Writing Heals

"Life is full of surprises. This may sound cliché, but it's inevitable that we love the vibe those surprises bring."

Living in this world for almost 26 years has taught me a lot of things, and those things include the feeling of being on cloud nine because of the surprises life has thrown at me. But this concept of surprises suddenly changed because I just realized that there are PAINFUL SURPRISES too. That feeling of an inability to explain what's inside your heart and mind made me so nostalgic and sick for some vague reasons that I have. Vague? Or shall I say, I intentionally made it blurry for me to feel less pain.

Less pain—that's my last resort. I'd rather endure pain that's lesser than the actual one than endure the pain at its highest peak, wherein I could no longer hold myself a little more. I'm holding on even though I'm bleeding, standing tall even though I'm melting, and laughing even though I very much needed to cry it out loud.

Now I know, some surprises can hurt me too. And to you, surprise, if ever our paths will cross again, make it more gentle because my walls are now slowly breaking, and I am now gradually falling apart.

Let us always choose brotherhood and camaraderie over power and wealth. ✨

Fake it until you make it. ✨

"I OWE MYSELF AN APOLOGY"

If being vulnerable is a weakness then I owe myself an apology.

I owe myself an apology,
For all the times that I overworked,
When I exerted too much effort on all the things without even realizing how burdened I am,
For all the times that I have given my all,
When I have given my everything just to provide comfort to other people without thinking that I'm also silently struggling.

I owe myself an apology,
For all the times that I acted strong,
When being strong is the only way to survive without considering that I'm already exhausted,
For all the times that I fought for the wrong battles,
When I fought for the battles that are supposedly not mine to win.

I owe myself an apology,
For being so considerate that I even forgot to give myself considerations,
For punishing myself with sadness to compensate for the mistakes of other people,
For being so soft-hearted without even saying a single word of the pain I'm experiencing,
For always being available even if I'm bombarded with things to do,
And for being afraid to say "no" without feeling guilty and disturbed.

Trust me, it's hard to be me,
This is a never-ending process,
This is my worst nightmare,
This is my way of surviving,
This is just me being me,
But I will never get tired of asking the Almighty for Divine Intervention,
And I will never get tired of owing myself an apology.

I'm not sad, I'm just exhausted.
I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.
I'm not broken, I'm just hurt.
But that does not mean I'm okay. 🥺🙏💪

Miracles are anywhere and everywhere. If we don't see them coming, maybe we just need to pay attention even to the smallest thing that we acquire, experience and receive everyday. 💜🙏

Be brave and be courageous!

All of your silent battles will eventually pass. Just fight, you are not alone. You have your loved ones, you have yourself and most of all, you have GOD. 🙏💜

To be honest, teaching wasn't my initial career choice. However, I've recently come to realize that teaching has grown on me, and I've learned to reciprocate that affection.

The joy and excitement I experience within the classroom hit me profoundly, making me realize that I've truly developed a love for my profession and my job.

I can't pinpoint when or how my fondness for teaching began; it seemed to appear suddenly, almost like magic. The satisfaction it brings is so profound that no matter how tired or drained I am, even when I'm sick, my thoughts still revolve around my students.

Teaching might not have been my first love, but it could very well be my ultimate and eternal passion.💜

Have you ever?

Have you ever doubted yourself?
Have you ever thought of quitting because you think that you are not gonna make it?
Have you ever told yourself that you are not worth it?
Then, make those thoughts your springboard in reaching greater heights.

You are the captain of your own voyage
You are the pilot of your own flight
You are the driver of your own trip
You are the master of your own destiny
Because you are, you are fated to overcome the world.

Failing is inescapable
But you need to stand up because you are capable
Capable of rising everytime you fall
Capable of smiling everytime you cry
Capable of loving everytime you are hurt
And capable of forgiving everytime you are abandoned.

You need to believe in yourself
You need to believe in your abilities
You need to believe that you are worth it
You need to believe that you are resilient
You need to believe that you are unstoppable.

Today, tell yourself that you can do it
You are no longer a slave of doubt and fear
Face your doubts and conquer your fears
Because dear, you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are bold and you are dauntless.

Please be reminded that all of your small and big wins are not just because of you, it's also because of God.😇🙏

Out of Tune...

Sometimes my voice as I sing with the melody of grief and melancholy,

Sometimes my body, as I fight with some battles that I know I will never win,

Sometimes my mental health, as I conquer the mountains of fear and disappointment,

Sometimes my plans, as I walk into new paths that I always wanted but it turns out that such single chance is stolen by the wrath of destiny,

Sometimes my self- confidence, as I ride with the ocean of life that is full of judgement and betrayal,

And lastly, my life, as I earnestly wanted to exist unbothered and invincible.

Out of tune, like an old piano's tone,
Cheerful but lonely,
Determined but indecisive,
Confident but shaking,
Loud but silent,
And brave but coward.

Maybe out of tune, but will always persist to discover the portal to harmony,
Maybe out of tune, but will always believe in good things despite of sadness and sorrow,
Maybe out of tune but will always pray for peace and love,
Maybe out of tune, but will never get exhausted of giving chances and forgiveness,
And maybe out of tune, but will always find joy in little things as they are proofs that being out of tuned is a blessing after all.

It's okay not to be okay.

You just need to cry it out loud and free yourself from the burdens that you are carrying.

I know you will feel better soon.