Sadia Jaffery

Israel Gaza war

A few people have asked, so here’s where I am with this conflict.

I get upset watching the news- it makes me feel helpless. So I ask myself, “What can I do?” Here are some of my answers.

I can donate money. I can join peaceful protests. I can show empathy towards friends and family who are hurting. I can talk to my son about war. During work, I can talk about the effects of conflict on a bigger scale. I can pray for those who have left us and for those they’ve left behind.

Focusing on what I CAN DO makes me feel a little less helpless. Here’s an old photo of me at a protest. Reminding us all to put humanity first.

Genuinely warmed to read this post. Thank you Shumaila and Contour Software.

Have you read this book? It’s brilliant.

It’s about all the different lives we can live, based on the decisions we make everyday. How a simple yes/no can completely change our direction.

It reminded me of some of my own decisions. The competitions I entered at school, the person I chose to marry, the area we bought our first home, the hobbies/careers I decided to pursue.

How do you feel about the life you’re living? Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you’d taken a different decision?

Are you trying to avoid all conflict at work? Don’t. You can’t. Instead, learn to manage it.

A little bit of conflict is healthy. It allows a release of tension, people see their blind spots, they understand each other better, it can lead to insights and new ideas.

Yes too much isn’t healthy either but when managed correctly, conflict can strengthen relationships, increase creativity and boost team performance.

Earlier this week I coached a new manager who struggled to say NO. He told me it “felt unkind”.

Saying NO is not unkind.

It means we can set boundaries, we can be firm. It stops us from taking on too much, from over promising then under delivering.

Don’t let your mouth break your back. In fear of sounding unkind to others, don’t be unkind to yourself.

Say no thanks. Not today. Not right now. Set boundaries. Be firm. Speak up. SAY NO.

I was once coaching the head of an organisation whose goal was to increase overall profit.

But this wasn’t his real goal, the first answer rarely is. Going deeper revealed profit meant success. Success meant money. And money meant he could show his dad he was good enough. Because growing up he never felt he was.

Are you asking your team members similar questions during one to ones? Yes it might feel uncomfortable, yes it might take time but the relationship you build will pay the best dividends. It will be worth it.

Make time for your team. Create space for them to share. Ask questions. Get to know them. Find the goal behind the goal.

Always remember that YOU CAN BE KIND AND:

1. Challenge someone
2. Say NO
3. Walk away
4. Disagree
5. Stand up for yourself

Power of Pause

I received this feedback after completing a one-year coaching program with a manager from a large tech organisation. Can you relate to any of these points?

Most managers I coach talk about wanting to use the power of pause more. To choose responding over reacting. This quote by Viktor Frankl explains it well.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I am back to being a student.

Alongside working on my Corporate & Executive Coaching Diploma, I’ve also joined a CMI Leadership course.

Completing my course assignment was harder than I’d thought. I guess I had forgotten how to write answers…but then I received this feedback from my trainer and I’ve got to admit…I’m feeling rather proud of myself.

From social media posts I’ve learnt that July is South Asian Heritage month. Here’s what being British South Asian is like for me.

It doesn’t matter what country I’m in, I get asked where I’m from. It’s always polite and I never mind. I guess I look different. And I tell myself that’s a good thing.

And in some way or another, we are all different, we are all unique. It’s up to us what we do with those differences. Do we use them to unite us, or divide us.

If there was one thing I wish everyone knew, it would be this. Something I learnt after travelling to 25+ countries. Scratch the surface, get a little curious, go a little deeper, and underneath all those differences…we are all pretty much the same.

Here’s a photo of me, embracing my South Asian heritage in a saree.

Last week I attended an event about increasing collaboration between England and Pakistan. A number of Pakistani TV channels were also there and asked if I’d like to share my views. I nervously agreed.

Here’s what I think. Countries are like people. Spending time together and getting to know each other creates friendship. Friendship creates trust. And trust creates collaboration.

As someone who’s lived in both countries, I know that we have more in common than we know. The event allowed two countries to get to know each. Excited about what new opportunities this will lead do.

Our nine year old boy likes putting his certificates on the fridge where everyone can see them. This month our fridge showcases two certificates.

1. A values award- for our son helping his friend in class
2. An appreciation certificate- for me volunteering my Sundays to help women in our community

There’s something magical about giving. I feel proud of our achievements and hope one day our son realises that by helping others, we actually help ourselves.

“The secret to living is giving” -Tony Robbins

PUBLIC SPEAKING

Six weeks ago these ladies told me they couldn’t do public speaking. So we decided to take very small steps and train every Sunday for one hour.

