LUCiD

As I sail through another trip round the sun and I reflect on my past year I can’t help but think about identity.
For a while I thought I had lost mine.. but now I realize we do not need attachments to be whole.
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Let’s get comfortable with the idea of self without attachments.
I am I.
I am.
I.
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We are not a job. We are not our parents. We are not a car, or house, or a fabulous wardrobe.
We are not our friends or acquaintances.
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Who are you without those things?
Who would you be friends with if they had none of those things?
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Wear your soul inside out.
💗🌞🌻💗

Happy birthday daddio, the beginning and the reason. ✨

Without the experience of losing you I would not be here.
I am grateful for the motion of events that were set by the unluckiness of being in Thailand during the 2004 tsunami. I am grateful to have been witness to tragedy as it meant I gained perspective. I am grateful for the most painful and hardest of times that followed.
All of it led me here, with a keen interest in trauma, grief and resilience. Today it also happens that I start a course. 🦋🌝

And thankfully these motion of events also led me to . I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since we tied the knot. Grateful to be doing life together. Absolutely love you to the ends of the universe (even if you don’t believe in it)❤️💫

When I talk to people about stopping djing, most of them say “but you’re not really giving up right… you’ll be back” some have asked me to play in a few months, next year even. It’s a hard no. There are many reasons why I have stopped - wanting to concentrate on a psychology and healing modalities, wanting to spend more time with family and friends, suddenly realizing I was aspiring to a vampiric life spent at airports and random clubs with people you don’t know… but ultimately I truly fell out of love with the scene and everything that goes with it. It was a hard realization, especially as djing full time is a lot of peoples dream job. I put what I felt into words. 👀

It’s never too late to change your mind.

Dreams can change and so can people. I’ll be posting more musings about change soon. But for now I am happy to be pages in to my new chapter 🦋💚

Totally ecstatic to be on my way to today 🌳💚 if you’re there come find me Saturday night at 10pm 🌙💃

Ego aside (check last post) it would mean the absolute world if you came and celebrated my last official gig, ringing in my new chapter on the 27th august. 💚 It couldn’t be at a more special party, organized by and featuring friends 💗 and a very special guest 💥
All proceeds go to homerton hospital 🏥 and it takes place at in dalston 🌚

DJING X THE EGO 👇🏼

Looking at the crowd, I subconsciously count how many hands are in the air. How many smiles, closed eyes or faces lost to enjoyment, nodding and signaling at me. If there are lots, I feel confident, happy, fulfilled, proud. A good set means I get lost in this feeling, high off others enjoyment of what I am playing them. On a worse night, I notice everyone who leaves - to the bar or bathroom most likely, but “this song isn’t good enough” goes through my mind - or “I am not good enough to make them stay”. My feelings of self worth ebb and flow over the course of my set, intrinsically tied to every person in that room, every hand, whoop, cheer, whistle, feeding my ego.

A good set means a full ego, a bad set, a shattered one.
DJing IS ego. Look at me, come see me play, follow me, listen to my mixes, like my pictures. I no longer want my self worth to be defined by the amount of whistles I hear during a song I played, but didn’t make.

There is a lot I loved about playing music to people, but all of it feeds the ego. And I am in the process of dismantling mine.

Disclaimer: This is my own experience and may not apply to all DJs. Also not here to judge 🐉💗🌝

Ahead of this weekend I recorded a poolside mix and did a short interview with founder 🌸💚 we talk about why I’m leaving the industry, what I’m heading in to and what I’ve left behind. 👀 I love this mix and I love this interview..🪷 give it a listen! Link in bio 👉🏼

Limited tickets are still available for ! Come and join us for a wonderful weekend full of love 💗🪵

MY LAST 2 OFFICIAL LONDON GIGS! 🌶💚🙈 If you are in london on the 13th or 27th august please come join me for my last ever official gigs! 13th is for at oval space and will be my usual take on disco 🪩 (italo meets acid) and then the 27th will be my last ever ever official gig and will be at with some of my besties who have been integral to my whole djing journey 🥰❤️‍🔥 it will be truly special and would mean the 🌎 to see you there 💚 ticket link in bio 👉🏼

SECRET GARDEN PARTY! 💫 my gosh, some of the best times of my life were had here🌈💞 When life was just festivals, sequins, blue hair and biodegradable glitter ✨ and of course my first official gig on the regression session stage.. who’s there? Find me Friday on the bus at 6pm and on the stage by the collosillium at 10pm 🥰💞

The lovely fellas over at kindly asked me to play ☀️💙 who’s in / near / fancies a trip to Warwickshire tomorrow? HEATERS ONLY 🔥❤️‍🔥

Hugely excited to be taking a break from my studies this Friday night to play at 🍄💗 I’ll be going b2b with my absolute fave hun before none other that ALFOS massive 👽🌚

Happy birthday to the best! 💙🌙✨

GOLD 💛 PINK 💗 black? 🖤🙀FASHUN 👯‍♀️

🐝 Extremely buzzing to be playing alongside some incred people at and on the endlessly fun .talk s stage 😜💖

Who is at ?! I’ll be playing at 4pm on the boat 💎🌞would love to see as many faces there as poss.. this marks the first count down to the end of my DJ career 🌱

The sun, moon, and herbs 🇲🇽🌞🌚🌵 = 💖

On (2 year delayed) honeymoon 🌙🍯 unresponsive as phone is off ✌🏼catch me in a few 🌞🐒

🌝 From September I will no longer be taking DJ bookings. I will be consciously stepping away from DJing and into another calling. I no longer feel this industry is aligned to my souls purpose and it is making me unhappy.
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I have loved every moment up till now, and I will cherish the best 20s a person could ever hope for. I’ve met some amazing people, had some crazy times, and learnt a lot. I wish only the best for everyone and hats off to you for following your own paths.
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The last 2 years has given me space to think about what it is I want to offer the world, and due to past experiences with trauma and grief, I would love to explore this avenue.
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Hopefully you’ll stay with me on my next chapter learning as much as I can on healing techniques, the mind, trauma, grief, health and happiness. Lord knows the world needs it right now!
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In the mean time, I’m very much looking forward to this summer, and for the record, friends, I will be available for your birthdays and weddings! 🌝💕

Happiest to just SOME of the badass womxn I am privileged to have met ❤️🌸 please donate to and details on my bio 👉🏼💗

🚨LINEUP ANNOUNCEMENT #4 looking forward to venturing up north for the inaugural 🤩🍄🌳🌸

🚨LINEUP ANNOUNCEMENT #3!🚨Can’t wait to make my debut at alongside some truly awesome people 🤩💖💫

LINEUP ANNOUNCEMENT #2 those wily eyed of you will know this grassy hill. Totally buzzering to be back at with the gang gang ❤️‍🔥🌝

This Saturday find me at playing all night long for a JOURNEY ✨

So happy to be back in the party game, with mine and s new night at mezcal pink cowboy HQ 🌸🤠 join us and friends for an EXTRAvaganza on the 5th Feb! Early doors at 6, close at 1.30🤩🌵

Perfect Monday listening with an impeccable output by 👀🐸 Ranil came out last year and features sounds from Iquitos, Amazonia and Peru 👌🌿

Today on 🌻 you know what to do (listen live on balamii.com/live at 3pm OBVI) ❤️

Things have come a long way since this stage take over!! 💞can’t wait for tonights at ! 🎊