Snippets from the aether

**Title: Law and Order: SVU - The Midnight Pancake**

**Act 1: The Investigation**

*[Scene 1: The SVU Squad Room]*

**Captain Benson:** (Addressing the squad) Alright team, we've got a new case. Multiple reports of missing dry Weetabix boxes in the neighborhood. Witnesses claim to have seen a mysterious figure lurking around at night.

**Detective Rollins:** Dry Weetabix? That's odd.

**Detective Carisi:** Sounds like we've got a serial cereal thief on our hands.

*[Enter Mr. Durdanger]*

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Sneaking into the room) Did someone say Weetabix?

**Captain Benson:** And who might you be?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Nervously) Oh, uh, just a concerned citizen. I-I heard about the thefts and, um, wanted to help.

**Detective Fin:** (Skeptically) Right. Well, keep your eyes peeled, folks. Let's crack this case.

*[End Scene]*

**Act 2: The Interrogation**

*[Scene 2: Interrogation Room]*

**Captain Benson:** (Interrogating Mr. Durdanger) So, Mr. Durdanger, care to explain your obsession with dry Weetabix?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Defensively) It's not an obsession! It's just... a preference.

**Detective Rollins:** A preference for stealing them in the middle of the night?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Sheepishly) Look, I just can't resist the crunch!

**Captain Benson:** (Skeptically) Crunch or crime?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Frantically) I-I swear, I didn't mean any harm. I just... I needed them.

**Detective Carisi:** Needed them for what?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Evasively) That's... classified.

*[End Scene]*

**Act 3: The Revelation**

*[Scene 3: Mr. Durdanger's Apartment]*

**Detective Fin:** (Searching Mr. Durdanger's apartment) Bingo! We've found his stash.

**Detective Rollins:** (Holding up a box of dry Weetabix) Looks like Mr. Durdanger wasn't just a cereal thief after all.

**Captain Benson:** (Examining the box) There's something peculiar about these... they're all opened.

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Entering the room) Ah, you found my collection.

**Detective Carisi:** Collection? What's the deal, Mr. Durdanger?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Sighing) I suffer from a rare condition called "Nocturnal Crispitis." The only thing that soothes it is the sound of dry Weetabix crunching in the night.

**Captain Benson:** So, you weren't stealing them to eat them?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Shamefully) No, I just needed the sound to sleep.

*[End Scene]*

**Act 4: The Resolution**

*[Scene 4: The Squad Room]*

**Captain Benson:** (Addressing Mr. Durdanger) Well, Mr. Durdanger, it seems your late-night snacking habits caused quite a stir.

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Apologetically) I'm truly sorry for the trouble I caused. I'll seek help for my condition.

**Detective Fin:** (Patting Mr. Durdanger on the back) Just remember, next time, try earplugs instead.

**Detective Rollins:** (Smirking) And maybe switch to a quieter snack.

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Chuckling) Understood. No more midnight pancake for me.

*[End Scene]*

**Finale: Reflection**

*[Scene 5: The Squad Room]*

**Captain Benson:** (Reflecting) Another case closed. It just goes to show, sometimes the most bizarre crimes have the simplest explanations.

**Detective Carisi:** (Nodding) And the most unlikely suspects.

**Detective Rollins:** (Grinning) Who knew a box of cereal could cause such chaos?

**Mr. Durdanger:** (Entering, holding a bag of earplugs) Thanks for the advice, detectives. I'll make sure to keep the noise down from now on.

**Captain Benson:** (Smiling) Case closed. Let's go grab some pancakes.

*[End Scene]*

**Curtain Falls**

Once upon a time in a world where reality took a backseat to absurdity, an astonishing revelation came to light. It turned out that the former President of the United States, George W. Bush, had been living a double life as none other than Sinbad, the fearless sailor of Sydney's trains.

It all began when George Bush decided to retire from politics and live a quiet life out of the public eye. Little did the world know, he harbored a hidden passion for public transportation, especially Sydney's trains. He would often disguise himself, donning a sailor's outfit complete with a jaunty cap, and embark on secret adventures within the city's sprawling train system.

Sinbad, as he came to be known in his clandestine persona, became famous among commuters for his extraordinary feats. He would dash across platforms to catch trains at the very last second, effortlessly navigate the complex ticketing system, and even mediate disputes between disgruntled passengers with his trademark Texan charm.

But it wasn't just his train-related exploits that astonished Sydneysiders. Sinbad had an uncanny ability to predict train delays and schedule changes, earning him a reputation as an oracle of the rail system. Passengers would seek his guidance on everything from which train to catch to whether they should bring an umbrella to ward off unexpected rain.

As Sinbad's legend grew, whispers about his true identity began circulating through the city. Rumors swirled that he was, in fact, a former U.S. president, but most dismissed this as absurd fiction. After all, how could George W. Bush possibly be moonlighting as a Sydney trains sailor?

The truth remained a well-guarded secret until one fateful day when Sinbad accidentally left behind a briefing folder marked "Classified" at a train station. A sharp-eyed commuter discovered it and alerted the authorities. Inside, they found top-secret documents and photos linking Sinbad to his alter ego, George W. Bush.

The revelation sent shockwaves around the world. The former president's transformation from the leader of the free world to a sailor of Sydney's trains was nothing short of mind-boggling. In a press conference, George Bush confirmed his secret identity and explained his motivation.

"I always wanted to explore the world in a different way," he said with a grin. "Sydney's trains offered me a chance to do just that. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for public transportation."

The world couldn't help but admire the unexpected turn in George W. Bush's life. Sinbad the Sydney trains sailor became a beloved figure, and his adventures continued to capture the imaginations of commuters far and wide.

