Freely Whole

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High stress does not *cause* abuse or corrosive irresponsibility.

Listen, people don't default to abandonment, control, manipulation, or exploitation when they are under stress.

Those who do showed themselves out: it's not their environment, it's who they are, at a character level.

Regular-people stress looks like

~Taking responsibility when you're unkind or disrespectful.

~Showing up as decent honoring human being no matter what is going on in your life.

- Taking responsibility for wrong done when you're stressed.

- Doing the work of relationship repair.

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Abuse is patterns of entitlement. It's believing you are owed things and the other party isn't. It's not a one-off, and never again.

It's not a committed, honoring person feeling overwhelmed and being snappy at a partner or needing some time to work through emotions and circumstances (and coming back to repair what was ruptured.)

See more in the Comments.

~ Ngina Otiende

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They do

How do you usually cope with stress during the holiday season?

The happiness trap is something we’re conditioned to believe since childhood.

That someone can and should make us happy. And that happiness is the goal in relationships.

The truth is life has many moments where we aren’t happy. We go through seasons and changes. There’s times of celebration and joy and times of crisis and suffering.

In partnerships where there is trust and admiration there were plenty of periods where there wasn’t happiness. These partners had the resilience and nervous system capacity to stay connected, to get through the discomfort, and to continue to choose each other in action— even when it didn’t *feel* good.

What we should learn as children is: find a partner that allows you to feel safe. Who truly allows you to be yourself. Who reminds you of who you are, lets you be in a mood, accepts when you’re not your best self, but holds you accountable to becoming that person

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"Love can conquer all" sounds nice, but it's not always true. Especially if you're in an abusive relationship.

For too long, we've been told by counselors, church elders, and well-meaning friends and family that we should hold space for people who aren't showing up healthily.

They say you just need to love their wounded parts, and gradually, they will heal.

This narrative is a large part of why we're now seeing such an uprise in toxic/abusive relationships. We've essentially nurtured abusive behaviors instead of the other way around.

But, life doesn't have to be this way.

Break Free here: https://tinyurl.com/BreakFree40

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Supporting each other doesn't mean giving up healthy individuality or personal responsibility.

"I support you" isn't "I support your decision to treat me without consideration or respect."

~ Ngina Otiende

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They don't have a clue.

Nobody has the slightest clue about the war she is going through.

They don't know about the countless battles she fights inside her head with every day that passes.

They don't know about her pillow wiping away her tears when nobody else would.

She's emotionally exhausted to the point where she feels nearly broken.

Yet she is the one who always tries the hardest to make others happy because she knows what it's like to feel completely worthless.

So she does everything in her power to make sure nobody else feels the same way.

No matter how she is treated or what life decides to throw at her, she still manages to keep a smile on her face for everyone around her.

And she shares her good heart and kindness with anyone in need.

Even though in spite of all this .... she knows she's the one who truly needs it the most.

~ Cody Bret

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How do I get God to love me more so that he will answer my prayers?!
The answer lies on the article, read more. ⬇

I celebrate you! 🎉💜

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You have your closure. ❤️‍🩹

Maybe the closure you crave is already there?

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Love should never be a shield for abuse, nor should silence be the response. It's time to recognize the red flags, break the silence, and prioritize the safety and well-being of yourself and those around you. 💪💜


Read the full article on the comment section 👇

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Just a little PSA for the truth tellers among us… 💜

“When the church sides with an abuser, they betray the priorities of Jesus.” Psalm 82 Initiative

Ways a church sides with a abuser:

* Chooses “neutrality,” which is always siding with the abuser

* Refuses to learn about the forms of abuse or hold abusers to account

* Disregards the victim’s need for safety and stability

* Sends the betrayed victim home to “pray more, submit more, and give him more sex”

* Embraces the abuser and rejects the victim

* Minimizes harm by cheapening grace, weaponizing forgiveness, spiritual-bypassing, and sin-leveling

Heather Elizabeth

Jesus said, "In as much as you have done it to the least of these, my brethren, you have done it unto me." When the church sides with an abuser, they betray the priorities of Jesus.

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We all have defining moments in our healing journey. Mine was the moment I realized he knew what he was doing. Everything he said and did was with the intent to harm me, to break me, to humiliate me.

And he enjoyed it. The smirk, the twisted smile as his eyes turned black as night. That’s when I knew he succumbed to his dark side, and he enjoyed what he was about to do.

He wasn’t demon possessed, and he wasn’t out of control.

I was sickened that I made excuses for him, blaming everything but him. Who wants to believe that the man who sleeps in your bed is just this evil?

Not me. Maybe not you.

Ripping off this band-aid is painful and may set you back as it did me. And that is okay.

Sometimes we go backwards so we can move forward.

Leaving is courageous.

Leaving is hard.

Living is harder.

Time the Enemy of Passion: Time chose to be my enemy. Taunting me with promises of soon, only to present another barrier. The bits of downtime were necessary as truly DOWN time, not creative time.

Time the Enemy of Passion All my grand plans for Christmas crafting have been thwarted. All the clearance priced dies and stamps I’d waited patiently for those prices for, and have been longing to use, sit unopened on my de…

The King is Come!: In this performance, the picture of His Body, from all walks of life, “every tribe and tongue”, rising up in the marketplace to declare Who that babe in the manger truly is, is especially powerful to me. Thus the tears.

The King is Come! This morning the tears are freely flowing. I guess that’s something to rejoice in. It’s an expression. So much in my heart. So much in my thoughts. Always. But the expressions are still slow coming…

Be sensitive to the words and statements you say to yourself. Listen for the lie and ask God for the truth because the truth will set you free!

It's no secret that processed foods have severe side effects, including anxiety. This common mental health issue can be greatly affected by what you eat. It's especially important to avoid processed foods. Let's work together on some solutions to the processed food problem!

❤️💜❤️ He is come! ❤️💜❤️

"For those who aren't "in the Christmas spirit":
Weary? So was a girl pregnant amidst scandal, having to settle for truth without proof, at least at times

Desperate? So was Israel, for the end of Roman occupation.

Unsure if God will ever really show up? So were many people who must have wondered if God's action in the past might be just that - past.

Afraid if the way the powerfu lmight act? So were residents in Jerusalem, knowing Herod's rage.

Longing? So was the world.

You don't have to be anything different this Christmas. God comes." ~ Meredith Miller (IG)

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Truth 💣

Yes there is a reason for his behaviors, however, understanding the source of his p**n use or anger (shame, trauma, personality disorders, addiction, etc.) doesn’t make a significant difference in how those behaviors affect you. Seeking the source won’t empower you to stop it or heal from the trauma – it only keeps you in harm’s way. Instead, spend your energy on getting to safety using healthy boundaries.

When survivors face jealousy and competition, but not just from their former abuser