Heidi Miller is Healing

It’s been 11 months since the accident.
There are many things I took for granted before the accident. One of those things was being able to drive myself through Big Thompson Canyon to my favorite park Viestenz-Smith Mountain Park. The Big Thompson river flows through the middle of the park. I have a favorite boulder I sit on near the river. Lying down, basking in the sun and listening to the sounds of the river. It’s only a 25 min drive from my house. I was finally able to drive there today for the first time. Driving through the canyon and watching the flowing river felt like a brain workout. These are the things I took for granted before. It took months after the accident for life to move at the right pace to my brain. The wind blowing in the trees looked different and at times was too much for my brain to process. The same with the river. Today I mostly sat near the river with my eyes closed. But I practiced watching the river flow, letting it workout my brain.

I still have difficulty in large spaces or crowded places with a lot of stimulation. I flew for the first time in May and found I couldn’t walk through the airport. But the good news is I’m well versed in how to get a wheelchair at the airport. It was a good experience as the wheelchair attendants were very helpful and kind and there is a feeling of camaraderie with other fellow travelers in wheelchairs. Most of them had more obvious ailments and were typically much older than I. I’ve let go of the need to explain to anyone that I am still recovering from a head injury.

Things I can do easily and for which I am grateful. I can teach Pilates with ease and work a full schedule now. I can take care of my kids and my mom with ease. I can enjoy cooking , writing and exercising. Overall I’m very happy with my progress of recovery and am not as afraid to try new things to test my boundaries of healing. I understand these types of injuries take time and I’m not giving up on being 100 percent. I’ve learned to enjoy the feeling of brain fatigue as it feels like the familiar burn of a workout. I’m not afraid to ask for help when I need it and I feel this is such a valuable lesson.

Hello! I appreciate all of you who have followed my progress of healing. This will be my last post to this page.

Today is over 8 months since the accident. I’m still making progress every month. I’m able to tolerate more complicated environments with a lot of stimulation. Everything is becoming more normal for me now. I have no doubt a full recovery is on the horizon.

I’m so grateful for all the support I’ve had, the amazing ability of the body to heal and for God lending me His strength along with my amazing spiritual teacher Zari, my friends, my blood and soul family. I love you all. Thank you from the center of my heart.

It’s been over 7 months since my accident. Most of the time I feel normal. I go about my day, teaching Pilates, taking care of my family and writing. I notice where my healing journey is when I have to expand my senses in complicated surroundings. Grocery stores are still a challenge. I was at my son’s band concert last night and I could feel my brain shutting down. I’m comfortable with the process now as I know what to expect. I had a friend with me to help since I knew this was a possibility. I’m very aware of the difference between the function of the brain versus the mind. I don’t lose the ability to think or observe, I lose the ability to move. Now I recognize this may be related to the section of my brain that was most affected by the accident. But in my case I’m happy I can keep my faculties when my brain decides to shut down my body. But it makes me wonder how the brain and mind are connected. I’ve always believed the mind can have limitless potential. The ability to expand the senses beyond what we can observe with our eyes is limitless. As well as connecting to our divine wisdom and divine collective mind. So when my external environment is too stimulating it’s the physical brain that takes over the body and says “you have to rest now”. My body stops responding to my call to action. So I surrender to what is, knowing if I rest, my body will come back online. Someday my physical world will be able to expand again, but in the meantime I’m grateful I can do what I love most days with ease. I will heal and I will be able to experience more with my physical senses, in the meantime I will keep expanding my mind.

And of course I had to write about my experience last night. So here is a free form poem:

Expansion

My world will expand again someday
In the meantime I’ll expand my world with books and writing
I’ll go within until I can come back out again
Someday my brain will heal completely
I’m learning to settle inside of myself when my outside world is too much
My brain is my barometer
I can feel it coming on when it happens
I can relate it to a deep calm settling over me
My brain takes over and says “that’s enough for now”
I lose the ability to move my body with ease
I notice it first with my eyes
It’s harder to move them from one object to another
Then my body won’t respond to my call
So I settle in and wait
I close my eyes
Listen to the music of my surroundings
And rest
Once I’ve rested enough
My brain comes back online
Slowly at first
Like waking up from a deep slumber
My awareness starts to expand
My body responds to my call again
My world keeps expanding one minute at a time
In the meantime you can find me within
Knock gently and I will answer

It’s been 6 months since the accident. Overall I’m doing really well. It’s still difficult for me to go inside big stores such as grocery stores. I can last about 10 min before getting disoriented. I know if I go regularly 10 or more min at a time I can build up my endurance. My everyday life is easy. I work from home and am grateful my clients drive to me. I can easily drive during the day. I don’t have to take brain breaks regularly throughout the day, but I still like to close my eyes a few min to reset. I have two sets of wonderful glasses that help dim visual stimulation. They really help when my brain is feeling tired. I’m very happy with where I am in my recovery and I know I will continue to improve.

