Coffee With Kris

You can BREW It!
Enjoy the journey and be encouraged! ☕❤️

Finally! A long anticipated & much needed date night! You excitedly climb into the car and then, it starts...

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't care, what do you want to do?"

"I don't care, I'd really just like for you to pick."

"Well you're the one that has taken care of the kids and the house and worked all week, I want you to pick something you want to do."

"Honestly, I'd rather you just pick! We do need to eat, so let's just go somewhere to get something to eat first."

"OK, what would you like for dinner?"

"I don't know, I'm honestly good with anything, just take me somewhere."

"Well, I haven't really thought about it, I wanted to let the night be about you and let you decide. We can go wherever you want!"

"What I WANT is for you to just make a freaking decision! I have had to make 107 decisions today! For once, I'd just like you to make one and surprise me." (Meaning she'd just like to be surprised and not have to make the decision. But what he heard was "You have it easy - you don't have to make decisions...)

"OH! So you think I don't have to make any decisions huh? Why don't you try walking in my shoes for a day and see what decisions I have to make!

"Well why don't you walk in mine for a day - you'd be exhausted!"
"I don't even want to go out now."

"Me either! Let's just go back home!"

"Fine!" (Pulls into the house - goes their separate ways - everyone cools off - a pizza is ordered or a peanut butter sandwich made - date night officially ruined before it ever started.)

The sad thing is this argument typically ensues from two people who truly love one another and are trying to be respectful of one another and a desire to make the other happy. Unfortunately, that gets lost in the decision-making process of what the night will look like.

For those who suffer with depression and anxiety, making a decision can be a difficult task. When put on the spot to decide quickly, it can create a lot of frustration and anger.

One fun, creative way to solve this issue and enjoy a night out:
1. Get a jar (decorate one, buy one, whatever you like)
2. Give each person 3 slips of paper. On those slips of paper write out 3 separate things you would like to do with your significant other that can be done in one evening. (Restaurants, places to go, etc.)
3. Read what each other wrote.
4. Stick the slips of paper into the jar.
5. Pick a day for each month that is specified as "date night" - write in your calendar, put a post it note on your computer so you don't forget, get a sitter and make time for each other.
6. Two days before your "date night" make it a fun moment to pick out a slip of paper and see where you will be going.

(Note: You can take this same approach with "family" time. Let each child put a suggestion in for the game they want to play on family game night and draw them out - reducing the need to remember who got to pick last time. Because we all know that is often an argument waiting to happen.) 😀

Make the most of your Quality Time!
All my best -
Kris

"Fake it 'til you make it" is a phrase you may have heard someone say who is struggling with happiness. What you may not know is that this is actually pretty good advice! What I am about to tell you will sound too easy, and too good to be true. But I promise it works more often than not!

Let's start with the science behind the strategy...

When you feel happy inside your brain will normally send a message to your face to smile. But did you know that your face is also sending messages BACK to your brain when you smile saying, "When my muscles are in this position, I am happy."

In that same manner, when you are unhappy your brain sends a message to your facial muscles to form a frown to express the fact that you are unhappy. And likewise, your face sends a message back to your brain saying, "When my muscles are in this position, I am unhappy."

If you find yourself feeling unhappy and want to try to pull yourself out of it, one way is to use the knowledge of this system and force yourself to smile! When you start smiling, that signal goes to your brain that says, "My facial muscles say I am happy." Your brain starts to believe you are happy and release some of those happiness hormones, and in many instances you start to feel a bit better.

Don't believe me? Try it for yourself! For one whole day make eye contact with everyone you meet and make yourself smile. Also try to smile more when you're driving down the road, doing a chore, or just watching TV. At the end of the day try to take note in how you feel. You have nothing to lose in trying this method, but a mood lifter to gain!

I had the honor and pleasure of sitting with Anna Lou Dyer and her three beautiful daughters back in July as we talked about the book she released last year at 92 years old! (Yes, you read that correctly!) If you have not ordered your copy, I encourage you to do so! (The link is within YouTube Video Description. It is entitled "Alzheimer's Took Mom's Smile Away, Love Brought it Back."

