Dodgy Doggerel

Trousers are now the dress of the day
The sun is there but the heat is away
There’s wind and rain but no snow - yet
It will appear - I’ll take that bet
Meanwhile we hunker around the fire
And think, for now, the weather’s dire
But there will be gaps when we’ll feel better
When the sun is out - before it gets wetter
And Christmas, of course, fast approaching
The children’s choirs receiving coaching
With the annual knock at the door
If you treat us well, we’ll sing some more
And then there are treats of food and drink
And, perhaps, some time to think
Of what it means - the Winter season
And wish for peace on earth - with good reason.

A rat-a-tat-tat on the window pane
Was the message from the lashing rain
The wind was up at Beaufort eight
The garden jobs will have to wait
Close the shutters and light the fire
Turn the heating a little higher
Boil the kettle for something to drink
And sit a while just to think
And suddenly the storm is easing
But sitting thinking is quite pleasing
So enjoy the moment, they don’t come often
And forget the world until the wind do soften.

I don’t really ask that you understand
But, just this once, will you hold my hand?
Help me as I stand tall
Hold me straight so I do not fall
There’ll be a moment when I bow my head
A simple honour for those who are dead
A memorial is all they got
After paying a price that we have not
A name on a wall, an unmarked grave
Many were frightened, they weren’t all brave
And yet, of course, brave they were
As the lines of courage they did blur
By simply joining and doing their bit
As they took up their rifle and packed their kit
And many, too many, didn’t make it home
Bodies lying ‘neath foreign loam
So I stand as straight as I can
And maybe shed a tear for some man
Who I do not know but wish I did
Who maybe died when he was just a kid
So hold my hand in case I fail
And pray that peace will prevail.

He stands alone, his head is bowed
He is alone, not one of a crowd
He reads the words, etched in stone
He checks the names, perhaps his own?
A single tear runs down his cheek
There’ll be no more, he is not weak
It is an anniversary, at least for him
He is there before memories dim
It is also an anniversary for others
The ones named here were once his brothers
And then at last he turns away
His duty done for another day.

Did you see the moon last night
Shining so, so bright?
It really was very clear
And looked to be very near
It was still there this morning
Long after the day’s dawning
A super moon, named for sturgeon
Fading gradually as the sun will burgeon
And so the skies are clear today
And all the clouds have gone away
So we may seek the shade
Until the heat begins to fade
And watch, this evening, for the waning moon
There will be another soon.

What is it that you can see?
Can you describe it just for me?
My eyes don’t work so I live for words
And cannot distinguish different birds
Except by their trills and songs
When they gather in their throngs
So you must use words so clear
That I can understand what’s near
Explain yourself with sound and feel
Then I might understand what’s real
Close your eyes and describe the sight
In words that to me will delight
And then, perhaps, I will understand
What it is that makes this land
So beautiful to all around
Who have sight as well as sound
But choose your words so carefully
So they make sense to simple me
Imagination only goes so far
So your description must meet a higher bar
But if you get it absolutely right
I will “see” through your insight.

Would you protect me, hold my hand
If I were to come to your land?
Or would you reject me, send me away
Tell me to find somewhere else to stay?
I am scared and on my own
I no longer have my mobile ‘phone
I was trafficked but I escaped
I got away before I was r***d
But do you see why I came to you?
Or is my appearance just a cue
-For more rhetoric against people like me
Who found a way across the sea?
But if you, in friendship, hold out your hand
I will work hard in your land
And pay my taxes when they are due
And be a positive force for you.
Think once, think twice before you reject me
And think how I could fill those jobs that are free
Like nursing the elderly in care
Or picking fruit in your fields so fair
So please be content to hold out your hand
And make me welcome in your land.

There comes a time - one shouldn’t miss it
When friends or family come to visit
They are, of course, very welcome
With their chat or blether - and then some
And remind each other what it is that binds
Us to them and other kinds
But sometimes it can become a trial
If they stay beyond a while
So when Goodbye we have to say
A tear might mark their going away
Until, we hope, the next time they say
We loved our time - can we come and stay?

