Deathcare Connect

"I encountered my first co**se in middle school. My cousin Tammy, one of the most beautiful members of our family, died of complications from AIDS at the age of 28. The last time I saw her alive lesions covered the portions of her frail frame not draped in hospital blankets and IVs."

Opinion | What Good Friday and Easter Mean for Black Americans Jesus’ story does not end with his crucifixion. Similarly, racism will not have the final word.

Thought this may be helpful for all our deathcare professionals out there!

How to Start a Grief Support Group - Whats your Grief We're often asked how to start a grief support group. Though there is no one answer, if you have little experience this guide and curriculum can help.

Today I wanted to do a bit of a "getting to know you" inspired by the amazing site, What's Your Grief.

Chances are if you follow this account it is because you are a healthcare/deathcare provider and I think that if we are going to help others with their grief and loss then it's important for us to consistently re-examine our own grief and coping mechanisms.

To loosely quote the What's Your Grief Challenge, there is a value in sharing our secrets together. And I believe this part with all my heart, "the nature of secrets is that they isolate and keep us separate. When we share and see what others share, we create new space for support and we are hopefully reminded that we aren’t alone."

So, let's continue the challenge here, and I encourage you to repost this to your site and keep it going within your own community.

There are two ways to share, in the comments below or you can DM us and we can repost without your name.

In the spirit of going first, I will say that my secret is that I am actually quite afraid of death, but more so, I am terrified of the day my partner dies, I picture the moment I have seen through my clients' eyes and I have no idea how they find the strength to go on each day, as I can only envision myself crumpled in a ball on the floor. It often feels odd supporting people in grief when I am unsure how I will handle my own and often hope that the point is that if we build a strong community then when it is my turn to collapse someone will be there with open arms to help me when I am unable to help myself.

BHM Profile | Local doula highlights racial inequities in maternal care

Focusing again on Maternal Care and mortality rates, we return to Virginia to listen to Nikiya Ellis talk about her work as a birth doula.

Yes we said birth doula, because again we want you to see how we exist as two sides of the same coin.

commonwealthtimes.org For some, their first brush with racism occurs before they are born.

Grieving Is Hard. Grieving During A Pandemic Is Even Harder.

"I recently lost someone who, in a lot of ways, was like a second mother. She didn't die from COVID-19 but pandemic regulations still stand. It's not safe to have a memorial for her.

Grief is never easy. I'm having trouble processing her loss for a few reasons but a big one is that Mama Sue was a mother to a whole lot of people, and being unable to gather with all of them in her honor has me feeling kind of stuck in my grief.

Dr. Katherine Shear says rituals surrounding death are an important part of the health process. "Without those rituals we struggle a lot more with coming to terms with the loss, which is of course what we have to do," said Shear. Ultimately healing requires us to "regroup and find our way forward."

Wow, the last part really hit home for me, "without those rituals we struggle a lot more..."

What are your thoughts on the rituals that surround death? How do you help your family find meaning in recreating rituals surrounding a pandemic where we cannot gather?

laist.com Distance from the dying and from other mourners can make symptoms of grief more severe and longer lasting.

Today we bring to you 'Knocking on Heaven's Door' by Katy Butler.

This exquisite memoir and groundbreaking exposé of modern medicine will change the national conversation about the end of life. Like millions of Americans caring for aging parents, award-winning science writer Katy Butler assumed that her beloved mother and father would meet death on their own terms, free from medical overdoing. She was wrong.After doctors refused to disable the pacemaker that helped her 84-year-old father’s heart to outlive his brain, she set out to understand why medicine, which saved his life as a young man, did little at the end but prolong his worst years. Her quest had barely begun when her mother rebelled against her doctors, refused open-heart surgery, and insisted on meeting death the old fashioned way: head-on.

Have any great book recommendations on death and dying? Let us know in the comment section below.

KY’s maternal mortality rate is a disgrace. We can and must do better.

