Alyssa K Silva

Celebrating one of the best guys I ever knew tonight for his heavenly birthday.

Our world became a little less bright last month when Mark passed away. He was always the life of the party in the family, the guy who knew how to make you laugh. (You could always count on laughing a little too hard at his inappropriate jokes.)

But more importantly, he was kind. Kinder than most people you meet. Mark was always the first person to help out his family, his friends, and every stranger on the street.

I have so many memories with Mark, but the one I keep replaying in my mind is one I’d like to share. My parents and I were leaving his beach house one evening last year, and we were trying to hook me up to my feeding tube. It was dark, and we were still relatively green at using it. So Mark stood out there for 45 minutes with a flashlight while we set everything up.

We kept on apologizing to him and telling him to get back to the party in his backyard. But every time we did, he’d just say “honey, I’m right where I need to be.”

That's the kind of guy Mark was. It didn’t matter if he was partying or watching his beloved Dallas Cowboys, he was always putting other people’s needs first.

Tomorrow is World Pancreatic Cancer Day, a disease Mark kicked ass at for a full year. Instead of showing sympathy, to honor him and celebrate his birthday I’m asking you for a favor:

Please do something kind in honor of Mark tomorrow. Anything. Buy someone a coffee or help a random person on the street. I’m sure he’ll be watching. 💛

If you’d like to learn more about Pancreatic Cancer and how you can help, click here: https://secure.pancan.org/site/TR/PurpleStride/PurpleStride?team_id=48609&pg=team&fr_id=2820

Starting my 33rd chapter today. 📖

I have never been more comfortable and at peace with who I am, what I believe in, and who matters most in my life.

32 was a year of profound loss & change, but it challenged me to turn inward and really figure out my values and how I want to spend my energy.

Life looks so different for me than it did a year ago today. But I see now that’s the beauty of aging. There are so many life lessons to learn along the way.

So here’s to 33– or as I like to call it my palindromic birthday because I’m a nerd and numbers are fun!!! 🤓 Can’t wait to see what’s in store.

This week, I had to say one of the hardest goodbyes to someone who was loved and respected by many: my beloved grandfather, or as my family and friends call him, Papá.

When I settled down to write his obituary, I couldn’t believe the amount of accomplishments he had in his lifetime. I didn’t even know the half of it.

There are so many stories I could share about my Papá to tell you about the remarkable man he was. But for the past couple of days, I’ve been sitting on my phone replying to people’s condolences, and I’ve been noticing a commonality in my words.

You see, many of my responses have let others know how much Papá loved them. And I meant it with every fiber of my being. Papá knew how to love others well.

I admire that greatly about him. And as I sat at his bedside this week I saw all the love he gave others come back tenfold. The stories people shared with us, the people that came to say goodbye, his family that wouldn’t leave his side… it was all because of the love he selflessly gave for 93 years.

To have known Papá is to have been blessed with his love, wisdom, and kindness. With his passing, my sadness runs deep. But the love he gave me will run deeper for eternity.

https://www.jjduffyfuneralhome.com/obituary/amadeu-fernandes

Today is one of my favorite days of the year because it means we get to celebrate my favorite person: my momma. 🎉

This woman is my rock, my best friend, my umbrella when life gets stormy, and my beacon of light. She has given me everything this life has to offer... including her Portuguese hips that make it virtually impossible to find a pair of jeans that fit right. 🤪

Happy birthday Momma Babe! I hope you get showered with all the love and joy you deserve today and every day. You da best girlfriend. 💛

Happy Father’s Day to one amazing dad! We're so lucky to have you and your great taste in fashion in our lives. Love ya Philly Vanilly 💛

My entire personality on a hat (feat. an uncooperative dog).

I can still make the whole place shimmer. ✨

Going to see Taylor Swift in concert last night was something for sure I didn’t think I’d be able to do 6 months ago. I was so weak. I could barely sit up in my wheelchair. I was fighting harder than ever just to simply survive to the next day.

When tickets went on sale for the show, I broke down. Not because I couldn’t see Taylor in concert— I’ve seen her many times— but because I succumbed to the fact my body no longer allowed me to do things I loved.

