It’s ok to not be ok

You are not responsible for someone else’s judgement of you

We get so caught up and worried about what others think of us and how they view us, but then when it’s a negative view we get upset and try harder to change their opinion to a positive perspective one.

We all create personas of people in our head’s of what we see but most of the time this is incorrect, for example you may appear to be super quiet and timid but in the right environment you’re the most confident person in the right room. But to the right people, it doesn’t matter how they see you because we’re always changing and evolving.

Hence, “you are not responsible for someone else’s version of you that they created in their head”, just because someone sees you a certain way doesn’t mean that it’s the true reflection of who you are.

Before you judge someone and make a decision based on what you want to see, remember how you feel when someone judges you and gets the wrong idea!

September is Su***de Prevention Month

We never disclose our feelings to anyone for the fear of being ridiculed or them not understanding how we truly feel so we pretend everything is fine when it’s not.

Mental health and addiction are the only two things that are locked from the inside, sometimes people need to know that you can support them and don’t trigger them.

Ssometimes, the person may not understand their full emotions or why they feel a certain way, but always show them that you are there for them regardless of how they feel and follow through.

Be supportive!

***de

Putting day to day life into perspective

Next time, think twice before telling someone how to do something!

Stop doing what you’re letting men think!

We all say “boys don’t cry”, “men are strong if they don’t show emotion”, “men don’t have mental health issues”, etc. We’re not trying to make any superheroes here, at the end of the day they’re human!

Men from around the age of 10 have already been told they “need to be strong and not cry because boys don’t cry”, strong is a weird one because strong has many different meanings. Strong can mean muscles or it can mean they can hold their emotions.

We use the word “man up” as something that we use in every day language to tell someone to stop doing something, but in a way we are associating manning up with men are invincible. But that’s not true.

It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to show emotion, it’s ok to get help when you needed. Mental health doesn’t choose based on criteria, you either have it or you don’t. 1 in 4 adults will have a mental health issue at some point in their lives, this is not based on gender, this is the statistic for everyone.

Mental health and emotions are important and we need to talk about it. Hiding it is going to make it worse. Open up and talk.

Mental health issues

No one can ever say it’s easy with a mental health issue, no two days will ever look the same!

Each day you go through a flurry of emotion.

Emotions

Emotions are a funny part of being a human. We use it every day to express ourselves yet we never truly understand how emotions work and the history behind it.

We use emotions to identify ourselves and what we’re feeling, yet people still don’t want to truly say how they’re feeling.

In Gaelic you don’t say “I’m sad” you’d say “sadness is on me” which is “Tá brón orm” which translates into English as “sadness is on me”, this is probably the best way to describe emotions because the same emotion is not with us forever, that we have sudden feelings of a certain emotion so it’s better to probably say it’s on you because in another 5 minutes or so you may have another emotion.

So, emotions really define how we think and feel but it also helps people around us understand what we need in that moment of time.

Sorry

Sorry is a funny word, we all use the word sorry for many different things, we use it to apologise or for just using the word for the sake of it.

But what does sorry actually mean?



https://ideas.ted.com/sorry-to-bother-you-but-do-you-say-sorry-too-much-what-to-say-instead/amp/

Sorry to bother you, but do you say “sorry” too much? What to say instead When we needlessly apologize, we end up making ourselves small and diminish what we’re trying to express, says sociologist Maja Jovanovic.

Need I say more?

Is over use of the term 'Mental health' damaging our emotional literacy?

Society as a whole find it difficult to discuss feelings so we are now people with mental health issues are being blanket described with simplistic terms like 'struggling mental health'.

When we do this, it makes anyone who is living with a mental health issue feel that other people who may not have that specific mental health issue or a mental health issue at all lack curiosity of what someone with a mental health issue may be feeling and how it affects them on a day to day cycle which in turn can prevent us from being able to be connected to what our body is trying to tell us.