Again we are faced with the question, how do we address a 'good death' when we have not first ensured a 'good life'?

kentucky.com If you want to succeed in just about anything, you need a plan. The same goes for pregnancy. Cindy Lamb’s job is to help as many pregnant people as possible create their ideal birth plan. Cindy is a doula. In Greek, doula means servant to the woman, and Cindy also uses “labor support professiona...

'WandaVision's' grieving Elizabeth Olsen gave a world in pandemic exactly what it needed

What an amazing and unexpected delight to find this piece on complicated grief and WandaVision.

If you haven't watched it yet, I definitely don't want to give away any spoilers but also you need to hop on it cuz you are late to this party!

The safest description can be summed up in it's opening lines,
"In its 9-episode run, WandaVision was many things to many people.

The story of Wanda Maximoff, played by Elizabeth Olsen, reeling from the death of her other half, Vision (Paul Bettany), was a profound and unexpected exploration of the ways we cope with loss. And whether or not Marvel intended it, the trauma bubble she quarantined in became an apt metaphor for life during the COVID-19 pandemic.

In WandaVision, we saw our own losses. We saw our own limitations."

Know any WandaVision fans? Tag them or share this article to your page! It's not everyday we get pieces on grief that can also be discussed so well in mainstream media!

usatoday.com COVID has left many of us mourning losses both tangible and symbolic, and WandaVision's exploration of trauma could not have been more timely.

Today we highlight the incredible Chanel Reynold's book 'What Matters Most'.

From Chanel's site "What Matters Most: The Get Your S**t Together Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance, and Life’s ‘What-ifs’ draws on my very intimate, incredibly personal experience of losing my husband, plus everything I learned in the process putting my life back together again. The book blends story and narrative along with hard-earned advice to act as your personal guide and give you real-life, no-B.S. information on the things we all struggle with and know we need to do:

1. Creating legal documents like a will and living will
2. Updating (or finally getting) a life insurance policy
3. Keeping track of online accounts and passwords
4. Starting or growing an emergency fund
5. Keeping secure, up-to-date records of personal information.

What Matters Most is the approachable, no-nonsense handbook I needed and didn’t have and offers what can help many of us live a life with less worry and provide some answers to all the “what ifs.”

You can follow Chanel at Get Your S**t Together.

How have you gotten your s**t together? Let us know and leave your words of wisdom in the comment section below!

A hidden pandemic: Grief in the African American community

"Black Americans are 2.3 times more likely to die from COVID-19 compared to white Americans, when age is taken into account, an APM Research Lab analysis found. Long-standing health, economic and social inequalities have led to the disproportionate death rate, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Black Americans also disproportionately have jobs that have increased COVID-19 exposure.

With so many families losing loved ones, health experts warn of a potential crisis in the African American community: prolonged grief disorder."

We can address prolonged grief disorder by addressing discrimination and racism head-on and training health care providers to be aware of how structural racism affects health.

Share this article with anyone who you think could benefit by giving it a read.

abcnews.go.com With so many families losing loved ones, health experts warn of a potential crisis in the African American community: prolonged grief disorder.

Today we bring you a literary classic, 'The Denial of Death' by Ernest Becker.

Winner of the Pulitzer prize in 1974 and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie -- man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than twenty years after its writing.

Have a good book to share? Drop your recommendation in the comment section below!

Annie Mack's new EP, 'Testify,' is a salve to the chaos of the day

This is a great article on the 'why' of becoming a death doula. We all have our own story. What is yours?

startribune.com Arriving to music later in life after a troubled youth, Rochester's Annie Mack has found her voice at a perfect time for her stirring new EP, "Testify."

The Mourning Session

Today we highlight 'The Book of Joy' because maybe not every book has to be just centered on death eh?

"Two senior leaders from different religious traditions, Tibetan Buddhism and Christianity, offer a practical and inspiring teaching on how to live with the difficulties of the human condition.

Through stories about their world-changing actions, their various intensive spiritual practices, and their respect for contemporary science and other fields of knowledge they guide the reader through the complexities of finding happiness and joy in a profoundly “changing world.”

