Montessori Mom with Answers

Being the 6th child in my house, I hardly got any share of my mum's time, because she was mostly occupied with cooking for all, cleaning our mess, teaching us all, mostly very frustrated that I understand now why, solving the fights, managing tantrums of older siblings, trying to catch a nap.

It was a lesson for me to understand that I need to provide my child with Quality over Quantity.

I made sure to think of more children only when I feel my first one has received her share of childhood well.

I know many people can manage multiple kids at a time quite well, but I understood my body, my capacity and my energy, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do it without losing my sanity.

I feel glad that I was able to block any thoughts, comments that came on the way all these years, because we are not just keeping these children alive, we are actually providing them a life, which means more than just breathing everyday. ❤️

Some Urdu Letters recognition and writing exercises for your child to try at home.

Summer vacations. ☀️

I was naive, I cried over fights,
I cried over attention, I cried over mistreatment, I cried over things which you can not get forcefully or by requesting.

I grew stronger for my daughter, because I wouldn't want her to see a depressed mother but someone she can learn from.

If you get a control of your emotions, you get control to your life.

My teacher once told me, "tears are most precious, don't just waste them over anyone and everyone."

So every time I'm sad and about to lose it, I ask myself, "does it really deserve my precious tears"? And I never receive a yes.

The best gift you can give to your child is a happy mother. 🌸 Choose to be happy. 🌸

📸 : Mirha's Production & Films
👗: Mishi's Vintage Closet

Do you think you have a control on your emotions?

TW
I'm just concerned.

Ajkal kitna bhi "preloved" kehlo, hai tou "utrann" he. Someone commented on a post where a woman asked if its okay to use hand downs or pre loved clothes.

This is Nina wearing my niece's 14yr old dry cleaned frock on her first birthday, my sister too got embarrassed seeing the photo saying "Why would you make her wear something this old? Wania wore it so many times, it was her first bday!"

And I explained her that I saw little Wania when I made my daughter wear something that reminded me of her, the outfit of Nina's first bday holds more special memories and a story to tell now. Each time I tell this story now, Nina and Wania have the biggest smile on their face ever.

Now I see Wania literally saving her favorite clothes so Nina can use them once shes bigger.

This is what I think about Utrann.

Do you have a story to share?

Have you tried anything from the list?
How did you like it?

Starting from a tiniest routine conversation, how we make a child feel "the house isn't theirs"? 🏚

I would yell at my daughter several times, to keep her toys in the playroom only. I would yell at her if there are stickers on the wall, or if shes painting in the lounge instead of the area I provided her.

Is this because, we think , "this house is mine?" and "everything here should be the way I want it to be?"

This is the mindset we need to change.
The house belongs to family.
Every corner. Every decision, belongs to family.

Involve your child in asking for suggestions, which sofa should we put in OUR lounge?

Can you please paint there, we can stain OUR carpet?

Lets clean up OUR house together.

Stop making your children feel, they don't belong with you, that they need to runaway to find their space and peace.

The house isn't yours, it belongs to everyone who lives in it, equally. 🏡

📸: Mirha's Production & Films

A very dear member shared an incident, where her child hit the other child and she asked him to apologize for hitting.

I personally think its not enough, its not the solution at all.

We need to teach our children and ourselves that the word "sorry" doesn't fix anything.

Always reason with your child, talk them out, calmly. Instead of forcing them to speak out a word, tell them that the first one to hit is a bully.

There's no harm in protecting yourself, but you should never be the first one to hit. The strength you have is to protect weak, not to hurt them.

Enforce positivity, each time, every time.
A sorry is not enough.

FEROCIOUS FOUR!!

I haven't seen more difficult stage than Nina turning FOUR, into a very different person. From a calm independent child to aggressive,over sensitive and demanding.

It was easier for me to put the blame on her, saying "She's misbehaving , she's demanding." , than accepting myself, "She needs me, and I need to be more gentle with her, she's only four, I might have been expecting more from her."

Applying back my easy method to bond, going easy on house chores and impressing people around, focusing completely on Nina. Less phone usage, listening more to her, treating her gently, showing affection, expressing my love towards her.

Within 24hrs , the beast was tamed, and life is easier.

Just a trick: Accept! Don't expect.

One moment a parent don't forget.

"The first time their child walks".

