If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Happy Mothers Day to all of the beautiful women who are part of this community. We love you and appreciate your support. A personal shout out to my beautiful daughters (and Cami's sisters). Look at these cute babies who were all born within 2 weeks of each other. I'm grateful for the way that each member of my family has rallied their support in so many ways. When Cami had her embolism her two sisters had just delivered their babies and the youngest sister was just beginning a nursing rotation in the ICU. Emotionally it was really difficult for each of them, but we've grown stronger together as we have looked for ways to lift and support one another in our times of need.

I'm grateful for new friends who introduced me to the AFE Foundation as a resource for those whose lives have been impacted by an Amniotic Fluid Embolism. They offer support for spouses, children, parents, siblings and friends of those whose lives have been impacted by this tragic condition. It's a small community but one filled with beautiful and courageous individuals. This is a day with many tender emotions as AFE has everything to do with mothers!

At Cami's request she has asked that we bring a close to this page. It has served its purpose well in providing a place for communication with all of you who care about Cami and her family. We thank you for your uplifting comments, sweet memories, prayers, monetary support and selfless sacrifice in donating blood. We recognize many of you as friends but know that some of you are strangers who have been touched by her beautiful story. Thank you!

There is healing that comes through just fitting back into "normal" life. It's difficult to be recognized for the things that make us different from everyone else. We all mean well when we ask about one another out of concern, but we've all had those times when we just wanted to go unnoticed. I get it -- this past week I had a small growth removed from my upper lip and now have a pretty big incision which is very noticeable! So that I wouldn't have to answer the "What happened " question, I just wore a mask to church. (thank you Covid). We can all relate!

For those of you who would like to keep in touch - Cami is still available through the same methods as before. For those of you with specific questions, feel free to send a direct message and I will reply. The future is bright for Cami. We know that she will continue to progress. Thank you again!

Happy Easter Friends! What a wonderful time of year as we enjoy Spring and all that comes with it. Our family is especially mindful this year of the real reason we celebrate Easter and that is the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our Savior's life has come to have more meaning to us this year as we have struggled through grief, sorrow and great joy. We know that He understands our pain, hears our prayers and has felt our sorrows. We also know that if we continue to trust in Him, over time we will have a better understanding as to the meaning of all that has happened in Cami's life. She faces new struggles everyday, and finding her purpose and place can be a challenge. Yet through it all, sweet Cami remains positive and works so hard. I can't say enough good about her sweet husband, darling children and wonderful friends. Cami scored the jackpot when all of you entered her life!

We recently enjoyed a fun trip to sunny St. George. Cami's therapists at Neuroworx connected her with Wasatch Adaptive Sports who made available this recumbent bike to try out. Cami loved being able to get out and ride around with her kids. It was a great introduction to WAS and the services they provide to those with disabilities. Once the weather warms up again in our area, we'll take advantage of trying out some of their other adaptive equipment.

Cami and Emily are working hard on the Spring show for the studio as well as the return production of Narnia. Cami is going to be performing in both productions - kuddos for not letting her limitations keep her from finding her place! ❤️

Cami's new brace is available so we are looking forward to that and the improvement it will make in her walking. She's setting the bar high and wants to run again. If anyone can do it - Cami can! It's exciting to see continued movement return in her left arm and shoulder. It's slow progress but it's coming. Cami has her own e-stim machine (fits in a pocket) and hooks herself up for several hours a day. She's gotten pretty used to the feeling of being zapped every 30ish seconds so she wears it while she is doing other things. I gave her the opportunity to let me see how it felt and gratefully for me, the battery died just in time. The machine acted up the other day and was sending out super strong shocks. Yikes - Cami about jumped out of the chair. Even passive rehab is work!

Happy Spring and love to all of you from the Wardle's and the Richards'

Even though recovery and progress is slow, we are excited and encouraged by the improvements that Cami makes daily. I was finally able to spend some time observing therapy on Wednesday. It was an exciting day as the orthotist came and fit Cami for a custom brace. After debating a couple of different styles and the advantages/disadvantages of each, they decided to make one that could possibly help Cami to run again. This technology is amazing. I was humbled to realize that what seemed like a stock brace off the shelf allowed Cami to walk and with a custom one, even run. It won't be marathons, but those are crazy anyway.

While working with the OT, Cami was hooked up to a machine that would track her arm movements and allow her to play some video games. I was exhausted just watching. Such little movement took so much mental focus. It was awesome to hear the therapist say that in only 7 sessions, she rarely sees patients make the amount of progress that Cami has. The PT continues to work with Cami on the treadmill. Sometimes they will connect e-stim to several muscles of the leg to get activation through areas such as the calf. Cami leaves energized and exhausted.

Bit by bit life is beginning to seem more normal. With the beginning to spring, warmer weather and more daylight, everything just seems to be more alive. It's wonderful.

