Chavah Brooke Hull. Coach, Herbalist, Doula

Introducing baby girl, Talyah Esther — bringing the Hull household count to 9 (2 adults, 7 beautiful children)!

She was born at home on Sunday, 8/20. We have had one full, fulfilling week 🥰

Join me tonight.

We'll cover these three topics:
1. What is trauma, and why does it matter in my parenting?
2. How can I catch myself before losing my cool?
3. Curiosity Parenting - 6 Steps towards becoming more curious and less reactive when challenging behavior arises.

I thought motherhood would come easily and naturally -- boy, was I wrong!

Over the past few years, I've worked hard to reconnect with myself to feel calmer and more confident AND enjoy life with my kids -- which was not how I ended most days.

I've learned that much of the way I parented had to do with me and my past experiences versus the actual "misbehavior" of my kids.

I've focused on repairing my relationship with myself and my kids because, let's be honest, motherhood is full of mistakes.

I've released the guilt I was holding around my mistakes so that I could more easily relate to my kids and grow our relationships.

I'm teaching a live class tonight, and I invite you to join me.

A few thoughts on my goals as a mom

Many of us focus on what didn't go right yesterday.

I screamed too much.
I didn't listen.
I spoke in a mean, condescending way.

I did the same thing last week, the week before, and the week before.

When we spend all our energy on what "went wrong" in the past, we don't have the energy to do differently today and tomorrow.

As moms, we are busy with so many things.

Energy is a finite resource.

Spending our available energy wishing things to have been different in the past removes available energy to make little changes today and tomorrow.

So, here's my encouragement: we don't have to get stuck in the past -
with regret
with self-judgment
with negative thoughts and critique

- instead, we can choose to place our energy into where we want to be going.

Cheers to you, my fellow moms, as we carry the torch forward one day at a time.

And, if you're looking for some support in this area, join me next Wednesday night as we dive into this deeper. 👇

Who else gets thrown when they have contractors working at their house?

This was me a few weeks ago, and it left me exhausted!

I'm glad the work is done!

And I don't like having people constantly in my space.

I feel so depleted by the end of the day.

Like, not only do my kids need to be on good behavior (try keeping 6 kids, including 1 toddler, out of the way)

But I have to be on good behavior, too!

No screaming, no yelling, no throwing fits (and, no, I'm not just talking about the kids here, lol, but me too 🤣).

So, how do you "stay on good behavior" when others are "watching?"

And, maybe even more important, how do you stay in control when no one but your kids are watching?

This is what I want to dive into more in the upcoming parenting class.

Let me know if you're interested, and I'll send you the details.

I had a conversation with my daughter and found myself giving some pretty good advice:

(does that ever happen to you? Sometimes we moms know what we're talking about, lol)

"Don't take on what doesn't belong to you."

Here's the backstory --

She was helping get her brother's online class set up. I was in a meeting and not tracking time. She was calling for him to come to class -- and he was not interested in listening.

She came into the office to say he wasn't listening and wouldn't go to class. She was visibly upset and more concerned about this than he was.

I didn't have much "space" to hold for her since I was still actively in a meeting. So I quickly turned, looked her in the eyes, and said, "You aren't responsible for this. Don't take on what doesn't belong to you."

Um…mic drop…

Here's what I want to say to you, too →

Don't take on what doesn't belong to you!

Deja vu anyone?

Ever get this feeling – It doesn’t matter how much work I’ve put into “bettering yourself,” I just repeat the same old habits day after day.

“Why???”

I don’t know about you, but I find it so dang frustrating!

Here’s the thing:

Change is SCARY to our nervous systems!

When we’ve done a thing for a long time, that’s what our system is used to.

That’s what is safe.

And, when we begin making changes, our system says, “hey, wait a minute. I don’t know what’s happening here. This is new, and scary, and NOT safe!”

What do I do at the moment when I’m feeling dysregulated around change – especially the change I’m trying to implement?

I acknowledge the struggle.

I acknowledge my nervous system for its help. I know it might sound funny, but I will even say out loud, “hey, I see you (the part of me that is afraid of doing things differently). I know this is scary. And, we’re okay.”

When I “see” the part of me that’s afraid of change, the part of me that’s trying to keep me safe, and I’m able to say, “hey, I see you.” then I can begin integrating that part of me with the logical brain part of me that wants to make the change.

This is how true integration happens.