I remember Nina was 18m when she first took her independent steps, and I cried, because I was scared for months, kept hearing things regarding legs defect or neurological issues by anyone around. I kept shrugging it off(Nina's paediatrician wasn't worried either) but in the subconscious of a mother's mind she's really scared for her child. We just need to understand that every child takes their sweet time in reaching their milestones. No competition. No race.

When did you child take his first independent steps?

"I think.. My child doesn't love me."

I get to hear this problem in society every other day. My child loves her grandparent/aunt etc more than me, she pushes me away when they're around. Why?

* Because, they're around the child for little period of time, all they're seeing is fun!

Meanwhile you want a toddler to understand you love them because,

* you're cleaning for them.
* you're cooking for them.
* you're skipping your meals for them. Etc

Nothing of them the child demanded. All they need is "you", to connect with them.

Go easy on the work, nobody is going to give you a trophy for keeping your house 24*7 in the shape, or for spoon feeding adults of the house 5 times a day. Be with the person who needs you the most.

What a beautiful ending of the year with an event close to my heart 🥰 I'm glad I got to meet so many lovely members and their little angels , can not wait to see more who couldn't make it.

Thank you Base Maker for making the event possible with dedication of your trained, professional and calm teachers.

Also special thanks to Mirha's Production & Films for preserving all these memories beautifully on a very short notice. 🥰

Happy New Year, to the lovely family of MMWA!

Opening a Closed Chapter on demand:
"Why did I draw Nina out of DPS?"

The admission:
It took us months to get the documents registered, send child to the test, and waiting for interview date for parents all individually, getting selected amongst thousands, was a huge deal and definitely heartbreaking to leave after all the efforts.

Online classes because of pandemic:
Call it fortunate for us, because of pandemic I was able to see the teachers and curriculum myself, I wasn't too quick to judge, it took me 1.5 year to finally decide that the school is nothing but overrated.

Teacher's communication skills:

Being a preschool teacher myself for a decade,one thing I know that a preschool teacher should have hold of the languages she speaks. The class teacher was speaking "is mai se zebra konsa haega?" , it would take them several attempts to deliver a simple phrase like "hows the weather outside?"
It worried me so much that I immediately called a meeting and refused to attend any online classes because I didn't want Nina to learn what her teacher was speaking. I was asked to give teacher some time, entire year was passed, daughter was promoted to next level, and the new teacher was no different.

Creativity of the teachers:

In all these months, I realized that theres no certain plan teachers are following each day, their entire session of 2.5 hrs consists "eyes", in which they would bore 3.5 year olds asking the same thing where are your eyes? how many eyes?

every single time !
1.5 year!

Physical classes:

Nina was one of the child who would push me out of the class because she loves to socialize and wouldn't want me to take her back. Nina on her 5-6th day of school life came home so traumatized repeating the same thing again and again for weeks that teacher was angry at her, which teacher too at one point agreed that she probably talked loudly. My concern was not even that, I understand people have different way of talking which children can mistake with anger , but on asking the teacher "if I should bring her home early for few days?" replied "mai chuthi tak ksi tarah isko kheench he lungi" , was an extremely unsatisfactory and unprofessional answer.
And when I went to pick Nina early, her clothes were covered in p*e (light brown skirt which turned dark brown), and she was handed over me just like that, Nina is toilet trained and never had any accident even in sleep.

I'm nowhere sending my child to get rid of her. This little girl was so traumatized of her teacher that she would cry in sleep for the first time in life dreaming her.

I sent multiple mails, sharing my concerns, but every time I was asked to be patient and wait for the change but my child gets her childhood only once and I'm not waiting further for anyone to keep destroying it.

Wrong ideas about the school:

Before sending her to DPS, all I heard was, this school teaches indirectly, teachers are polite, etc. But unfortunately its more like one of those old schools where they follow read through the board methods with teachers who are now quite old, running completely out of energy and not updated with current creative ideas and extremely frustrated.

Reviews that I secretly received:

Since all of you know that its one of the school which doesn't appreciate you mentioning their name publicaly, and have previously seen a case where they right away cancelled the admission of a girl because parent spoke about their admission fee on a social platform. Parents inboxed me their concerned, some of the mothers literally crying about the burden they put on a child as early as class one in the name of "preparing them for future difficulties", and rude behavior of the teachers.

If you're satsified with the school, you should definitely continue, but it is something I experienced, and I think it was needed to be shared, because probably one honest review could have shared my daughter's time too.