I will be happy when I don’t have any limitations, but I’m grateful to be where I am.

It’s been 5 months since the accident. I keep this recovery journal to remind myself how far I have come. Especially on the days I become humbled by this injury. Today was one of the first days I was away from the house all day. I took my mom to a doctor’s appointment and ran a few errands. I made sure I had plenty of time between my list of things to accomplish. I had to take two 20 minute naps plus an additional 45 min nap in the car to get through the day. I am really appreciative of my focus on nutrition over the years as when my brain really started to crash I ate a wonderful bowl of brown rice, chicken, hummus, olives and arugula. Then took a 45 min nap and was brand new and able to finish my day. It takes a lot of planning, but I’m natural at it. I am a Virgo after all! My calendar is literally color coded. I do hope to get to a point in my recovery where going into a store isn’t so taxing on my brain and I get through a day without even thinking about it. That’s it for now!

I can’t believe it’s been 4 1/2 months since my accident. I’ve been enjoying feeling more like myself these days. I’m able to work easily now and am almost at my full schedule. The limitations I have are now just reminders to slow down and ask for help when needed. I’m able to drive short distances, 20-30 min, with ease now. I still have difficulty maneuvering at night, whether it be walking or riding in the car. Most of the time I can get through my day feeling normal. Just a little brain fatigue and pressure in my head at times, but after a good 10 min rest I’m good to go again. Overall I’m very grateful for where I am in my recovery and feel very optimistic.

I just graduated from physical therapy today. My PT evaluated me with some tests we did in the beginning and I passed with flying colors! I am so grateful. I only have small limitations now and my care providers expect me to fully recover with ease.

I’m 13 weeks post accident this week. I’ve done a lot of new things this week so far. I started work again and started driving on my own. I love teaching Pilates, other forms of movement and energy work. I’m so grateful to be able to do this again. Driving was the hardest thing for me to get back to as things move at a different pace when my brain gets fatigued. But I’ve figured out how to do this safely and it feels good to get back into normal life again. I had to channel my brave self as there was a lot of anxiety for me round driving. I always remember when I was 5 years old I was the only one in my swim class who was brave enough to jump off the diving board. I’ve continued to do brave things in my life remembering that feeling. Sometimes to my own detriment 😂, but I will be cautiously brave moving forward.

I’m still incorporating the brain breaks in my life. Now every hour to an hour and a half. I plan on keeping these in my life even once I’m 100 percent. It’s such a great way to get centered. I like this medium paced life. I get to enjoy moments more and am extremely grateful everyday. I may still have to get back on the fast track of life occasionally, but I no longer wanted to live my life on the fast track any longer.

I really appreciate all who have been supporting me. As I am getting back to normal my posting here will become less. Thanks again for keeping up with my progress. Wishing you all a wonderful day.

I’m 12 weeks today post accident. I’m still progressing well. My endurance continues to improve. I’ve had some humbling moments lately, but these are getting much easier to work with. I’m adding new things to my daily life of independence. I started driving again last week with Jon in the car with me. I’m really good at recognizing the signs of brain fatigue now so I feel comfortable driving. I strategically schedule in places to stop on my route to get places. I have to stop 1-2 times each way. I’m avoiding the busy parts of town right now, but feel confident I will be driving comfortably soon.

The most important things I have learned through this experience is to not be afraid, this is temporary, and to keep breaking through limitations. The brain when injured prefers to keep the world small. I’m learning ways through physical therapy to keep breaking through these limitations. It’s like exercising an injured muscle. It hurts at first, but you have to do it.

I had a couple “shut downs” this past week as I have been testing my boundaries. I’m learning to just go with it, find a safe place to sit down and rest my brain. It’s an out of body experience when this happens. It’s hard to explain. I have complete awareness when this happens. My body loses its ability to move properly and it’s difficult to communicate. I’ve learned to not be afraid when this happens and to ride it through. Once I rest I’m completely recharged and able to continue the task at hand.

Jon and I went to Estes Park yesterday. They were having some kind of festival so it was very busy. Too much for my brain to handle. But I was able to enjoy the experience either way. At some point Jon sat me down on a bench so he could run an errand. I wrote this to explain how it feels when a “shut down” happens.