Sometimes if I sit and think
My heart, once more, will have to sink
As I see the jobs not yet done
Retirement supposedly is fun
But there I sit and plan the day
And wish some jobs would go away
We had some rain - “Again?” You say
So now there are more weeds to flay
And still the hedges need trimmed back
The list of jobs has no lack
But, for a moment, I can sit and think
And then return to the kitchen sink
And get the dishes washed and dried
And, in one job, at least take pride
That it is, for now, off the list
But, really, it’s not one that would be missed.
So drink up the coffee or morning tea
And start the jobs from A to B.

They said to watch but I said I wouldn’t
And in the end, I simply couldn’t
Whether it was with towels or strap
With people watching to stand and clap
There is simply no excuse
When what happens is just abuse
The time was then - to speak out
But my lonely voice was full of doubt
And THEY would dispute what had been
When I could not say what I had seen
And so, for years, it is hidden away
And all because no-one would say
But now, at last, it all makes sense
But the truth offers little recompense.

Well, what can one say?
It is another glorious day
The sun is high
In a pale blue sky
There are some clouds, this is true
It nothing to worry me or you
So, a day for work to get jobs done
And, later on, perhaps have fun
The ground is dry - we won’t get mucky
So, what’s to say but, “Aren’t we lucky!”

The sky shows loyalty in yellow and blue
A beacon of hope for me and you
Not for us, an Ambassador’s gloom
As laughter rings around the room
At the suggestion that we invaded
When all is clear it was they who raided
They are becoming a laughing stock
And, with each pronouncement, more will mock
Until, in time, their authority will wane
As, with resistance, our strength will gain
And then, at last, we will be free
And stand proud and tall like a sturdy tree.

It’s over a year since the Great Bear came
And nothing will ever be the same
But, despite all the devastation,
We are still a sovereign nation
We’ve seen the slaughter and remain unbowed
By foreign bullies, we won’t be cowed
So think of us over your Easter fast
And pray for peace to come at last
But, should it not, we will fight on
Until the Russian Bear is gone.

Would you hear me if I didn’t shout
Would you understand what I’m about?
I am a voice in a wilderness
I am the sound you always miss
And I am so easily forgotten
An errant thread on a shirt of cotton
But my life is tied into that strand
That you ignore like brushed-off sand
So what is it you truly fear
If my voice you will not hear?
Or is it your own prejudice
That shuts your mind to friendship’s kiss
A shake of hand, a clasp on shoulder
Marks a friendship as we get older
But while we’re young we need much more
So we have friends for later in our store
And, then, as Nature takes its toll
We become fragile like a doll
As our brains become a fogged up mess
And you look on aghast, you must confess
So I am shut out, misunderstood
But I would speak out - if I could.

It seems as if Winter’s passed
The sun is out - at long last
The wind has dropped to just a breeze
The pollen count’s up - to make you sneeze
And in the garden’s flower beds
The bulbs are able to rise their heads
And bring back colour to make you smile
At least for the next wee while
So we can all be of great cheer
Knowing the Summer is nearly here
But “What then?” I hear you ask
As the heat impairs the simplest task
So you’ll sit back and take your ease
But, for now, it’s weeding the garden - on your knees!

We gathered to celebrate the mannie, Burns
Whose working life took many turns
Farmer, Taxman and a Poet
-So well-renowned but he didn’t know it
But, so many years after his death,
He is till a toast with whisky breath
A man remarkable in his time
Whose early years were marred in grime
Taught at home, only two years at school,
And yet he was certainly no fool
His love life was a thing of wonder
Sometimes evidenced by a blunder
For his head was turned by many a frock
Which led to children out of wedlock
His writings covered from mice to witches
And included one who lost her britches
(Well more her skirt which was perhaps a lark
As her name was Cutty Sark)
There was the louse spotted in lady’s hair
Although to comment was perhaps unfair
So, in the end, we raised a glass
For one whose fame will never pass.

My eyes are wet, I don’t know why
It’s not as if grown men should cry
They should be stoic, strong
Prepared to fight to right a wrong
But as I look all around
I see the tragedy on the ground
There should have been a truce they say
To celebrate our Christmas Day
But throughout the day the bombs still came
There was no truce - even in name
And so my eyes are filled with tears
Perhaps I’m not a man, for all my years
I’ll share my grief at what I see
And, as the New Year dawns, please remember me.