Look at them now.

Here they are in their sixth/final session, delivering a 5 minute speech in a room full of people. The audience was blown away with their progress.

I’m no public speaking expert but what I do have is a strong desire to empower women. What you see in this photo are seven women doing something they didn’t believe they could.

This is the power of taking small steps.

Are there areas in your life where you need to take small steps too?

Really pleased to share that for the next 10 weeks, I will be delivering a customised training program for Leads/Managers at Contour Software.

Having delivered coaching + training to Contour before, I have witnessed firsthand their management’s unwavering commitment towards their employees' professional development. It’s why I love working with them.

We started the program last Friday with my favourite exercise- Stephen Covey’s time management matrix. Contour management, thank you again for the opportunity.

Four years ago I decided to leave my sales career for coaching. Some thought I was having a midlife crisis.

Now I receive testimonials like these, and realise it was the best midlife crisis ever. I was following my heart.

To all my clients, and everyone who supported me through the transition, you mean more to me than you know.

THANK YOU.

Some prefer to include pleasantries in all their emails, some don’t. Some prefer to get straight to the point and find pleasantries unnecessary.

They are not trying to be difficult.

Different personality types have different communication styles. Different beliefs and approaches towards doing things.

There is no right or wrong. Just different.

Helping employees understand this one concept alone, can significantly enhance team performance.

HIGH-FUNCTIONING ANXIETY

Working with leaders has made me realise that sometimes, what people see on the outside, is completely different to what’s going on, on the inside.

If you can relate to this image, know that you are not alone. Please remember to:
* Slow down
* Create boundaries and
* Prioritise self-care

“If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive” -Paulo Coelho

Last month I was invited to talk about Leadership at our local mosque. I noticed lots of men speaking up, sharing ideas. The women, despite me encouraging them to contribute, didn’t speak a word. Not one.

After I finished, the women came to me
confessing they did have lots of ideas, but not the confidence to speak up in public.

It is hard for me to explain how much this upsets me- it feels like creativity being wasted. So after a bit of thought, I (with 3meem) have decided to deliver a 6-week public speaking workshop for WOMEN ONLY, starting 14th May.

We will take small steps, it will be fun. And it’s free. If you know anyone who might benefit, please let them know. Women have so much to offer, so much to contribute. Let’s empower them to become speakers and leaders.

I turned 42 this month. Not a major milestone but made me reflect nonetheless. Here are 10 lessons I’ve learnt over the last 12 months.

1. Family vs Career- I used to think I had to choose but I was wrong. We can have both

2. Service over profit- the more I focus on serving others the more profit I make

3. Keep saying NO (politely!)- to things/tasks/clients that drain energy

4. Take tiny steps- writing ONE email, calling ONE person, requesting for ONE meeting, lead me to owning a business I feel incredibly proud of

5. Believe in a higher calling- it’s not about me. It’s about helping OTHERS find the path GOD created for them

6. Embrace uncomfortable- doing a talk in front of 300+ people this year felt incredibly uncomfortable but lead to unimaginable opportunities

7. Some people will never like you- and that’s fine. Focus on those who DO

8. Invest in yourself- I spend thousands of pounds in personal development and training each year. It pays the best interest

9. Everyone has sh*t they are dealing with - don’t assume, don’t judge. Every seemingly successful person I’ve coached had things they were struggling with. BE KIND

10. If you want to receive, GIVE- it’s what my grandparents told us. I don’t understand the science and don’t need to either. It’s a law of the universe, it works

My key takeaways from this amazing book:

When Managers can’t find the time to listen to employees’ feelings, they are later FORCED to find time to deal with disengaged behaviours, absences and leaves.

Managers, listen to your employees. Find the time, put them first. Don’t choose your own comfort over having a hard conversation. Address feelings, face concerns. Listen.

“Show up for people in pain and don’t look away”- Brené Brown

Here I am discussing LEADERSHIP with my son and his Scouts/Cubs friends.

It’s easy to assume leadership is a topic for managers only. It isn’t. These 8-10 year olds shared lots of scenarios they had to lead. While working in groups at school, helping siblings at home and while playing football in the field. We discussed what made a good leader.

I learnt so much. Thank you Scouts team for having me.

“We cannot all succeed when half of us are held back” -Malala Yousafzai

Growing up, I remember how talented some girls were, in my school. They had so much potential but never got the opportunity to shine. Their parents priority was to get them married into a nice family. I used to think, “Ok but we can do so much more than that!”