I was tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of the procedures and the pain and the never-ending battle only to feel weak and defeated.

But somewhere along the way, I began to feel stronger. I began to sit up more and feel a little more like myself again. Though I wasn't as strong as I once was, I was far from where I used to be.

Suddenly, I started to have moments of clarity. And I began to realize this is a fight I will have to fight for the rest of my life. Regardless of if it feels defeating or doable. Regardless of if I don’t want to fight anymore.

But there will be moments, both grand and small, that make this fight worthwhile. There will be moments when you realize how ugly and beautiful this world can be at the same time.

Attending last night's concert felt like one big fight song. A reminder to me, and to anyone who has felt hopeless or helpless, to keep going. The fight may never end. But neither will the victories.

So grateful to have spent the night with the people who have carried me through every single dark day. A huge ginormous thank you to Stacey James123 for not doubting me when I doubted myself and getting me tickets last November. And shout out to Taylor Swift for kicking ass as always.

Good news is Stella isn’t afraid of my wheelchair. Bad news is she’s not afraid of my wheelchair when I’m driving and she tries to jump into my lap... 🥴

My first Easter with the fam in 4 years. The Lord is good. Happy Easter. 💛

Said goodbye to my best friend today 💔

Eight years ago, I flew to Atlanta to get a service dog. Wish was originally trained to be a hospital/comfort dog, so it wasn’t quite what I was looking for or needed.

But among all the dogs there, Wish and I clicked immediately. Like there was an unexplained bond between us that said we were meant to be even though it wasn’t really planned.

I know now that’s what you call a soulmate.

Wish was and forever will be my soul mate. We did everything together and collected so many memories and joy along the way. Cancer may have taken her from me but it will never take away the beautiful life we shared together.

Right now, there aren’t many words to describe a grief so fresh. To lose your pet is to know that kind of pain. Because Wish was my service dog losing her feels like I’ve lost an extension of myself. Like a part of me is missing.

But I will carry her with me in my heart all the rest of my days. 💛

Just thought Facebook could use a puppy pic today. 🙂

Hey hi helloooo. You already know that I have a disability and the cutest golden retrievers around buuut—

did you know I’m also the Chief Creative Officer for .co??

Liberare makes adaptive lingerie that’s fashionable and so. much. more. functional.

My job is to focus on high-level creative work and ensure that everything we do— from our digital presence to partnerships and beyond— aligns with our brand. Well, that’s the shortened version at least. 😜

I have learned and gained so much experience in the past 2.5 years and have seen the huge gap that exists for adaptive lingerie, or apparel, in the fashion industry.

We need to make fashion universally inclusive for all. We need to create better options for people who want to feel beautiful in how they dress their bodies but struggle to do so.

That’s our mission at Liberare. We just released The Everyday Easy-On Bra which checks off all the boxes you could need in a revolutionary bra.

We eliminated the hook-and-eye fastener and added a front-opening snap that easily guides together without much effort. We added more sizes. We included more support and so much more.

This bra is going to revolutionize the way we get dressed in the morning. And it’s available for pre-order now at the link below. 🙂

Swipe through to see all the features it has to offer. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions about this bra or my job! I’ll see ya there!

https://liberare.co/pages/liberare-everyday-easy-on-bra

One of my favorite days of the year because it means celebrating you 💛 forever grateful for my best friend since day 1. Happy birthday big brother. Love you the mostest!!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday, dad!!!

I'm so excited to watch the game with you tonight. Definitely beats watching it from the hospital last year.

With every high and low, you have always been there for me, and I’m grateful for every single second spent with you. Today and every day, I’m proud to call you my dad. Thank you for loving me well. I love you right back. 💛

Oh and happy birthday!!!!! 😉

It's the last day of and now would be the perfect time to share the debacle that went down with my tube yesterday.

I went to the hospital to exchange my NJ tube and noticed the new tube the doctor would replace it with was different. The ports on the tube had changed due to government mandates.

In other words, I didn’t have the proper tools to administer my medications or flushes that I had to do every four hours. No one told us things were changing.

Welcome to the sh*tshow that is my life. 🙃

My tube has caused more problems than I care to admit over the last year. I’ve endured more pain and stress having to replace this tube more frequently than ever. (Threading a tube down my nose, past my stomach, and into my intestines is incredibly difficult due to my scoliosis and complex anatomy.)

