Parents of Addicted Loved Ones- PAL of Nassau County

Meeting tonight at 6 pm in Yulee at Northeast Florida Baptist Association and Wednesday night at 6 pm in Hilliard at the Public Library. Meetings are free and provide education and support. Message for more information.

No meetings this week. Happy thanksgiving!

We are starting over with lesson 1 this Monday night November 6th, at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association in Yulee. If you love someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, it would be a great time to check out our meetings. We offer education and support at no cost and no judgement. You are not alone! There is hope! Contact me with any questions.

I will have a table set up at this event. If you love someone struggling with addiction, make plans to attend this free event.

Meetings are on break for the summer. We will resume meetings beginning of August. If you need to talk with someone before then, please send me a private message.

Meeting tomorrow night in Hilliard at 6:00 pm.

As a parent you fix your kid’s problems. Then, they start to grow and you transition them into working to solve their own problems, so when they reach adulthood, they’re all set.

With an adult addicted loved one, there’s often a disconnect. They can ‘get stuck’ at the age they start using drugs or alcohol. Then when they become an adult and should be solving their own problems, they’re still behaving more like a 14 or 15-year-old who needs help.

Parent, although Jr. might ACT like he’s still 15, he’s an ADULT. Even if he has substance use disorder, one great way to truly help him is to treat him like the adult he is.

How do you do this? I know the knee- jerk response is to ‘move in and fix’ someone - especially someone you love - whom you perceive as hurt, in danger, or defective in some way, especially when the outcomes can be so severe.

Don’t. Don’t try to fix him. It’s won’t work. You’ll just become sad, frustrated and defeated.

Instead, work on someone you CAN help: yourself.

Learn all about the science and psychology of addiction. Get peer support from those who understand.

Feel overwhelmed? Come to a free PAL parent support meeting. We’ll walk you through it.

We’re here to help.

No meeting today.

No meetings this week.

No meeting tonight.

No meetings this week. Meetings will resume on Monday, March 26th.

Community meeting opportunity

Meeting tonight at 6 pm in Yulee at Northeast Florida Baptist Association and Wednesday night at 6 pm in Hilliard at the Public Library. Meetings are free and provide education and support. Message for more information.

Enabling is defined as doing something for someone that they should be doing for themselves, over helping, or unhealthy helping.

Sometimes we enable out of fear, out of misunderstanding, or even from our own ‘need to DO something’.

Here are questions to ask yourself:

• Are you covering financial debts for a loved one resulting from drug/alcohol use?
• Have you made / cancelled appointments for your substance using loved one?
• Have you called in sick for him to a job or school?
• Are you constantly loaning money for food, clothes, rent, transportation etc., that you are not receiving back?
• Have you bailed her out of jail?
• Do you accept excuses even when you know he’s lying?
• Do you accept the blame for his drug or alcohol problem?
• Do you pretend to yourself or others that he’s sick instead of coming off a binge?

If you answered yes to 2 or more questions, your ‘help’ to your loved one may be actually hurting, or enabling him.

We have free support meetings for parents of loved ones with a substance use disorder at PAL. We’d love to help you stop unhealthy helping, and give you addiction education.

We’re here to help.

Meeting tomorrow night at 6:00 in Yulee and Wednesday night at 6:00 in Hilliard. Contact me for more information.

What does it look like when FEAR determines your next action with your substance using loved one?

- you deny there’s a problem
- you make excuses for her
- you let him lie to you
- you are easily manipulated
- you won’t call the police
- you continue to cover debts
- you won’t confront

FEAR says, “If I don’t do what she wants, she’ll NEVER get well.” or “At least if I know what he’s doing, and where he is I can keep him from dying.”

Not true. That’s fear talking.

What does it look like when HOPE determines your actions?

- you learn all about addiction and set good bounderies
- you stop enabling behaviors that support chemical dependency
- you are sympathetic to your loved one, but treat them as you would a responsible adult
- you only give help that leads directly to recovery
- you stop trying to control, fix and make decisions for your loved one

HOPE makes all the difference. HOPE says, “I can learn healthy helping and improve my life in spite of my loved one’s situation.”

Need HOPE today? Come to our free PAL parent support meetings nationwide, or join us for a live online ZOOM meeting.