So here I am 25 years later, in front of senior members of our local council, telling them about all the amazing work women do in our community. Their ideas for businesses, their ambition, skills and passion- potential that often goes unnoticed.

Here’s something interesting I observed. An acknowledgment and a willingness to move forward. I noticed a shift in people’s conversations. THANK YOU to all the men and women who are helping make this happen. It’s a glimmer of hope. Change is coming.

IS IT SCARY?

If it feels a little scary, it’s where you need to go.

Four years ago, I did a bungee jump over the waters of Salford Quays. As the crane lifted, I could see the United football stadium, the Old Trafford cricket ground, tall buildings in Manchester’s city centre. The sun was out. It was a beautiful, warm day.

Of course I couldn’t appreciate any of that because I was about to do a 160ft bungee jump. All I could think was, is it too late to back out? Thankfully, I didn’t. Because when I took my harness off after the jump, I was suddenly swept with this incredible energy. Like I could do ANYTHING. I felt FEARLESS.

Shortly after, I started my coaching business. It didn’t feel that scary anymore!

The more scary things we do, the less scared we become. What scary thing do you need to do next?

In order to say YES to the things we want, we must learn to say NO to the things we don’t.

Saying NO doesn’t mean we are rude or selfish. It doesn’t mean we are unkind. It means we respect ourselves and can create healthy boundaries to focus on what we want.

This year I’ve said NO to everyone outside the Technology industry. It allowed me to say YES to more professionals working in Technology. It’s where I enjoy working and therefore create a bigger impact.

We do not have an infinite amount of time. We must learn to create boundaries. What will you say NO to in 2023?

I help large Technology organisations create high performance teams. Last Sunday I did the same, but with a slightly different group of people.

I lead 3Meem’s very first session on Muslim Women Empowerment. By the time we finished, the room was a powerhouse of ideas, creativity and inspiration.

When we ask powerful questions, and create an environment where no one feels judged. And everyone champions and supports each other…we create magic.

Thank you 3Meem for giving me the opportunity. I cannot wait to see what amazing things these women will achieve over the next few months.

While the Asian Muslim community possesses many admirable traits, like any community, it also has its challenges.

Growing up, I didn’t see many female leaders. Nearly all heads of organisations, politicians, successful business owners and speakers at mosques I knew, were men. As a child, I desperately wanted someone to change that.

So in 2019, I became the first female speaker in our local mosque in Manchester. And last month I joined the management team of 3Meem, one of the biggest Muslim communities in England. I’ll be leading workshops, giving talks and encouraging more women and girls to step forward.

Sometimes WE NEED TO BE THE CHANGE we wish to see in the world. Thank you 3Meem for giving me the opportunity.

I love receiving messages like these. It is the reason I do what I do. It’s why I look forward to starting work every morning.

The fact that my talk helped a graduate get a job they wanted makes me beyond happy.

Thank you The University of Salford and Rachel Norton for giving me the opportunity to speak with your students.

MY LOWLIGHTS REEL

Too many people (including myself) share highlights on social media not realising the impact it may have on someone else.

To balance things a little, I’m starting 2023 by sharing 10 things I DON’T want you to know about me. Here’s my lowlights reel:

1. I can’t parallel park and sometimes end up stopping traffic
2. I can only make ONE good Asian dish and that’s lamb biryani
3. I had terrible acne in my 20s, I still have old scars to this day
4. I am the middle child and often did strange things to get attention
5. I once cut my own fringe to look pretty like some of the other girls in my school
6. I was obsessed with Michael Jackson and thought he was saving himself for me
7. I don’t understand the offside rule
8. I once got so nervous giving a presentation, everyone in the room noticed it
9. I was so hurt by what a manager once said, I locked myself in the ladies toilets and cried for ages
10. I finish every coaching/training call telling myself I’m not good enough, and that I could’ve done better

I could write a 100 more.

Just because people don’t openly share their lowlights/insecurities, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Here’s an old photo. I never smiled properly in front of a camera because I felt my teeth weren’t straight enough.

Let’s stop comparing and make this year about our journey, our achievements, our growth. Where we are NOW versus where we WERE, and where we would LIKE TO BE. The only comparison is YOU VS YOU.

Happy New Year.

“Good is the enemy of great” -Jim Collins

Here’s a photo of me, taken December 2018 at my last ever office Christmas party. I had been selling software services for nearly 15 years. Occasionally I’d think about doing something different, but then thought why bother. I was comfortable, life was good.

Three Christmases later, and I’ve built my own business, mainly through recommendation. I coach some of the most influential Technology leaders in the world. I feel so grateful. I left the comfortable world of GOOD to get to something GREAT.