Sitting on a bench
Life is walking by me
I feel separated from it
I’m still aware, but communication and movement feels impossible
I’m learning to pause
To enjoy the present moment
Allow my brain to rest
Enjoy the breeze
The color of the trees
You are all walking by me
While I rest
Do you feel the breeze?
See the colors of the trees?
I’m separated from the movement of life at this moment, but maybe I’m actually more connected to what’s real.
Everything has to be still inside of me
Till I can move and join life again

I’ll be 11 weeks post accident tomorrow. I’m continually amazed at the bodies ability to heal. Of course I’m also working very hard and consistently doing my vestibular/ visual exercises, Pilates, light strength training, stationary bike and walking. I’ve been also taking vitamins to support my brain health and focusing even more on my nutrition. I have an amazing support team of healthcare providers, friends and family. This all certainly plays a huge role in recovering successfully.

I still take brain breaks for 5 min. My endurance has increased to 40 min to an hour. I can usually feel the brain fatigue coming on. It depends on what I’m doing on how long I can last. I’m feeling really optimistic I will have no problem returning to work mid October. I’m so grateful I was able to take the time to focus 100 percent on healing.

Thanks again for taking the time to follow my progress. Have a wonderful day!

I’m almost at 10 weeks post accident. Just since my last update I’ve made many more gains! I’m walking without assistance now. I finally have kinesthetic awareness of my right leg again which has made walking feel normal. This came back about a week ago. I walked the furthest last night. Overall my brain’s endurance is so much better. I still take brain breaks every 30 min as I feel my best when I do. I have been in circumstances lately where I’ve had to go 1.5 hours without a break. This happened in a long doctors appointment for my mom. I recovered easily afterwards with a 30 min brain break. I’m learning how to adapt to what my brain needs as it continues it’s healing process. I feel more capable now. I remember my oldest son saying these exact words to me when he was 9 years old. He is almost 14 now. He struggled with very severe anxiety starting at the age of 2 and had to learn tools to manage everyday life, especially school. It was a really tough road for him, but one day when he was 9 he said “mom, I feel more capable now” his brain development and tools finally came together. So now as I say these words I feel more capable too.

I continue to do my vestibular and visual therapies. The visual exercises have been the most challenging. All the physical exercises I do are starting to feel normal. In a couple weeks I’m going to try driving in an abandoned parking lot. I know eventually driving will be just as simple as walking has now become.

Writing these posts have been helpful for me to see how much has changed every two weeks and gives me faith in my body’s ability to heal completely.

Thank you for all your love and support!

Tomorrow will be 8 weeks post accident. I’m amazed at the difference each week makes. Yesterday I was able to walk twice as far without assistance. I’m getting to the point I don’t have to concentrate so much on walking. My body is just remembering how easy it was to do before. I have more endurance before my brain fatigues and slows everything down. Thankfully everything I need to do at home is going well and with ease.

I still can’t drive as it is too much stimulation. I tried going into a grocery store with my friend Jeanie and it was disastrous. I had no idea how difficult it was going to be. Way too much stimulation. When my brain gets overstimulated and fatigued it literally shuts down. Apparently walking is not essential to the brain when prioritizing energy reserves. My vision became very pinpoint and I lost the ability to move my eyes or head. My friend Jeanie and I found a place for me to sit down so I could take a brain break. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out of the store. I was committed to buying my husband Jon a cake for a special celebration. Anyway, I did it even though it took three times as long and Jeanie gracefully waved people to go around me as I could barely take each step. I was just about ready to break down into tears when a couple friends, Jessica and Herb, came down the aisle. Seeing them helped stabilize me and gave me the strength to continue. This was most definitely God showing up for me at just the right time. I am so grateful I have an amazing support system. This was a very humbling, scary and discouraging thing to happen, but I know these gains I’m experiencing are exponential. I will try again in a week or so!

I go to my physical therapist each week and he continues to give me more complicated vestibular/visual exercises. I do these 6 times each day and they get easier everyday. I’m doing Pilates, strength training, stationary bike and walking outside. All of these activities are improving each week as well. It sounds like a lot, but I only exercise for 15 min each time. I spread it out throughout the day to accumulate more time. This was all highly encouraged by my doctor and PT. And most all of you know how much I love to exercise! So this has been the fun part of recovery. I’m looking forward to teaching Pilates again and thankfully my studio is at home. I can arrange my schedule to allow brain breaks and my PT exercises.

So all in all I’m recovering well!