Last spring the formula shortage affected me too.

And even though surgery seems like a great option, there are huge risks given my weaknesses that make my doctors hesitant about moving forward.

But here’s the thing.

A year ago today, I was fighting for my life in a hospital bed. I had just gotten my tube and was absolutely miserable and scared and hopeless. But what I didn’t know then was that this tube was about to save my life.

There are still mountains I have left to climb— big, seemingly insurmountable mountains that won’t be easy to reach the top. They may even be too dangerous to climb at all.

But, today I am stronger because of my feeding tube. I am no longer malnourished. I actually have a b***y now. 😂

I keep reflecting on a year ago and am truly astounded at how far I’ve come thanks to a God that is so good and a tube that changed everything for me. The fight continues on, but I do so now with growing strength.

Two months ago, the vet gave Wish a few weeks to live. This week, we celebrated her 9th birthday.

Never for a second did I think I would still be getting these moments with her. She’s our miracle pup. And though it doesn’t take away her terminal diagnosis, I still consider us blessed.

My sweet Vovó. I was blessed to have her for 32 years, and I will continue to love her for a lifetime. Thank you for teaching me how to be a strong, confident, and, let’s face it, stubborn woman. RIP 💛

SURPRISE!! 🎉 There’s a new member of the Silva pack!

Meet Stella, the 8-week-old golden retriever pup. We’re so overjoyed to welcome her to this family, and yes… a little tired too. 😅

She has already acclimated so well to her new surroundings and has been sleeping through the night. (Thank you, Jesus.) She’s curious, playful, and is already learning her name and "sit" after just two days.

Stella has two of the best role models to look up to, so I’m confident she’s going to be a great dog. 💛 I can’t wait to share her journey with you and brighten up your day with some cute puppy pictures. Please follow her own Instagram below!

https://www.instagram.com/itsstellathegolden/

Special thanks to Blue Star Golden Retrievers for being so helpful and accommodating during the puppy-picking process. It was such a positive experience!

On November 21, my brother and his wife welcomed this little nugget into the world. And, man oh man he has no idea what a bright light he is to this family God chose to be his. We are blessed. World, meet my nephew, Logan Mark. 💛

It's so difficult to write this, but on Friday we rushed Wish to the hospital. She went from completely fine to not fine at all, and her prognosis isn’t good.

There aren’t enough words to describe how profoundly sad I am right now. Gutted, scared, angry, hopeless, confused, and heartbroken would be a good start.

The doctor said we could have weeks left or maybe months. There is a lot of ambiguity in her diagnosis right now. So I will continue to pray for years while being mindful of the fact that she doesn’t deserve to suffer.

But Wish came home from the hospital yesterday, and she’s as happy as can be. She’s not in any pain nor is she struggling. She’s back to her old self and prioritizing her first love: food. If you know, you know.

I normally don’t ask this, but if you’re the praying kind, please pray for strength and peace for my family. We’ve received a lot of difficult news in the past couple of months which has only made this hard year harder.

And, of course, pray for my Wishy Woo. Pray that she’ll be comfy and content until her very last breath, whenever that may be.

There's never enough time when it comes to our pets. But the unconditional love they give us far outweighs the grief that will one day follow. Right now, I’m doing my best to cling tightly to that. 💛

TW: body image, weight gain

I didn’t think I’d ever be writing this post but then again I didn’t anticipate the course this year decided to take.

There’s a lot to be said about the healing process, which I’m still learning every day. Healing is filled with victories. It’s also filled with defeat.

it’s filled with hope and doubt, blessings and trauma, strength and weakness. And somehow it’s all felt at once.

That’s what this year has been for me— a chaotic journey to healing. But my gratitude remains unwavering.

There are a million things I’m grateful for every day and one of them is my body’s resiliency to survive AND gain a ton of healthy weight this year.

I’ve always been self-conscious of my body. It reminded me that I wasn’t healthy enough, that it was something I should try to conceal.