Thank you for your continued prayers and words of support and encouragement. It means so much!

Hahah - this is quite the contraption that Cami is rigged up in but it's so exciting! Over the past couple of weeks Cami made a change in her therapy treatment. She is now going to Neruoworx where the approach is more intense. It's hard work and yet feels so invigorating (easy for me to say 😉) They are working with her using the HIT approach - High Intensity Training. In a nutshell, getting the heart rate up will increase brain healing and new connections even if affected body parts are not being used in the process. In this picture Cami is in a harness to allow her walking to go at a faster pace than normal. When they couldn't get her heart rate up just walking, they put some incline on the treadmill and eventually put a resistance band around her waist for extra intensity. It worked!!! The headband is actually a heartrate monitor. If that isn't enough, they connected some e-stim to her left shoulder to get it moving, even though her hand was strapped to the handle. The shoulder stimulation is to make sure that the brain doesn't forget about that part of the body.

Yesterday the occupational therapist got her tricep to activate on its own. Hallelujah!!!! I've been waiting a long time to share this news. This new activity and awakening of muscles has given us new energy to move forward. We all needed it!

I've reflected often and wondered why there have been so many stumbling blocks for us along this journey. We've been blessed with wonderful healthcare providers and great facilities, but why the delay in getting connected with this type of therapy, or the delay in getting some of the help that we felt was important in the hospital. I totally trust the God is in control and has been with me/us every step of this journey. For now I wonder if it was so that we would appreciate the difference and be ready to approach the intensity of this training whole heartedly.

An update on cute Zac. He just had his 6 month check-up. He's growing like crazy and is a healthy 18 lbs and perfectly proportioned. ❤️

Last Sunday we enjoyed a beautiful day as a family participating in the baby blessing of Zac and celebrating with Cami, Bret and kids. We all shared plenty of tears and smiles. As you can see from the pictures, it was a beautiful sunny day! (my apologies for the photos with squinty eyes - my eyes were always blurry with tears and didn't see the details).

Bret gave Zac a beautiful blessing. As I listened to his words, it made me remember just what a miracle baby Zac is. His life has brought all of us so much joy! He is such a happy and content baby. I reflected back on his week in the NICU when we wondered what life would be like for this little boy. We all worried about brain damage or seizures. Gratefully he pulled through like a champ and today is meeting all the normal baby markers without a worry. He loves to roll, kick his legs and reach for toys. We love to make him laugh, listen to his babbles and soak in his generous smiles! He is so loved by his siblings and is patient with their many hugs and sometimes loud chaos! Zac is developing a love for sports as he often gets to watch football and basketball games with his daddy. When Zac snuggles up with Cami you can tell that there is bond that is unique to a mother and child. Despite the circumstances of his first few months of life, that bond is still there. ❤

Cami is slowly working her way back into the studio. Last week they held auditions for the adult production of Narnia. The number of dancers who came to the auditions far surpassed Cami and Emily's expectations. One of my daughters decided to get involved this year and said how sweet it was to see Cami back in her element. She just seemed to come alive! There are some fun plans to incorporate Cami into the teachers dance for the Spring production but I'll save those details for a later date. Cami is a beautiful writer and is now working on the script for the Spring show. Typing as you can imagine is slow when you can only use one hand. Of those who have use of only one hand, many prefer to use "talk to type" tools and edit from there, while others learn to use a keyboard designed to be used with just one hand. Technology has provided us with some awesome tools to help make life easier.

Random thought -- what if our bodies were created with only one arm? How would everything that we use today have been designed differently? I guess you can tell what keeps me up at night - haha!

We have now made a couple of trips to the grocery store. While grocery pick-up is so convenient and easy, there's something pretty liberating about pushing your own cart, smelling and feeling the produce and being tempted by all of the yummy bakery items. I think I made a post about just how difficult it was when the therapist took Cami to the grocery store when she was in Inpatient Rehab. It was SO HARD! Cami had to push the wheelchair on her own controlling with one arm and also using her foot to steer. The grocery store was unfamiliar and busy. At that time Cami was still really struggling with not being able to see things on her left side which complicated it even more. I'm beyond amazed at the difference in the two experiences.

Life continues to be a challenge, but we find strength in knowing that there are so many who are praying for Cami, her family and all of us! Thank you!

Cami has made some amazing progress over the past several weeks. The PT has her using a tall walking stick instead of her cane as part of the process to get her walking without assistance. As she has become more comfortable with this, she is now moving around parts of her house without assistance at all. This is allowing her to use her hand for carrying things from one spot to another. To put this in perspective, it was only 8 weeks ago that Cami returned home. At that time we didn't let her stand and and walk anywhere without having a hand on her. Now she is so independent.