It’s natural to try to find the why when bad things happen. I’m choosing to find the silver lining instead. This accident has forced me to take a sabbatical from work. Throughout the day I appreciate these 5 min brain breaks. My mind completely clears and is at rest. I’m able to let go of all thoughts during these brain breaks. This is 10 min of every hour I am doing this. My meditation time each morning is more powerful now. I’m noticing I can let go and be more present more easily. It took me awhile to accept this injury for what it is. I wanted to force my brain to heal. I’m accepting it will take time, but have complete faith I will heal completely and fully. I love my work and I look forward to the day I can return to it. I will come back from this injury with a new sense of gratitude for being capable of doing the most basic things. I will have a new understanding and compassion for people with brain injuries and other maladies. I know I will yet again create a balance between self care, caregiving for my mother and children, work and spending valuable time with my husband, children and friends. I will come back stronger. Thank you to all who are supporting me through this journey.

I have good and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. I’m always grateful for the good days. I’m learning to go with the flow and let go of what I want to accomplish on the bad days. Today is already starting off much better.

I’m improving steadily each week. Today I was able to put my vitamins in the vitamin case. This is a huge accomplishment for me as even just last week this was not possible. My fine motor skills are coming back. I’m also able to focus my eyes to read more easily, but for short periods of time. The new schedule the doctor gave me to actively do everyday things for 25 min then take 5 min brain breaks is really helping a lot. On my brain breaks I close my eyes and put my head down towards my chest while listening to soft rain sounds or just listening to my surroundings. I use the soft rain sounds when everyone is noisy in my house 😂. I do this all day with good results. Most all of my visual symptoms are resolved with this schedule. I’ve noticed if I skip a brain break or try to do a shorter brain break I have diminishing results.

I’m still working on walking. I still need assistance when leaving the house. I believe in time when my brain heals and my dedication to the physical therapy this will come back.

Jon here.

Yesterday we were able to meet with a concussion specialist at Orthopedic & Spine Center of the Rockies. This was an appointment that we have been very eager to have and it was very productive.

Dr Wicklund spent a solid 90 minutes speaking with Heidi to get a good idea of the accident, Heidi’s previous concussion history, and she performed some tests to help determine where Heidi needs the most rehabilitation.

The initial results are that Heidi is making great progress in many ways but it seems that her vestibular system (responsible for balance) needs the most help. This is why Heidi is having difficulty walking outside without my assistance.

The good news is that this and other concussion symptoms that Heidi is experiencing are not raising any flags and Dr Wicklund is very enthusiastic about Heidi making a full recovery in time. She told us that everyone’s timetable of recovery from a serious concussion is slightly different with various parts of the brain recovering at different rates. To aide Heidi’s vestibular system she has prescribed some physical therapy with a vestibular rehab specialist.

The even better news? Heidi begins the PT today!

After seeing the specialist we have a lot more clarity and direction. Heidi is eager to return to work but is tentatively looking at the middle of October as the earliest she’ll begin a modified work schedule. In the meantime, she can focus on the rehabilitation and therapy which should get her feeling better soon.

I have to admit, I’m personally feeling better about everything, too! 🙏😀

Every week there are small improvements. I am four weeks into this recovery from the accident. The first 2 1/2 weeks all I could do was sleep. Then my brain started to wake up. I’m up to two hours and 45 minutes after first awakening where I almost feel normal. After that I spend the day taking brain breaks. I can only handle so much visual, movement, and auditory stimulation. Being in the house I can walk unassisted most of the time due to things to hold onto. I can really see my progress when I go outside for a walk assisted by my family. I can walk down the street about seven houses before I have to turn around. I’m surprised at how much concentration it takes to walk with this brain injury. My brain gets fatigued way before my body ever does. I always took the act of walking for granted. Turns out it requires so many mental processes to work all together and perfectly in sync. I’m looking forward to going to the specialist next week to get more of an idea of the timeline and rehab that will be required for me to get back to normal. This certainly requires the balance of patience and motivation to get better. I’m learning there is no forcing my brain to heal. Only time will heal this injury along with the small steps I take. I appreciate all the support I have been getting. I am grateful to everyone even if I haven’t been able to say thank you to all.

Jon here—Heidi’s husband, personal assistant and social media manager. 😁

She had a positive checkup yesterday on her vision. We had been instructed to have her eyes checked to see if there were any ramifications from the accident. All looks great! Her eyes are healthy and any vision issues she’s experiencing such as light sensitivity, occasional strobing and flashing, are symptoms of the concussion, not her eyes themselves. It should all resolve with time as her brain heals.