We’re here to help.

No meetings this week. See you next week.

Meeting tonight in Yulee at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association in Yulee.

No meeting Monday in observance of the holiday.

Meetings resume this week. We will meet Monday, January 9th at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association on Hwy. 17 in Yulee. Meetings are free and open to anyone over 18 who has an addicted loved one. Meetings provide education and support. While I can not guarantee your loved one will seek help if you attend the meetings, I can assure you that it will help you. Please reach out to me at 904-703-7847 or message this page with any questions.

It’s especially difficult to have a loved one with substance use disorder at Christmastime.

If you’re love language is gift-giving, and you are new to all of this, it may be hard to understand that the chemically dependent who are constantly seeking drugs or alcohol may just trade your loving gift for cash to buy more drugs, even when they promise they won’t.

If your loved one is active in their disease and not in recovery, here are a few suggestions for gifts this year:

🎁 A loving, encouraging letter
🎁 Sharing a meal at a restaurant or park if you feel comfortable
🎁 Praying with or for them
🎁 A warm hug and if possible, a conversation

BUT - listen to this friends - if you are in too much pain and just can’t bear to see or talk to your loved one, or have drawn a boundary of ’space’, THAT IS OK!

If you have questions about any of this, please come to a free PAL parent support meeting and we will offer you kindness and understanding, and if you like, suggestions to help with your questions.

We’re here to help.

We will not be meeting until after New Years. Meetings will resume Monday, January 9th in Yulee and Wednesday, January 11th in Hilliard. Praying your holiday is blessed and joyful, even if you are dealing with a loved one’s substance use. Please reach out if you need help!

👇🏼True 👇🏼

Many haven’t had a ‘normal’ holiday season for years. When one of your children is suffering from chemical dependency, in and out of the home, or on the street, there is a hole in your home where they are missing.

Here are a few tips on how to help yourself through this often difficult time of year:

1 - Prepare by getting help throughout the season by frequently attending family or individual support meetings for families of substance users.

2 - Make a plan to pay attention to the people who show up, and don’t become obsessed with your loved one, either present or absent.

3 - Plan to help others who are less fortunate: volunteer to feed the homeless or participate in present drives to the underserved community

4 - Focus on gratitude for what IS good. There is always something to be thankful for.

5 - Don’t lose hope! Your child’s story isn’t finished yet. Keep the faith.

PAL meetings meet throughout the nation during the holiday season. To find a meeting near you, go to palgroup.org .

Meeting tonight at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association on Hwy. 17 in Yulee. We provide education and support in dealing with your addicted loved one. There is hope! You are not alone!

Meeting tonight at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association on Hwy. 17 in Yulee. We provide education and support in dealing with your addicted loved one. There is hope! You are not alone!

Before you go to floor 100 of the ‘Hope Hotel’ when your substance using loved one promises to get help, look for the action step.

This is one way you can determine if your loved one is serious about recovery.

Talking about ‘cutting back’, or ‘slowing down’, or ‘getting help’ is only words.

ACTION is the proof that your loved one means what he says.

Love him anyway! Tell him you believe that he can do it! Just save your sanity and know that he cannot be 100% believed until you see the action step.

We’re here to help.

Meetings resume on Monday, October 10th at 6:00 pm at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association in Yulee. We will begin with Lesson 1, so it’s a great time to come and see how we can help you change how you’ve been dealing with an addicted loved one. You are not alone. There is hope!

If you love someone struggling with drug or alcohol use, you may feel alone and unsure where to turn for help. That is where Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (PAL) can help. PAL weekly meetings provide a structured, evidence-based curriculum to give you the tools you need to encourage your loved one’s recovery without enabling their addiction. Equally important is the opportunity to network with other parents and loved ones struggling with the same issues, for support and fellowship. The meetings are free and confidential. Our meetings will resume next week. Meetings will be held at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association in Yulee on Mondays, beginning October 10th at 6:00 pm, and at the Hilliard Public Library on Wednesdays, beginning October 12th at 6:00 pm. While I can’t guarantee that your loved one will seek help if you attend the meetings, I can say with confidence that you will learn new ways to deal with them and gain a better understanding of addiction. I can be reached at (904) 703-7847 or by email at [email protected] for more information. I urge you to reach out for help. There is hope!