I had a conversation with my daughter and found myself giving some pretty good advice:

(does that ever happen to you? Sometimes we moms know what we're talking about, lol)

"Don't take on what doesn't belong to you."

Here's the backstory --
She was helping get her brother's online class set up. I was in a meeting and not tracking time. She was calling for him to come to class -- and he was not interested in listening.

She came into the office to say he wasn't listening and wouldn't go to class. She was visibly upset and more concerned about this than he was.

I didn't have much "space" to hold for her since I was still actively in a meeting. So I quickly turned, looked her in the eyes, and said, "You aren't responsible for this. Don't take on what doesn't belong to you."

Um…mic drop…

Here's what I want to say to you, too →

Don't take on what doesn't belong to you!

And, if you want to practice this with a group of other moms, I've got you. I've got an awesome cohort of women coming together for the month of February to work on setting boundaries and growing our relationships with our kids. Let me know if you want more info.

To the mom reading this today: I know what it’s like to make the “wrong” choice in the heat of the moment.

I also know you have the strength to keep moving forward.

I know you have the desire to connect with your kids.

I know you love them.

I also know you’re strong & powerful.

You *can* believe in yourself to make a different choice next time.

You can move forward without guilt.

You CAN do this thing called motherhood.

You can succeed 😘

(If you want to join other moms on this journey and get support from me — PM me for more details on the group coaching experience I’m creating)

What do I need to be confident in my parenting and ensure a lasting connection with my kids?

✅ I need to know I'm not alone.
✅ I need to be confident in knowing the "right" answer.
✅ I need to know I can "fail in the moment" and not fail my kids.
✅ I need to be encouraged by other moms while I work toward taking the tiniest next step.

This is the experience I am offering you.

A community of moms working together toward the same goals, cheering each other on,
and setting aside time for ourselves so we can,
in turn, be more fully present with our kids.

👇

Exciting news!

I'm opening up a group coaching + mastermind experience for moms.

We'll be meeting on Monday afternoons + group messaging support between calls.

I have 3 women ready to start!

I want to hold space for 6 women to join our group.

Are you ready to take 1 of the remaining 3 spots?

Comment (or PM) for more details.

"Why do I need a class on trauma and parenting? What I really need is a list of 'realistic expectations for a 4-year-old."

This is something I'm hearing from a few friends -- with the age filled in to fit their situation (6-year-old, 9-year-old, 12-year-old, etc.)

I understand

Having realistic expectations about what our kids are capable of seems like the answer.

If only I know what they can do then I won't have unrealistic expectations and I won't be banging my head against the wall when they don't follow through.

I won't wait and hold it in … wait and hold it in until I finally explode.

And, what if, it's not what "they should be doing" and is instead how you are feeling internally about the situation that truly matters?

Because what happens when you get the list for your 4-year-old but they turn 5? Now you need the new list. What about when they're 8 ... 11 ... 15.

Our kids are going to keep growing and changing. The interactions, expectations, and battles are going to keep changing.

One of the only things we have available within our control is understanding ourselves.

Understanding what makes us tick.
Understanding what scares us.
Understanding what gets under our skin and why.

The truth is we can't control our kids. They are their own people, with their own desires, passions, and personalities.

But, we can begin doing the deeper work of understanding ourselves.

Guys, this isn't easy. There isn't an easy solution.

And, I'm offering a space for you this afternoon to start (or continue) some of the deeper work.

There are no expectations on you for the class -- you don't have to share, you don't have to answer questions, you don't have to interact, you can leave your camera off -- heck, you can even choose to watch the replay and not come live.

And you get an hour of space held for you to listen, relate, see you're not alone, and find a nugget or two to carry with you back into your momming life.

And, I won't leave you to "go it alone" after the class.

I will continue to offer space for you to process, contemplate, and integrate some of the tips and strategies we'll discuss today.

You may be able to run with what we discuss and implement a few shifts without further support needed.

And you might want continued help and I've got you for that too.

If you're ready, I'm ready to hold the space for you to move forward on your parenting journey.

I'm holding space for you,
~Chavah

Upcoming: Trauma Aware Parenting Class (Jan 9 @ 1ET; Zoom) - https://bit.ly/TAParenting-Class

I'm thinking about myself 7 years ago. Who was she? And, who else do I know who's feeling the same way?

7 years ago, I was momming 5 kids ages 5 and under.

