Kizzmyazz the clown

Temu Shopper Disappointed By Quality Of $1 Blender PLYMOUTH, MI—Expressing frustration with what she sees as a widespread decline in the quality of consumer goods, area Temu shopper Chelsea Owens told reporters Wednesday she was disappointed with the merits of a blender she purchased for $1 on the discount e-commerce platform. “What the hell? Th...

Be safe in work zones On average, over 700 fatalities occur in work zones each year. Commercial motor vehicle (CMV) and passenger vehicle drivers both need to be particularly careful while traveling through work zones. Trucks and buses have limited maneuverability and large blind spots, both of which make operating in th...

Delusional Man Considers Self Important Enough To Be Cog In Machine BOSTON—Calling the claims he has made about his position in life “completely unhinged,” sources reported Tuesday that delusional local man Mike Caravatta actually believes he is important enough to be a cog in the machine. The 34-year-old deranged narcissist is said to have loftily described h...

Try to solve your own problems.

Drunk Partygoer Falls Off Roof Attempting To Jump Off Roof The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

Police Experimenting With Nonlethal Methods To Give Speeding Ticket AKRON, OH—Theorizing there might be a way to occasionally complete a routine traffic stop without anybody dying, Ohio police announced plans Monday to begin experimenting with nonlethal methods of administering speeding tickets. “Basically, we’re toying with the possibility that there could th...