A difficult feeling might actually be a strong and important signal and to class it simplistically as 'struggling mental health' seems to serve to label it as problem rather than a healthy or appropriate reaction.

Everyone has mental health! Mental health itself is what you do to relax and not worry and what you do to keep yourself healthy.

Using the wheel below, will help people understand the true meaning behind a mental health issue, it’s not a single line and no two people are the same.

Difficult feelings are not a sign I am broke, in fact so often they are sign that I am human.

Think before saying someone has a mental health issue, think about how they might be feeling and how you could support them.

We shouldn’t be dividing perfectionism by gender and having different expectations because overall it’s not helpful:

https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection?utm_source=linkedin.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=social&utm_content=2022-04-19-cutdown

Teach girls bravery, not perfection We're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave, says Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Saujani has taken up the charge to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program -- two skills they need to move society forward. To truly innovate, we cannot...

Resistance and determination

We all think that resistance and determination is a simple quality to have, but it’s not as simple as you think. Think of it as we all have invisible walls, it is a wall that stands between aspiring ourselves and the actualisation of it. We continually bump against this wall, we get knocked down and get back up and we repeat this process over and over.

When it comes to the psyche, people don’t know what they don’t know. In terms of resistance, they don’t want to know what they don’t know. We uncover this incredible fact as we examine our psyche under the microscope of depth psychology. Resistance of a psychological kind is, essentially, an unconscious unwillingness to open one’s awareness to the inner truth that exposes our hidden participation in emotional and behavioral problems. Everyday people, even the smartest among us, can be limited to a surprising degree by their resistance to seeing and overcoming hidden weaknesses, while people with borderline and mental health disorders can be exceedingly resistant to knowledge and strategies that could help them become healthy.

For insecure adults, learning something new about their psyche feels as if they’re being asked to acknowledge the degree of their ignorance. That’s a bitter step down from what they feel to be their saving grace, their illusion of knowing their own mind. Resistance combines with furious non-acceptance to debunk this humiliating new idea. It’s not a stretch to say the neurotic person’s inner self is to try to falsify reality in order to accommodate their defenses. (In the case of people with mental disorders, reality has already been falsified.)

As can be seen in the photo two people who are completely different and how their inner thoughts and inner walls show their resistance and determination. People give up way too soon because their metaphorical wall is blocking them from seeing past what is right in front of them.

How much are you willing to test your resistance and determination? Instead of giving up, think about what other ways could you achieve the end goal you want? It’s not just a one way street.

Open up to the possibilities that are out there!

What’s wrong with this picture?

Two parents who are doing their job of a parent, but we have ideas of the parenting roles of a mother and parenting roles of a father, as a society we get told the mother does the mundane jobs of house chores, food shop, dropping the children off at school and the father works and brings in the income. What’s the issue with that? Everything!

Parenting is not a maternal role and a paternal role, no it’s a team. Both the mother and father are a team to bring up the children, this usually gets lost along the way, we often have a preconceived view that the mother has more reasons to make the decisions but this is incorrect, both the mother and father have to decide that they want children. So, both have as much interest in their childrens lives as each other, if a father is reading with their child this is not “babysitting” this is in fact parenting.

We need to stop saying that mothers have more of a say than the father, yes they carry the baby inside their stomach for the nine months, but the father is there supporting the mother throughout the nine months.

We need to break the bias because the mother gets up to 52 weeks for maternity leave and the father only gets 2 weeks paternity leave, how is that equal? It’s not, it needs to change. How is it possible for the father to bond with their new child in 2 weeks of paternity leave? It’s not.

We need to stop the divide of maternal roles and paternal roles, it’s just parenting. We don’t need to make the world more divided than it already is.

Break the cycle! Break the bias!

Feeling on the edge

Do you sometimes feel like your living on the edge and you can’t stop the overthinking? No matter how you feel about this, I’m going to discuss this.