This new walking coordination allowed Cami to try vacuuming yesterday. She didn't think it was much to celebrate, but I disagree! It's huge since this is just one more step in the process of returning to normal function. That being said - it was pretty awesome when friends from TX arranged for a cleaning lady to come this past week.

A highlight for Cami has been reading with the 1st graders at the kids school. This is something that she used to do every other week with a neighborhood friend. Both she and her children loved the experience of being together at school. This dear friend decided that she would help Cami once a week and part of her time would include taking Cami to the school just like before. What healing therapy! We have continued to chuckle at the darling comment one of the children said to Cami. Wearing her felt hat and pea coat, and carrying her walking stick he looked up at her and said "You sure have a lot of gear!" Then later he said "You must be one of those people who hunts for dinosaurs!" First graders are the best! ❤

It felt good for Cami to connect with the studio again by helping Emily plan the Spring production and order costumes. It takes her longer to navigate the computer and find things, but it's all progress and will continue to improve with time and practice. She took a huge leap of courage and substituted a dance class a couple of weeks ago. While it wasn't as smooth as she would have liked, it was a good place to start.

I took Cami shopping for the first time yesterday. She hasn't even been to the grocery store since all of this happened. Even though we had the two little boys with us, it was good to go and see what was available and to let Cami make her own decisions. Our mission was to find some cute shoes that she could wear to church or out and about. We've brainstormed a way to facilitate the support that she needs for her ankle and the drop foot without having to wear her big brace. When two determined women put their minds to it - we WILL find a solution (especially when it comes to fashion). Success! Wearing something other than athletic shoes to church will be such an emotional boost. We then went to Target for 5 quick items. Of course they were all found on opposite sides of the store. All of the sudden Target seemed SO big. Cami got a real workout and was exhausted by the time we got home.

I was touched by an Instagram Post that Cami made and asked permission to re-post. "The past couple of days I have been reading a blog by my cousin who has the debilitating disease called 'POTS'. While our diagnoses and limitations are different, we have a lot in common as mothers, and doers who are now very limited compared to our former abilities. One thing she said really struck me tonight: Doing hard things means letting go of all the things I want to do, and being content with the things I can do. Doing hard things kind of means being okay with NOT DOING HARD THINGS. I'm grateful for this cousin and so many others who model how to go through trials with courage, grace and perspective."

As a side note - I listened to a couple of great talks this week that have helped me process my feelings on suffering and afflictions. So many are dealing with challenging trials and seeking answers to the difficult "Why" questions of life. These wise words brought me peace and have helped me put my challenges in perspective.

https://na01.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fspeeches.byu.edu%2Ftalks%2Fjeffrey-r-holland%2Fa-saint-through-the-atonement-of-christ-the-lord%2F&data=04%7C01%7C%7Ccf67b0ad94984c8d51e808d9df03a609%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637786029027978550%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000&sdata=E4%2F7MO4ONjXLII05%2B10b7r0Ea%2B%2BnyRq7TiW9ypPjJC4%3D&reserved=0

https://na01.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2Fj_ul7HgKAaA&data=04%7C01%7C%7C31366f3722604ab8b94e08d9df04f2e5%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637786034615677504%7CUnknown%7CTWFpbGZsb3d8eyJWIjoiMC4wLjAwMDAiLCJQIjoiV2luMzIiLCJBTiI6Ik1haWwiLCJXVCI6Mn0%3D%7C3000&sdata=zE4nip1fnryohFbsul9vgIzBH9QYb4NSNXULM4L5wqs%3D&reserved=0

The New Year always brings an opportunity to ponder on the past and what a year we had to reflect on. Every now and then I go scrolling back through my phone to find a photo and land on the pictures from early September when Cami was in the ICU. While these photos are extremely difficult to look at, they remind me what a miracle it is that Cami is still here and that she has made such amazing progress. I know that she has internal struggles of doubt, discouragement and frustration yet she is so patient and quietly goes about managing life in a new way. We take life at a much slower pace and with fewer expectations. We laugh at the little things and try harder to be more understanding.

Today I was so proud of Cami that she didn't shy away from an opportunity to walk her 4 yr old son into preschool. He had one of those mornings where he just didn't want to go to school. After some difficult parenting (and a few bribes) he consented to go. How cute is this picture of Boston opening the door for his mom! Later on we went to lunch at a busy deli. It's obvious that people notice us when we go places. Me - the obvious grandma holding the baby while the cute young mom is walking slowly with a cane. Of course you're going to think "I wonder what their story is"? This doesn't seem to phase Cami and I'm grateful she has the confidence to move forward with such grace.