This book takes the reader back to a harder, but simpler time. Just 80 short years ago when things were very different than they are today. It's a time that as a society we will likely never get back to. However, the book is also laced with eternal truths that will stand the test of time! It's some of those eternal, biblical truths that I will be sharing at one of our Women's Bible Studies in October.

I encourage you to consider ordering the book - pouring a cup of coffee and finding your favorite reading nook - and get carried away in a wonderful, inspiring story.

Coffee with Kris - Anna Lou Dyer Anna Lou Dyer released her first book at 92 years old! I recently had the pleasure of sitting with Anna Lou and her three beautiful daughters to discuss som...

It's been a minute since we've released a "Coffee with Kris" video, but I'm excited to share that on Friday I sat with 3 of my dear friends and their Amazing mother who just released her first book at age 91!! (Yes, you heard that right - 91! God never stops using a willing vessel.) If you haven't ordered your copy yet, I encourage you to do so! It starts by reminding us of a sweeter, simpler, harder time (Just 85 short years ago). While we will never get back to that time, it reminds us of the importance of "In person" fellowship with those we love. It soon moves into timeless truths about God's Word, His promises, and our authority over the devil. As Anna Lou told me Friday "He's under my feet!" :-) I have my copy underlined, highlighted, and plan to use it to speak at the next women's event as it has been such an encouragement to me!

Look for the release of the video mid-September as well as a "Live" event where we will watch the video and discuss some of those good nuggets of truth brought to light in this book.

If you would like to order your copy to read prior to the release of the video, you can do so by selecting the link below: https://www.amazon.com/Alzheimers-Took-Moms-Smile-Brought/dp/B09YNMGNTB/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?crid=21YOT6IWNXGT7&keywords=Anna+Loud+Dyer+Alzheimers&qid=1690718675&sprefix=anna+loud+dyer+alzheimers%2Caps%2C81&sr=8-1-fkmr1

There are no requirements for receiving the divine rest and reassurance God offers. No boxes to check, no favor to earn, and no need to measure up. We simply accept the daily invitation to draw close to Him and hear His heart...

**From the book 40 days to a Calmer Spirit

When our hands are closed in clenched fists desperately holding on to things of the world, instead of things of God, we miss the blessing. When we open our hands and our hearts in Faith - He is able and willing to provide in accordance with His will.

As David writes .. "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." - Psalms 37:25

Some of us say we have Faith, but never really turn it over to Him. We work hard and do our part, but we worry and stress about the future and wonder if God will do His part. Learning to trust in Him is one of the biggest blessings you can give yourself.

Say it with me: Jehovah Jireh - God is my provider!
Now say it again, and mean it this time! 😁

Something to ponder over your morning cup o' Joe...☕️
The battlefield is truly in the mind. I've been blessed to walk beside those who have survived traumatic events physically, who then go on to surviving mentally. Your mental health truly matters. If you change your thoughts you change your feelings. If you change your thoughts and feelings you change your actions. Our lives become a sum total of our thoughts, feelings and actions. If you find yourself in a constant state of turmoil - check your thoughts - are you thinking like a victim or a survivor?

You work hard for the money you make. Once deposited into your bank account you protect it. You log on daily to check your account insuring no one has withdrawn more than you approved. If you agree with that statement I want to challenge you with this question; if your bank account had a balance of $86,400.00 and a thief stole $10.00 from it, would you just throw the remaining $86,300.00 away? What if they stole $100.00? Would you then just throw the other $86,300.00 away? I’m going to assume if I was standing in front of you asking this question you would say “No! I’d not throw the rest away that would be ridiculous!”

