Counsellor/Therapist at Bristol Healing Arts

Counsellor/Therapist at Bristol Healing Arts

Counsellor BACPM FDSC
Private Practice

Linked In. Volunteer @ Kids Company Wendy Tobiassen Humanistic Integrative/ Person Centered Counselor FDSC.BACPM.

Multi-faceted therapist, weaving together over 20 years training and experience of therapeutic healing processes.

Timeline photos 09/10/2021

Hello, my dear friends,

Today, I want to share with you a Simple Self-Healing Technique to Stimulate your Lymph System and Liver

HOW TO: Hold your left arm at a 90-degree angle with your forearm in front of your body and parallel to the floor. Hold your right hand like a cup, as if it were holding water. Gently but crisply pat (cup) the area on the top of your forearm that is one inch down from your elbow. Do this repeatedly

This point connects to the large intestine channel and has strong connection to your liver and lymph systems.

To learn more self-healing techniques >>>
https://www.springforestqigong.com/shop/healing-tools-books/head-to-toe-healing

Hold On to Your Kids 14/06/2021

Hold On to Your Kids Check out this great listen on Audible.com. Brought to you by Penguin. Children take their lead from their friends: being 'cool' matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents. But this situation is far fro...

25/03/2020

IN CRISES, WE START DOING WEIRD STUFF: Over the last week I have struggled to sleep, stayed up late into the night reading endless news articles, bought pasta I don’t even like very much, got angry with my mum for not staying home. My spelling is a disaster and I’m definitely drinking more. I’ve been a bit teary, and all I really want to eat is cake, cake and more cake. From what I got back from my post yesterday, I’m not alone.

If you’re having a wobble, you may also have noticed all sorts of weird stuff going on. Are you arguing more, talking faster, struggling to sleep, restless, desperate for information? Or are you teary and overwhelmed, perhaps feeling a bit sick? Struggling to make decisions? Just want to stay in bed? Tummy upsets? Having palpitations, butterflies, headaches? Ranting, picking fights or getting into arguments? Laughing unexpectedly or saying random, inappropriate things? Developing Very Strong Opinions on epidemiology overnight? Or have you just completely gone to ground?

If you are feeling any of these things: good news! You are not going mad. And you are 100% not alone. You are, in fact completely normal: a fully emotionally functional human being. Congratulations! Why? I’ll explain: take a seat and put the kettle on.

WE ARE LIVING IN TURBO-ANXIOUS TIMES. Well, no kidding. We’re in the middle of an unprecedented crisis that has showed up unexpectedly (they do that) and which presents a mortal threat to ourselves and everyone we know and love. It’s frightening and it makes us feel totally out of control. And this is on top of anything else we have going on.

HERE’S THE SCIENCE BIT. When we are exposed to threats and need to deal with them, our brain springs into action. Specifically a tiny, innocent-looking thing buried behind your ear called the amygdala (fun fact: it's the size and shape of an almond). It’s the bit in charge when we are frightened and right now, it’s in full tin-hat klaxon mode. Unfortunately, it’s a very ancient bit of kit. It came into being when threats basically consisted of being eaten by large scary animals like bears. You know that thing about when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Well, to the amygdala, everything looks like a bear. It’s also pretty basic, so it really only has two settings. They are ❤ no bear ❤ and BEAR!!!.

SETTING: BEAR!!!. Because all threats look like a bear to the amygdala, it preps you accordingly. There are really only two reactions to a bear about to eat you: fight it, or run away really really fast. So this is what the body gets you ready to do. It’s called the Fight or Flight response (there’s also freeze, meaning you just get paralysed). It does this by flooding your body with chemicals like cortisol, and adrenaline. Your heart rate goes up, you feel super alert, your breathing goes shallow, your muscles are ready for action. These chemicals are also largely responsible for a huge range of other cognitive/physical/emotional reactions like this in my intro. l In a group fear situation like a pandemic, this tends to happen whether you think you're scared or not - anxiety is even more infections than COVID. Your body reacts even if your conscious mind doesn't.

BEAR V VIRUS: Obviously this is all great if you really are running away from a bear. But we’re now in a situation where we’re being asked to do the EXACT OPPOSITE of running away. We are being told to sit tight. Literally stay still. Process large amounts of information, make complicated decisions, and stay calm. All while a bit of your brain is running around yelling BEAR! BEAR! BEAR! This isn’t easy. The result is an awful lot of stress and anxiety. And if you’re anything like me, you end up feeling really overwhelmed and having all sorts of reactions.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS: Anxiety isn’t just mental – it’s also physical, cognitive and behavioural. You will notice all kinds of things: stomach upsets, headaches, insomnia, changes to eating, changes to the way you talk. It’s also cognitive: it’s very difficult to think straight when you’ve got the BEAR! BEAR! BEAR! thing going on – so we also become very bad at making decisions, absorbing information and generally thinking rationally. Which is EXACTLY what we need to do.

SO WHAT TO DO: well, the good news is it is possible to calm down. We can turn the amygdala from BEAR!!! to NO BEAR 😊, and not just by distracting it with cake and tea. Her are some solid, scientifically proven things you can do.

