It Happened to Me Too

Happy 3rd Birthday my Prince. We ℓ♥√ع you.

I'm down 3 pounds a small amount but it's monumental because it's emotional weight from losing my son in 2012. MOURNING takes time don't ever let anyone rush you.

I'm finally able managing being a mom to an Angel Baby.

Holding on to love...

Let's wrap our hearts and arms around this couple. Read their story written by Mom as she says goodbye to Angel Baby #7 💔

https://lifeaspknowsit.wordpress.com/2014/12/12/holding-on-to-your-love/

Holding On To Your Love I have no idea what strength is. Some folks think it's the ability to appear in full control of your emotions. Others believe that real strength is allowing yourself to go through your emotional pr...

Becoming a MOM to a live baby after an ANGEL BABY...

Motherhood is tiring because it's never ending. After losing a child ones need to become a parent USUALLY INCREASES and whether or not that wish is granted is never a guarantee BUT when it happens EVERYTHING changes.

I will share my perspective as a mom to a LIVE baby after an Angel baby.

Life with a love baby is EVERYTHING beautiful you can imagine or even dream of but with beauty comes SACRIFICE!

LACK of sleep
No PERSONAL time
Whatever life you had is gone
Your PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS may suffer severely but the good news is they can rebound

Guilt is another feeling BECAUSE although the happiness and joy of Motherhood is surreal when one feels tired, drained or even dare I say frustrated? Given your history with pregnancy YOU THINK "I have no right to complain or even think about myself..." I should be THANKFUL and zip it!

THE TRUTH is you are human not a machine just like you had feelings of resentment, rage and anger AFTER hearing seeing birth announcements after your loss. It's the SAME difference you're overwhelmed with trying to be a PERFECT Parent but there's no such thing. One has to LEARN as they go it's really the best way because no child is the same and everything isn't for everybody or their families.

DON'T try to be perfect just focus on doing your best to learn what works for you, your baby and loved ones.

TRUST you'll all be fine!

Don't be insensitive on purpose

Understand that the pain of losing a child never dissipates regardless of when and how that child was lost. It hurts!

Don't expect that a woman with a pregnancy loss will somehow miraculously get over it. Not happening; champ believe that! I don't care if it was one year, ten or even forty-five years ago the day is always remembered and its events play as vividly as a high-definition drama on TV.

Be mindful if your words:

"You can't dwell on that. It's gonna be okay."

"Don't think that way ..."

"You have to let it go ..."

No, it's not dwelling I'm dealing with it and managing my pain. I can't help but think that way because it happened. I will not let it go but I do accept it; it's how I deal with my pain. When I express my feelings I'm simply expressing as a source of healing; just listen and understand that I know it's in the past but that doesn't mean I'll allow anyone to belittle my fears of the future especially in a new pregnancy.

Hormones are racing, feelings of fear, guilt and detachment also loom in the background trying to get in on the limbo line of your heart and mind all while you're trying to not to panic at every single physical and emotional change it's hard to deal. Healing is a long process and has no time frame or line so, don't offer one.

Everyone copes differently and being in your third trimester after pregnancy loss is not the joyful experience those lucky women who've never had a loss thrive on. It's a blessing to know that everyone hasn't suffered but understand that many woman and their families have so be cognizant in your words and how they connect to the ears of those in pain especially with grief and loss of life.

Just a personal take on my experience and how I've had some people address me and my situation.

It's my loss, my pain! I will cope, manage and healthily deal with as it best suits me; not you.

I'm not alone.

Pregnancy is usually best described as a BEAUTIFUL experience. One that truly can never be explained well enough through words or discourse because there will always be someone who doesn't have a clue of what you're saying or feeling.

It's not because they don't care but more do because they just don't know. Each pregnancy is unique none are ever the same not even for a women who's had multiple ones and that can be attributed to the fact that as humans in general we all differ do why would our journey to life be an exception to our essence as different beings in the universe? I personally see it this way as others will agree that it's really the same, the s***m enters the va**na seeks out the fertile egg and the winner becomes a human; yay!

But, in my experience pregnancy has been nerve wracking and truly emotional. I can easily attribute it to my 'prior pregnancy loss' but then again I was nervous overall. This time around I alienated myself from my pregnancy in my mind WE were TWO separate entities.

I was here and it was there, sounds cruel but if you've lost a pregnancy you know exactly what I mean. You separate yourself to guard your heart from reliving the pain and fearing the worst and you mentally combat the "what if" DAILY because you worry about losing the one thing you want the most but you think yourself smart enough to separate the two in hopes that if IT HAPPENS again it won't hurt as much given that you prepared yourself for it "just in case" in all honesty this wouldn't work because the pain is immense but the nostalgia of feeling like you did your best to expect the worse provides an odd sense of comfort believe it it not.

All that being said, I'm 30 soon to be 31 weeks and truth be told I'm looking forward to the end and although I'm on edge (yes, even at this stage) I want the end result that all soon to be moms want "a happy healthy smart baby" sounds simple enough and truly it shouldn't be an odd request but life has things mapped in such a way that regardless of the direction you follow you may end up in a place you weren't expecting but then again, that's life!

I'm thankful for my second chance and pray for the best every kick and punch from her serves as my affirmation that her life is the beginning of my new life as her Mama.

Patience is definitely a virtue.

Viability has increased!

While most people revel in the idea of nursery design and baby registries I'm here rejoicing because my baby is not only legally considered a fetus but her survival rate has increased (24 weeks)!!

