One Happy Christian Wife

'Tis the season to...control everyone around me! 🤪😂 Here's my favorite festive tree (decision tree that is!) for this tempting time of year!🎄🎉

Making my daily thankfulness practice something I actually 💕love💕 and DO by getting as ridiculously ✨️bougie✨️ as possible! 💃

Pretty Christmas candle🕯, Christmas lights in the background🎄, and cinnamon in my coffee.☕️ No way am I going to face this day without thanking the Lord first, and having fun while doing it! 🙌
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I love writing Scriptures after gratitudes for extra staying power 💪📖 ✨️I use the free Scripture Memory Pro app to easily pull and memorize verses to journal (can you tell I'm a little behind? 😂)

Today I'm grateful that "God richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment" 1 Tim 6:7, including my microwave and Instant Pot! 🙌🫕

✨️My doctor told me I'm pre-diabetic, so I'm playing the Glad Game this morning! 💪I'm glad I CAN have coconut cream in my coffee and a breakfast cookie made from chickpeas! 🙌🥥 ☕️😋

Here's my thankfulness journal this morning. Feeling so filled up, ridiculously happy, and ready to respect my husband, six year old son, and everyone around me.💪 ✨️💕🙌

A Tale of Two Wives: Hurricane Edition🌊

This summer we planned a trip to the beach. 🚗🏖 When we found out Hurricane Idalia was headed directly to that city 😱, my husband said we should still drive down. He reasoned that the storm could change directions, and if we have to evacuate, we evacuate.

The Old Me: “Are you kidding? 🤯 You think I’m gonna drive 5 1/2 hours just to turn around again, and put our son in danger? No way. I’m not going.” 🚫 Fear and control wins. Month long cold war ensues. 😤

✨The New Respectful Me: The Bible tells me that leading and protecting us like Christ does for the church is my husband’s job, it’s his load to carry (Ephesians 5:23-25, Galatians 5:4-5). 🎒

As long as he is not asking me to sin, and is not putting my life in immediate danger, I will obey God’s Word in 1 Peter 3:6 📖and defer to my husband. I will not fear anything that is frightening, even when it doesn’t make sense to me.

So we enjoyed a beautiful day on the beach🏖 collecting seashells and building sandcastles, and then… my husband, on his own, decided we should go back home and wait out the coming storm. 🙌 I got to feel safe and protected, kept my dignity, and we never stopped laughing and holding hands. 🥰

Yep. Respectful Me wins. 💪

"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." 1 Peter 3:5-6

Why Don't My Apologies Work? 😣

When I was struggling in my marriage, I said "I'm sorry!" multiple times a day, and my husband just grunted or ignored me. 🤯😟Nothing seemed to change, and I still felt awful.😥

Then I learned from author Laura Doyle that I was doing it all wrong 🤦‍♀️. Now I love using the specific, biblical, accountable format "I apologize for being [disrespectful/controlling/adversarial] when I [specific sin]."

Of course my husband STILL might not say anything in response (totally ok with me!), but this way I'm crystal clear that I've actually confessed my sin so that God can cleanse me from all unrighteousness. 👍 And nothing makes me happier than that confidence, security, and squeaky clean feeling. 🧼🥰✨️

As you can see from recent texts below, I can still find plenty to apologize for 😆.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9.

What Happened When I "Taught" My Husband👩‍🏫

Confession time: during a recent family pizza night🍕, the unthinkable happened. My husband reached his hand INTO the bag of mozzarella! Like, directly IN it! 😱 I nicely asked him, “Can you get a spoon to get the cheese so we don’t all share germs?” 🥄 But he just clenched his jaw and I got “the look.” 😐 You know, the husband version? The one that says, “Are you really talking to me like a 3 year old right now?” Happy vibes right out the window.🦅🪶

Busted! 🫣 I’m definitely guilty of parenting my husband at times 🙋‍♀️, and it’s literally never been worth it for me. I hate the yucky, super-not-cute way I feel when I’ve just given a monologue on why raw chicken should never be left on the counter. 🚫 Nothing kills the mood like mothering my guy. Plus, it’s kind of ridiculous for me to think this 36 year old man needs a lesson on table manners😅🍽. I mean, he was successfully flying airplanes when I was still learning to drive (and let’s be real, mostly crashing into mailboxes 🚗😜).

Time to bring back the fun pizza night vibes with an apology. 👍🍕🥰

"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.” Matthew 7:2

Are Christian Women Supposed to Bottle Up Their Feelings?!

I tried that in 2016 after our son Dean passed away at birth.

It didn’t work.

I was at one of my lowest points in life, and desperately needed someone to hear me. I tried explaining to my husband how hard it was to hear little ones crying in church, or how I just couldn’t bear to go to his sister's baby shower. But I’ve found that he was made to solve problems...and this one couldn’t be fixed. I wanted him to cry with me and to listen for months while I poured out all my emotions. But I have yet to meet a man made to do that.

The more I despaired, the more stony faced he became. How frustrating to him that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make me happy...the one thing he wants most.

So, I tore down my marriage with my own hands (Proverbs 14:1) trying fruitlessly to be understood by a man, and feeling more lonely every day.

Eventually I found women who could listen WITHOUT letting me slip into bitterness. It’s my secret sauce to honoring any of my sad/bad/scared feelings, without losing my dignity or damaging my relationship with my husband one bit.

Now I go to my girlfriends to air out my emotions, and my husband to solve my problems. It works for me perfectly.