Each day was a blur and I was exhausted, loosing my temper, crying, and wishing for just 1 day (heck, 1 hour) of escape.

Guys, it was brutal.

We lived in another country where I didn't speak the language, didn't understand the culture, and didn't have support -- can you say deer in the headlights for sure!

I knew that life was supposed to be joyful and "time passes quickly" and just be in the moment but none of those things were registering.

It didn't matter if I would look back in a few years and thing, "wow, that all went by so quick, I wish I could be there again" because I was literally drowning.

And the truth is, I don't wish I could go back to that time. It was hella hard! And scary. And lonely.

If that's you today, I just want to say I know. I know what it feels like. I know the fear. I know the uncertainty. I know the shame and guilt.

At one point, someone reached their hand into the water and pulled me up. She showed me a way to understand myself and what was happening at a deep level. She gave me tools, strategies, and friendship when I was alone thinking no one saw me. She spoke my language -- and I finally felt seen.

This is what I want to offer you, mom who is exhausted, overwhelmed, and alone, a place to been seen.

I'm not going to ask you to share your deepest struggles. I'm not going to encourage you to "open it all up for us to see." I'm just going to talk about what I experienced and what I've learned over the past few years mothering my babies into tweens.

I hope that the hour we spend together will bring you encouragment and let you know for this tiny space in time you are seen. That you're not alone.

If you are experiencing that drowning feeling, I invite you to take my hand.

If you'd like to learn about the experience I'm offering this coming Monday, PM so we can talk.

What does it mean to love my child?

It means taking the time to care for myself so that I have the strength to care for others.

It means understanding how my past experiences impact my present relationship with my children.

It means seeking help and support when my past unexpectedly rears its ugly head in my day-to-day interactions with my family.

It means staying conscious of my own internal emotional responses to what’s happening around me.

It means mirroring to my children how to be in touch with strong feelings such as joy, anger, hope, frustration and happiness.

It means not being afraid to make mistakes.

It means being transparent with my children when I inevitably mess up.

It means allowing myself to change, grow, and develop into the mom I desire to be.
It means watching my kids journey through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood with confidence.

It means facing the hard generational sh*t so they don’t have to struggle as much as they grow.

It means being present in the moment.

I’ve been compiling this list while thinking about the upcoming Trauma-Informed Parenting Class on January 9th.

I want our hour time together spent on tackling some of the most important ideas around being present and confident in our relationship with our children.

And, sometimes, we need to come together with a community of other moms to really dive in and feel seen, heard, and understood.

If you’d like to join me, here’s the information 👇.

If you have questions, I invite you to hit replay and let me know what’s on your mind.

If you’re wanting to approach your parenting, your children, and yourself with more curiosity and less judgment I invite you to join me for my upcoming trauma aware parenting class.

I’m offering this class for a few different reasons:

1) I want to share with other women what I’ve learned over the past 10, almost 11, years about trauma and its impact on how we interact with ourselves and those around us.

2) I want to share parts of my story with other women who might not have considered how their own past is influencing how they parent their children.

3) I want a safe space for moms to gather, learn, and grow together.

4) I don’t want to be alone on this journey toward healing.

5) I want other women to be empowered to break the cycles in which they grew up.

What to expect:
~Safe space – no judgment in how you “show up.” Want your video on, great. Want to stay anonymous, that’s totally good too. Children running around in the background - that’s totally fine. Getting up and walking away from the screen, not a problem.
~Open communication/dialogue – I described it as a “brain dump” on the details page because that’s how I envision the class going. I have a few key talking points, but I want it to flow naturally as we sit together.
~Moments of silence – I’m learning to sit with quiet. When I begin feeling my nervous system getting activated, I pause. Our topic is likely to bring up some body responses. I plan to pause in those moments to check in with myself and regulate my system before continuing.
~I’m planning on talking about all things trauma related + parenting for the first 45ish minutes. Then we’ll open to Q&A / discussion / sharing time. The second portion of the class will not be recorded to give privacy to those women joining live.
~Feel free to come and go as you need / your schedule allows.

What you won’t get:
- Polished speech – I want to approach this time in vulnerability and openness to what I feel like sharing in the moment
- Powerpoint – nope, not my style
- Sales pitch – not the purpose of this time together

Here are the class details:
When: Monday, January 9th @ 1pm ET
Where: Zoom, live recording
Cost: $18
The class will be recorded and a recording will be sent out within 48 hours
You don’t have to attend live to get the recording

Currently, there are 6 moms registered to join. Let me know if you'll be joining us too 👇

Sitting this morning by a glowing wood stove with a cup of coffee -- my happy place.

