Hmong Therapy

Anonymous

This is a ghost story, just alerting you. I have no one to tell but it's something I need to get off my chest.

So when I was 14 I had a boyfriend and we were dumb and young. I snuck out during the day to meet him because my parents wouldn't let me date him. We figured the place they wouldn't look for us was at the cemetery. I know. React. So dumb! But we went and had our time together there and we did intimate things on top of the graves. I KNOW!! We were so stupid I swear.

After I went back home I was so happy from seeing him I didn't even think about anything creepy or bad. Later when I slept, I dreamt of rolling around in the grass with my boyfriend. I woke up so happy, I called him and told him I missed him so much I dreamed about us. We agreed to meet again in a few days. We talked everyday until that Friday came, but when I went to meet him, he didn't come. I called and called but he didn't pick up when I got home. I went back to the park where we were supposed to meet, in case he was there waiting because he was late or something. As I passed the cemetery I saw him waiting at the spot we were in the week before. I waived and he just looked so sad. I walked over to him and noticed the gate was locked, but how did he get inside? As I looked up again he was gone. I felt this cold chill climb up my legs and up my spine. Looking left and right, no one was in sight, but a voice called out my name as clear as day. My heart dropped and I ran home.

That night i tried calling him but his phone line was busy all night I couldn't get through. I went to bed uneasy. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was in the graveyard. I felt a weight on top of me, and a figure leaning over me, arms wrapped around my chest. The flesh was co**se like, the fingers were skinny, and I smelled the odor of rotting human flesh. Beside my ear, a face leaned in next to my cheek. "Where have you been I've been waiting?" Too afraid to look I squeezed my eyes shut and look down. As I stood too scared to open my eyes, I could hear whimpering and sobbing below me. The voice sounded familiar. I look, and it's my boyfriend. Sitting on the ground sobbing and looking up at me while this co**se held onto me.

I start to hyperventilate. I can feel my real body also breathing hard as I lay in bed. I try to break free and scream and shout. My boyfriend yelled out in tears, "run! Run and don't come looking for me!" He jumped up and pushed the demon off of me, and I broke free. I ran and ran and i could hear my boyfriend yelled "don't look back! Don't look back!" As I ran trying to find whatever exit I could, I could hear him wailing and crying in agony. I jolted up from my bed in tears, sweat and panting out of breath.

Later that morning I called his house and was told my boyfriend died. And that he actually died the morning before we were supposed to meet at the park. I grieved him, but I lived in fear of what I saw at the cemetery and my dream. Til this day I can't even say his name out loud ...I'm too scared since he told me never to look back. But I carry this burden of our memory together. I deeply feel this demon or whatever it was, took his soul. We were so stupid, carefree and fearless. Many times I pass by this cemetery I can still hear it send chills up my back, "where have you been I've been waiting?"

Anonymous

I catfished an account so that I could still talk to my ex. He said it wasn't my fault we broke up, it was him. He lost feelings for me. I created a fake account on a dating app I heard he was using and he is really into me again. He wants to meet now and I'm not sure what to do. I used pictures of a distant relative that he's never met so he is convinced and really into me/her. Thing is, he actually still has a spark for me...we chat all day and night. We flirt and we are so in love again. I really want to prove to him that he hasn't lost feelings for me. Would he hate me for this or would he see that it's always me, and always will be me that he loves? I'm not a stalker I just feel like he doesn't even know what's going on with himself. We're meant for each other. Even with different identities we still fall for each other.

Anonymous

I found my husband on multiple platforms of social media with explicit content. He shows his face and body but his name is different. And his status is single. It looks like his following are just a bunch of thirsty women/men and they seem to be paying him since he's on platforms that require payment. I feel cheated on and betrayed. But why would he do this without me knowing? Is this considered cheating and infidelity or just a part time job? I'm feeling very conflicted. I want to explode on him but also just have him come home and find everything gone. We work different shifts so it's obvious how he finds time to do all this. I'm not okay with a s*x worker spouse even if it's all virtual. Am I wrong?

Anonymous

I rejected this guy pretty badly back in highschool. He was really nerdy and anti social back then. I was too caught up in trying to be cool and liked, and didn't want to be associated to people like him. Now in our 20s, he's changed. I met him again at the bar one random night and I can't stop thinking about how much he's changed. He was kind enough to approach me and at first I didn't know it was him. I didn't believe him when he told me who he was. He's pretty successful for his age and super hot and handsome now. Now that I'm more mature I understand that I treated him really bad. I feel really ashamed for how I acted towards him and even more ashamed now that I want him when he's in his prime and best. He's not single and I want him even more but I have all this guilt about my own vanity. I friend requested him on social media and we're keeping in touch now. It's ok to just be his friend right? And it's ok to watch for an opportunity right?