I suppose that unless you have had a stroke, none of us can understand just how mentally difficult it is to try and move an affected part of your body. Today while I was helping Cami work on some of her exercises, she all of a sudden got tears in her eyes and started to cry saying "Can I stop now?" My simple directions like push against my hand, resist, just relax, okay now pull your arm in etc. eventually became too much. It makes her feel like her head is going to explode not to mention how physically tiring it is as every part of her body tenses up trying to help make the movement happen. It's exciting to be there when new connections happen, yet so hard to see how challenging the little things can be. Cami remains strong and determined!

I'm often asked how we get through this! I think about that often and feel like I can sum it up simply -- We're not alone! I know that I have a God who loves me and sends angels that walk with me daily. I have been taught to recognize "tender mercies" and for that I am so grateful. There are no coincidences. I don't know that I'll ever understand why God allowed this to happen to my daughter, but I know that he has a plan. Every person that was in the hospital the day that Cami had the embolism had training and purpose that allowed decisions to be made that saved her life and Zac's. He has sent the sweetest strangers into my life at exactly the moment that I needed them -- my daughter's college professor who I met at IMC and would come visit me with the most tender hugs and reassurance, the woman at the Costco optical department who coincidently had also had a craniectomy about a year earlier, and a dear woman who was coming out of a doctors office as we were going in. Her son suffered a right brain stroke earlier in the year at the age of 22. God loves me, he knows me and he's watching out for all of us if we are willing to see his hand daily.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year! Thank you for your love and support! We have all been blessed with such wonderful friends and I consider this audience as a part of that group!

Merry Christmas! 🎄

Earlier this week the teachers at Cami’s dance studio gathered to record a dance celebrating Christ-- the Light of the World-- and included Cami in the dance. Thank you to Emily and the other teachers who lovingly encouraged Cami to participate. It was difficult emotionally, but another step in the healing process. We hope you enjoy the beauty of these dancers and feel their love for Christ and for Cami.

https://youtu.be/nafAz7IOJ08

Illume Light of the World YouTube To the Light of the World who can turn all of our pain, sorrows, failures, disappointments and sufferings to growth, enlightenment and strength. Merry Chris...

This is such a busy time of year! Busy is good as it keeps us all moving forward. Cami is continuing to gain strength and ability. I would have to say that this is the time during recovery when one's strength and determination are really challenged. While it is wonderful to be at home, it's also hard to be in your home and realize all the things that you are no longer able to do like before. It's hard for everyone. We have been told that mourning is a part of recovery and we are finding that this comes in doses every day. New goals are things like fixing breakfast for her kids. Sounds simple - right! Take the box of cereal out of the cupboard, pour it into a bowl, add milk and take to the table to serve. Easy to do with one hand, but what if that hand is holding a cane to help walk from one spot to the next. All these little things that we have to rethink. If there's a will, there's a way so we're working to make it happen.

That being said - Cami's leg muscles are starting to wake up again (don't know if that is the right way to word it?). Our goal is to build up the strength that will allow Cami to walk without the cane. Pretty sure that will happen in the near future. We're also starting to see her bicep muscle kicking in. We hope to report next time that there are connections in the tricep muscle as well. Patience, grit and hard work!!!!

Cami is comfortable enough moving around in her house that she no longer requires someone to follow her all the time. Freedom!!! Other recent highlights include a fun date night out with Bret, sitting in on some classes at the studio, and getting out to see the beautiful Christmas light displays with her kids.

As you enjoy this wonderful time of the year, we challenge you to follow Cami's example and "Share Light".

It's been a busy week as Cami has started to adjust to life back at home with her family. It felt so good to just snuggle the kids and watch movies together.

Only a month ago we were thinking that being in her own home was not a possibility, yet Cami has proved us wrong. She's getting so much therapy out of necessity going up and down the stairs multiple times a day. The wheelchair hasn't even made it into the house. For now - it will only be needed when going long distances or needed to get somewhere fast. We've worked on bathing Zac, self dressing, preparing dinner for the family and navigating the computer by creating her family Christmas card. These simple skills for most of us are all stepping stones for Cami in her recovery.

One of her goals in the hospital was to be able to get down onto the floor to play games with her kids. ❤❤❤

Cami celebrated her birthday with a trip to the neurosurgeon to have her staples removed. On one hand it was an appointment to celebrate and on the other filled with nerves. I'll spare you the photo, but her head had about 60 staples. They don't numb the area for this - yikes - so gratefully these came out without much discomfort. Bret baked Cami her favorite cake - Texas Sheet Cake. It was delicious!!! He's really mastering all these new home skills.

Physical, occupational and speech therapies will keep Cami busy this month. Today her Physical Therapy included e-stimulation on her leg. While not a pleasant feeling being zapped, it was exciting to see her muscles respond to the stimulation. During the occupational evaluation the therapist told Cami that it's likely she will be able to drive in the future. YES!

It's amazing how good it feels to wear something other than sweats. Cami's rocking her skinny jeans again! It's been a good week.