The kids are all still in bed, even the baby.

I take a moment and ask myself, "What do I hope today looks (and feels) like?"

My answer, "I want to respond without reacting."

I take a moment to consider if there is anything potentially standing in the way of that happening?

We have family coming over later today. If I'm honest, I was a bit of a grump yesterday. I have a head cold/sinus infection that is causing me to be short-tempered and not patient (at all!).

I know when the kids get up, I have some repairing to do. I wasn't very nice yesterday evening and I need to make that right.

Then we can take some time to set the expectations for today.

So, the question is, how do I spend today responding to my kids (and those others who will be in my space) without reacting out of my nervous system responses?

1) I need to make sure I've regulated myself first.

I can't respond to situations with a clear head if I'm in the midst of nervous system activation and responding from a fight or flight response.

2) I plan to approach everything through a lens of curiosity.
Making a slight shift from blame (ie. "Why did you DO that?") to curiousness (ie. "oh, that's interesting. can you tell me more about what's going on here.") And, yes, tone plays a role here!

I know I can do this. I know it isn't easy AND it has become easier than it used to be. I can celebrate with myself that I'm learning to regulate my responses and form the relationships with my husband, kids, and others that I deeply desire.

I'd love to have you join me in a couple weeks to dive into this more. 👇 This is one of the topics I'll be exploring on the call -- How to respond without reacting, especially when I'm not comfortable (my body/mind system is not feeling safe) with the situation.

I remember the days I spent worn down and frustrated with myself.

The days I regretted the things I said and did when my kids “acted up.”

When they just weren’t listening to a single thing I said.

I swore tomorrow I would respond different.

I promised I would stop sounding like my mom every time I lost my cool.

But, tomorrow just felt like a repeat of today.

If you’re feeling this too — I invite you to join me in 2 weeks to dive in deeper on ‘why’ this cycle just doesn’t seem to end.

Get curious.

Without judgement.

Set aside 1 hour to explore why (and how) our nervous systems get activated (or triggered) when our kids go off the rails.

Class: Trauma Aware Parenting
When: January 9th @ 1pm ET
Investment: 18 💵
Where: Zoom

Slow start today.

Most of us are battling colds and a few late nights in a row.

Makes for short fuses and quick, unthought through words.

Already intervened in multiple sibling "battles."

Working on staying present.

My goal today is to approach everything out of a lense of curiosity and amusement.

Gently reminding myself there is no need for my nervous system (fight / flight) to get activated and we're all gonna be okay.

We are not facing life or death situations this morning.

Just sick, tired kids interacting with a sick, tired mama.
_____________
With all that being said, I'd love to have you join me for the Trauma Informed Parenting Class at the start of next year. I'll unpack what it means to be present, and approach parenting with curiosity and amusement.

I want my kids to feel comfortable with mistakes.

I don’t want my kids carrying shame and guilt around their mistakes.

I desire to set the example.

I invite you to join me in setting the example too.

Today, I will allow myself (and my kids) to make mistakes.
_____________
Also, If you're ready to take this to the next level, I invite you to join me in a few weeks for the Trauma-Aware Parenting Class.

See the details below 👇

It is exhausting to have one foot standing in the past.

It is emotionally challenging and physically draining to carry around triggers on a daily — or even weekly — basis.

When my immediate response to my child takes me to my own childhood, I am unable to see the person my child is through the fog of my past.

Because of this, it can be hard to express my love and dedication to my children without anger, frustration and sadness interfering.

Working through my past experiences to discover my potential triggers and understanding when I become activated helps me to develop strategies to combat unexpected activation of my nervous system.

In the interactions I have with my children, I pay attention to what is happening to me – what emotions are bubbling up AND what my body is doing.

Once I’m able to tap into what activates me and I know how I unconsciously respond, I am better able to acknowledge the immediate activation response AND choose differently.

_____
(above is a snippet from my weekly email. let me know if you want on the list👇)

Story time . . .

Here's what happened yesterday --

Baby woke up early yesterday morning (when I'm supposed to be having my morning alone time 🤣). I was able to do homeschooling, albeit with a fussy baby, and was looking forward to getting her to nap.

I nursed her to sleep and all was well.