As I get older the one thing that rings truest with me is that time is more precious than money. We are only given so much of it. We can’t buy more or save it up to use at a later time. In fact, we are given 86,400 seconds a day. How many of you reading this have let someone who has said something or done something that upsets you and steals 10 seconds or even 10 minutes don’t stop there and instead you dwell on it, tell others about it, and end up throwing the entire 86,400 seconds away? (I think at one time or another we’ve all been guilty.) And it brings me to this question to ponder: You wouldn’t throw the rest of your money away, why are you throwing the rest of your time away?

Working in the schools providing mental health services, as well as in the community with adults, I have found that this analogy can ring true from the Middle School Student who is all kinds of upset because someone wore the same dress they did to the dance, to the seasoned adult who received an email in the workplace that upset them (that was likely not meant the way it was received).
Just like you check your bank account periodically to insure no one is stealing your money, do a self-inventory and insure you are not letting someone steal your day away from you. If you spend more than 10 minutes being frustrated, angry or upset over something outside your control, you’ve lost too much. You can’t control what others do – you can only control how YOU react to it. React wisely!

Something to ponder over that next cup of Joe...☕️☕️

"Often when we look at our circumstances, our faith is punctured. But it's not our circumstances themselves that cause us to sink - it's our putting our trust in them." - Marshawn Evans Daniels

That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.
- 2 Timothy 1:12

Another instance where the Bible and Neuro Science agree... (There are actually many of them)

Proverbs 18:21 - "Death and Life are in the power of the tongue."
Proverbs 16:24 - "Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."
This is just 2 verses that readily came to mind - there are many more....

And now, from a post of the BRM Institute: In their neuroscience experiment, “Do Words Hurt?”, Maria Richter and collaborating scientists monitored subjects’ brain responses to auditory and imagined negative words. During this process, they discovered painful or negative words increase Implicit Processing (IMP) within the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex (sACC).

Put frankly, their study proved that negative words release stress and anxiety-inducing hormones in subjects. (Did you hear that? What we say WILL affect our mental health).

Additionally, a study found increased levels of anxiety in children associated with higher rates of negative self-talk. According to the study’s abstract, “These results suggest negative self-talk plays a role in the generation or maintenance of anxiety in normal children.”

Ultimately, negative words, whether spoken, heard, or thought, not only cause situational stress, but also contribute to long-term anxiety.

Your life follows your words - what are you speaking over yourself and over your family?

Is your relationship healthy? Being in toxic, unhealthy relationships will take a toll on your mental health. YOU can learn to set healthy boundaries and improve your mental health in the process! There is ALWAYS hope for a better, healthier, drama free tomorrow.

Children need the 5 A's to have a healthy view of themselves:

ATTENTION: Children need to know they are important. When they speak, listen to them. Acknowledge them. Let them know you heard what they said as you reflect and engage in conversations.

ACCEPTANCE: A child needs to know they are accepted for who they are, not based on what they do or don’t do. Acceptance and affirmation go hand in hand. We need to let our child/ren know that they are accepted not based on how well they are at sports, how good they are at school work, or how much they obey the rules. It is our responsibility to point out the pearls within our child/ren. We need to see how wonderfully they are made and how we see their heart attitude. When we have child/ren who have challenging behaviors it can be difficult to identify the good things about them. Often the negative is always in the forefront. We need to search out the positive traits of our child/ren. As
we do we will see a change in their attitude and behavior. It takes 100 positives to cancel out one negative that has been spoken to child/ren. We need to make sure that our child/ren see the best of who they are not the worst.

AFFIRMATION - A child needs to hear the good things about who they are as a person and the choices they make. This is where we verbalize the positives we see in our child/ren. We acknowledge their gifts and encourage them in their strengths. We help them to never give up and push on to the finish line they have set before themselves.

AFFECTION - A child needs to know that they are loved
unconditionally regardless of what they do or don’t do. Our child/ren need to know that no matter what they do or say we will love them. We will not put conditions on our love. We can place boundaries regarding behavior, but our love should never be based on behavior.

ACCOUNTABILITY - A child needs to know that they are responsible
for the choices they make and need to know their role in the family.
We need to teach them to take responsibility for their choices and
actions. They need to know that they cannot blame others. They
need to look inward and acknowledge that they are choosing the
consequences whether good or bad.