The chapters are short and conversational, with disarmingly delightful, even amusing photos. After the story of the week-long meeting concludes, the book presents an extensive group of joy practices, detailing how to train the mind to deal with various universal human problems, in one’s personal life, in relationships, and community."

Do you have a favorite book on living a happier life? Let us know in the comment section below! Happy Reading.

US groups are declaring March 1 a national day of mourning for Covid-19 victims

"Almost one year after the first known US coronavirus death, activists and community groups are calling on officials to memorialize the more than half a million Americans who died with an official Covid Memorial Day.

More than a hundred events will take place across the United States on Monday, March 1, to remember those who died from Covid-19, as well as to call for a holiday and permanent memorials in their honor.

Marked By COVID, a grassroots movement dedicated to collecting stories about those impacted by the virus, and Reimagine, a non-profit organization that helps communities celebrate life and honor the dead, are leading the charge. Other groups, including Rose River Memorial and the Floral Heart Project, are also involved in the effort.

The groups will host individual events and join together for a virtual COVID Memorial Day Vigil."

cnn.com Almost one year after the first known US coronavirus death, activists and community groups are calling on officials to memorialize the more than half a million Americans who died with an official Covid Memorial Day.

In the Hunt for a COVID-19 Vaccine, Doulas Find Where They Fit

Where does the work of a doula fit and match up in a world where human contact has become so difficult even family members are unable to be at the bedside of the dying?

usnews.com Crucial helpers during labor and delivery, doulas are seeking out their shots for safety – and for possible job security.

A hidden pandemic: Grief in the African American community

"Black Americans are 2.3 times more likely to die from COVID-19 compared to white Americans, when age is taken into account ... Long-standing health, economic and social inequalities have led to the disproportionate death rate, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Black Americans also disproportionately have jobs that have increased COVID-19 exposure.

With so many families losing loved ones, health experts warn of a potential crisis in the African American community: prolonged grief disorder...

It's a precursor for depression, substance use disorders, physical illnesses, especially cardiac diseases and immune system-related diseases, and cancer."

abcnews.go.com With so many families losing loved ones, health experts warn of a potential crisis in the African American community: prolonged grief disorder.

Today we bring you 'Once More We Saw Stars: A Memoir' by Jayson Greene.

"Once More We Saw Stars is a quietly heartbreaking memoir from Jayson Greene, a music editor at Pitchfork. It’s his first book—but the last he ever would have wanted to write. He and his wife Stacy lost their two-year-old daughter Greta in a horrifying accident—the girl was sitting with her grandmother on a park bench in New York City, when a piece of brick fell from the eighth story of a nearby building and hit her. The book begins with their shock: the hospital rooms, the funeral, the realization that everything has changed. As he writes, they’re figuring out “how to breathe on this new planet.” - Rolling Stone Book Review.

Do you have any favorite books on death and dying? Let us know in the comment section so we can add them to our library!

Remembering, Honoring, Retrieving: An inquiry into heartbreak, grief, and death in America

The Albany County Public Library (ACPL) has partnered with Cassandra Hunter and the Higher Plains Death Collective for a unique Valentine’s Day event. This event focuses on “remembering, honoring, and retrieving,” and is a discussion into heartbreak, grief, and death in America.

Ok maybe it's a little late for Valentine's Day events but it's not too late to talk about grief and remembrance.

Deathcare Connect is here to highlight and showcase all the amazing people helping their communities and we think Cassandra Hunter deserves a shout out.

wyomingnews.com The Albany County Public Library (ACPL) has partnered with Cassandra Hunter and the Higher Plains Death Collective for a unique Valentine’s Day event. This event focuses on “remembering, honoring, and

A 'Bad Death': Arizona Families Struggle With Complicated Grief After Loved Ones Lost To COVID-19

"More than 12,000 Arizonans have died from COVID-19. Many of those deaths took place in long-term care facilities, which means the person who was passing might have died alone.

For surviving family members that can lead to overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret...
When discussing death we talk often on what kind of death we hope to have, but what is a "bad death"?

Ginka Conrey, lead social worker at Sante Hospice says, "a bad death is not a new concept, it is anything that really challenges the notion of the idealized experience of somebody passing away."

