H.E.R

by H., Emanuela Roxana #♥️ #🎹

🥀🎶♥️ “I got the call today, I didn't want to hear, But I knew that it would come.

An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone. She said you found someone.

And I thought of all the bad luck. & All the struggles we went through. How I lost me l ... & you lost you.

What are these voices outside love's open door? ... Make us throw off our contentment ... And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now, But I miss you sometimes.

The more I know - the less I understand.

All the things I thought I knew - I'm learning again.

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter,
But my will gets weak.
And my thoughts seem to scatter.

But I think it's about forgiveness, Forgiveness.

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.”

#🇷🇴

”Wings of Forgiveness” - a capella in nature :) Roxana [H.E.R] (original song & lyrics by India Arie) #🇷🇴 https://fb.watch/7j1MC0gTxh/

Original piano & lyrics © 2021 by Roxana Hagen 🎶 [Preview of new song in the making] #🇷🇴

"Don't Be Afraid OR You're Living Life in the Brain ”🌎😉

Was this you? ** “I’M AFRAID TO LEAVE MY HOUSE.” **
I admitted finally. “WHAT Happened to the FEAR-LESS spirit inside me? Who’d climb mountains? Roam nature? Surf & swim ocean? Travel alone? Camp in the wilderness?

I did those risky things .. YET .. I’m truly afraid of heights! Deep water! The dark! Big wild animals! The Ocean! Especially sharks! **Some called me “crazy” & “reckless” for living a life filled with fun & adventure**

SOON enough - I could rarely find the courage to leave my own home to “DO” things, or go into nature. (Only for responsibilites that were absolutely obligated of me) ... Even during times when restrictions lifted ...

**I was LIVING LIFE trapped IN MY BRAIN** I binged watched TV movies JUST to feel I was experiencing things.
The WISE voice in me said: “ALL great things involve life risk ... Use risk-management - THEN go ENJOY Life!”

BUT fear turned to 'phobia' - I stayed inside till I ran out of groceries! Order food till I worked up enough courage to go out. Hours lost cleaning systematically - superstitiously reacting to people & things that touched the ground… or dropped on my floor as if they were molten lava!

Who feels me on that one? LOL

** This LAST YEAR AFFECTED ALL OF US **
&
Have we been kind to ourselves?

I'd accidently trained my brain to a “FEAR EVERYTHING” motto for 2020! ... until I was practically PARALYZED by fear.

Fearing on "auto pilot" mode seemed easier than to discern each situation.

+ World events validated & exaggerated my already careful clean habits.

THANKFULLY, I BROKE a psychological barrier at THIS hike.

THUS ... My 2021 Motto:

""Don't Be Afraid OR You're Living Life in the Brain ”🌎😉

BUT 1st – I had to IGNORE all my EXCUSES of EVERYTHING “That COULD go wrong” In order to LIVE again!

WHAT ARE your own excuses you tell yourself to avoid living?

I had to ignore that conditioned feeling of GUILT for wanting to do something fun out.

I FINALLY drove up the mountain & arrived at the trail. MY HEART SUNK at first. SNOW! I wanted to cry. Can you believe? Psychologically it took SO MUCH just to GET there - I actually got back into my car! & ALMOST drove back home! ...

THEN… a voice inside of me said: “JUST TRY” 😉
"See how far you can safely go."

As I geared up BACK towards the trail, I reassured myself by saying:

**+ POSITIVE OPPOSITE to all my - NEGATIVE excuses**

1. “SNOW” – No problem! 21 degree sun out! You packed emergency supplies!
2. “UN-FIT” / “Haven’t hiked in months!” – No problem ! “GO SLOW”
3. “HIKING ALONE” – No Problem ! DOZENS of hikers in sight / nearby!
4. “NO SNOW SHOES?” No problem ! – Wear your solid hiking boots!
5. “NO POLES or skis?” No problem ! – Less to carry!
6. “Too TIRED” – You’ll wake-up when your blood starts flowing! ☺

WOW! How EASY yet HARD.

GRATEFUL to escape past 2020 mindset!

I saw one of the most BEAUTIFUL views of my LIFE! I could not have experienced that JOY, REVIVAL, INSPIRATION, PEACE, INTROSPECTION, If I had I turned around.

HIKING is SYMBOLIC for LIFE. You will always have obstacles to overcome.

To summit a mountain safely has everything to do with your MINDSET & CHOICES.

