Schaefer IVF journey

Well we made it through Mother’s Day. I worked in the AM and when I got home, I cried and napped. I would be 7motnhs pregnant this month had our baby not left too soon. This Mother’s Day hit a bit differently than others in the past. It was much harder.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mommas out there struggling with something beyond their control to have a family. My heart and thoughts are with you. 💖

This Christmas season was the toughest one of all. As much as our family tried to reach for joy, the waves crashed against us. During a time where we were supposed to celebrating becoming a family, we were hit with the reality many times that wasn’t in the cards for us anymore.

A couple pregnancy announcements were shared that of course hurt in a whole different way. Another reality check. If our baby would’ve survived, I would have some moms that our child would grow up with. Moms to share pregnancy with.

I would never wish a loss like this on anyone. We went through it all on our anniversary. A few weeks prior to Christmas. We would’ve went into the new year past the first trimester. Came out with new years announcements. It’s all crashing back at us again. I’m holding my nose above water and gluing pieces of myself together but I’m definitely not okay. 😭 I’m a hug away from falling apart. 💔

It all comes in waves. I am recovering well from surgery. There weren’t any complications.

Emotional recovery…..? That’s going to take a lot of time. I have good days and bad days. Days where I can function and the reminder that IVF was the original plan anyways.

I also have days where I am so proud we achieved a pregnancy on our own and it was almost out of the first trimester, and I just lose it. I cry often. I feel lonely even though I know I’m not alone. It’s like I lost a piece of myself. And then I’m reminded, I did. Not only the baby but also my right tube and o***y which has been a very hard reminder as I look in the mirror.

I couldn’t do this without my husband and his support. We very much have had to lean on each other during this. He experienced loss too.

My post-op appt is tomorrow. I had a follow up appt last week where my pelvic rest was removed but my weight restrictions were still in tact. I have lots of questions for my post op appt. I’m unsure what the future holds for us independently trying. During my follow up appt, the dr informed me that the risk of the next pregnancy being ectopic is 30%. That’s kinda scary.

We appreciate everyone who has reached out for support. I’m sorry if there were messages we missed or didn’t respond to. We likely received your message on a day where one of us were experiencing a bout of emotions.

This has been an extremely heavy time for us as we were literally experiencing a dream come true and a nightmare all at the same time. On top of that, it’s Christmas time and our anniversary. We found out we were miscarrying the night of our anniversary. 2 days after, I was being rushed for emergent surgery.

What do we need? Our village. Being with friends and family has helped tremendously. Visits. Plans. Dinners. Lunches. Coffee. Company.

Until the next update, thank you all.

Xoxo — The Schaefer’s

I am not okay. I’m sore from the surgery I needed because our baby died. I feel so dead on the inside. I don’t know how to get through this pain right now. 😭 both physical and emotional 😭😭😭

Hello friends and family, sending out another update for our journey.

It was confirmed today that my pregnancy was 8 weeks ectopic. I was admitted for emergency surgery. Surgery went fine. They did have to take my right tube. Coincidentally that’s the same tube that needed some extra pressure and fluids during my HSG procedure with the fertility dr. They successfully cleared the tube at that time but it’s gone now. According to the Dr who preformed the surgery, the right tube was pinched just before the o***y and that’s why the egg was stuck. I also wonder if that’s why the extra pressure and fluid was needed to clear the tube during my prior HSG.

We need time to just be together and figure out what our next steps are. I’ll be calling Dr pritts on Monday for some advice. My current fear is to try again on my own and have another ectopic and lose my other tube and all chances of having a family.

We will keep everyone updated. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. We love our village of people we have. And I need my village now more than ever. Thank you everyone for everything.

Xoxo - The Schaefer’s

It’s been a while since we have checked in. Christopher and I were going to proceed with IVF this spring. We have been working really hard to set up our lives for our future child.