Anonymous

Why are women always complaining about how their man don't do this and how their man don't do that. Lots of men don't even rant about y'all and what y'all are lacking. "I'm the best thing that ever happened to him." Well what do you actually want then and why are you sticking around for? Your good man knows you rubbing his name in the dirt but he still stick around for you. Y'all don't know what loyal means.

Anonymous

I have fantasy thoughts about my husband's family members. Is that normal or should I get checked in the hospital for this? I will randomly see them in my mind like I'm daydreaming. And then I would snap out of it once I realized it's weird. Is this mental illness or just curiosity or some weird unknown fe**sh?

Anonymous

We often talk about relationship break ups. But Friendship break ups are rarely talked about. Friendship break ups can just be as painful as a relationship break up. I am currently grieving over the loss of a friend. I know, friendships fade I get it. but when you feel them pulling away distancing away from you, that's when it hurts. Everything was always exciting in the beginning when you first meet someone you like. The "Honeymoon Phase" how he would put it. Where everything is perfect. We did a lot of things together. Good memories. And he was very good making time. Most people would be like, "i'm busy" but for him, he would reschedule for another time when he's free.

I never thought much about becoming this close. He first initiated getting to know me. He would always reach out asking when I'm free to hang out. I liked him as a person even before all of this happened as an acquaintance. I was a loner for a very long time, so it was nice to have someone initiating contact with you. The first hang out, I was just "ok, he wants to hang out" and wasn't expecting anything else. As time goes on, he would always reach out. I've been wanting to make friends so I didn't want him to feel like it was a one sided friendship. So I started reaching out as well. And he agrees. Even if he's busy, he would always reschedule. The more we hang out, the more vulnerable we get between each others. Telling each other our darkest moments in our lives. Going on long night drives into the back country roads. Just bitching about our lives. Whenever he goes on a date with women, he would always come and tell me about it or call me up how it went. And I would do the same with my dates with women. When I got Covid in Spring last year, he would call me up or text me checking in on me if I have gotten any better. I started loving him as a little brother. I'm a few years older of course by 6 years. and He's not even Hmong/Other Asian. Nws yog Mev Noob Taum. lol.

October November came along. He stopped initiating contact. I reached out in early october, he said he was busy. no more rescheduling. ok, he's busy for the first time. ok, he has other priorities so it didn't bother me. second time, still busy in early November. Third time, late November he goes, "Sorry Buddy." A new Indian Restaurant just opened in town. We have a common interest in Indian Cuisine. So I wanted to take him out to go try it out. He likes the buffet so I always get the menu. I thought he would get excited about it but just to see his "sorry buddy" text. At this point, I know this friendship is fading. So I stopped all contact with him. The No Contact Rule. I kept my door open if he ever wanted or needed to reach out.

It's been three months since I heard from him. I was mourning over the loss of this friendship that he probably won't come back since November. In January, I was healing a little and accepted that we have drifted apart. And then this month, just two days ago, he came to my place of work. We met as coworkers, and we just bonded from that. When he told me about his new job when we still have that connection, I was very happy for him. When he quit his job where I work at to his new job, he still reaches out to me telling me about it. And we still hang out at times. So, the other day he came in to say Hi to everyone. Even to the new kid my boss just hired who he knows nothing about him. Of course, I was happy to see him but kept my cool over this whole "sorry buddy: no contact" thing. I wanted him to see how I was doing, but instead, he gave me the cold shoulder and ignored me. He even talked to the new kid. But me. He tiptoed around me, trying to avoid me. It hurted. No words were exchanged between us. And I didn't approach him. I was still on No Contact. And that's part of the rule. You wait if they will ever come to you. When he left, he said Bye to everyone, even to the new kid, but me.

Through out this time, November to Now, I was holding on to hope. Hoping that he'll reach out. It turns out, he checked out way back in November. I felt like this was the universe telling me to let go of my attachment. It hurted. The text was already painful enough, but watching this play out infront of you, hurts even more. I was healing in January, and then Late February, this happened. Now I'm grieving again.