Meetings starting back next month. Contact me for more information.

"PAL wasn't intrusive or overbearing.
They were there for me as my heart broke in half.
I thought my son would die and I felt guilty that I had enabled him for 3 years as he spiraled downward.

PAL helped me find a balance and a measure of peace in my decision to let the courts handle him.

He is 12 months sober in a live-in program and has just landed a good job that will allow him to support his family. We have discussed bounderies that must remain in place going forward… bounderies I was able to set and enforce thanks to insights I have learned from members of PAL.”

This is a testimony from a PAL parent.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

We’re here to help.

Meetings begin again next month in Yulee and Hilliard.

At PAL, we hear about self-blame and grief all the time.

Often, parents take full responsibility for their addicted son or daughter becoming a substance user.

“If only I had…” , “If only we hadn’t…”,
Friends, that’s just not truth.

There are endless stories of people coming out of horrible circumstances, and becoming whole, healthy, successful people.

There are also the most loving, caring, whole and healthy homes that have an addicted loved one under the roof.

Don’t make yourself crazy by assuming guilt for your loved one's condition, or by taking on the responsibility to “fix” your loved one. It won’t work.

In the end, you can only fix yourself. Grow, learn how to love without enabling, learn to treat you adult son or daughter as an adult, and care for yourself and the other members of your family who need you too.

I love this testimonial.
“PAL has given me my life back”.

Want a life again?
Need help with this?
No idea where to start?
Need support?

PAL can come alongside and be your champion.

We’re here to help.

I’m guessing you’ve heard this saying before. I have.

Have you ever applied it to how you interact with your addicted loved one?

Maybe you’re the most loving parent. You just can’t bear to stop fixing, protecting, rescuing, controlling, getting angry….

What’s the result? Is it working? Is it helping your addicted loved one to stop using?

If you keep doing what you’re doing, do you think you’ll keep getting what you’re getting?

Maybe it’s time to try a new way.
What if you change your approach? What if you started treating your addicted loved one as an adult?

What if you encouraged her? What if you stopped rescuing, and fixing and controlling everything?

Maybe you could start getting different results?

Do you wonder if maybe it’s time?

PAL. We’re here to help.

👇🏼True👇🏼
It’s called SURRENDER.

Surrender is not giving up.
Surrender is not giving in.
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up hope.
Surrender is a humble acknowledgment that I cannot fix or control this; that I cannot impose my will on another adult and call it ‘good or loving’.

Surrender can be hard, and can require a lot of personal work and growth to accomplish.

Surrender requires faith.
It requires we allow others - even our children - to be who they choose to be.

Need help learning how to surrender?
We can help you with that goal.

PAL. We’re here to help.

palgroup.org

Meetings begin again next month. Contact me by messenger for more information.

If you have an addicted loved one, then one thing you can know for sure is that you CANNOT change him. You have no control. You can’t make him stop. If he does stop, you can’t keep him from starting again. Period.

So what to do?

Stop fighting the old. Leave the past behind, and start focusing on the ‘new’.

The ‘new’ is you.

You have control over you.
1- You can acknowledge that you have no control over your loved one, both to yourself and to him.
2- You can let him know you are going to stop treating him like a child.
3- You can start reading books on and researching addiction.
4- You can get support from peers on the same journey.
5- You can begin working on creating a life not centered on your loved one.

THIS is what ‘building the new’ looks like.

If you want help learning how to ‘build the new’, PAL is here for you, with free parent support meetings nationwide.

Is it time for you to stop ‘fighting the old' and start 'building the new’?

We’re here to help.

Meetings start back in August in Yulee and Hilliard. Contact me for more information.

Many parents…. wait, I’ll go out on a limb here to say ALL parents…. of an addicted son or daughter fear their loved one is going to die.

Addiction can be terrifying for so many reasons. There’s the fear of their life wasting away, losing your child to the street, the consequences of their actions, and ultimately, death.

👉🏼 So what in the world do we do⁉️

Decide.
Decide to face fear head-on and take action.
This is where fear turns to courage.