Last Friday 12/1 I took a pregnancy test and to our surprise it was positive. Well, on Wednesday, I started to experience some spotting. I went to the ER right away. They did a bunch of testing and really couldn’t tell me much. My OB called me in for testing today and it’s confirmed that we are actively miscarrying. Both of our hearts are very heavy. We are both heartbroken, yet hopeful.

Heartbroken as we won’t be bringing this baby into the world. But hopeful that we were able to get pregnant again and hope to try again in the near future. We will be okay. At the end of the day, we will still proceed with IVF in the spring if we cannot conceive on our own again by that time.

I contacted the fertility dr, Dr. Pritts and she offered fantastic advice and condolences. She assured us that’s she’s there every step of the matter how we conceive. She’s hopeful we can have a successful pregnancy.

We appreciate our village and all of the support we have within our family and friend groups. We appreciate the support we’ve gotten in this group through our entire journey. This isn’t the end for us. It’s just another chapter.

I love you Christopher. We will have a family someday 🩵💜💛🐕🐕🐶🐈🐈

I’ll never understand women who struggle with *infertility* and then get pregnant, but then act like their infertility never existed and become so insensitive to the couples still struggling.

I’ll never ever understand. I’ll never wish this nightmare on anyone. I’ll never forget my struggle and I’ll never make another woman who I KNOW is struggling feel less than she already does by flaunting my pregnancy in her face.

This has happened to Chris and I multiple times. I think it’s insensitive and honestly very disrespectful. As someone who struggled also, those people should understand our stance at every turn and not treat us as if we aren’t struggling now just because they got their blessing.

I’m happy for every couple that has been able to overcome infertility. No one deserves it. However, have some compassion to those of us who aren’t so lucky. ESPECIALLY since we have walked in the same pair of shoes at one time.

I once had a girl who claimed to have x miscarriages and was told “she would never get pregnant” repeat at LEAST 200 times in a conversation “you know… because I’m pregnant?” As she related everything in the conversation to her pregnancy. At first I couldn’t tell if it was just because she was excited to be pregnant, but after it kept happening and I was literally talking about my infertility to someone else and she kept saying it, it seemed like a purposeful slap in the face. And as someone who claims to have struggled, it never made sense to me why she would do that to someone. At that point, I lost all respect for said person. I can’t be friends with someone so insensitive.

I’ve lost friends because I won’t go to baby showers or gender reveals. It’s too painful for us. I choose to opt out. And to these women who claim to have gone through infertility, put us in that position and then get mad when I lay out our boundaries….. I’ll never understand.

To those of you who are also struggling. I will not forget this struggle. I will not forget about you. I will not disrespect you. I will not be insensitive to you. I love you. I see you. And we fight the same fight. Hopefully we all get the blessing we have been hoping for.

Your children should be your priority

Claim 💚

Talk about a spring color palette 🩷💜🩵

📍 The Bahamas
📷 .saltypineapple

This is our focus right now. 🌈

🙂

🙂

I am worthy of a positive and empowering birth experience.

Hello everyone!! 🥳

It’s been awhile! The Schaefer’s have been navigating life and gathering some stability, balance, rest, and relaxation before we make this baby! 🌈

I have received 2 promotions since our last update. We are both flourishing career wise. 🙌🏼 I’m thankful to have established a secure life for our future baby. Our family has also welcomed the birth of my nephew and my sister was engaged. We have been taking the time to celebrate both of those things as well.

Our testing has all come back. The next steps are to go and get infectious disease testing as just part of the process. Then after that, we go in for shot training and then the egg retrieval is done. After that they inseminate, and transfer. ❤️

I’m so hopeful that we won’t experience too many bumps in the road although, I know there are possible hurdles that can pop up at any time. I am hopeful there won’t be any further complications. Our Dr. has been absolutely amazing at telling us every single option and fork in the road at every step of the way. 💗

I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit I was worried about the shots. I can’t imagine giving myself shots so I have elected Christopher to be my nurse for that. 💗 I am thankful to have a partner equally by my side through all of this. Infertility affects *both* people in a relationship no matter who holds the diagnosis. This is our journey *together* as we both want this more than anything.