I guess, this is what happens to loners. You latch on to someone when they showed a bit interest in you. I stutter a little, and he was one of those who doesn't judge me as much. My stutter is not as bad now compare to when I was a kid. I can still talk normally when I'm having a conversation with you, sometimes I just get stuck sometimes mid sentence. He was the only person I met who was willing to take the city bus with you when we both have no cars for the day.

Truth is, we never really know whats going on in peoples minds when it comes to situations like this. We really don't know how they feel. To you, they may be your best friend but to them, they probably don't feel the same way. We started to have millions of questions when this happens to us. I understand friendships fade, but I didn't expect it to end this way. I was hoping it to go on good terms, where we can still say Hi when we run into each other down the road. Well, we can't control reality. Giving what happened the other day, that s**t ain't happening anymore. I am grateful for his friendship when we still had it. I just wish him the best. If you made it this far down, thanks for reading.

Anonymous

I feel awful but I think I'm such a bad mom. I will lie to my kids that there's ghosts in the house or move things around to scare them to get my way. There just so naughty! I'm not alone on this am I?

Anonymous

I am currently living with my wife's parents. People say a lot of things behind my back. My wife says that if I didnt move in, then she woulda left me. We had to move in with them because a purchase fell through, and we needed a place to live. It was supposed to be temporary but like now we been here for 2 years. I feel like my wife is just comfortable now and won't move. I walk on eggshells all the time and I cant live like this. We talk about it all the time and argue. My kids dont even wanna be here but my wife just wont leave now. I feel like her mom always telling her to stay and it just gives her reasons to argue with me. I dont even wanna come home so I just hang out with my friends and avoid coming home.

Long overdue love letter.

After over 10 years, it is safe to share this story of mine. I hope this confession will never reach him because I wouldn't know how to feel.

We all have that special person that we wish we had said something. Like the title by Lub Yaj, Vim tsawg ib los lus. I wish I was blunt about my feelings. Then, my memories of him would be different.

I kept it vague even though it was so obvious that I liked him. I don’t even remember how it started. What came first? Him approaching me at the Hmong party and pulled me by the wrist to dance? How did he know I wanted to dance with him? Did he wanted to make it clear that he was interested in me too? Why didn’t I get the hint? But I remember getting looks from the girl from the nearby town. I heard rumors he was also talking to her. I was afraid of her because of what she could do. I was only an introverted 16-year-old.
I get excited every time I passed him in the hallway after biology class. The only time I was confident enough to look at him was from behind. He looked so good in just a plain white t shirt. I love looking at him when he kept his hair long. Maybe, I was too into kpop that I find it cute.

He was a grade older than I was and never thought it was possible for us to share a class. But we ended up having one class together. I remember thinking it in my head and he suddenly appeared at the door. He smiled at me and sat in front of me. I don’t even remember if we even have conversations. I was too stupid to start one or kept one. I wanted to pretend I didn’t care for him, but that was obviously not true. I remained only staring at him from behind.

I should have waited for him after winter break. It was clear what that Christmas present meant. I wanted him to know I liked him, but I couldn’t be blunt with my words. The little twinkle when I told him about it and the little flirtatious smile. I didn’t realized it was just the two of us in the hallway at that moment. Why didn’t I get the message when my friend told me that he was nothing but smile after I gave him the present?
But, what happened after? It’s a blur to me now. If I wasn’t so naïve and didn’t agree to date this college guy from out of state, maybe we would have gotten a chance? I was so young and dated this guy who controlled me mentally. It was my first relationship and I thought we would only last a few months. Each time I wanted a break up, this guy would drive hours to get to me and threatened to kill himself. I was so young and thought I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he really killed himself. This kept me from being honest with myself that I still really liked this crush of mine.

To me, he was always so untouchable and out of my league. He was so popular and get along with everyone. Knowing that this girl he talked to can beat anyone who simply like him, I was afraid to step out of boundary. More like I was afraid to show him who I really am. I wasn’t confident enough that I can keep him. Maybe, I wanted him to retain that perfect boyfriend image I have of him. I was also afraid to really know him. Have I thought about him constantly in the last couple of years? Honestly, no. That would be so unhealthy to be held back by a relationship that never happened.
But I ran into him a couple of months ago. After being away for so long and to run into him of all people? I had my mask on when our eyes met. I can feel his eyes following me as if trying to recognize me. I turned slightly back to look at him and saw that he was watching me. At that moment, I made the decision not approach him even though I knew it was him. I wasn't that naive, timid, young girl anymore.