I went to heat up lunch, got it plated, got a glass of water poured, set down, and took a bite.

Meanwhile, two of my girls decided to play OUTSIDE the baby's door LOUDLY.

And, of course, the crying started.

What do I do? I wish I could say I handled it the way I would have liked.

I didn't. I started yelling. (that's good to get the baby back to sleep, lol)

Then the spiral starts. The thoughts start flooding in.

Before the self-judgment happens -- which it will -- here are a few of my thoughts/feelings:

- of course this would happen
- no one cares about me
- I never have time for myself
- resentment
- frustration
- anger

So what do I do now that the yelling has stopped?

I go and lay down with the baby to see if I can nurse her back to sleep.

This gives me a minute to lay down, quiet my system, process the initial thoughts/feelings, sit with my reactions, breathe, and it hits me --

This all makes perfect sense.

I'm preparing to teach a class on trauma-aware parenting.

I'm calling women to be with me in this space & the exact thing I want to speak about is happening in full force.

Yes, I wish I had handled it better at the moment AND that's part of why I'm perfect to lead this class.

I'm living it with you. I'm here too.

And I have a better understanding as to why this happens and, maybe, more importantly, I'm able to call myself back from the precipice.

I once would lose my cool, scream and yell, then beat myself up over it for days.

I know different now AND I'm still in it with you.

And I'm ready to share.

If you're ready to hear more, I invite you to join me. (check below for details)

Sending you love and encouragement today

*Drumroll please, it’s child melt-down time*

What’s a mom to do?

I realize not every day living life with the little humans I’ve created will go smoothly.

We are both human with our own opinions, desires, feelings, and goals.

And, regardless of the outcome, I can work towards acknowledging both my own internal emotional regulation and what I imagine to be happening inside them.

This act of acknowledgment not only furthers me on my journey towards being the parent I desire, but it also mirrors to my child what it means to be emotionally connected to myself (and others).

I was driving home today from a weekly homeschool coop. It's an hour drive and it gives me time to think while the kids listen to audiobooks.

I recently signed up for an online pelvic floor strengthening course. I've actually completed this same program about 5 years ago and I've been having some returning symptoms of a weak pelvic floor.

As I was filling out the 1st-week survey last night, thoughts of disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, and hopelessness came up.

I was feeling more regulated in my body this afternoon on the drive home, so I chose to sit with these feelings.

I didn't run from them.

I didn't shame myself for feeling these things.

I didn't beat myself up for the thoughts I had about my body.

I just let them be.

I stopped and acknowledged each feeling. I said something along the lines of, "I see you. I know you're embarrassed. I know this is difficult. And I've confronted embarrassment before and grown. I can do it again"

Each time I do this -- each time I allow my SELF to be seen -- the parts of me that I used to push away or shame -- I realize these are valuable emotions/thoughts and they're there to protect me and keep me alive.

This gets easier each time.

Life is messy.

We don't consciously get to choose what emotions come up AND we get to choose how we respond to those parts of ourselves that we have been conditioned to run from.

I recognized I needed support around this -- both physical and emotional.

I am creating a support system around these things: pelvic floor therapist, community support of other women in similar situations, therapist, coach, my husband, and others.

We are not meant to do life alone. We are meant for connection.

We are meant to feel safe without internal or external shame.

As I grow my support system around these needs, I invite you to consider where you could use extra support.

If it feels good to you, I invite you to reach out to me to talk about how bringing on a woman's life coach in your inner support system could elevate you to the next level in the coming year.

The key to practicing conscious parenting is to begin accepting my own emotional struggles as a mom, as a wife, and as a human being.

The more I understand my own complex emotional experience, the less guilt I experience as a mother.

I am aware of my emotional challenges, and I am conscious of when those challenges negatively express themselves in my interactions with my children.

When I’m able to pause in the midst of dysregulation and become aware of what I’m feeling in my body and the thoughts swirling in my head, I can then regulate my internal response and work towards becoming the mother I desire to be.

Can you believe we're in December and headed into the New Year?

I thought I’d share the 4 goals I'm focusing on right now

- Letting myself heal – caring for myself in the midst of caring for my children (and others)

- Focusing on staying conscious & mindful of my own emotional responses

- Knowing (and understanding) my own triggers

- Allowing myself (and my kids) to make mistakes

These may seem lofty at any given moment AND it's where I want my focus to be right now.