Speaking of journeys together, what made us think getting 2 dogs was a fantastic idea? 🤪 it totally was for so many reasons, but these 2 rascals definitely keep us on our toes and keep us busy. Training is in full affect. Milo and Mila will be attending school soon as Christopher and I have exhausted the basic commands, and the dogs have learned them. They’re *smart* Now we need to work on generalizing them and furthering their skills to ensure safety of our future baby. The dogs have to learn not to jump. Milo still has the puppy bites. We haven’t been able to achieve success correcting these skills on our own, so we are also working towards this goal at the moment as well. It’s important to me to make sure we have well behaved dogs BEFORE baby Schaefer is here. 🐶💙🐶💜👶🏽

Every single day we get up and we work towards this goal of bringing this baby into the world. I thought once I had access, I would sprint towards the finish line, but truth is, it’s just as important to me that our *whole* life and family (fur babies too) are ready for this baby. I didn’t anticipate either promotion. I honestly just got an extra job as extra income and to have access to insurance and it’s changed my life in such an overall positive way, I couldn’t be more thankful. 💗🌈🙌🏼

Well that’s all we have for now. I will continue to come back and update! 🙌🏼 as always thank you all for your support and thank you for reading.

Today a lady approached me (who usually orders a venti shaken espresso) and today she ordered a cold brew and asked “how many mg of caffeine does this have?”

I’m looking and looking but advised her that I drink shaken espressos all day and when I have cold brew that my heart is RACING and I don’t drink them because I feel as if they have more caffeine. (I couldn’t find the exact amount at the time) She responds with :

“I’m asking because I’m pregnant so I guess this should be fine” 😳

I don’t judge but all I could think to myself is how selfish?! the things people take for granted because it comes so easily for them. Smh.

As a general announcement :

Please don’t follow this page if you aren’t considerate and in support of this family.

This page is going to be filled with:

-venting sessions at times.

-Test results.

-Drs appointments.

-Good times and bad.

This is about 2 people. Christopher and myself.

Going through this isn’t something I would wish on anyone in the whole world. It is emotional. It takes a huge toll on your whole life, especially when you’ve been trying as long as we have. This is something we really want, and this page was made to keep people who do follow us updated so I do not have to keep retelling everything to everyone as well as a safe space for us to vent, discuss, educate, and share all things about infertility and our journey with it.

We do not need extra negativity and if I see anymore of it, you will be blocked and removed from both social media and real life 👌🏼

Our feelings are valid. We are dealing with things the best we can, but we are not okay.

Some days are better than others. All storms pass but instead of the judgement I see coming from people in this group, we could really use some support which is part of the reason the group was made.

We have an appt today 🤗 wish us luck! I’m so thankful to be able to even be on this journey in the first place. Thank you everyone for your support. ❤️

Update: we will have our results in 7-10 days and then update you on the next steps in our journey. 🌈🤞🏼

Hello everyone! 🤗

So many people have reached out for an update and so I thought maybe it was time to get on here and post one 😁

After my HSG, Christopher had to have a follow up appointment that was a success (and really just a formality) and all good news. 🤗

It’s the end of the year and life is chaotic for everyone, including us. We took a step away from doing IVF appointments just for now just because we have been working really hard and trying our best to be present. We have been focusing on ourselves a bit and it’s Holiday season which means spending lots of time baking, decorating, shopping, planning, and cooking all extra to our normal day to day routines.

We have 2 puppies and we love spending time with them and WOW it’s a lot of work. But it’s so entirely worth it. 🥺 Getting them properly trained before a baby comes into the home is very important to me. We are consistently training them, and they are doing great for only being 6 months old. For extra training, we will be enrolling them into classes within Q1 next year.

