Peace of Mind

Be Calm And Present: How To Help Someone With Anxiety Attack | BetterHelp Anxiety attacks or panic attacks can be frightening not only for the one going through them but for the ones close by as well. Here are ways to help someone cope.

What happens when you find yourself in someone's soul. Is it wrong to feel connected to another human being? I don't think it is. Just because you are with someone doesn't mean they must be your whole world.

🤍Waiting for an apology is like allowing someone to hold you hostage.

🤍I once heard someone say, “Don’t expect the person that hurt you to be the person that saves you.”

🤍Remember that forgiveness is something that you do for you, not for the other person. And unless something really significant has changed, forgiveness does not mean that you have to let someone who has harmed you back into your life.

(Your healing does not depend on someone else’s apology. Their lack of accountability is your confirmation to let go and move on.-)

Sometimes friendships just run their course and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it.

I wish you peace and comfort.

Peace to you all. Shine on.
(Toni)

Tell her she can say no.

“A grown man looms behind my three-year-old daughter. Occasionally he will poke or tickle her and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table.

When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter.

“Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me.

“Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him no Mae. If this isn’t okay you could say something like, Papa, please back up—I would like some space for my body.”

As I say the words, my step-father, the bulldog, leans in a little closer, hovering just above her head. His tenebrous grin taunts me as my daughter accordions her 30-pound frame hoping to escape his tickles and hot breath.

I repeat myself with a little more force. She finally peeks up at me.

“Mama . . . can you say it?”

Surprise. A three-year-old-girl doesn’t feel comfortable defending herself against a grown man. A man that has stated he loves and cares for her over and over again, and yet, stands here showing zero concern for her wishes about her own body. I ready myself for battle.

“Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.”

My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move.

“Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.”

“Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair.
The patriarchy stands, patronizing me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.” His southern drawl does not charm me.

“No. You were playing. She was not. She’s made it clear that she would like some space, now please back up.”

“I can play how I want with her.” He says, straightening his posture.

My chest tightens. The sun-bleached hairs on my arms stand at attention as this man, who has been my father figure for more than three decades, enters the battle ring.

“No. No, you cannot play however you want with her. It’s not okay to ‘have fun’ with someone who does not want to play.”

He opens his mouth to respond but my rage is palpable through my measured response. I wonder if my daughter can feel it. I hope she can.

He retreats to the living room and my daughter stares up at me. Her eyes, a starburst of blue and hazel, shine with admiration for her mama. The dragon has been slayed (for now). My own mother is silent. She refuses to make eye contact with me.

This is the same woman who shut me down when I told her about a sexual assault I had recently come to acknowledge.

This is the same woman who was abducted by a carful of strangers as she walked home one night. She fought and screamed until they kicked her out. Speeding away, they ran over her ankle and left her with a lifetime of physical and emotional pain.

This is the same woman who said nothing, who could say nothing as her boss and his friends sexually harassed her for years.

This is the same woman who married one of those friends.

When my mother views this scene, she sees her daughter overreacting. She sees me ‘making a big deal out of nothing.’ Her concerns lie more in maintaining the status quo and cradling my step-dad’s toxic ego than in protecting the shrinking three-year-old in front of her.

When I view this scene, I am both bolstered and dismayed. My own strength and refusal to keep quiet is the result of hundreds, probably thousands of years of women being mistreated, and their protests ignored. It is the result of watching my own mother suffer quietly at the hands of too many men. It is the result of my own mistreatment and my solemn vow to be part of ending this cycle.

It would be so easy to see a little girl being taught that her wishes don’t matter. That her body is not her own. That even people she loves will mistreat and ignore her. And that all of this is “okay” in the name of other people, men, having fun.

But. What I see instead is a little girl watching her mama. I see a little girl learning that her voice matters. That her wishes matter. I see a little girl learning that she is allowed and expected to say no. I see her learning that this is not okay.

I hope my mom is learning something, too.

Fighting the patriarchy one grandpa at a time.”

~ By Lisa Norgren

Photo: TheGuardian

Amazing

"Grandma, I'm tired. So tired of this life..."

"Take your tiredness, my child, and wrap it around yourself. Like a blanket in the cold winter months. Tiredness comes to make you a nest, to bring you to wear comfortable clothes, to make you sink into its warm embrace. I invite you to stay within yourself. Without strength, without thoughts, without actions. Like the snow that covers everything to soften the world, to make it muffled, to protect it from noise. Accept the flakes of your tiredness and let yourself be completely covered by them."

"I could die buried under there..."

"You will be reborn instead. Like the seed in the ground. Do not resist your weariness, do not reject it with a thousand actions, a thousand intentions, a thousand feelings of guilt. It just wants to take you by the hand and lead you to sink into the void. Right there, where the source of every inner strength lies. They taught us to be strong by resisting. But it is in surrendering that the true heroes emerge."

"I'm afraid, grandmother. What if fatigue will annihilate me?"

"My child, you are not afraid of tiredness but of losing control of yourself. The time has come for you to give yourself to life. And to generate together with it the most wonderful children: the fruits of your soul!"

Author: Elena Bernabè

Picture by Magic on Flickr

New item by Doreen Armstrong

Sunrise 🌅🌅

Boundaries, sometimes we just need to protect ourselves. Your relationships with others are a unique gift or could be a curse.

I can hear the pitter-patter of rain on my roof. Drifting back in time when life was easier, or so we thought. The last two years have been so hard for everyone. With touches of indecision and fear that have led to su***de and despair. Please know that you are not alone. I could talk about God or whatever you think is your higher power. We all have a purpose, every one of us. Not just the wealthy, or the poor for that matter. We all do. Just reach out, tell someone, anyone. Don't hold it in. Please no one can read your mind, so don't get upset when someone can't understand what you are going through. Most times we need to be told straight up, face to face. I regret the words "If only I had known I would have helped". Still, there are times when you think it will pass. Not all of us have the where with all to get past it. When it gets tough reach out. I have seen what "su***de" can do to families. Please if you see someone in distress, touch them, ask if they are ok. You may get a rebuke, but what if they say yes, there is something wrong. Oh my, that is the first step. Just listening may help, if not, help them find it. You both will be blessed.

Its been awhile. I wonder if you still believe in yourself like I do?. Thinking of days that seemed promising. A rebirth of sweet innocence. Letting you see a different side of me. A playful carefree spirit. What happened to her?