"If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:10

I’m happy to report I eventually got better at playing The Glad Game! 😅 It's now the one totally non negotiable part of my day. As it turns out, being happy is fun once I got the hang of it! 😂 (OK, the pretty candle and lavender tea and breakfast cookies don’t hurt either 😛)

Each morning I wake up before everyone else and write for 30 peaceful, blissful minutes what I’m thankful for about God, my husband, and even my six year old son. A few years ago I could barely fill three lines without gagging, but now my thankfulness flows so freely, my pen can barely keep up with the happy thoughts in my brain (as you can see from my atrocious handwriting 😱).

It’s crazy, but I can’t stop smiling. 🙂🙃🙂

Here’s what a few of my journals looked like this past month.👀

"This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

The first time I tried playing The Glad Game, I came nowhere close to glad. 🫣

Frankly I was too embarrassed to try being grateful and positive in front of a real live person. Definitely not my husband. It all sounded way too corny.🙄 At the same time, I was desperate to get him to like me again, and to be able to share about my day without him playing on his phone, desperate to escape. I wanted to hear out loud if the way I was expressing myself was really THAT repulsive or if my husband was just heartless. 🤔

So I got creative and recorded video of myself talking about my day over and over until I could finally deliver a clean description...without any complaints. 🚫I was surprised at how difficult it was. I kept catching myself complaining and having to stop and re-record. How would I ever make it to actual thankfulness? 😳

As you can see in the screenshot below, it took me nine tries on my first round 😂🤪.

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

When I was first married I found myself working a dead end job in a sandwich shop, and gave in to feeling totally “oppressed.” Every day was wretched, and I let my husband know it.

He often told me to play “The Glad Game.” You know, that old movie where Pollyanna cheerfully rattles off things she’s still happy about every time something bad happens? Well, I hated that game and it drove me nuts. 😤

I was a complaining addict. 🫣 My husband told me I could quit my job and he'd provide, and I grumbled that staying home would be a waste of a degree. 😡 He said he only wanted me to be happy, and I cried, insisting that I would never be happy with my resume in tatters. 😭

Over the years my complaints grew, and soon he gave up on The Glad Game. He fell asleep on the other side of the bed while I cried in my pillow each night. 💔 My complaints, “honesty,” and hysterical tears were repelling my kind, generous husband.

Eventually I had to wonder if maybe Pollyanna (as annoying as she was) was onto something.🤔

As a newlywed I used to read this verse and think, “Gee, it’s not really fair for that poor oppressed person! Why can’t HE have a continual feast? Poor guy, I guess he just had bad luck.”

I had NO idea that God was telling me I could choose. Do I want to:

1. have a cheerful heart and enjoy a continual feast of gratitude✨

or

2. give in to feeling oppressed and make every day wretched? 💩

Spoiler alert: I chose Option 2 🤦‍♀️🤪

Happy Wives Leave Dishes in the Sink 🤯

I had a friend named Sarah.* Sarah was juggling a preschooler, a baby with life threatening allergies, and her husband’s mental disorder. Yet she adored her man and was always happy. Of course, she loved Jesus. But I know plenty of good Christian women who are stressed to the max. Somehow...Sarah wasn’t. 🤔

When I asked her the secret to her happy marriage she said, “I leave the dishes in the sink. I want to sit on the couch and enjoy my people.”

😱I was so offended! What kind of self-respecting Christian wife would neglect her duties like that?

But the Bible seemed to agree with my friend’s kooky advice. Even God himself rests (Genesis 2:2), He “grants sleep to those he loves” (Psalm 127:2), He praised Mary’s restful spirit over Martha’s overworked one (Luke 10:41-42), and even thought the Sabbath was important enough to make a commandment (Exodus 20:8).

So I tried it, and started tracking my own dish-dismissing successes. 🚫🧽🍽 The plates piled up, I sank into the sofa, and weirdly, felt much better. My husband seemed relieved to see me smiling and cuddling with our toddler. Often he joined us.

My marriage could breathe again. 🙌

*Name changed :)

When I was an exhausted new mom just trying to figure out why my husband wouldn’t talk to me, I met another mom named Anne. She offered a free Zumba class, and while I felt way too busy, I’m a sucker for a good deal 😉

When I walked through the doors, I was immediately mesmerized by Anne's joyful spirit and the way she flipped her hair to the Latin music. I surprised myself by the bubbly stories I brought home, and my husband couldn't resist hanging around the kitchen and laughing with me about my night. I was amazed how quickly he offered to pay for more classes!

Anne gave me permission to have fun again. The Bible does too.

“When God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them...this is a gift of God. They seldom reflect on the days of their life, because God keeps them occupied with gladness of heart.” Ecclesiastes 5:19-20

When my toddler woke me up four times that night, it didn't feel like a big deal anymore. For me, a dance class was God’s gift that kept me occupied with gladness of heart.

What occupies you with gladness of heart?

..because I wanted DAHLIAS! 💐😩This ungrateful lapse in biblical wisdom was just two weeks ago.😵🚫 I even went back and exchanged the bouquet he picked 💐 for the one I REALLY wanted.😮 I had my perfect dahlias, but the romance was gone.👎 Yikes! Talk about a Friday Wife Fail😂

Thanksgiving = Respect

✨"Nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving." 1 Tim 4:4
✨"Every good and perfect gift is from above." James 1:17
✨"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:18