But since getting this feeding tube, I’ve gained FORTY PERCENT!! of my original body weight. My face has filled out, my shoulder blades are no longer protruding, and let’s say I definitely inherited my mother’s Portuguese hips. 😂

Ya girl was so excited when she put these flare leggings on for the first time because she graduated to a new size. (Had to text my best friend the following picture for proof. 🙃)

It’s absolutely wild for me to comprehend how I’m here. I never thought I’d reach my ideal weight or be nutritionally healthy in this lifetime.

The fight has been hell. And the fight continues. The post-medical trauma, the grief, and the exhaustion— the challenges I’m carrying are heavy.

But I’m grateful for this body. For this extra weight I literally carry now. And for the lessons this journey continues to teach me. 💛

—wearing Aerie Flurry Crew Sweater + Waffle Flare Legging

Just came here to say that I beat my brother in fantasy football this week. And, like, sure. He’s still in first place or whatever. But after 32 years of living in the shadow of the golden child, let me have THIS MOMENT OKAY

CHRISTMAS COLLECTION IS LIVE 🎄 Every year I tell myself I’m going to launch my Christmas Collection early, then every year I’m reminded that my body demands 99% of my attention. 😆

Most of this year has been spent learning to balance my new lifestyle of more appointments, more procedures, and more self-care with my work and personal life. And in doing so, I’ve found profound gratitude in still having the opportunity to do it all.

Drawing isn’t easy for my weakened muscles. It takes time, patience, and one little finger to bring these creations to life.

But in spite of my weakness, my love for art holds true and always will. I’m so thankful that I have the honor of being a part of your holiday season and sprinkling some joy into your days through my artwork.

This year, I’ve decided to do two mini collections— one today and one Thanksgiving weekend. Link is below for the first collection!! 🎅🏻

Can’t wait to package your order! 🎁

https://www.alyssaksilva.com/christmas-collection

Hellooo, year 32! 🤩✨

Just really freakin thankful today for all the love I’m surrounded by each and every day. Been thinking about the past 365 days and the journey that led to here. There’s a lot to unpack, for sure. But there’s so much to celebrate, too.

Never have I felt more ready for a new year ahead. And I’m soso thankful I get to take you with me. 💫🫶🏼

Hey friend. Two years ago this month, I embarked on a crazy journey: I started this art shop.

Ok, so, crazy in a good way, of course. Being able to do something that brings me joy— creating art— and, in turn, being able to pour that joy onto you has been nothing short of an honor.

Truly. Showing up here and writing these words knowing there’s someone on the other side of the screen that has supported my childhood dream and purchased my artwork blows my mind every day.

So, today, I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for you. For your generosity, your support, and your whole entire awesomeness. You rock friend. And with all this gratitude in mind, I decided to release new sets of thank-you cards. I’ve always been a firm believer in the power of a handwritten thank-you note. After all, you never know whose day you’re going to brighten.

But, you, you brighten my day just by being you. So, from now until October 25th at midnight, buy 4 cards, get 1 free using code "FREECARD" at checkout! Also get off everything else using code "THANKFUL."

Happy Shopping. 🙂

https://www.alyssaksilva.com/shop

Once upon a time, in 2015, I rallied my friends to go to the bar. It was a Saturday night, and they wanted to lay low and just get dinner at Applebees. But ya girl over here was always down for a fun night out and begged them to reconsider. Applebees sounded so boring. 😂 (Ahh to be in my 20’s again.)

Fortunately, it didn’t take much begging. We went out, and later that night these two met. ⬆️

From asking to be my friend in middle school to the epic memories we have all the way to your FREAKIN wedding day, it’s an honor to share the best parts of life with you . Thankful I was able to be a part of your and Van's special day. 💕

PS- scroll to see how I tied my bouquet to my wheelchair 😏😷😂

Day 28 // home sweet home. ✨

Phase 2 of my healing journey began late last night as I made my trek home for the first time in 4 weeks.

And whew. I have a lot of feelings, so I’m just going to be super blunt about it.

The truth is this: I cried as I left the hospital because I didn’t think I’d ever go home again. After all, I was told by my doctors— in a more professional way— there was a good chance that was the case.

The first 2 weeks of my stay were bleak. Heavy conversations were had, I couldn’t breathe on my own, and I was petrified of my own mortality while simultaneously determined to keep going.