The feeling that we get of living on the edge is a natural response that humans have to trauma, the feelings could include jittery, shaky, easily startled, or having difficulty concentrating or sleeping. When your nervous system experiences a traumatic experience your internal alarm system goes off. Just like a house and if an intruder comes into your house and an alarm beeps till you turn it off, the same is representative of the human body, once our body’s internal alarm starts, it kicks in the fight or flight response. This creates a freeze response which is a way to protect ourselves from danger. When your nervous system is on high alert it will be on the look-out for any signs of danger and will be ready to respond immediately to any attack. The problem is that our internal alarm system is very useful in dangerous situations, such as facing a tiger, but is very unhelpful when it continues to go off long after the trauma has ended, giving false alarms when you’re in safe situations.

So, what can I do to stop the emotional stress? There are many techniques that can be tried to help you better manage your emotional stress. Such as reading a book, meditation, going for a walk, listening to music and many more. It may feel at that point of time no one will understand you feel alone however there will be someone who is happy to listen to you and will know how you feel.

The thing with society is that no one ever talks about how they’re feeling, so we are left with the impression that no one will understand or know where we’re coming from but 1 in 4 of us which is equivalent to around 450 million people have a mental health issue, if you’ve read all my previous posts, by now you should know that it’s imperative that we talk about how we’re feeling. Depending on what your edge is, find the support and the motivation to bring yourself back.

Open up! Start talking!

International Women’s Day

International Women's Day is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. Significant activity is witnessed worldwide as groups come together to celebrate women's achievements or rally for women's equality.

Imagine a gender equal world. A world free of bias, stereotypes and discrimination. A world that's diverse, equitable, and inclusive. A world where difference is valued and celebrated. Together we can forge women's equality. Collectively we can all . Celebrate women's achievement. Raise awareness against bias. Wouldn’t that be nice to have an equal world? A place that no matter your gender or what you do, doesn’t get judged. Make the difference

International Women’s Day is celebrated on 8 March every year. It is a chance to celebrate women’s history, remember women’s struggles and to focus on women’s resistance across the world. Women only got the right to vote in the elections in 1918. Some of you may think that was aaagggess ago, but in regards to history it wasn’t that long ago.

In the mid 19th Century Women’s Suffragettes made a different to make equal rights for women. In that time it was frowned upon because of it being women and men had to be in power. But we’re way past that now, right? Wrong.

Everyday women still fight for equality. Equal pay, get looked at the same way as men. We all hear about men in history but what about women? As early as 4000 BC women have practiced medicine. Marie Curie was the first woman to receive two Nobel prizes. Yet, salaries are still divided and women get paid less. But, how does that work if women live longer?

So, inventors are all men? Wrong. Who uses a dishwasher? We all do. But, did you know the dishwasher was created by Josephine G Cochran in 1886. But cars are a male industry, so no female created anything, right? Wrong. Margaret A. Wilcox created the car heater in 1893.

So, what’s my takeaway message? The next time you want to say that women are incapable or as a woman you feel worthless. Remember without great women we wouldn’t be where we are now and we are all part of the change to make the world a better place. If you are a man reading this and you feel you subconsciously judge women, remember you probably have had very influential women in your life. Open your eyes and celebrate everyone.

Why do we need to talk about what we don’t talk about?

We don’t tell people our true feelings on a subject, but not saying our true feelings may bring conflict between people we care about. When you don’t express your needs, your hardships, and your emotions, they accumulate. And, too, without authentic communication, relationships suffer. The beloved friend or life partner becomes a stranger whom you see regularly but who doesn’t really know you. Over time you may become numbed out and detached from knowing your deeper self.

People tend to hold in our difficult emotions that may upset us out of fear. A deep fear of being vulnerable, of being seen, and then of being negated, guilted or shamed in some way for that vulnerability. So instead of saying what needs to be said, they strap on another layer of hurt, or hardship, or heartache, or loss, or pain onto their back and keep on climbing up the mountain. Eventually, the cumulative strain leads to feeling detached, with a lack of meaning and joy that only authentic connection can bring.