I’d be lying to myself if I say I didn’t reminisce about the funny feelings I used to get.
His brother saved me out of the blue. I was surprised. I already forgotten about them. I find out from his brother’s social media that he was still a very single man at his age. I couldn’t help, but wonder why a good-looking man like him is still single?
Sometimes, I have this lingering regret as to why I never told him. Why did he dance with me of all people at the party? Why did he awkwardly take a picture with me on my graduation day when he came there with another girl? I should have kept in touch with him. Maybe, some things are meant to be a mystery.

Anonymous -

A few years ago, I met this girl in college. We hung out a lot, she was super chill, and we got pretty close. She introduced us to her “friend”, who turned out to be a boy I dated for a couple of months during my freshman year of high school. At first, it was awkward because I didn’t really like being around him because of our history. I didn’t tell my friend about it since I didn’t think i would see him again. It turns out he and my friend were really close and hung out often. He did tell her that, we dated briefly and she asked if I was uncomfortable with all of us hanging out, but I lied and said I didn’t care. Seeing how he treated her, and their bond, my old feelings came back. I found myself thinking about him often and even missing him. I wanted to continue hanging out because it was the only way I would see him. I wasn’t sure what their level of friendship was, but I decided to take a chance and shoot my shot. One night when we were all hanging out, I told him I had feelings for him, and kissed him. I was so afraid of telling my friend what had happened because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I hate to admit it, but yes I was selfish. He confessed to her about my confession and It wasn’t until then, that I found out that they both had feelings for each other. After that incident, she basically X’d me out of her life, in addition, she also stop contacting the guy. He and I were both sad about the situation, and discussed the occurrence frequently… and ended up dating shortly after the incident. People might think I came between them, but I just wanted to point out that, he didn’t stop me when I kissed him, and when she and I stopped talking, he did not continue to chase the other girl. I strongly believe that although he had feelings for her, his feelings were stronger for me, therefore he agreed to pursue our relationship.

Years have gone by, and we don’t talk about her, nor have we’ve seen her since our fall out. He and I are now happily married. Recently we ran into her one of my friend’s gathering. Although we have mutual friends, I had never ran into her once. I was nervous to see her, and I was nervous about my husband seeing her. In some ways, I feel like I did come between them. I know that he had a close friendship with her and I’ve always been insecure and curious about his feelings for her. Some of the things they did during their friendship he has never done with me or for me.

When she arrived at this gathering, my friend called her over to say to us. I was super nervous, but she just greeted us happily and gave us hugs like our fall out never happened. We chatted quite a bit, mostly about work, what we’ve been up to, where live and the pandemic. When chatting together with my husband and I, her conversations were mostly with me, she didn’t say much to my husband. However, there were a couple of times I did find my husband chatting with her alone and with other friends, having a few drinks together without me. They were laughing and I’m not sure why, but it made me feel jealous. I felt like that girl from college again. Waiting for him to notice me. I don’t feel like she intentionally tried to make me jealous or that she was bring overly friendly with him. When I approached them, I overheard him asking if she was married or dating anyone, and where does she live. They could’ve just been making small talk, but I couldn’t help but wonder why he cares?! The entire time we were at this gathering, whenever my husband wasn’t talking to the guys, he was talking with her. She invited us to her home, she suggested having our daughters have play dates, etc. I’m not sure if it’s guilt that is bothering me, or insecurities, but I don’t want her in our lives, and I especially don’t want them to resume their friendship. They haven’t made any contact since this gathering and didn’t exchange phone numbers or anything, but I did seem them interacting on a mutual friend’s facebook post. They’re not friends on facebook. She had made a comment and he replied to it. It seemed harmless, but this bothered me a lot. Am I crazy for feeling insecure? Am I brainwashing myself over nothing? Would it be wrong to be friends again? Is she faking her kindness? How do I know whats real and whats not? My husband is a great guy, and I trust him. I just don’t know why I’m worried about this girl from the past.

Anonymous -
I'm a stay at home mom and feel like people disrespect me for it. I happen to do everything in the household and raise the kids on my own. My husband doesnt really help at all, but he knows how to appreciate and spoil me. I get frustrated that people see how spoiled I am by him, and make all these snarky comments towards me like, "you're lucky you just stay home all day and do nothing," or "wish I had it good like you," or the typical, "how can you be so tired when you just stay at home?"

It takes a lot of motivation to keep going everyday, and can be very lonely. How do others keep going?