We will also being returning to the doctor at that time (Q1 2023) I’m not entirely sure what my next step is since when the dr called me, I was working and all my brain picked up was his results. I had to cut the phone call short because of work. I just have to call and follow up with the Dr to proceed. She’s really supportive and great. 🌈

This is a long emotional process once it’s started and Christopher and I really just wanted to make it through the holidays before moving forward. 🫶🏼

Thank you to everyone for your love and support through this process. This has been an emotional journey for both Christopher and I, and we appreciate every single person who supports us in any way. ❤️

A little update 👇🏼

Had this weekend off. Second weekend in a row in probably close to a year, maybe more. It felt so good to recharge. You don’t know and realize how much you’re actually on autopilot until you turn it off.

Christopher and I took the pups on their first frost walk. Milo LOVED the frost so much he rolled in it and refused to walk on the sidewalk. 💙🐶 and of course both dogs loved their pup cups. 😋

We also put together our serenity room/plant winter room/reading area/gaming room 🤪 when you live in a small space, you make it work. But this really does work. It’s like a dream space in here. It’s quiet and full of good healing energy. 🌈❤️ it also provides to us a space to release and recharge as we continue this journey of life together 🌱🪴

Thank you to my wonderful, amazing, handsome, hardworking husband for always supporting me and creating this life with me. I couldn’t do it without you. ❤️ I love you so much.

As we move forward, I’ll be focusing on my physical health again even though it’s getting cold. 🥶 the dogs will enjoy the cold weather walks and I never regret moving my body once it’s done. This weekend I’ve suffered severe inflammation due to not eating right 🤷🏼‍♀️

PCOS causes insulin resistance and when eating carbs (pizza on Saturday) and sugars (my signature Starbucks drink on Friday) it can cause severe inflammation in your body and it doesn’t feel good.😔 the inside of my whole body has felt like it’s on fire this whole weekend.

While leaping into this journey of building our family, watching what I put into my body is my main focus. Although, I have really cut back, I’ve also made a lot of excuses to Indulge. The more I indulge, the more my body suffers and the further away I am from our goal of having a family. So that being said, I’m kind of excited to be on this journey of being better than yesterday. Progress won’t be linear but at the end of this chapter, a whole new being will be born. 🌱🪴 my body will feel better. I will have more energy. We will have a family. 🤰🏼👨🏽‍🍼 all new great things!!

I’ve done this health journey before, and was successful so I don’t have any worries and I’m ready to put in the work again. ❤️💪🏼

So many of our friends and family follow our journey so I do try to be open and honest. 🌈 thank you all for your support. (Especially my “work” families who have allowed me to step back so I can focus on this journey) We really appreciate it.

For those of you wondering, Christopher’s test got rescheduled a week out so we will have those results soon (which we aren’t worried about, they’re really just a medical technicality) and then we can keep moving forward on our IVF journey 🌈🤰🏼

Hello everyone. Just sending out an update. I’m back to 100% after my HSG procedure. I really reached that marker yesterday.

This week, on Thursday, christopher has an appt and then we will know more about our journey and what it holds for us. 💙

Thank you all for your love and support throughout all of this. We couldn’t do it without you. 🌈

Today, I’m still in pain from the HSG, but it’s not an intense as it was yesterday.

My heating pad, sleep, and Tylenol were my best friends last night.

Waking up today it was hard to go to work, but I had a lot of important career things to attend to today and so I had to make it happen. I took some Tylenol, and brought some with me. My partners have been amazing at giving me a stationary position but even the little but of walking brings me a lot of pain.

We are better than we were yesterday and closer to meeting our baby than we were last year. ❤️

Today I had my HSG appt. It was really painful but worth the good news. Both tubes are open! 🌈

The left one was not originally open upon testing but with more air and fluid they were able to open it up. 🤗

An HSG is both a test and a treatment. It tests to see if the tubes are open for an egg to pass through, but it’s also a treatment. They don’t know why but pregnancy rates increase 20% for 12-18 months after an HSG is preformed. Hopefully with them reopening the left tube we can really make this happen!