**Taken from the book "Taming the Meltdown Madness" by Danielle Ratcliff & Kelly Mettler

In 1962 the devil thought he won... BUT GOD.

A simple statement that has profound impact ... "The devil doesn't understand love, so he can't defeat it."

Yesterday we heard Damar Hamlin say he wished he was running through the tunnel with his teammates but, "God is using me in a different way today." Yes He is Damar - He is bringing scripture and hope and victory to life through you and your witness. I believe your experience was the "spark" that will start revival in this generation who had lost hope. We will see a mighty army of believers arise who will be bold and brave enough to show love, grace and mercy with a steadfast Faith.

The devil started using people in 1962 to remove prayer - and thus hope - from our schools. I can almost see in my minds eye the devil laughing that day as he sat back on his haunches... "We get them to stop praying, soon they'll forget where their hope comes from and the anxiety will soar and the depression will rise ..." It didn't stop at the schools, people fought prayer and called it divisive in every public forum possible. And 50 years later, seeing a family pray at a meal is a rarity instead of the norm. Children have no hope because they have not had an example to emulate on how to go to God and ask His help to fight their battles. But on January 1st, 2023 - all that changed when God used a young man named Damar Hamlin to bring a country to it's knees. (In an act of God that was reminiscent of Elijah on Mt. Carmel.) In that moment of life and death all the money in the world could not save Damar - ONLY his creator. And somewhere, in the hearts of men, we all knew that and suddenly, people were openly sharing their Faith on National TV, in the stadium, and in public places, and letting their love for Damar override their fear. And in that instance, the devil didn't understand the love, so he could not defeat it.

The bible says that "Faith, hope and love these 3, but the greatest is love." Starting my new career change into mental health I have read every book I can get my hands on by every licensed clinician and PHD in regard to anxiety. I have watched videos and accessed resources. But I will tell you that my clients who have went from severe anxiety attacks daily to rarely having one, combined mental health interventions with scripture and prayer. The transformations blow me away as I watch them grow and transform from multiple ER trips a week to rarely going. What do they do? They recognize one of their "triggers" is their phone and they make the cognitive choice to put it down and reduce screen time to less than 30 minutes a day. They take at least 30 minutes they were using on the phone and dig into the bible. They download the "Bible App" and put scripture in their hearts, access the devotions on anxiety, and most importantly - Pray. They pray for their enemies and those who have hurt them, bringing forgiveness and peace. They pray for strength and wisdom and draw closer to God. They pray for their children and families knowing God does hear and believing Him in the storms. And they know I'm praying. As soon as I am assigned a client, I start praying for them. I give them an option to pray at the end of our sessions and every client - Christian and non - ask me to please pray with them. Deep down in our hearts we know to go back to the One who created us. The Master Designer who will work all things out for our good when we love Him and love others.

A PHD in neuroscience, who is also a Christian did a study. Images were taken of the brains of a group of people who were dealing with anxiety and depression. She challenged 1/2 the group to pray for 12 minutes a day, the other half did not. At the end of 30 days brain images were taken again. Those who prayed for just 12 minutes a day, the images of their brain showed positive neuro pathways being made and the subjects stated reduced depression and anxiety. Neuro Science and Faith in God - they go hand in hand.

I challenge you - commit to reading the bible every morning for 15 minutes - if you don't have a bible, download the bible app. And then make a prayer list and commit to praying for the other 15 minutes (or more if you'd like). Teach your kids to pray - pray at meals and thank God for the food. Pray with them at night to calm their hearts before bed. Pray with them before they get out of the car or on the bus to start their school day. Teach your kids to pray and you will give them something that money cannot buy. Hope. Peace. Love.

All my best -
Kris

A simple statement that has profound impact ... "The devil doesn't understand love, so he can't defeat it."