I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to talk about what happened inside the 4 walls of room 9117S. The memories right now are all-consuming. The physical and mental traumas are haunting.

But, all that matters is I am here. By the grace of God, the miracle workers at Boston Children’s Hospital, and the strongest army of supporters I’m blessed to have, I am starting the next phase of my healing journey in the comfort of my own home. 🥲

Phase 2 is not going to be easy. In fact, it’s going to be harder. I have my physical health that still needs to improve tremendously. But now I have to work through the demons my mental health is haunted by.

One day at a time, I will prevail.

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Thank you all for your DMs, texts, gifts, and calls. I can’t begin to express how much they meant to me.

Maybe this makes me sound vulnerable, but please feel free to continue checking in. I’m going to need extra support right now, and that’s ok.

Check in, send memes, talk about your own life— whatever! Your kindness and friendship get me through the worst of days, and I’m forever grateful for that. All my love, gram fam. 🧡

Day 14 // it’s time for an update and some real talk.

I wanted to share this picture with you to show the reality of living with SMA. In between these pretty little squares, life looks like this sometimes.

I came to the hospital on January 31st under a scheduled admission and thought I could fly under the radar about it. My doctors put a treatment plan in place, I’d do as I’m told, then leave feeling better.

But the truth was, I was sicker than I thought. Much sicker. And I ended up having some unexpected (and significant) setbacks that have made this journey all the more challenging both physically and mentally.

Right now, I’m scared. I’m hopeful. I’m tired. I’m defeated. I’m proud of myself for finding strength I never knew I had during the darkest moment of my life.

And I am blessed. So so blessed. The amount of love and support I’ve received is unmatched by anything I’ve ever experienced. Hundreds of texts. Acts of kindness. Prayers being said.

I’m often told how strong I am, but want to know a secret? I’m only as strong as the strength my family and friends shower me with day after day. They are what keep me going. My reason for fighting and kicking some ass.

Yesterday I no longer required daytime ventilation, so my girl came to visit me and lift my spirits. I will hold onto this joy for the road ahead and the insurmountable gratitude I feel for my people.

In 14 days, I’ve made incredible strides, but I still have an incredible feat ahead of getting my nutrition back on track through a tube, healing my lungs, and regaining my stamina. I will be here a while longer, but with each day, I will continue to get stronger.

Thanks to you, I got this. 💪🏼

Joy to the world, the Lord has come. 🌟
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I have to admit I’m not always as joyful as I’d like to be. But, over the years, I’ve learned that living a joyful life doesn’t necessarily mean you always have to be a joyful person.
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It just simply means that, even in spite of your pain, you can still choose joy. As we celebrate the most joyful day of the year, the day Our Savior was born, I want to leave with a Christmas message we all could hear today.
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Even if you don’t feel like the textbook definition of joy, you can always find it in your heart to put Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself third, or in other words… joy. Yup. J. O. Y.
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Mmm yes, I just love the goodness in that.
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The goodness in knowing that even when I feel parched for joy. Even when I’m experiencing a hard season. I can still carry J. O. Y. in my heart.
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Today, I’m reminded of this more than ever when I think about a little baby in Bethlehem who came so that we can have eternal life. And eternal joy.
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Merry Christmas from me and my shadow, friend. 🐶💛

A couple of reminders as we approach Thanksgiving.
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1. Gratitude is a choice. It’s okay if you woke up today and were tired, unable to muster up the energy to find gratitude in your heart. Gratitude will always be there for the taking. You can always choose to try again tomorrow. And the next. Forevermore.
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2. I am so grateful to have you here. 💛
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Happy Thanksgiving week, friend!

So so excited to share the Christmas collection that is now *LIVE* in my shop! 😍🎄
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But, more importantly, I wrote a blog post about each stage of my adaptive illustration process for this Christmas launch!
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While my love for art stretches far and wide, my disability has presented some challenging moments along the way.
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From losing the strength in my arms to draw by hand, moving past that heartbreaking reality and finding new ways to continue doing what I do, and learning to draw with literally ONE finger…
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It’s been a wild ride. 🤪 But now I’m here. Hoping my art meets you wherever you are to sprinkle some joy into your life.
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And sharing my story to encourage you to keep going.
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My heart still hurts for the girl who thought she’d never draw again. But losing that ability taught me a profound lesson in what happens when you couple action with faith and choose to let your challenges become the foundation of something beautiful to come.
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Link to the blog! And Christmas products!

https://alyssaksilva.com/my-adaptive-illustrating-process/

The cards are my favorite and perfect for sending some Christmas cheer this season. ✨ What do you love about Christmas?!