And that's exactly what COVID-19 has done. People were dying alone. Families often said goodbye over Facetime. Loose ends were never tied up. Conrey says she has seen an unprecedented number of bad deaths in the last year. And there’s a price."

"So bad deaths have really affected the grieving process, leading to more and more people experience complicated grief," Conrey said."

While the idea of a "bad death" may be a bit heavy for a 'comment section,' it may be beneficial to think on what kind of deth we hope for, what kind of life we can lead while we are here, and how we can love those who are with us while we can.

Share this article with anyone you feel could benefit from giving it a read.

kjzz.org Coverage of aging is supported in part by AARP Arizona More than 12,000 Arizonans have died from COVID-19. Many of those deaths took place in long-term care facilities, which means the person who was passing might have died alone.

Fresh from the Deathcare Connect Library, today we bring to you 'Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?'

In her first memoir, New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast brings her signature wit to the topic of aging parents. Spanning the last several years of their lives and told through four-color cartoons, family photos, and documents, and a narrative as rife with laughs as it is with tears, Chast's memoir is both comfort and comic relief for anyone experiencing the life-altering loss of elderly parents.

When it came to her elderly mother and father, Roz held to the practices of denial, avoidance, and distraction. But when Elizabeth Chast climbed a ladder to locate an old souvenir from the “crazy closet”-with predictable results-the tools that had served Roz well through her parents' seventies, eighties, and into their early nineties could no longer be deployed.

While the particulars are Chast-ian in their idiosyncrasies-an anxious father who had relied heavily on his wife for stability as he slipped into dementia and a former assistant principal mother whose overbearing personality had sidelined Roz for decades-the themes are universal: adult children accepting a parental role; aging and unstable parents leaving a family home for an institution; dealing with uncomfortable physical intimacies; managing logistics; and hiring strangers to provide the most personal care.

Follow us for more great book recommendations on death and dying!

Lynchburg organization inducts 5 doulas to address high death rate for Black mothers

"According to state officials, the death rate for Black women who are pregnant or who have just given birth is over two times higher compared to white women in Virginia."

We know it's an unpleasant topic, but that only means that we have to press forward and have these discussions. As a death doula when you focus on how we can have a good death, how do you focus on helping people first live a good life? Research the mortality rates in your area, talk to birth doulas, and learn about organizations that help women of color and those in at-risk populations. Let's focus on the big picture.

wset.com According to state officials, the death rate for Black women who are pregnant or who have just given birth is over two times higher compared to white women in Virginia. TRENDING: 'Not as easy as it sounds': Educators, CDC say schools need more resources to reopenIn an attempt to help reduce these nu...

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: The rise and fall of the five stages of grief

Grief is hard to control and distressing - and the idea that there is a roadmap is soothing, even if it's an illusion.

In Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's last book, On Grief and Grieving, she wrote that her theory of stages was "never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages".

Grief is different for everyone, even if there are occasionally some similarities. Everyone has to make their own way through.

How have you used the five stages of grief to help you deal with loss in your life?

bbc.com Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of grief are now rarely taught in a medical setting but live on in management.

MODERN LOSS grew out of Rebecca and Gabi’s experiences with sudden loss as young adults — when Rebecca’s mother was killed in a car accident and her dad died of a heart attack. Gabi’s father and step-mother were brutally murdered in a home invasion. Both women bonded over their pain and search for resources that spoke to them — ones that were not too clinical, patronizing or, well, cheesy. They didn’t want to be assured their loved ones were “in a better place” and had no interest in chicken soup metaphors in book form, thank you very much.

In this wise and often funny book, Soffer and Birkner, along with more than forty contributors, including Lucy Kalanithi (widow of When Breath Becomes Air author Paul Kalanithi), stylist Stacy London, rocker Amanda Palmer, Girls writer and comedian Yassir Lester, CNN’s Brian Stelter, WNBA All-Star Chamique Holdsclaw, Kim Goldman (sister of Ron Goldman), Michael Greif (director of the 2017 Tony Award-winning musical Dear Evan Hansen) share their provocative stories on themes including s*x and intimacy after loss, technology, and the secrets we harbor and uncover. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty “how to” cartoons by artist Peter Arkle, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss as well as a remarkable life-affirming message: You’re not broken, life will go on, and it can actually be pretty rewarding. There’s also a glossary of terms that therapists probably don’t use but most of us should. (Looking at you, “sadbooking.”)