BREATHE. It’s so basic, but breathing exercises are basically magic. They work in minutes and you can do them anywhere. They work because of all the physical reactions the amygdala triggers, rapid breathing is the only one over which we have conscious control. Control your breathing and you are basically telling your body: it’s OK. There is no bear. Your body will then start to dial down the adrenaline and cortisol and all the other reactions will slow to a halt. How to control your breathing? It’s easy – and if you want help just put "two minute breathe bubble" in into Youtube. The golden rules are these:

• In through the nose, out through the mouth. SLOWLY
• Make the outbreath longer than the inbreath – imagine there’s a candle in front of you and it mustn’t go out
• Breathe from the tummy not chest – really make your tummy go out when breathing in.
• Do it for two minutes and see how you feel

Seriously, try it – this technique is used by everyone from top athletes to the US military to help stay in control while under stress. There are all sorts of versions – from yogic breathing to box breathing to 4-7-8. Google them, mess around, figure out what works for you.

CALL A FRIEND: Don’t suffer alone. Call a mate - someone who’ll listen while you have a bit of a rant, or a cry, or a general wobble. Someone you can trust not to judge you and who’ll just sympathise. And if you get one of those calls, just be nice to them. You only need to be kind. You can’t fix what’s going on so just give them a bit of space to rant. And if you’re OK, call your friends and check in on them. Especially if they’ve gone silent.

LAUGH: it doesn’t matter what is funny – laughter is a huge releaser of endorphins. Silly memes, silly jokes, stand-up, rolling around with your kids – videos on youtube. The sillier the better. Also v good for bonding with friends, which will also help you feel less alone.

DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HANDS. Yes you can meditate if this is your bag, it’s amazing. But if it’s not, and personally I’m rubbish, then trying to start when you’re already anxious is really hard. So do something instead. Cook. Tidy. Knit. Draw. Bake. Garden. Mend things. This is what nice middle class therapists like me call Mindfulness.

TREAT YOUR BODY: We hold stress in our bodies at least as much as our minds. Take a bath or a shower. Put on things that feel good on your skin. Use nice smelling body creams. Stretch. Skip. Do yoga. Dance. Eat healthy but delicious things - fresh if you can get it. All of these will help calm you down.

SUNSHINE. It’s SPRINGTIME amid this horror – enjoy it. If you can’t go outside, open the windows and feel it on your face. If it’s safe for you to go outside (maybe you live in the country) do it, while of course observing social distance. Go for a walk. Being outdoors, connecting to nature, is hugely calming.

STEP AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA/THE NEWS: All it will do will scare you more and make things worse. Turn off the telly and for gods sake avoid the psychopathic digital wild west that is Twitter. Stick to sensible sources like the BBC and the NHS, and limit yourself to short need-to-know bits a day. You’ll feel better immediately.

STEP AWAY FROM TERRIBLE COPING MECHANISMS: They will all translate as BEAR!! to your poor brain. Especially don’t get drunk, especially if you’re alone (BEAR!!), take drugs (BEAR!!), stay up all night reading (BEAR!!), get sucked into conspiracy theories (BEAR!!), pay attention to ANYTHING Donald Trump says (BEAR!!). See? Stress levels going up already. Breathe.

BE KIND: to yourself and others. Now is not the time to go on a diet. Nor is this the time to start on Proust or makeover your life. You'll probably struggle to concentrate, fail and make yourself feel worse (hat tip Laura Gordon for this bit). Don’t make this more stressful than it already is. Think comfort books, comfort telly, comfort everything. Everyone is wobbly, everyone is going to have a meltdown at some point. Understand that if someone is angry or aggressive, then they are also just scared. And eat more cake. Cake makes everything better.

So, there we go. Hopefully a bit less BEAR!!. Now, that kettle should have boiled by now. Go make a nice cup of tea, sit by a window and drink it in this lovely morning sunshine.

I don't know who wrote this explanation but its well written , explained, so i'm sharing, that it might help

20/03/2020

Rethinking what we are telling ourselves; I'm having sometime with myself; And i have the house to myself for a while yay, that sounds lovely. How about, I'm on retreat! Reflecting! Reviewing the situation! Spending quality time with my family and kids.... Instead of the imprisoned military style terminology, that's being touted and fed into our psyche.. Feel free to share your re-phrasing, Id love to hear them

💗 Healing Emotional Trauma - Free Training 24/04/2019

💗 Healing Emotional Trauma - Free Training This is a Limited Time Replay.

The truth about being "emotionally unavailable" 23/10/2018

The truth about being "emotionally unavailable" A veteran trauma-recovery therapist proposes that people who are "insensitive," "uncaring," "over-intellectual," "unempthic", and "unable to love," are survi...

Differentiating Anger from Aggression 17/04/2018

The difference between anger and aggression

Differentiating Anger from Aggression It is the aggression, not the anger, that is normally the problem.

Junot Díaz: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma 11/04/2018

A powerful essay about one mans experience and legacy of being sexually abused as a child

Junot Díaz: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma I never got any help, any kind of therapy. I never told anyone.