Yesterday we heard Damar Hamlin say he wished he was running through the tunnel with his teammates but, "God is using me in a different way today." Yes He is Damar - He is bringing scripture and hope and victory to life through you and your witness. I believe your experience was the "spark" that will start revival in this generation who had lost hope. We will see a mighty army of believers arise who will be bold and brave enough to show love, grace and mercy with a steadfast Faith.

The devil started using people in 1962 to remove prayer - and thus hope - from our schools. I can almost see in my minds eye the devil laughing that day as he sat back on his haunches... "We get them to stop praying, soon they'll forget where their hope comes from and the anxiety will soar and the depression will rise ..." It didn't stop at the schools, people fought prayer and called it divisive in every public forum possible. And 50 years later, seeing a family pray at a meal is a rarity instead of the norm. Children have no hope because they have not had an example to emulate on how to go to God and ask His help to fight their battles. But on January 1st, 2023 - all that changed when God used a young man named Damar Hamlin to bring a country to it's knees. (In an act of God that was reminiscent of Elijah on Mt. Carmel.) In that moment of life and death all the money in the world could not save Damar - ONLY his creator. And somewhere, in the hearts of men, we all knew that and suddenly, people were openly sharing their Faith on National TV, in the stadium, and in public places, and letting their love for Damar override their fear. And in that instance, the devil didn't understand the love, so he could not defeat it.

The bible says that "Faith, hope and love these 3, but the greatest is love." Starting my new career change into mental health I have read every book I can get my hands on by every licensed clinician and PHD in regard to anxiety. I have watched videos and accessed resources. But I will tell you that my clients who have went from severe anxiety attacks daily to rarely having one, combined mental health interventions with scripture and prayer. The transformations blow me away as I watch them grow and transform from multiple ER trips a week to rarely going. What do they do? They recognize one of their "triggers" is their phone and they make the cognitive choice to put it down and reduce screen time to less than 30 minutes a day. They take at least 30 minutes they were using on the phone and dig into the bible. They download the "Bible App" and put scripture in their hearts, access the devotions on anxiety, and most importantly - Pray. They pray for their enemies and those who have hurt them, bringing forgiveness and peace. They pray for strength and wisdom and draw closer to God. They pray for their children and families knowing God does hear and believing Him in the storms. And they know I'm praying. As soon as I am assigned a client, I start praying for them. I give them an option to pray at the end of our sessions and every client - Christian and non - ask me to please pray with them. Deep down in our hearts we know to go back to the One who created us. The Master Designer who will work all things out for our good when we love Him and love others.

A PHD in neuroscience, who is also a Christian did a study. Images were taken of the brains of a group of people who were dealing with anxiety and depression. She challenged 1/2 the group to pray for 12 minutes a day, the other half did not. At the end of 30 days brain images were taken again. Those who prayed for just 12 minutes a day, the images of their brain showed positive neuro pathways being made and the subjects stated reduced depression and anxiety. Neuro Science and Faith in God - they go hand in hand.

I challenge you - commit to reading the bible every morning for 15 minutes - if you don't have a bible, download the bible app. And then make a prayer list and commit to praying for the other 15 minutes (or more if you'd like). Teach your kids to pray - pray at meals and thank God for the food. Pray with them at night to calm their hearts before bed. Pray with them before they get out of the car or on the bus to start their school day. Teach your kids to pray and you will give them something that money cannot buy. Hope. Peace. Love.

All my best -
Kris

One of the best ways to help your child grow is to read to them. Start when they are in the womb, they hear your voice. Read to them as babies on your lap even when you don't think they understand - what they grasp is much deeper. It's bonding. It's one on one time. And as they get older, they start to grasp what the books are teaching and that's where you have to watch what you are feeding their little minds. If you are looking for a good book series on emotions, I highly suggest these books. I have a lot of younger clients that I'm currently seeing and am trying to build up my tool kit for my younger kiddos. I ran across these books on Amazon and ordered 3 as a trial (there are around 20 in this series and I plan to eventually build up collection to have all that are applicable to my clients). I can tell you that the three I ordered teach positive lessons and my kiddos loved them! (They wanted to take them home...) Reading your child these books (Or having them read them to you) does 2 essential things for positive mental health: (1) The books teach the children about their emotions and proper ways to react. With the focus being on the characters in the book, not your child, they openly discuss more easily how Diggory Doo should handle those tough situations. And (2) You are spending quality time with your child (as long as your phone is put away in another room and they have your full attention). Children need you to be "present". That also plays a large part in their mental health. These books were written by Steven Herman and are available on Amazon.