One year ago today?! 🤭
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One year ago today, I did this crazy thing called chasing my childhood dreams and opened an online art shop filled with digital illustrations I created during a looong period of social distancing.
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(The social distancing wasn’t part of the dream, just FYI. 😜)
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But then you! You came along and actually supported this dream of mine and I cannot, will not ever stop thanking you enough for your kindness and generosity.
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To celebrate, a mini fall launch just went live in the shop! 🎉 What you’ll find:
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-A coffee cup you never knew you needed until now.
-3 prints! Because they’re the OGs, of course.
-Digital downloads that are *available internationally!*
-FREE phone wallpapers ohhh yeah.
-A future discount for a more epic Christmas launch! 🎄
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I am blessed. Truly and wonderfully blessed that I get to show up in this space with you and share my love for art. Each piece was made with love and joy in hopes that it meets you where you are, right when you need it most.
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Thank you for meeting me here. 💛

Mini fall launch over at alyssaksilva.com/shop!

I often get asked the question, “how do you do ‘it’?”
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How do I manage my disability?
Press forward during hard times?
Find the strength to overcome the everyday challenges disability brings?
Balance work, doctors’ appointments, relationships, chronic fatigue, etc?
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The short answer is, well, I just do it because I have no other choice.
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The long answer is:
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This is my one chance at life, and I want to live it well. It is painstakingly difficult, full of defeat, and overwhelming at times. But it is also full of love, joy, laughter, and abundant blessings.
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And, it has this woman right here.
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My mother. Best friend. Shoulder to cry on and partner in crime. The woman whose strength is the fuel behind all I do and hands are the ones that carry me through.
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The woman whose love knows no bounds has unequivocally shaped me for the better.
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Today, we celebrate the Queen that she is and shower her with all the bday lovin’. She’s my favorite lurker here on the ‘gram 😜 and loves reading all your comments. So, feel free to wish her a happy birthday in the comments if you wish!
—I love ya I love ya I love ya babe. Thank you for being you. Happy birthday to you, my favorite human ever.

Very recently decided to up my digital painting game by teaching myself photoshop, so here’s a fun lil doodly pic I illustrated yesterday.
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Truth be told, I have no idea what I’m doing right now. Well, if I’m being completely honest with you, I have no idea what I’m doing in most facets of my life until one day it just… *clicks.* 😂
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But, I DO know that there’s something to say about the process.
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The gumption it takes to try something new.
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The vulnerability to show up imperfectly.
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The discipline to KEEP showing up when you feel like quitting.
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Time and time again, I’m reminded of this when I start something new.
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So as I illustrated this picture and became frustrated by not knowing how photoshop works yet, I had to remember:
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All of it counts. The unknown of a new beginning counts. The messy middle counts. The time and energy in which you dedicate to the process counts.
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Just because something doesn’t make sense right now doesn’t mean it isn’t worth pursuing.
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It doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for it.
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The best things in life don’t come easy. And if you never try, you’ll never know.

Forever your little girl. 💛 Thank you for exemplifying fatherhood in the best way, dad. I guess I can forgive you for asking me if a machine drew this picture. Twice. 😂 Happy pop’s day. I love ya

Here’s to all the mommas out there.
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To the ones who give their all to be great mommas.
Who should have been mommas.
Who are soon-to-be mommas.
Who no longer have their mommas.
Who are longing to be a momma.
Who are fur mommas.
Who have lost their children.
Who are mother figures in other’s lives.
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You are equally just as worthy. 💛
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Here’s a picture from earlier today of me and my mom/grandmoms together for the first time in over a year. 😍
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God bless the women in my life who raised me, guided me, and shaped me into the woman I have become. I am nothing without their fierce love and support.