09/04/2018
31/03/2018
19/01/2018
Is everything you think you know about depression wrong? 07/01/2018

“This pain you are feeling is not a pathology. It’s not crazy. It is a signal that your natural psychological needs are not being met. It is a form of grief – for yourself, and for the culture you live in going so wrong. I know how much it hurts. I know how deeply it cuts you. But you need to listen to this signal. We all need to listen to the people around us sending out this signal. It is telling you what is going wrong. It is telling you that you need to be connected in so many deep and stirring ways that you aren’t yet – but you can be, one day.”
If you are depressed and anxious, you are not a machine with malfunctioning parts. You are a human being with unmet needs. The only real way out of our epidemic of despair is for all of us, together, to begin to meet those human needs – for deep connection, to the things that really matter in life.

Is everything you think you know about depression wrong? In this extract from his new book, Johann Hari, who took antidepressants for 14 years, calls for a new approach

How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship 06/11/2017

How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship What is your attachment style?

03/10/2017

Jessica Wallace's expresses it very well. It is indeed a pattern that we can change as we rewire the neural pathways in the brain by becoming aware of them and then changing the beliefs.

The Real Reason Why We Love Bad Boys, Toxic Partners and Emotionally Unavailable Men 24/09/2017

worth a read if your wondering why you keep going back for more!

The Real Reason Why We Love Bad Boys, Toxic Partners and Emotionally Unavailable Men We can become addicted to the highs and lows of dangerous romantic relationships in a way that makes a break-up from a toxic person similar to rehab from a destructive drug addiction.

What Is Codependency? An Introduction 16/09/2017

What Is Codependency? An Introduction Joyce McLeod Henley, MSW, LCSW, CEAP, SAP - Children who grow up in dysfunctional families may take on the role of "hero child," but these patterns and behaviors can lead to serious consequences.

The silent tragedy affecting today’s children 12/09/2017

The silent tragedy affecting today’s children “Here is my new blog post. I encourage every parent who cares about the future of his/her children to read it. I know that many would choose not to hear what I say in the article, but your children need you to hear this message. Even if you disagree with my perspective, please

A Psychotherapist Shares the One Thing No One Ever Says About Grieving 09/09/2017

A Psychotherapist Shares the One Thing No One Ever Says About Grieving (And a 4 step plan to move through your grief.)

New Study Confirms What Happens to Our Bodies When We Walk Barefoot 06/09/2017

Easy way to help destress and make yourself well

New Study Confirms What Happens to Our Bodies When We Walk Barefoot Grounding is something that involves placing your feet directly on the ground without socks or shoes as a barrier. This is a means of recharging and really getting the full effect of energy radiating from the Earth itself. While we would like to believe this is just spiritual there is science behind...

Trauma, the Gut and Healing: Building Deep Resiliency with Herbs 23/08/2017

Trauma, the Gut and Healing: Building Deep Resiliency with Herbs     When you are young Imagine yourself as a small child and living in a household where the parents drink excessively, argue and at times lash out angrily and abusively towards you.  Or …

4 rituals proven by neuroscience to make you happy 27/07/2017

4 rituals proven by neuroscience to make you happy You get all kinds of happiness advice on the internet from people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Don’t trust them. Trust neuroscience.

Childhood trauma leads to lifelong chronic illness — so why isn’t the medical community helping patients? 25/07/2017

Childhood trauma leads to lifelong chronic illness — so why isn’t the medical community helping patients? When I was twelve, I was coming home from swimming at my neighbor’s dock when I saw an ambulance’s flashing lights in our driveway. I still remember the asphalt burning my feet as I stood, paralyze…

The Real Reason Why We Love Bad Boys, Toxic Partners and Emotionally Unavailable Men 22/07/2017

The Real Reason Why We Love Bad Boys, Toxic Partners and Emotionally Unavailable Men We can become addicted to the highs and lows of dangerous romantic relationships in a way that makes a break-up from a toxic person similar to rehab from a destructive drug addiction.

Watch the 'Yoga for Change' Film 20/07/2017

Benefits of yoga

Watch the 'Yoga for Change' Film Join us on a journey from Inner Change to Outer Change with Seane Corne, Janet Stone, Tommy Rosen, Kia Miller and many more.

Inner Child Work: 4 Healing Techniques to Rediscover Your Original Innocence ⋆ LonerWolf 31/03/2017

Inner Child Work: 4 Healing Techniques to Rediscover Your Original Innocence ⋆ LonerWolf Inner child work reconnects us with a wounded element of ourselves: the child within. Almost all of us suffered from trauma as children. Learn how to heal!

Healing the Child Within - Mindful 31/03/2017

Healing the Child Within - Mindful The cry we hear from deep in our hearts, says Thich Nhat Hanh, comes from the wounded child within. Healing this inner child’s pain will transform negative emotions.

counselling 29/03/2017

http://wendytobiassen.wixsite.com/counselling
This website is viewable but still under construction

counselling

BEYOND GOODBYE (complete film) 23/03/2017

https://player.vimeo.com/video/38317590

BEYOND GOODBYE (complete film) “BEYOND GOODBYE” is a shorter version of our film "REMEMBERING JOSH" which records the life of our son Josh, as it was remembered at his funeral…

Website