Be well friends -
Kris

A "grounding wire" is used to discharge the "extra" electricity into the ground to prevent it from causing injuries or fire. Sometimes as humans we have "extra" energy - it's called "anxiety". 2,000 years ago, when a human would see a bear or any other form of danger, their adrenaline would kick in, they would go into survival mode and that adrenaline would give them the energy and strength to out run or fight off that bear. You've likely heard the stories of those who have seen someone trapped and suddenly had super human strength to lift a car or a heavy object because of the adrenaline rush.

Fast forward to 2022 and the "bears" are often social media or the news. We get fed way too much information that can cause us to have "fear" - school shootings, people dying suddenly, pretty much any negative thing you can think of, in large quantities, is being fed into your central nervous system. The adrenaline starts to rush... but there is no bear to fight, or object to lift , so you have all of this excess energy, based on fear, and it is called "anxiety". Just like a grounding wire will discharge excess electricity into the ground to keep you safe - you can take 5 minutes to become "grounded" when you are starting to feel anxious, and discharge some of that extra energy. How do you become grounded - or ground your child who is starting to appear anxious? Read on....

Stop and take a deep breath and engage your 5 senses in a 5,4,3,2,1 manner. First, look around the room and find 5 things you can see... and think about them for a moment. Had you totally forgotten you even had that vase that was great grandma Sally's because you've walked by it without "seeing" it for some time? After you've taken the time to stop and really "See" 5 things - pick 4 things to "Touch" - how do they feel? Run your hand across the table, or pick up something soft.... and then go to 3 things you can hear. Get quiet... hear that "humming" of the heater? Or what about the dogs barking outside or the conversation you can barely hear down the hall? And then move on to 2 things you can smell... is bacon frying? Do you have a candle lit? (Hint, keep some lemon essential oils around, rub it on your wrist or in your hands and take a deep breath, the smell of lemon will calm your anxiety) and finally, 1 thing you can taste. Can you still taste the toothpaste from when you brushed your teeth? Or what about the onions you had on that burger for lunch? And if you can't really still taste anything, pop a mint in your mouth, or a piece of hard candy and just savor that taste... or just think of something you really enjoy and what it tastes like. By the time you have completed this simple 5 senses exercise you should notice your heart rate has decreased, you don't feel as anxious, and you are much more aware of your surroundings instead of being lost in those racing thoughts in your head.

If you have a child who gets anxious, be the leader to do these 5 things. Make it fun, make it a game, and teach them this process as they can even use it at school. They can't always get up and touch something, but they can touch their hair, their desk, their pencil, send a stress ball with them.

Mental Health Matters.

You seek Him and he opens a door, you walk through for a season and learn more about Him and yourself. And then He shuts some doors and opens another .... This life is a journey - and the goal is to learn to know Him, learn to understand who you are in Christ.

"Think of yourself as an agent in your life. You know how a music agent gets the band jobs and contracts to propel its career? You are an agent of yourself and the band is your life. For example, you decide who you spend time with, what opportunities to go after, and how hard you try for them. Even when something bad happens, you choose how to respond to it. You response can make you thrive despite it, or it can make it worse. This is called personal agency. You have it. I have it. Everyone has this inner power source that influences how good of a life we have.

Anxiety wants you to think that you have no agency (no skills or abilities to handle and create a life you want). Too bad for anxiety 😉because you do have it! Once you see your personal agency and activate it, life gets easier. - Jodi Aman, LCSW"