Courage to get help - Attend a support group with other parents on the journey. Get educated on addiction and how to stop enabling. Decide to talk about it and stop allowing shame a foothold.

And then, courage turns into HOPE.

PAL GIVES HOPE.

We’re here to help.

There is help and hope for our addicted loved ones!

One day we'll look back at how we treated addiction and wonder, what were we thinking? Addiction is a brain disease that affects thinking, judgment, impulse control, and behaviors. Abusing drugs/alcohol changes the brain chemistry overriding the prefrontal cortex (frontal lobe), the area responsible for executive functions such as abstract thinking, motivation, planning, attention to tasks, reasoning and impulse control. Addiction hijacks the ability to think and reason and reroutes itself through the old reptilian brain, the area responsible for survival. In addicted persons, this part of the brain screams, get dope or die! Ultimately, it leaves dependent persons more afraid of going without their drug of choice than dying from it. We put people in jail for using and distributing illegal substances and then build safe injection sites to allow it. The message is conflicting and confusing. Instead of jailing addicts, I hope that soon, everyone picked up on a drug offense will be ordered mandatory treatment. If their offense calls for two years in prison, they receive two years of rehabilitation treatment. The cost will be the same; the outcome will not. We need to stop this insanity. Too many are dying. Don't buy into the myth you must want to go to rehab, or it won't work. With the right help and services, people in treatment have a fighting chance and their brains can heal. Left to their own devices, not so much.

Letting go may be the only option when every other avenue has been rejected.

A Letter To My Addicted Adult Child.

My Dear Child,
I feel like I’m saying goodbye to you, and in a way, I suppose I am. I will always love you and want the best for you, and that's why I’m prepared to do the most unnatural thing a mother will ever do. My mind screams, I’m abandoning you. Oh, I know you’re all grown up, but you’ll always be my baby to me. Maybe that’s part of the problem. My nature is to protect you. I see you broken and despairing, and I am broken and despairing too.

If you had cancer or heart disease, I would fight tooth and nail to get you the necessary care. People tell me addiction is also a disease, and you can free yourself through abstinence and therapy. It seems so simple to me. You're dying. Please get help! But that's the thing about addiction. It's not simple or logical. There is no hospital bed, no cancer or heart disease. Only an insidious little secret that has grown into a horrible, ugly beast. It's devouring you alive and me, along with it. I’ve watched this monster grow. I pleaded with it, coddled it, and nurtured it. I’ve done everything I can to make this THING go away, but it's relentless. And I am left to face the truth. You, my precious child, are addicted! Addiction. Oh, Dear God! I LOATHE that word.

Why does the truth have to be so hard? Even harder is what I still have to do. I have watched over you all my life, and now, I must set you free. Not because I want to. Because I NEED to. It’s the only thing I can do that MIGHT save your life. But the process may also end it. I’m told by people in recovery, professionals, and moms who have gone before me that there's a greater chance you will succeed and get well if I stop rescuing and enabling. Almost always, letting go works. Believe me, ALMOST is nowhere near comforting enough. Here I am, between a rock and a hard place, with no good choices, only hard and worse ones.

Before I let you go, know this. I am here for you, ALWAYS. I am here for YOU. Not for the disease that wears your face, but for you, who I believe is hiding deep within. Whether you get clean by intervention or grow weary of your consequences, now that you’ll be dealing with them, this insanity will stop.

If you think quitting drugs is hard, my dear, you should try walking away from your child!

I know we’ve both grown sick with this monster. You’re not the only one who needs help. I do, too. I promise you I will do everything that is asked of me, even if I think I will hate every minute of it. I’ll do it because I know if I do, you might.

I promise not to ask you to do anything that I won’t do. I would ask you to take care, but you will only smile and nod and carry on as before. The words would only make me feel better. They’re of no use to you at all. So instead, I shall give you to God. But before I do, I’ll wrap you in your favorite baby blanket—the one you dragged behind you until it was nothing but rags.

Lastly, I pray that we both have the strength to do the next right thing, even when it feels so wrong.

I love you, my precious child.
May we both find peace.

Always and forever, Mom.

Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com

We will be taking a break from meeting over the summer, but will start back at lesson 1 in August. If anyone needs to reach out, I am still available by phone or messenger. Remember, we do not have to live in the chaos created by our addicted loved ones. There is hope! You are not alone!

Meeting tonight at the Northeast Florida Baptist Association in Yulee at 6:00 pm. If you love someone addicted to drugs or alcohol, you are not alone. We offer education and support at our meetings. There is hope!

I NEED to get HIGH (The Addict's Perspective).

I’m your child, spouse, or friend.
But I’ve changed.
All I care about is getting high.
I WANT to get high.
I will do ANYTHING to get high.
I LOVE getting high.
I NEED to get high...
and I will step over you to do it.
When I look at you, I don’t see YOU.
I see a means to an end.
You have money, and I want it—end of the story.
I don’t care if you can’t pay the rent.
I don’t care if you need groceries.
I don’t care if you promised you wouldn’t give me money again.
I don’t care if you lie to Dad.
I don’t care if you’re broke.
Sell your rings, take a loan, pawn your electronics, max out your credit cards, or borrow the money from a friend, because I need to get high!
You think you can CHANGE me.
But you’re WRONG.
Something cold and sinister slithers in me.
You can CRY all you want.
I don’t respond to tears.
My morals are a thing of the past.
I will say anything, do anything, and hurt anyone to get my next FIX.
I'll tell you what you want to hear.
I'll promise you the world.
I'll look you in the eye and break your heart… over and over again.
I don’t have a heart.
I have HUNGER.
It’s calculating and manipulative, and it OWNS me.
Strangely, you’re thankful for this.
For when I need my next fix, I'll find you, quick!
Then when I’ve gotten what I want, I leave.
Our relationship is a one-way street.
You give, I take.
By now, your need is almost as great as mine.
I can’t stay sick without you.
You can’t breathe without me.
You think you’re helping me.
You believe you’re making a difference, but what you’re really doing is aiding in my demise.
I won’t tell you that, but you know it, deep down inside.
If we keep going like this, one or both of us will die—me from an overdose you paid for and you from a broken heart.
You've waited YEARS for me to change and see the light.
You've kept my secrets and protected my lies.
You've cleaned up my messes and bailed me out.
You love me to the exclusion of EVERYONE else.
Your world revolves around one thing only… ME.
You said you would never leave me, but will you reach out for help?
Will you find the COURAGE that lies within you to STOP the insanity?
Will your LOVE become greater than your fear?
Will you learn to say NO?
Will you allow me to experience the consequences of my actions?
Will you LOVE me enough to feel your guilt and stop enabling my ADDICTION?
I lay trapped within the confines of this cold, dark, serpent addiction, and I am… DYING.

Lorelie Rozzano
www.jaggedlittleedges.com

Internationally recognized author, Lorelie Rozzano, is a writer, blogger, and recovery advocate who works in mental health and addiction, helping individuals and their families recover from substance use disorder. As a daughter, mother, wife, and survivor, she offers insight into the world of chemical dependency. Lorelie has given thousands the glasses they need to see addiction from every angle. She has written several books on the topic, including Gracie’s Secret, Jagged Little Edges, Jagged Little Lies, and Jagged No More. Lorelie hopes the honesty found in her books will inspire addicted persons and their families to reach out for help. To learn more about the Jagged series, click on the link https://tinyurl.com/ybhjf7ut

No meetings this week. Sorry for the late notice. If you need to reach out, send me a private message.

Local meetings held weekly in Nassau County.

It’s hard some days…
hard not to look back to ‘before’.
•
Before the drugs or alcohol when everything was ‘good’. Back to when there was laughter and fun, outings and events, more happy than sad… back to ‘before’.
•
But see, the thing is, we tend to look back with rose colored glasses.
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Instead of looking back with longing for the way it was, what if we could look forward with hope for the way it could become?
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It’s a tough road sometimes friend, but I’m here to tell you, HOPE is the guiding light for the journey.
PAL brings hope.
We’re here to help.
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Look for a PAL free parent support group near you today.
Go to palgroup.org > find a meeting.

Meeting tonight at the Hilliard Public Library at 6:00 pm. If you love someone struggling with drugs or alcohol, you are not alone. There is hope. Come join us.