A new day dawned, bright and clear
To welcome in another New Year
So what was this year’s resolution?
Maybe make none - that’s a solution
Or perhaps lean away from miserable news
And not give ticks to Twitter views
There is no doubt, it will be tough
With rising prices, we’ve had enough
‘Though, for some, we make think it fair
To allow for wage increases for those who care
But when we sit back and think on it
We cannot begrudge those who do their bit
And there are backsliders in all walks of life
Perhaps it’s them who cause the strife
But the Government will not show any willing
To offer some an extra shilling
But we have New Year to lift our spirits
And perhaps examine cases on their merits.

(with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)…

Twas the night before Christmas and all round the world
Children in bed all tucked up and curled
-Into balls of excitement and anticipation
For Santa Claus’ visits to every nation
Downstairs there’d be cats on cushions and dogs on rugs
Dreaming of morning and family hugs
Then the church bells rang greeting the dawn
Of a bright and wonderful Christmas morn
Parents abed were rudely awoken
Their sleep for that night surely a token
Presents for children strewn across the floor
Cries of excitement as they uncovered yet more
And the day passed on by with food and with drink
With all dirty dishes piled into the sink
And pickings left over for the hungry to eat
Although, in truth, all were replete
And then, just as suddenly, the day was finished
The children were bedded, the fun undiminished
Until the next morning, once more full of noise
As the children revisited their favourite toys
A walk for all out in the fresh air
On icy paths, followed with care
And then, at last, all is packed away
So all can relax and enjoy the day
Before the return to work or to school
As we say farewell to this year’s Yule.

A blanket of snow lies on the roof
There is no sign of sleigh or hoof
Inside the house, there are mince pies on a plate
The children hope he won’t be late
But grown-ups worry about frozen pipes
And frustrated meetings are their gripes
Because travel’s difficult in the snow
And can be dangerous when you have to go
But, for the children, there are snowball fights
Their anticipation makes for restless nights
A temporary thaw marked by watery mutters
Means checking for leaks in frozen gutters
Icicles formed from overflows
But now have gone as the temperature rose
Last minute panics for presents and food
Children told they must be good
Lest their stockings do not fill
As they’ve used up all of Santa’s goodwill
And then the house is full of noise
As children wake to play with toys
And parents breathe a sigh of relief
As, for one more year, there is still belief
-In the magic that is Christmas Day
And so, to Church, we go to pray
For a Child who set the scene
Of a story that’s forever been.

The day is done, it’s time for bed
I’ll settle down and rest my head
But mine is not a normal place
And, where you walk, you don’t see my face
My problems are my own to manage
And you cannot see the damage
-Wrought on me by things I’ve seen
In all the places that I’ve been
So walk on past, if you will
But take a moment, my cup to fill
-With your coppers or your change
Sometime times such charity seems quite strange
But your pennies may be a gift of life
To overcome some mental strife
I do not ask, I would not dare
It’s for you to decide what to spare
Of course, you’ll take time to think
That your gift will be spent on drugs or drink
But do you really know what would be
-The outcome of your charity
So I sit and hope for the best
And, as for charity, those who give are blessed.

Broken glass glitters like morning frost
Is this how we count the cost
-Of a town left to wrack and ruin
The aftermath of the Russian bruin
We must be alert - on our guard
For fear of more shelling that hits so hard
It’s difficult to remember what it was like
The peaceful streets where I rode my bike
Now pockmarked house full of holes
Are the signs of the failure of invaders’ goals
There are people out in the street
But they are not there to meet and greet
Their bodies lie, tumbled and broken
This is the way that war is spoken
There are nightmares when we sleep at night
To remind us of our wretched plight
Peace on earth but not in Ukraine
In your Christmas prayers, remember our pain.

How does one climb a hill?
Do you follow ridge or rill?
Or simply tramp through the heather
Worrying not about the weather?
And then, when you reach the top
Of course you will have to stop
For there’s nowhere further to go
Except perhaps in your mind, you know
So take some time to look around
And marvel at what Nature’s found
Before it’s time to return
But in descent don’t follow ridge or burn
One should always choose a track
So that you can make it safely back.

Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Before you answer, perhaps just pause
-For thought on what that might mean
To deny the existence of a man unseen
Where then would be the Christmas joy
That makes it special for girl and boy
With presents abounding on the floor
And carol singers at the door
Oh yes, it’s got very commercial
But that does not mean it is not special
For many the bright spot for just a time
Listening to church bells as they chime
And schmaltzy films to sit and watch
While loosening belts just another notch
And, yes, there ‘s a story to make us happy
A special babe wrapped in a nappy
But Christmas-time should be fun
Although that doesn’t work for everyone
So while you think rosy cheeks and roly poly
Remember also to keep it holy
And perhaps be someone else’s Claus
And make doing some good, this Season’s cause.

Is it wrong to celebrate restored power
Perhaps the eco-warriors would glower
-At the use of fossil fuels
Which is what is left after artillery duels
There have been bombs and shells - and worse
But that is the outcome of the wartime curse
But, for the moment, there is heat and light
So we can tell the world of our plight
Because, for now, there is telephone and internet
How long it will last - I won’t take that bet
But you who sit and wring your hands
Please take a moment to think of foreign lands
We did not ask for this war
But may have seen what went before
So this is the current news to view
That your journalists do share with you.

The wind returned and brought the rain
Which rattled and lashed against window pane
The outside cats cried and cried
As they looked for somewhere dry to hide
And then, suddenly, it was gone
So, for now, the storm is done
And today has dawned bright and clear
A chance to sit outside and quaff a beer
And then take stock of garden damage
Wrought by the wind as it did rampage
Broken stems and muddy paths
Puddles forming impromptu bird baths
But, for a while, forget Autumn’s strife
As the sun, today, breathes fresh life.

The wind has dropped, the skies are clear
For today, the weather holds no fear
The storms are there and will come again
Bringing back the wind and rain
But, for today, we can enjoy the sun
A pleasant day for everyone
-To draw breath and relax
Before the wind, once more, attacks
And sees us all muffled up
With hands clasped about a warming cup
But then the wind will change again
Round to the North where the cold’s the bain
And Winter is then truly on us
As we prepare for the Christmas fuss.

Sometimes I simply sit and think
And can cause my heart to sink
Because I know not where my thoughts will go
I am not the brightest spark you know
And then a trigger will light a light
And all is clear as black and white
So I will write what comes to mind
It’s never cruel but not always kind
But when I’m triggered, I think in verse
It saves the words from sounding worse
And then, of course, the moment’s passed
And my simple think returns at last
So what do you do when you cogitate?
Do have inspiration - or have to wait
Until a thought makes its escape
And leaves you astonished with mouth agape?
We all must think from time to time
And sometimes with others those thoughts will chime.

Standing alone, head bowed in care
Seeing people who are not there
Medals glint upon the chest
Polished bright to look their best
Above them, a flower tells the story
That war is not full of glory
And so we remember the sacrifice
Of those who paid the final price
But also those with hurt unseen
Thankful to avoid what might have been
This is a moment like no other
Remembering father, son, wife or mother
So think on them with certain pride
For not all were soldiers, those who died
There were firemen, miners, doctors, nurses
None exempt from warfare’s curses
But despite the memories of the butcher’s bill
War continues and is happening still
The colours change, now yellow and blue
And the unseen ghosts are now many, not few.

Remember this, remember me
And all the things I’ll never see
I was there when you had need
The war machine I had to feed
Remember this, remember me
I fought for you, so you’d be free
Was it really so long ago?
Who can say, who would know?
For there is war, again, to fear
And, for some, it is too near
Remember this, remember me
There are others forced to bend the knee
There is a tale, the story goes
That, in the fields, the poppy grows
But there were also fields of poppy dope
Grown by those who had no hope
Remember this, remember me
And take two minutes to stand for me.

I glued myself to the road
It was the government I tried to goad
Will they wake to the problem
Or simply consider another gem
-Of fracking or oil and gas receipts anew
Which helps the Treasury’s revenue
And ignores what we all know
That global warming will simply grow
The Police came and unglued my hand
I said I was simply making a stand
But they said I was totally wrong
And my hymn sheet should be a different song
Because, while they might sympathise,
Being glued to the road is just not wise.

I sit and write in the dark
The morning forecast is quite stark
The power’s off, there is no light
The repairmen will be out all night
Across the valley, and beyond
All is as dark as a mountain pond
And then a click and the light’s back on
It seems as if the work’s been done
The weather was foul but still they went out
-To make repairs at the first shout
In driving rain and a vicious gale
These are heroes that we should hail
They do not always get recognised
So this rhyme has you apprised
Of their work and dedication
To keep the lights on for the nation.