Diary of an Anonymous Pog Rog - Part 1

I’m a 200 pound beauty. I could never say this for so long because I was so ashamed of my body. Since childhood, I was always the heavier set child among the skinnier cousins. The girls at school didnt really want to be my friend and the boys were especially mean. No one wanted to pick me to be partners and it was always embarrassing to be the last one while looking at my other classmates paired with their friends. They’d call me names and I would act like it didnt bother me but I could only take so much after so many years. In middle school, a boy on the bus called me a fat girl (pog rog.) The other boys laughed and tears would burn my eyes. I began to starve myself and I lost an extreme amount of weight in a year.

I began to look more attractive and people started to notice me. I felt like I graduated from being ugly and unattractive when I got my first boyfriend. He wasn’t the best person, actually a bad boy. But to me, he liked me and it made me feel good that someone liked me. I got into a lot of trouble with him, and eventually knew that we shouldn’t be together.

I would wear less and less things to show off my body and I was so proud of it, while a voice in the back of my mind constantly said “you’re so fat” or “you’re trying too hard.” I tried to numb out that voice and plunged into party scenes and ate up all the compliments that were given to me. But at the end of the night, I still felt like an ugly fat girl who was trying really hard to fit in.

I started to get thinner and as I did, I believed I gained new friends because my crowd got bigger and people would know who I was. I felt relevant and like I finally fit in. I never wanted to be that fat girl ever again. A very attractive older man liked me, and I was infatuated by him. Everyone in my group thought he was the cutest guy and incomparable in looks. I was also very hyped about him liking me. We dated and I started to see who he really was. I ended up with a very handsome man who was actually very controlling and manipulative. This was the worst experience I had in my life, and it was even worse than people calling me fat. Eventually I did gain a lot of weight from being with this man because he didn’t want me to look attractive. I thought that by being frumpy and not dressing up or looking attractive, it would make him happy. But no. He still got mad at me. Still found reasons to be angered by me. I did everything wrong, yet I was also his comfort and love. This relationship was not meant to last and it ended after 8 months.

I paused to reflect on that bad experience. I had so many support me through it and leave that man. But I knew that inside, there was a deeper cavity in my mind. I didn’t know how to love myself enough to put my foot down and say, enough is enough.
I don’t know who is reading this or who might benefit from it. But I am someone who has suffered from depression, and continue to battle my issues with self image. Its the most toxic thing in the world. I’ll write in other parts of my journal if this is helpful for anyone out there.

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Anonymous

my husband and I with our kids are going on a trip. During the ride, my baby was crying because he needs to sleep or have a wet diaper. Babies cry all the times for whatever reasons. My husband was driving on a major highway going 80 mph. I think he couldn't handle the cry so he told me to take the baby our of the carseat to hold to calm the baby down. I WAS SO MAD HE EVEN SAY THAT. I SAID NOOOOOOO. I explained that it's ok for the baby to cry. The carseat is the most safest place for the baby inside the car going 80 mph. My husband has said this to me in the past. I can't believe he said it again. I told him that if he can't handle the babys cry then I can drive but he said no. I got mad bc if his parents were to be in the car and he tell them to take the baby, they will! To really stress to him that it is not safe to take the baby out, I told him to get himself check up with a doctor. what he said to me is totally wrong. He got mad saying that I called him stupid. He's putting words in my mouth. I'm nicely asked him does it make sense for me to take out the baby? it is taking the baby out the safest place for the baby? it's no guarantee that the baby will stop crying. I WILL NOT RISK TAKING MY BABY OUT bc he can't handle the crying. I even offered to drive many time.

Past example. There was a time his parents drive my two years old to the barber shop to get a haircut. This family can't handle the fact that baby's hair is long...not even touch his ear yet. the inlaws took my baby out without a CARSEAT!!! I was so mad!!! but they didn't give a s**t!!!

please give some real advice to this husband.

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Anonymous -

Before you judge me put yourself in my shoes. Being a wife and nyab is depressing.