There are five reasons why people are afraid to share their feelings, which are:
1. “It will make matters worse” - it’s true that at first expressing difficult emotions or thoughts can cause conflict, but by and large, it is also what creates intimacy and deeper connection. Each time you feel heard and you hear out your loved one, a tighter bond, intimacy, and safety is sewed into the fabric of your attachment. And too, if you don’t express how you really feel, these emotions may surface in unhealthy ways, such as acting out, passive-aggressive behavior, avoidance.
2. "I’ll seem needy” - The idea that if we're deemed needy if we express unmet needs or messy emotions holds many people back. There is a way to communicate without burdening another person—“I’d like to share with you some difficult emotions I am having and see if we can talk it through a bit” is different from a screaming, crying panic. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: You’re more likely to have an emotional breakdown and overwhelm your loved ones if you keep suppressing emotion. All of that unaddressed emotion is going to come out at some point, and then it may be hard for others to understand why you are so upset.
3. "I’ll stress the person out” - I’m going to ask you, which would you prefer—for someone you care about to stress you out in the moment with their difficult feelings or to completely blindside you by ending the relationship? When we don’t have these kinds of meta-discussions about our relationships then unaddressed hurt mounts and eventually people end up pulling away or going through the motions with no real connection. It’s okay to have some stress and frustration—this is how relationships and people grow.
4. “They won’t get it” - Expressing what needs to be said is more for you than the other person. You can’t control how they react but if you express yourself respectively, you will experience the benefits. You come to better understand yourself and to value yourself. Expressing your authentic feelings also provides an opportunity to see how your loved one handles these more complicated discussions and if they can be a healthy attachment for you in the long run.
5. “My feelings are wrong” - This is another confusing aspect of expressing ourselves. Right when it comes time to express your feelings, you may doubt yourself and your experience, thinking, "Maybe I’m not being fair,” or “This is just how I see things but they have their point of view and maybe my point of view is wrong.” These kinds of thoughts may stop you from having the confidence to express yourself. The whole point of expression though isn’t to prove a case and to be right. It’s to be emotionally honest with your loved ones and to also hear them out. In that process, you may change your perspective and hopefully feel better, but it’s the process of being vulnerable and hearing one another out that brings people closer, not proving or disproving the facts.

Nothing seems to make people shut down quicker than suggesting that they talk to their lover, friend, family member, life partner about how they really feel. They bristle and look afraid. So the the next time someone talks to you about their feelings, try to support them.

Open up and let people open up to you!

Why do we need to keep dreaming?

We fear dreaming because we’re all scared of holding onto the hope that things will change. We fear the idea that we could be disappointed.

If you’ve read all my posts, by now you should realise I’m telling you to believe, had hope and grow as a person because you have all the answers. It’s just about executing them into action.

Even with the chaos and mayhem of life, still believe and dream, if you still don’t trust me, read this Ted Talk article: https://ideas.ted.com/we-need-to-keep-dreaming-even-when-it-feels-impossible-heres-why/amp/

We need to keep dreaming, even when it feels impossible. Here’s why It’s hard for us to get our hopes up only to be disappointed, says writer and podcast host Luvvie Ajayi Jones. Yet when we dream, we’re giving ourselves permission to realize our craziest fantasies…

We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others

As a society we constantly compare ourselves to others, but why? It is part of the human cognition. When we compare ourselves to others we get information about what we want and where we want to be. However this can cause psychological pain.

Comparing yourself to others is damaging to your sense of self because you devalue yourself, what you are comparing yourself against is inaccurate information because we’re all a walking Instagram reel and this highlights all our insecurities but other people see it as securities. Comparing yourself to others also doesn’t help you accomplish your goals because it decreases our motivation. Therefore, comparing yourself to others is a losing battle.

Be happy with yourself because you’re amazing just the way you are!

Be yourself!

I’m fine, really!

