Kay's can of brain worms
so when you feel the stardust coursing your veins..fear not. This is the magic left in the world.
Do you know what is magical?
Trust.
No, I mean-
real-real,
no-bullsh*t-at-all,
raw trust.
Real faith.
The kind where
You're never second-guessing yourself.
The type where
there aren't any doubts.
It doesn't...
f**k up the energy.
Or how you perceive the world.
Or yourself.
It wouldn't bring it back.
The wave of trauma.
Or leave you over-thinking,
or arguing with yourself mentally.
It wouldn't make you feel
like you need to be closed off,
or over-protect yourself.
It wouldn't create nightmares
or dreams of escape plans.
Because real trust
diminishes those things.
Real trust
reveals every part of the story.
Real trust
is someone trusting you enough
to be real with you.
I'm always brought back here,
to this place.
I always have a voice
screaming at the top of it's lungs,
advising me
to pick up and run
before the last of my light
is extinguished for good.
I'm always brought back here,
to this place inside of myself.
Back to that little girl
who just never felt good enough.
No matter what she did.
And yet... I just can't
expect people to act right.
So, I let them feel like
I'm oblivious.
Until it's all too much.
Until, inevitably, I crack.
And everyone gets to then call me crazy.
22/01/2024
12/12/2023
"Brain Machine Interface" by Greg Dunn
03/12/2023
I said what I said. ❤️
31/08/2023
⛈️🖤
🧠 🪱
It's difficult to sit with the fact that, I'm capable of more. It's difficult to sit with knowing that my internal work is never finished, that it's going to be a forced choice daily to keep my mind positive and on track. To keep love alive inside of me while I progress and change as a person. It's difficult to find internal peace, and have hope for my future when my government works against me, and all of the world.
I am afraid.
I hate admitting that I'm afraid, but I am.
I'm usually afraid to stand out and be publicly vulnerable.
But I'm utilizing this page as a first step.
I don't do it enough, stand out and speak up. I'm afraid of being ridiculed for trying to make a difference, for trying to use my voice, and give my opinions. I've cared too much about what my peers might think of me, how they might judge me, or reject me. I've cared too much about "keeping the peace." I'm afraid of being alive because, I don't know that if I was given the choice I'd choose to be. Because, admittedly, I still don't fully understand why I am.
But I do understand that, it doesn't mean that I'm not supposed to be here. To me, it means that I've yet to find inside of me what needs to be ignited. I'll know what it is when I feel it. And everyone around me will feel it, too.
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