Keep following us for more great book recommendations on death and dying!

What is a death doula and how does having one help your grieving process?

Deathcare Connect is a place for anyone interested in Deathcare to come and chat and learn, but we get that most people feel the most accessible career is becoming a death doula, psssst I didn't say 'easy' though. Let's dive into talking more about just what a doula does!

iol.co.za Just like birth doulas use their emotional support to bring life into this world, death doulas assist in the dying process.

Looking for a good book? Check out "It's OK That You're Not Ok" by Megan Devine.

This book provides a path to rethink our relationship with grief. It encourages readers to see their grief as a natural response to death and loss, rather than an aberrant condition needing transformation. By shifting the focus from grief as a problem to be solved to an experience to be tended, we give the reader what we most want for ourselves: understanding, compassion, validation, and a way through the pain.

It’s OK That You’re Not OK shows readers how to live with skill and compassion during their grief, but it isn’t just a book for people in pain: this book is about making things better for everyone. All of us are going to experience deep grief or loss at some point in our lives. All of us are going to know someone living great loss. Loss is a universal experience.

Indigenous death doula mentorship program aims to teach youth to help others through grief | CBC News

It's a double header today post wise but there is just too much good information out there to just stock pile and wait to release in a methodical manner.

Enjoy this post about "a new death doula mentorship program is being offered to Indigenous youth to equip them with skills to help others deal with grief and loss in their communities."

cbc.ca A new death doula mentorship program is being offered to Indigenous youth to equip them with skills to help others deal with grief and loss in their communities.

$7,000 reimbursement for COVID-19 funerals: Who it's for, how to apply and other details

"If a relative died from the coronavirus, the government may help pay for the funeral and burial costs. Here's what the application process will look like."

Here's hoping this goes through without any hiccups! Do you know anyone who could benefit from this?

Tag them in the comment section.

cnet.com If a relative died from the coronavirus, the government may help pay for the funeral and burial costs. Here's what the application process will look like.

Emily Cross on Being a Death Doula in 2020

Looking for a good listen? Check out this podcast featuring Miss Emily Cross as she chats life as a death doula and being a musician.

consequenceofsound.net Cross Record and Loma songwriter also discusses finding calm and beauty in art and mortality. Listen to the latest This Must Be the Gig.

Hey Everyone!

Megan and I were practicing what we preach by taking some time away from the constant pressure of creating content and having to feel "productive". In that time I think we both had some pretty great revelations which is part of the goal of sitting and embracing the silence.

For me, I realized that there is a huge need to start talking even more about death in the time of COVID-19 and that even when they are "dignified" in that the dying patients' needs were met (they were taken care of and loved by their medical practitioners and families) that the lack of having physical touch and family present at their bedside has left severe emotional wounds and feelings of guilt in those that are left behind to mourn.

Another thing I heard, which left me feeling devastated, was that many families feel that because COVID has become so overwhelmingly political, that it feels as if "half the country" thinks it's a hoax. This in turn makes them feel that not only is the death not acknowledged, but that its not valid. Think about the families we serve and the emotional trauma they feel when there is no body and no closure. What I am seeing is not unlike this. People contesting the validity of death is detrimental. Families are feeling unheard and are struggling with how to process that the death occurred when they receive push back on the cause.

These are just two of the main things I have heard so far but I know there is more out there and we need your voice and contribution. If you have been affected personally or if you have stories to share now is the time to help our community heal.

Please submit a story to us by writing to theteam@deathcareconnect. And as always, we will donate $5 to the charity of your choice in honor of your time. We know it's not a lot but this is a grassroots organization for now and we cannot do this without your help!