I’m thinking of it this way: her vision hardware checks out. The problems are in the software. 😁

She’s still experiencing a lot of fatigue, especially when we have to drive anywhere. The car rides are sensory overload and there is just so much going on that our brains process that we aren’t conscious of. This extra processing burden just saps her energy.

Fatigue is not quite the right term. It doesn’t really describe what she’s experiencing. When she gets overloaded her brain just kind of shuts down and she needs assistance to walk even short distances and to communicate. I’ve seen it happen many times and can now recognize when it is starting and offer the necessary care.

On a positive note, I am seeing her able to rebound much faster than a few weeks ago. So now an appointment in town can wipe her out for a day, and not several days.

We are looking forward to the specialist appointment on August 17th to get a better idea of treatment and timeline.

Thank you to everyone who signed up to bring us food snd have made financial donations. We so appreciate all of the ways people have been offering help. If we haven’t thanked you personally it’s just due to being a bit overwhelmed with so much going on right now. 🙏

Thank you all for so much love and support. This platform is a way for me to keep everyone informed on how I’m doing but also it’s a way for me to talk about what’s going on for me in this process. I am used to being very physically active, teaching Pilates, going for long walks, doing fun things with the kids etc. This is a very humbling experience. I know for sure that I will get better, it’s just a matter of time and patience.

I’m only able to look at a screen such as a phone for about 10 minutes first thing in the morning after I’ve slept a full night. I’ve learned how to dictate on my phone, instead of typing. So there may be a few typos as I make posts. As I can’t read what I dictate and correct it easily. Maybe there will be funny auto correct errors. 😂 Right now I have a hard time with conversations on the phone, although I find I can have short conversations and do just fine. When my brain gets overstimulated or overtired I start to get dizzy, nauseous and I start getting strobe light vision. I’m learning the first clue I get that I’m just getting to the point of overstimulation is that my breathing starts to change. It’s literally like living in somebody else’s body. My thinking, my personality, my sense of humor is all intact. But the brain really is the master ruler. When my brain says I’m done I’m literally done! Once my brain is done it literally shuts down. No matter what I’m doing. Thankfully I’ve learned the red light warnings to go get in bed before everything shuts down. I know I’m getting better because when this starts to happen I feel like a petulant child who doesn’t want to go take her nap!

Some of you may be wondering how the heck can the brain injury be so severe from a concussion. I had the very same questions. And was surprised to find that concussions are cumulative. This is my fourth major concussion +3 minor concussions. My last concussion was 16 years ago from a major car accident. So this concussion was the straw that broke the camels back. So what I’m dealing with is post concussion syndrome. It’s a mild form of traumatic brain injury. And this really is the result of having one too many concussions. The body truly is so amazing in it’s ability to heal. Especially when you give it love, patience and kindness. Again I really appreciate all the love and support all of you are giving me and I’m open to advice of others have gone through the same thing.

Heidi was in an accident on the evening of July 12th. She was going up to a neighbor’s house riding an electric scooter (think of the kind you can rent in cities like Bird/Lime/Spin, etc) with her son Christopher. They were each riding their own scooters.

She lost control of the scooter going downhill at 15MPH and with a steep cliff drop-off just at the shoulder of the road she stepped off to stop herself from going over the side. The momentum caused her to pitch forward, where she flew through the air, put her right hand down to catch herself, and came crashing down on her shoulder and head. Christopher saw the whole thing and was able to give us a riveting play-by-play. He was able to assist his Mom in getting some help from neighbors and she was shortly on her way to the ER in an ambulance.

Luckily she was wearing a helmet!

Unfortunately, hitting her head, even with a helmet, caused a concussion. Since she has had other concussions over the course of her life, the effects are cumulative and she is now recovering from major symptoms of Post-Concussion Syndrome.

Some of these symptoms are: extreme light sensitivity, severe fatigue, inability to walk unassisted, visual overstimulation, impaired brain/body connection which causes her to move slowly, and more.

She has seen improvement over the past month and is now able to talk at a normal, conversational speed. She can stay awake for longer periods of time and the first 1-2 hours of the morning are feeling fairly normal for her. Her energy then erodes quickly. Her shoulder is healing very well and she has regained most range of motion back. Her various scapes and cuts have healed and all is well on that front.

She has an appointment with a concussion specialist on August 17th and will get a better idea for a recovery plan after that appointment. She’s eager to get a feel for a timeframe for healing, but knows that only so much of it will be on her own timeframe... 😀🙏