It’s A BALANCE:
> EGO vs. HUMILITY
> Caution vs. Risk taking
> Listening to nature & your body.
> Challenging mind & fitness – Not pushing past what feels safe for you.
> Using skills & lessons learned vs. unrealistic goals & expectations.

I LOVE hiking because NATURE gives PERSPECTIVE
… the wilderness HUMBLES
NAUTRE HAS NO MERCY for your “feelings”

So IF you're feeling STUCK IN YOUR HEAD lately ... I hope this experience inspires your next GREAT Adventure!

Stay Safe! LIVE. Have fun!

Most of all “DON’T BE AFRAID of Life” 😉

What amazing things have you done lately?

~ Roxana ox / H.E.R

Quarantine. Got me. TUNNEL VISION. Singing. "Figures" ... ( original )

A "CORONA Lullaby" I put together for you all ... Hope it gives ya a laugh! ;) LOL Stay safe everyone ! ox

Song about our quarantine-life! That I created in self-isolation LoL +BLOOPERS end.

Thanks! + Nurses + Front line + Essential services

Merry Xmas ! "Oh Holy Night" -A Capella cover song by Roxana #2019

~ MOSCOW RAIN ~ [by Roxana of H.E.R] **I went to sleep in 2009 & woke up with this piano song composed. I travelled through time to a different era, and heard a piano in a theatre. I was sitting in an audience of wine velvet seats, at the opening night of the Royal Moscow Ballet. It was my first time hearing ’Moscow Rain’ and the piano seduced my emotions. My eyes began searching for a pianist - WHO was playing the piano ?- but I could only hear the sound of the melody with the dance on stage: It was a story of betrayal, regret, yearning**:

A man leaped towards a woman who was running away. Through thunder and lightening he chased her through a dense blue forest of heavy rain. *The roof of the theatre opened!* Rain poured onto the stage, right through their white costumes to their naked skin, soaking them into sculptures. Tear-drops fused with rain-drops, she collapsed into a broken heart over the hard wooden stage.

Their fall thundered through the theatre like storming clouds & then a bolt of lightening struck the stage! He reached his hand out to HER ... and in a spine chilling cry, he begged for her forgiveness. She illuminated the lightening throughout her body. Like a fire fly, she slowly dimmed to die in his arms. He held her soft, cold face, with the grasp of his warm hands, and kissed her forehead as he wept over her.

The lightening in her veins and heart burned out as the piano reached it’s climax and slowly faded too. The theatre echoed the mood till it was silent and still - the audience found it’s peace. In dimming lights, I searched the theatre, once more. & There I finally saw! - a Pianist sitting in the shadows of a grand piano in corner stage - When I saw who it was sitting at the piano - I went numb in shock and felt that deep booming in my chest!

** It was me - I was sitting at the piano? - The pianist was me! AND I was seeing myself from OUTSIDE myself sitting in the audience ! ** Then suddenly I felt like I was being sucked through a vortex to awakening. I woke - heart pounding! … After-shocks echoing the piano in my head - “I CANNOT LOOSE this melody forever" - Blood pumping - filled with a yearning of lovers, of inspiration - I scrambled to my keyboard to decode the song while it was still fresh in my mind! - I knew: If I woke up too fast I would loose it ! If I didn’t act fast to play and record it, the song would be gone from my memory forever! ** BUT I had one HUGE problem:

In my waking life I was NOT a pianist ! In fact, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE PIANO very well - or at all really - (*In 2009 I hadn’t even learned what the meaning of “a chord” was! … I hadn’t even learned the different note names for keys on the piano! & My fingers had not been flexible enough to stretch and play such sequences - let alone speeds. ** What happened next I describe as some freakish, out-of-this-world, mini-miracle maybe ? **

*** I closed my eyes, and I swear I must have still been half asleep - something felt like it channeled into my head from above. Like a soft slow lightening, It went through my body, and into my fingers. Somehow my ears & fingers knew where to take me! The melody manifested itself before me in what felt like … mere moments of time - [In less than fifty minutes, the soul core of ‘Moscow Rain’ was composed] *** This experience for me, felt like, what I’ve heard people describe as “out of body / spiritual experiences”. That’s probably why - to this day - Moscow Rain is still my favourite piano songs I’ve composed 🙂 I literally ‘received’ it through a dream - given to me - as if I was a mortal vessel endowed with some sort of duty to bring it to life - embody it - share it - play it. In the hours after waking, the melody evolved into the full piano version you hear here. This is the untold story, behind the making of "Moscow Rain”, [Originally titled after the Moscow Ballet from my dream realm - “Running after you in Moscow Rain”].