Sorry it's my first day

Sucking a macca’s thickshake through a paper straw hurts my soul

Rashys are for kings that have nothing to hide but still choose to 😤✊

F**k the NBA I’d rather watch C Grade Social Basketball

Just acted shocked in front of mum that someone has already opened the tim tams.
She thinks it was my little brother and I have secured two more tim tams.

Once you turn 22 the thrill of finding out a girl is recently single is replaced by the fear of finding out she is engaged

How often do people with s**t fetishes get pink eye?? I’m now suspicious of everyone who gets pink eye

People who only listen to albums on shuffle should be put down

My computer has a virus, I think my housemate fu**ed it. Does anyone know a good doctor?

Funny how they are called hand dryers but they do anything but dry hands.

This is my opinion on [Censored]: [Redacted]

But yeah bring back KFC Krushers

As soon as one of the streaming apps gets Futurama it’s over for the rest of them.

I’m looking at you Amazon Prime.

Don’t send me a facebook link to a meme.

Show some respect and screenshot it.

First podcast episode coming out soon 😳😳

I hate to inform all of you but, I do not like Transformers. I only watched them for the just do it guy.

Must be nice getting paid to be a university lecturer and making students "ask your own questions" instead of teaching the content.

Here at Sorry it’s my first day,
we love all of our fans and want you to stay safe on the roads.

So just a gentle reminder that if you are travelling 1-2m behind the car in front of you at 110 km/hr when it is raining and they suddenly slam their brakes, your car will look like Optimus Prime half-way through his transformation before you could think about braking.

Bananas are the reason I have trust issues. I buy them green cause I’d like em in a few days, kiss them good night on the 3rd night and they’re over ripe by the morning. Listen here you long yellow f***s, I won’t stand for this anymore.

(This) is what dreams are made of.

After all those 2020 vision memes we really didn’t see what was coming

My neighbour and I were mowing the lawn at the same time. I was pushing my rusty hunk of metal like a punk while he had one you could drive around on with an in-built radio 😔

The streets ain’t safe no more.

Is Grey’s Anatomy a good show?

How is Emma's psychology degree making her an expert in global epidemics

The only thing less funny than the content on this page is AFL memes.

Please stop making memes about your favourite sports team and stick with being an alcoholic step-dad.

Not every spider is deadly, but every deadly spider is in fact a spider.

*Insert inspirational/philosophical COVID-19 post here*

There is a whole lot of misinformation going around about the Coronavirus right now. The truth is it turns you into a pickle. The government is hiding the truth because they find pickles tasty and the situation funny. This is not a joke people. Wake up.

I hate how bean bags only cost $7 from K-Mart but then you have to buy 100 cans of beans from Coles just to fill it up

Let’s just say, the admins can escape a room

I knew one day I would finally use my textbooks for something useful.

Just wanted to poo today 😪😪

Why do people keep telling me that their name is Jeff? How many people are named Jeff?!

No bed frame = No monsters under the bed

The other week a bartender didn’t even ask to see my ID and straight up said to me “You can’t be in here without your parents mate”

Im 21 whole years old 😔

I think it’s weird that the sun touches me, ever heard of personal space buddy?

The worst part of watermelon is the best part of cucumbers

One day I will eat an entire car. And not like a small car, like a BIG car like a Ford Ranger or something of a similar body type. And if you don't believe me then screw you buddy!!! ;)

Everyone gangsta til’ double chocolate coated Tim Tam’s go on special 😩

My boss was stunned to see me eating a salad on my break

Mad as a cut snake 🐍