We all say “I’m fine” but we say it as a cover for all the feelings we have underneath that. We all think others have it together and are living their best life, but they are also struggling behind closed doors.

We all have our cupboards full of spoons, inside our cupboards are spoons which are all our doubts, worries and self judgments, we judge ourselves because we’ve never been told what happens once you open the doors of the cupboard. Will I break? Will someone think I’m weak?

Instead of worrying what happens once the cupboard is open, start thinking about how people are able to support you with your open cupboard, no one can take your cupboard away from you, but people can help you to understand your cupboard.

If you learn how to support yourself with one of the spoons in the cupboard, you can keep going and learn about yourself. You will always be changing yourself for the better!

Open up your cupboard! Start talking!

LGBTQ+

So LGBTQ+, what is it really? When did it start? This is new isn’t it? All these questions, so little answers…. For the most part, we simply don’t know how people in the past would have described their sexuality or gender. We use the acronym LGBTQ+ because we believe it comes closest to capturing the breadth of experiences and identities for those whose sexualities didn’t fit within societal norms.

February is recognised as LGBT history month in the UK, but even now there's a lot of LGBT history many of us don't know - and this is partly because of Section 28. Section 28 was a ban on the "promotion of homosexuality" in schools which was introduced in 1988 by Margaret Thatcher's Conservative government.

There’s been Gender Fluidity since 1394. So this is not a cultural shock as it’s been there but not talked about.

Therefore, this month “before you say something to others imagine how you would feel if someone said that to you. Words have power”.

Speak up about LGBT! 🏳️‍🌈

Are you ok?

We ask this question every day “how are you?” “Are you ok?” and we all say “I’m fine” but we aren’t actually saying how we feel, we never say “today was tough, I didn’t think I’d get through it” or something similar.

We never give ourselves the time to actually stop and decompress about the day, we constantly run from one thing to the next. When was the last time you stopped to think about your day? We all get stuck into a routine because it feels safe.

Start opening up, start talking, people will probably have gone through the same things as you, but you will never know till you ask.

Stop saying “I know exactly how you feel”

We as a society all say “I know exactly how you feel” to comfort them but this is actually making the situation worse and telling the person that you’re not listening to what they’re actually saying.

The good news for people who use this phrase, there’s another way of saying it which is to let them acknowledge the fact that you heard them, by saying “that sounds awful. I’m sorry that’s happening to you”.

Listen to others!

https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-should-all-stop-saying-i-know-exactly-how-you-feel/amp/

Why we should all stop saying “I know exactly how you feel” You don’t. And you’re also steering the focus away from someone who probably just wants to be heard. Here’s how to be a more considerate conversation partner, says radio host and writer Celeste Hea…

Equality and justice

We all want to believe that we know the difference between equality and justice. However, how many of you knew that equality is when each person is seen as equal in the eyes of the law. Justice means each person can exercise their rights within a society.

But then why do we get so caught up in equality? Too often then not people are discriminated against because of who they are. They may suffer from unemployment, lower wages, abuse, or violence because of their gender, race, religion, or sexuality.

So what consequences may come from discrimination? People who are discriminated against may experience equality and social justice. They are less likely to receive fair treatment in the courts, and have less security, education, and healthcare than others. They are more likely to be verbally and physically attacked, depressed, lonely and fearful of society.

So how can I prevent myself from being discriminatory? There are many things such as supporting others, not portraying your own insecurities onto others. Allow people to have their views and understand what their view point is.

Be more supportive of others!

What is empathy?

We all talk about sympathy and empathy, but what does empathy really mean? The dictionary definition is: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Yet, we all never truly understand what anyone else is feeling, maybe because society doesn’t allow us to actually put ourselves in other people’s shoes. But when we watch a movie let’s just say for example The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, we all cry at the end, yes it’s sad but we feel empathy for his family.

Empathy can be seen in many different ways, and we should show it more often.

Empathy is important!