Me and my spouse are in our early 20s. I can't seem to trust my spouse with his non married friends anymore. I am not going to judge his friends but they like to sleep with many girls and bring them to hang out. His friends can live their life they want but they should leave my husband out if thats all they do. My spouse knows I will always talk about this issue till he sees that its a problem that need to be fixed. My spouse will think I'm "overreacting" when he was should know his place as a married man and a father to our kids. Even worst his friends talk down on me making me a bad wife for being toxic and controlling. They said pretty much from bad to worst. I take care of our kids with no help and take them with me when I have to do errands. I let go most things like my hobbies and school to take care of my little family to play my role as nyab,wife, and mother of my kids. I am a stay at home mom so he is the breadwinner of the family. To be surprised I never leave the house to hang out unless its once out of the blue moon. He actually leave the house but will lie to me saying " Im going to so and so house not their house". If he doesn't realize our phone has a tracker which alerts me which house he is at. I no longer have non married friends because I hang out with my friends who are married that have kids. My spouse isnt a cheater but hangs out with his friends who likes to cheat on their girlfriends and sleeps with many other girls. I get these are his friends who he use to hang out with but its time he realized hes married and can't do what he use to. I do believe the saying of "To not hang around with people who may cause problems for you or may affect you". We argue about this alot because his friends are using him. I only know is because when my husband needs help they are barely there. When they ask my husband he will go unless I am okay with it. I rudely told him that his friends no longer have my respect and will not forgive him for talking bad about me to his friends. I am not blaming his friends completely but mainly my spouse. His friends will not grow up because they are the talk of the town. My spouse is already being talk about along his friends and people will personally messege me about it. I already feel embarrassed that his name is getting talked about. I personally can't show my face out knowing that it escalated to this point.

Am I wrong to feel and act like this? I am a forgiving person and can let things slide but some things I can't.

Please help him and share this post.

Anonymous - Sorry in advance for the long post.
So i saw a lady ask for something for christmas on this page and i thought maybe if i put mines out there this person will come looking for me too you know. well what i want for christmas, the only thing i want is my mom. i havent seen my mom since the divorce. i was 7 yr old and im 18 now. i hope you are reading this mom. im missing you so much im crying just typing this out. come find us, the two you had to leave behind. if god could hear my prayer tonight, i wish he would lead you back to us.

my little bro and me have not lived the best lives. we were alright for a while but when my dad remarried, thats when things took a turn. with my stepmom came other stepsiblings too, and eventually they both had a few more kids together. over the years i could see the difference in how she treated my bro and me. she would do special things for her kids on their birthdays or holiday, but with us she refuse to and even force my dad to not do anything for me and my bro. my dad would feel bad and give us $20 and she would get mad and fight about that too. every time she made food she would call everyone except for us. my dad would confront her and she would yell at him, that my mom should come feed me if i was hungry. she put rice in a bowl and put it on the floor one time. step mom said that if i wanted to eat her food then i should eat from the floor. my family just stayed quiet and tried to not react, but my lil bro was crying feeling sorry for me. i got on my knees and picked up the plate. i didnt want my dad fighting anymore because of us i just gave in that day. step mom seemed satisfied because she went to her seat in the dining room and ate with the other kids. she said to me that by not including me she was just teaching me how to be a man and grow up.

my step and half siblings would always get new clothes yet we always wore their old ones and even the old shoes if they were still ok. i was grateful to have clothes but it did hurt inside that in my home i witness the love of a mother but it wasnt ever for me. knowing this, my grandma would try her best to give us attention and love. even when my bro n me got whoop, grandma would stand over us and put her arms over our head telling my dad or stepmom to go away. grandma would pat our heads and we would cry. she used to say, that she would love us and for us to not be sad (tu sia.) but grandma passed away and its left me feeling numb and lost.

during the funeral stepmom found out that grandma saved up money for us two. i still remember that video with grandmas worried eyes and tiny mouth. she recorded a message saying she saved that money for me and my lil bro so that one day if we wanted to marry we wouldnt worry about the dowry. step mom fought and fought about it. in the end she acted like she was okay with it, but when we came home the money was in her hands. she said that storing it with her would be safest so she took it. but deep inside i know its never gonna be for us.

mom i wanna say to you, that i know why you left but i dont know why you never asked for me or looked for me. are you making food for your own kids somewhere out there and are you folding their clothes and zipping up their coats for them? are you checking if they have blankets on at night and wonder if we have blankets too? are you seeing other boys my age and wondering if i'm as big as them or what i might look like now? i was at a point this year where i was about to let you go and give up on us as son and mom. every time i saw a mom with her sons my heart would pinch a little each time and i would just pretend i didnt feel it. mom, i just want to know if you've been okay after all these years. you have a son who thinks about you everyday. you will know i'm talking to YOU because i was born with a birthmark and if you recall your son who has this then its me who's missing you.

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