And so, in a twist of fate stranger than fiction, George Bush's secret identity as Sinbad added a new chapter to the annals of bizarre history, proving that sometimes, even the most powerful leaders yearn for a little adventure on the rails.

Zieben, acht, nein, nein nein.

I like to toast Cheerios, crush them and sprinkle them on the bedsheets.

And I'm not talking about the organic kind.

I'm talking about the high fructose corn syrup ones.

When I was in school my sister made the mistake of giving me a diet pop, and in return for my affection she was subject to an o**y of Cheerios licking.

Cheerios are comfort food.

I remember in one of my graduate school courses a fellow student said "Cheerios are food for the brain."

Of course it's got nothing to do with actual nutritional value.

But it sure is good for my well - being.

Pensive astral thoughts remained when I woke up from a short sleep, and it was only after a couple of stretches that I felt revived enough to force myself out of bed.

I found myself standing in the hallway of my apartment building.

The hall outside was empty except for one small table, at which sat two coffee mugs and an empty pastry box.

Also on the table was a single bottle of a strange dark red liquid and a plain white envelope.

I glanced briefly at the contents of the bottle, and then opened the envelope.

I just want milk that tastes like real milk. No brown specks in it.
Just milk, the kind of milk we've all drank since birth. (And no, I am not lactose intolerant, I just can't have the lactose.)

People have asked me before why I don't just switch brands and just get whole milk. My response is always "The best way to get whole milk is to buy the raw milk I can find."

But since I have some leftover from the cow my mom milked her goats on (and has now successfully replicated with her goats), I thought it would be nice to try to make some.

My name is Stefano and I am a door-to-door ingestable cleaning product salesman. Where’s the grit? Have you got any grit? What I am really all about, scratch the surface and you'l see, is collecting coins. The government is keeping track of my collectibles.

I'm guessing you like to do that too, right?

I enjoy it. I like people. But you buddy, need to have a shower

I've been working tirelessly for years to breed a plant that produces 100% natural corduroy. Once I get the process perfected, I will use it to clothe myself and the struggling population of wild guinea pigs. I'm also an advocate of using it to strain the cream from Monte Carlos because I really hate eating the biscuit. The possibilities are incredible.

l**e mobile will come to you that's firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two that's firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two that's firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty twofirteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two that's firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty twofirteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty two firteen firty firty twofirteen firty firty two

my wife,, she is narcoleptic

have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters have you seen my blockout security shutters

the greeks invented everything, mate. Korean bbq? You bet

It's your time. This is your ticket to shine. Shine right now like a tuna in the brine. That's the key. That's the Liz Hurley. That's the Big Mac vs Whopper showdown we need but don't deserve. I bet you've seen things that would turn ordinary eyeballs into Play-Doh. It's who you are. It's beautiful and the government can't take it from you. Never forget that.

Snippets from the aether updated their business hours.

you know who it is we don't thank enough? whoever it is that does the chlorination of public pools. can you imagine the complete f**kign bedlam that would be unleashed if those little guys werent out there, hauling the crystals and measuring and pouring et al? i bet you they dont have any of those guys in Basra, Iraq. thats where saddaam went wrong when you think about it,. anarchy

imagine this - picture this, if you will - just try - you work your whole life, you go to school, try hard, you really want to impress your parents, they've got high hopes for you and you've gotta dream big if you want to make it in thsi world in which we live, so you gotta study hard to get good grades, top of your class, go to the factory, get put on the factory line, you're all sewed up, they're putting the shoelaces through you now, you've got your decals put on you, the final touches are finished, you're finished,,, in the box... you're ready to hit the road, the big moment you've been waiting for and then you wash up on a beach with a human foot inside you. you're a running shoe.

you want me to sell something? you want me to sell something to you? i'd love to but i'm on probation. how about you buy the smell of freshly cut grass and the way it makes you feel like a thousand ants have stuck you with a shiv. not grass clippings, that's a cliche, that's so last season. when we die we all end up as mulch, so it's a bit ironic, selling mulch to mulch, isn't it? alright boys let's hit the showers

"Bathing in toxic refrigerants can reduce the appearance of lines and wrinkles drastically. Apparently 9 out of 10 dentists recommend it. I've used it myself to horrible effect, but I'll be damned if I stop trying. If you cant trust a dentist who can you trust? I once ate crystals to deal with some bad energies but it ruined my teeth. The dentist was right about that too, and I have utmost confidence they will be right again."

"My legs feel like noodles. Sometimes I feel like my body was drawn by a Faber Castell employee on long service leave using connector pens. I think they would probably have been drinking a purple smoothie when they did it. I don't know, but it is worth pondering."

"Every seven years a being has the chance to transcend reality and attain godhood. In 2000 it was the Grinch played by Jim Carrey. Just as Zeus kicked his fathers ass and ascended Mt Olympus thousands of years before, the Grinch kicked Father Christmas' ass and ascended Mt Crumpit to take his place as ruler over mankind. That's what makes him ideal, the true embodiment of perfection in body and soul. Whether through salvation or the utter annihilation of our souls, we are destined to worship him until a new ruler ascends. It's funny like that."

"It's important to look a things from different perspectives. Like your friend, brother, sister or just whoever - there's definitely value there. I like to imagine the perspective of a slug. Lying on the wet grass with the semi-digested remnants of what could otherwise become a rare vintage postage stamp churning in my belly. Makes you realise how devious those little gastropods could be. Better to do it soon because postage stamps may not be around forever."