Doesn't sound like much? Allow me to explain, until a women reaches 20 weeks she and her baby will receive general basic care and if there's an episode of bleeding, cramping etc. She will more than likely be tested & checked for any possible infection and if none are detected then more than likely she will hear "threatened miscarriage" as her diagnosis and be sent home to rest as if one really could rest after learning about that diagnosis! Why?

Most people would say that's cruel but it's medicine miscarriages are so common that no real efforts can or will be made to stop one and no baby is considered viable until after 20 weeks. So, when a mom-to-be gets to her 24th week the fetus survival rate increases and she has a shot at keeping her child should it arrive before term (40 weeks) and she can rely on more diligent practices and efforts to keep her pregnant in the event of another "episode" as well as stronger efforts to keep her baby alive if it arrives early.

Viability increased!

Best thing I've heard so far...

I'm pregnant (again)

I've been kinda avoiding it but paying attention to it assuring all medical needs are met. Appointments kept and Follow-ups are followed through!

I'm scared of failing at it I don't mean to dwell but it's hard not to remember what has already happened and I can't seem to get peace when I feel compelled to expect the worse.

It's hard to keep optimism when you know what can happen-you feel emotionally safer being realistic than hopeful. It's not right but it is what it is and you wouldn't understand unless it happened to you.

You question everything that's told to you all the while trying to be positive.

Yet, simultaneously any time something small goes wrong or shows not so promising results -- you panic and cry and people tell you it's gonna be okay but you know how wrong it can go; so, you choose not to keep hope in an effort to protect your heart but how truly healthy or helpful is that for the Long term?

Not sure if there's a real answer
I think the worst and I want it to stop so, I pray the fear to go away every time.
My due date is April 26, I want to make it to that day safely and be able to celebrate like so many others do.

Even in my darkest fear I decided I won't let it win. In fact, I refuse!

I could lose everything my career plans, my income for this pregnancy but when I see that little face it'll have all been worth it because - I won!

Remain proactively positive (if you have to fake it 'til you make it then so be it) and deal with the anxiety, it's normal and never forget it happened to me too.

There’s a sincere inadequacy formed in a woman’s self-esteem and core when she suffers a miscarriage. No one else can understand that unless they too have had the experience and this includes men and women; yes men experience miscarriages too. The pain is very real, the loss is tremendous and most people cope privately and seek very little counsel or therapy I’m not saying that you should as we all deal with pain in our own way. I can only pray that the coping mechanisms one chooses are safe and lead to progressively positive recovery because one never gets over this. Most people will look at you and feel bad and want to help and give you words of wisdom, encouragement but nothing ever really takes away the pain. It’s a blow to our ego as women; one has a tendency to question her womanly parts and abilities as well as looking at her faith and questioning her role as a woman who can’t reproduce-it’s hurtful. So many feelings could and can arise from this misfortune but it doesn’t mean you should allow it to identify you or allow yourself sub-conscious negative self to beat yourself up because that’s not okay to do. Miscarriages happen more than we know but no one wants to discuss them; could it be from shame, hurt, embarrassment or denial – I can’t answer that.

We all have our reasons and we all have a right to grieve however we see fit, it’s your heartbreak, your baby and in no point in time should you ever allow anyone to deprive you of that or imply that you can speed it up. Do what’s best for you and your family, day by day – a tear shed Monday and sobbing all day Tuesday followed by a poker face on Wednesday with a tear jerk on Thursday and reminiscing all day Friday! Express yourself and don’t deny how you feel even if you’ve not told a single soul; pick up a pen and paper – doodle, scribble, write, draw just let it out, it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings they’re yours.

A support system is great but not everyone has the luxury but a word to the wise there are some things that people say that they think are helpful but truly are not:
“It’s okay! You can have another one.” No, it’s not okay I’m in pain and I don’t understand why me? And, I don’t want another one – I want the one I already had. I can’t replace them like a pair of shoes.

“Well, at least you already have children.” Yes, I do but I just lost one so I’m thankful for what I have but I'm hurting right now.”

I could go on and on but I believe you get the point. The idea is that you show your love and support but take into consideration the dynamics of what’s going on and it’s more complex than just a loss of pregnancy.

There’s an end to hopes of smiles and giggles, play dates, lullabies, watching his/her first step, first day of school, everything gone. Fear of being an incomplete woman, what if something’s wrong that can’t be fixed? Will my relationship survive this? The best advice I can give, is let it be known that you’re there and answer when called upon.

Your healing begins when you're ready.

Spiritual Enlightenment:

"Give all your worries to him, because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7 ERV

Finding Hope After Miscarriage

Article: "Finding hope after miscarriage http://mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2013/01/10/finding-hope-after-miscarriage/

mobile.nytimes.com Miscarriage, like early pregnancy, is still a largely private affair. Unlike births and deaths, it has no rituals to mark it. Even close friends can feel at a loss with no script to follow.

Don't beat yourself up; instead allow yourself AMPLE time to heal it never goes away but with time it gets better.

Men & Miscarriage

We FORGET about the Men (sometimes) they miscarry too. http://www.ithappened2me2.org/men--miscarriage.html

www.ithappened2me2.org " It was 1976 , she was about 5 months I was at work.  She started to have some bleeding and went to the ER, hours later she gave birth to my boy; our first son-he was still born.  I didn't...

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