Life is short, why not go for something that fulfils us, something that excites us. Let’s not hold ourselves back. Let’s not settle for good when we can get GREAT.

Appraisals can sometimes be challenging for managers. Remember to:

1. Prepare- plan in advance what you are going to say
2. Ask how they think they’re performing, then be prepared to adjust
3. Give feedback on activity and behaviour, not their personality
4. Be aware of the receiver- some can take a lot of feedback, some can’t. Don’t overload

As a manager your words hold power. Choose them carefully. Use them to bring out the best in your team.

Last week I delivered this presentation to a group of managers. It’s an uncomfortable topic, there is no quick + easy method and people often struggle to talk about it - which is why every manager should receive training.

There were lots of questions and we discussed how conversations can feel awkward. Key is to remember that employees are not “just resources,” they are human beings. And it is possible to part ways with mutual respect and dignity.

Earlier this year I started working with a Senior Technology Manager who loved his job but felt he needed more projects/more responsibility.

When we started our call this week, he said, “Guess what, we have a new problem, we can’t recruit fast enough.” He’d gained approval for more projects and now needed to hire more engineers.

So I checked if that meant he’d got exactly what he wanted? “Yes.” Did he take a moment to celebrate or even acknowledge his achievement? Long pause. “No.”

As humans we tend to constantly focus on problems then wonder why we’re always anxious. Instead, let’s focus on what we have. Let’s celebrate everything we’ve achieved. Let’s acknowledge the dreams that did come true and say thanks.

Not many people know this about me but at age 12, my class teacher put me forward for a debate competition. Somehow I managed to win FIRST prize. Then I entered a few more and kept winning.

At age 18, I won at a country level competition and became President of the Debating Society. Over the years I learnt how to get my message across effectively.

Now at age 41, it’s time to give back. Thrilled to be invited to a Public Speaking Competition as JUDGE (thank you Three Meem!) Speaking in public tends to be people’s #1 fear. It really doesn’t have to be.

Just completed my COACHING LEADERSHIP training as part of my Corporate Coaching diploma. Thank you Kiki.

Literally feel like a sponge that’s soaked in lots of tools, exercises, insights and knowledge. Can’t wait to utilise my learning so I can better support the people I work with.

“An investment in knowledge pays the best interest” -Benjamin Franklin

CREATING LEADERS

I started my partnership with Contour Software in 2020 with 1:1 Coaching. This month (I am pleased to share!) we have taken our partnership to the next level.

On top of the 1:1 Coaching, I will now also deliver Leadership Training to some of their Managers and Team Leads.

With the right training and motivation, good employees can become great leaders. A massive THANK YOU to Contour’s management team for the opportunity.

Last week I visited Apple and Google offices in Silicon Valley, California.

Walking in, I couldn’t help but notice all the perks they offer. All you can eat buffets, free gym and laundry services, free massages, spaces for staff to rest/sleep. I even saw a vending machine that dispensed free computer accessories!

I was pleased to hear they also offer 1:1 Coaching programs. Less talked about but quite possibly more impactful as it helps employees feel heard, aim high and progress faster in their careers. Sometimes it’s the less obvious things that make the biggest difference.

What does your organisation do to help its people feel appreciated?

MANAGERS, HAVE THE UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATION

Here’s one we often try to avoid:

“Is this role right for you? Because if it isn’t, let’s work together to find one that is”

It might feel awkward but is often the best form of service. Lean in, take control and support your staff. Have the conversation.

A REMINDER FOR EMPLOYERS AS WE APPROACH Q4

If you want more customers, look after your employees.

If you want to increase profit, look after your employees.

If you want to attract better candidates, look after your employees.

Stop prioritising end of year results over your staff’s well-being. If you want more business, higher profit margins and the best talent…look after your EMPLOYEES first.

INSIGHTS

I ask my clients if they’ve had any insights at the end of every coaching session. Here are some I’d like to share:

“The standards I set for myself are unrealistic. I achieve a lot…but I’m never happy”

“My personality has dials I can turn up and down, depending on the situation” (related to DISC personality assessment)

“It’s normal for teams to go through a STORMING stage. Now I know what to do if it happens again”

“The way I speak to others (kindly) is not how I speak to myself”

“I really should do it, no excuses left, even the worst case scenario isn’t so bad!”

“It is possible to express myself without getting all worked up”

“I need to make space for my hobbies and passions. If it fuels me…it needs to be a priority”

INSIGHTS are powerful, and when followed by action, can TRANSFORM lives.

Did any resonate with you?