Keepers of Culture: The Sacred History and Art of Caring for Black Deceased Bodies

Thought this would be a great read!

talkdeath.com When we were brought to America as slaves, our sacred rituals and practices were stripped from us, particularly those pertaining to the care of our dead. Today, funeral and death care professionals…

Hi Everyone!

Tonight is our second to last meeting where we will be discussing the book 'Dying Well'! We hope you have made it to chapter 10 but if you haven't we encourage you to join and participate in the discussion questions as there is always something to gain from our discussions.

To make it easier for our east coast friends we have moved our meeting an hour earlier. You can use the link on our Facebook Event Page or in our Instagram Bio.

Hope to see you there!

One of the small silver linings this year as I have seen more conversations steering towards toxic work environments, and- well- if you're the kind of person who sneers at the idea of discussing toxic work environments, ummmm I hate to break this to you, but you may be part of creating said environment.

This is always an interesting thing to bring up in deathcare though, because I find it's often met with people dying-no pun intended-for a reason to finally be able to talk about it, or icy indifference, as if we are making this whole "toxic" thing up and everyone and everything is fine.

But the truth is I see plenty of people in other industries speaking out against bullying, harassment, and an apathy towards it in the workplace.

So part of my question is, who are the people protecting this behavior and why?

If you have experienced harassment in the workplace and you just need someone to say 'I hear you' or 'I believe you' our door is always open. Sometimes just having someone validate your experience can be enough.

If any of these look familiar to you feel free to discuss in the comments. I know this is a topic people don't want to be publicly candid about, but it only gets better when we acknowledge that there is a problem.

Let's get create a dialogue!

Denise Love created a list of different topics to help us learn, connect, and grow together!

Please take a moment to review our first five topics and let us know if you'd like to volunteer to be the Team Leader of one!

Comment below to let us know which topic you'd like and then create a new post in our group with the topic, and your answer to it! (And of course we encourage others to respond to the post with their thoughts and ideas)

Topic Choices:

1. First contact with a client, understanding how to progress to establishing a working relationship.

2. If a person is in early diagnosis, what is an ideal way to support them with information and timed visits?

3. How I handle my visits to gather information and meet needs, how often to go.

4. Understanding the person who contacts you and the dying person's needs... Who am I working for?

5. What is a Doula? Are you clear about who You are and what you offer?

Thank you for these great suggestions Denise! Denise has facilitated birth doula training for 30 years, and death doula training for 13 years. If you would like to get to know her better please visit deniselove.net

Take 10 | End Well 2020 - End Well 2020

It's not too late to register for ENDWELL's event today and benefit from some wonderful conversations on death, dying, and grief.

endwellproject.org Let's take time, together. On Dec. 10th, hear from celebrities and unsung heroes for a day of learning & connection to transform end of life into a human-centered experience.

I love this post so much! I believe it's important to keep in mind that grief isn't just something we "get over" but that weave into our daily life.

Had an interaction today that prompted me to dig in the archives for this little reminder. Grief isn’t an illness. We don’t need to recover. ❤️

As we continue to read 'Dying Well' by Ira Byock I think it's helpful to pull passages I find to be most helpful for those reading and even those who may not have the time to sit down but would still like some Cliffs Notes.

This is from Chapter Seven: Writing a Personal Script for Dying: Steve Morris (pg 140).

We have just finished reading about the death of a young girl who was one on only seven children to have been diagnosed with Huntingtons chorea. If you are like me perhaps you explored the thoughts of the fullness of life and what feels like the unfairness over the death of children. How do we explain that? How do we carry on? We also saw how death can be a community experience as we saw many come to the bedside of Janelle.

Now we discuss how to layout closure for the more stoic amongst us. The five "things" above are part of a script for closure that can allow us to "greet [our] final days with courage and determination."

What are your thoughts on this? Do you utilize these tools in your everyday life? Can these be used as tools to live a better life and hopefully have a more peaceful death?

Leave a comment below and feel free to join our Book Club meeting Thursday, December 17th at 5pm PST/8 pm EST. Link in our Instagram Bio or on our Facebook Events Page.