Also if anyone thinks that why these mothers who are not unsatisfied and still continuing because:

* The amount of admission fee.
* You wont get leaving certificate until fee of complete year is cleared.
* Its a girl school, we rarely have any options in this case.
* Affordable monthly fee with an impressive infrastructure.

RAISING AN INDEPENDENT AND STRONG GIRL

Being raised in a desi environment, under every possible restriction, suppressed my personality a bit I feel. I wasn't a mother or even married but just a little girl who wanted children in her life to raise them how they actually deserve to.
Few restrictions we put on our girls, that can trouble their minds and make them turn rebellious:

🌸 Not allowing them to meet their friends more often: Socializing grooms the personality, being caged in a house does not.

🌸 Not trusting your child: always try believing and helping your child when they share something with you, so they feel comfortable around you and trust you back.

🌸 Comparing them to boy child: "woh larka hai wo kr skta hai" breaks heart, shatters personality.

🌸 Yeh ghr tmara nhi: making a daughter feel like a liability throughout her life, calling her a zimmedari, reminding her again and again is not necessary. She can have multiple homes.

🌸 Trust her with her skills: don't force her to be a doctor because everyone wants a doctor bahu, see what makes her happy.

🌸 Shadi isn't the ultimate goal of woman's life, one should marry when they're actually prepared for it, not because chacha ki beti ki shadi hogai hai ab iski b hojani chaiye.

🌸 Invest in her, not in her lavish shadi.(set your priorities right).

The points can go on and on and on, because theres so much a girl child wants, a girl child needs.
Be the support she looks for, instead of being an obstacle.

Photographer: Sadia Hashmi Photography-COLORIDO

AT TIME OF TANTRUM:
(Keep a calm and soft tone)

* Okay, do you want to talk about it?
* You can share with me, I'm your mama.

(if child isn't ready don't force instead offer hug.)

* Okay you can still hug me? (sing a soft song to calm the child down)

(if child is ready to talk)

* Darling, mama can't understand anything in your crying voice, can you please try telling me without crying?

(distract if you can not find the solution to their problem)

* How about we fold clothes together?
* How about you help me cook?
* Let's sit in the water tub, its so hot today!

GRAPES IN THE HOME!!

Don't forget to CUT grapes in HALF, VERTICALLY to prevent choking. 🍇

Bump/Share so more can read.

RAISING AN INDEPENDENT AND STRONG GIRL ✨

Being raised in a desi environment, under every possible restriction, suppressed my personality a bit I feel. I wasn't a mother or even married but just a little girl who wanted children in her life to raise them how they actually deserve to.
Few restrictions we put on our girls, that can trouble their minds and make them turn rebellious:

🌸 Not allowing them to meet their friends more often: Socializing grooms the personality, being caged in a house does not.
🌸 Not trusting your child: always try believing and helping your child when they share something with you, so they feel comfortable around you and trust you back.
🌸 Comparing them to boy child: "woh larka hai wo kr skta hai" breaks heart, shatters personality.
🌸 Yeh ghr tmara nhi: making a daughter feel like a liability throughout her life, calling her a zimmedari, reminding her again and again is not necessary. She can have multiple homes.
🌸 Trust her with her skills: don't force her to be a doctor because everyone wants a doctor bahu, see what makes her happy.
🌸 Shadi isn't the ultimate goal of woman's life, one should marry when they're actually prepared for it, not because chacha ki beti ki shadi hogai hai ab iski b hojani chaiye.
🌸 Invest in her, not in her lavish shadi.(set your priorities right).

The points can go on and on and on, because theres so much a girl child wants, a girl child needs.
Be the support she looks for, instead of being an obstacle.

My husband was ready to throw his hardly worn shirt, because he broke the button.

He looked annoyed when he threw his shirt on the bed saying

"Yaar! Isko phenk dena. Button toot gya hai"

A simple task like sewing on a button, is not being taught to our children, because who needs it right?
We would scold our child to do best in algebra, or focus on his hand writing to be perfect, but are we teaching basic surviving skills to them? And here I'm talking about both little girls and boys.

Don't be ashamed to teach your child all the skills you have, or you wanted to learn for anything you have to depend on someone else.

Stop doing all the work for them, you're not helping your child, you're making them depend more and more.
Today on you, tomorrow on someone else.

Ps: I fixed the button. We didn't need to throw the shirt away.

How many of you know how to sew on a button?

May the divine blessings of Allah Taalah bring you hope, faith and joy on Eid-ul-Adha and forever. ✨

🌾Eid mubarak to family. 🌾