We elect our government so democracy can flower
But all they really want is the power
So is our voice really heard
If they ignore our every word?
It would be good to believe in their altruism
But it’s not there when seen through a prism
They say the words to make their case
Then promises disappear without trace
In order that they can legislate
Leaving us to wonder at our fate
But this is surely the best we can do
As we watch the political zoo.

The wind is back, bringing cold
It’s time the blankets to unfold
Draw the curtain, light the fire
It’ll soon be time for the Christmas choir
Pack up the tools, secure the shrubs
Winter’s coming to kill off the grubs
Cushions off, chairs inside
From this wind, there’s no place to hide
But it will soon be gone again
And then, of course, we might have rain
But will this Winter be like the last
Or like some others we’ve had in the past
Clear skies and warmth through the day
Not even the forecasts can yet say
So we must bear with this wind
And, on its easing, our hopes are pinned.

The moon was full the other night
All was cast in black and white
Sharp edges given to all the shadows
Silver shines on the meadows
And as the dawn began to appear
Creeping over the hill from the rear
The clouds first showed in colour rose
Was the the warning that shepherds pose?
But red sky morning this was not
Just fragmented light was what we got
Then the sun burst out in all its glory
And as for the day, that’s a different story.

The forgotten body lies on the ground
The debris of war is all around
It is a girl, with a dress to the knee
Now it’s waist-high left by rapists for all to see
Dried tears in rivers mark her face
Her mind has gone to a different place
The “soldiers” left her here for dead
As the war advanced and they fled
But she did not die, this victim of war
For she has steel in her inner core
And she has memories which she will use
To identify the perpetrators of her abuse
And for us on the margins, however distraught
The important thing is that the rapists are caught
And brought to justice by Ukraine
To prove that this war, all war, is insane.

I have been called to go to war
I really don’t know what it’s for
But, in years gone by
I answered then the cry
And so I signed up
I drank from that same cup
That turned me into a military man
‘Though neither parent was really a fan
I didn’t do much, that time I served
Drank lots of tea, sat and observed
But, now, those idle days have caught me up
And, once more, I must the war-food sup
I’m not a coward, I won’t give in
But I do think this war’s a sin
Should I go or should I stay
I’ll have to go, there’s no other way
Run for the border and take my chance?
Or fake an illness, go into a trance
But they will find a way to force me
So I must go and then I’ll see
Perhaps they’ll find I’m not right in the head
Or maybe, after all, I’ll just end up dead

From all around the world they came
Their reason for doing so, just the same
To honour a Lady they had known and admired
And to whose sense of duty many aspired
The day passed slowly with due respect
Even for those whose would prefer to elect
-Their leaders who will then move on
Whose legacy is forgotten after they’re gone
Which way is better? The jury’s still out
But the Lady will be missed without a doubt.

A country that used to think itself tops
Lurches a moment then suddenly stops
Republican, Monarchist, it’s hard to believe
That, politics apart, a nation would grieve
For a gentle old lady with a wonderful smile
Who touched hearts where she travelled - at least for a while
A mother, a granny, she had problems too
That’s are faced daily by me and by you
But above all that, she was also the Queen
Someone with whom you would like to be seen
So the selfie can sit on cabinet or wall
A reminder to visitors and family and all
She touched all our hearts in different ways
And was the rock in our lives for most of our days
Yet those ‘gin the monarchy also feel the touch
Of history passing or other somesuch
So hold off the protests, just for a while
And remember that lady with a wonderful smile
Who cared for us all ‘though you may have cared not for Her
Who spoke clipped English with no trace of a burr
But who wondered at life as we all did
Who took on her duty just as She was bid
And just for a moment, remember, remember
When everything stopped on a day in September.

The Queen passed me by
I felt I might cry
She didn’t see me
‘Though I stood tall as a tree
The Queen passed me by
I felt I would cry
There was no personal smile
As I stood on the Mile
The Queen passed me by
I felt I should cry
There was no wave of the hand
As She left my Scotland
My Queen passed me by
And, yes, I did cry.