Yoga with Chronic Illness

Even my voice needs therapy! 🗣️❤️

This brings me to a total of 4 different kinds of therapists. I’m going for ultimate healing. 😉

Official diagnosis: muscular dysphonia

My new vocal pathologist is a yoga teacher and guess what? So is my mental health therapist. I see a pattern and I like it haha!

*sorry in advance future providers - I only see yoga teachers*

Something…like SOMETHING is happening in my stories.

Top secret - unexpected and undefined *things* 👽 🤫

Okay this is sounding weird now. All I’m saying is you definitely want to know it - so if FOMO isn’t your thing, come and tell me your opinion!

Found something strange in my garden… Tyler’s garden? When did he start gardening.

Atlanta friends in need of event entertainment or decor (aka my sweet cheeks Tyler - go follow him pls) has you covered.

Spring would be nice right about now however to make up for it Holiday Balloom Boxes just hit the virtual shelf! All you have to do is select your pick-up date and submit your order.

Then right before your event you get to collect a magical box of expertly sculpted balloons fitting of the season and your values.

Ta-da. ✨

P.S.
Tyler doesn’t do social media so when you follow you’re actually following me. 😝🙃

If you left an embarrassing story in the comments you brought on good laughs so thank you. I didn’t know how much I needed that.

More scans Friday and two on June 1st with a nerve conduction study on the 22nd.

Since y’all left me embarrassing story is, it’s only fair that I share a few right?!

• It happened in kindergarten, my mom let me get dressed for school. It was winter so when I got to my classroom I started to take off my big puffy jacket and…I didn't put a shirt on. I was mortified!
• 4th grade: We were sitting down in a big circle for our class story time and when I sat down, I ripped my pants all the way from the bottom of the crotch all the way up the butt crack! That's just part one of the embarrassment. I had a male teacher and I really didn't want to say anything to him. I had a big puffy jacket (again) that I tied around my waist. Causal right? I walked around with my obscuring marshmallow b***y till lunch time. I only wanted to tell a female so I waited for a lunch lady… she immediately told my teacher. Cool cool. Embarrassmentx2
• Sweet 16 Party: My mom hit the dance floor and b***y danced with my crush . I was so embarrassed that I went and camped out in the bathroom crying. 😂 Jared not sure you ever knew about this although I'm 99% sure you remember the dance!
• Freshman year of high school: I was starting at a new school and didn't know anyone. It's the very first day. When you walk into the school there is a grand double-sided staircase and everyone is hanging out on the main level. I headed straight to my class so I had time to find it. As I was walking up the right side of the grand staircase, I slipped and fell all the way back down to the point where the staircase split off. Perfect way to blend in if you ask me.
• In the dining hall one year at KSU I grabbed all the plates from my friends to put them away. A guy passing said "It looks like you could use a hand can I help you with those?" to which I replied "No I've got it thank you though." Less than 20 seconds later I slipped and sent them all flying - SO loud. 😬 I said “Guess I could have used a hand after all…”

You’re welcome.
Also peep the sky and moth.

I don’t know how to be on here right now.

There’s so much I haven’t shared which is why I’m giving you the slacker cliff notes version.

I’ve found 9 lumps on my ribs. First 2 and then I found 7 NEW ones (as in wasn’t there when the first two were found) in a matter of 2 weeks.

X-Ray showed nothing. CT nothing. Mammogram nothing. Ultrasound gave us these images in the first slide.

Oncologist: “Once I know it’s not breast cancer it’s not in my wheelhouse. Are you sure these lumps haven’t always been there?” 😒

Biopsy seems to be next but there are a handful of things it could be and none are good.

Vision worse in a matter of days. Eye doctor said “I will put in a prescription for glasses so you can try them but I don’t think they’ll help because your vision loss is being caused by 1. weakness which isn’t letting the two eyes work together or it’s neurological.”

Dermatologist: “Sunscreen hasn’t been helping resolveyour face rash? (No) Thats not a good sign. If it was 1. photosensitivity it would have Pgone away with that.”

Wrist MRI: Joint effusion in two places and two findings of tenosynovitis

Neurologist: “I have no idea what this is. I’m going to put in two more MRIs and a nerve conduction test but I might have to refer you to Vanderbilt.”

There’s more I’m sure I’m forgetting because at this point I’m forgetting to even go look at test results and have about 10 more doctors visits scheduled this month.

Real real thoughts:
- Will this kill me? I don’t know and can’t change. Regardless if it’s that serious or a very weird totally chill thing I’ll always be grateful for how I see the world when I think I might die. Everything is so beautiful.
- Maybe dying in the best season of your life is a really beautiful gift.
- Crying in table top when the sky is crying feels so right.
- I think death feels so scary because we live in such protected and sterile spaces. The more I just on the earth the less scary and out of place death feels. It actually starts to feel extremely sacred and precious.

P.S. Don’t want to hear I’m sorry’s or advice of any kind. Tell me an embarrassing story instead. 😏 Photo comments in the caption.

Later babes
✌🏽⏳🪦

Here’s Tyler thinking he’s doing a good Malerie impression… I’d have to agree. 🤣

I just got off a consultation call for the Chronic Care Package (with the loveliest long time student) and it made me think of a few things you should know.

1. There is a deadline to get in on the goodness! The absolute last day to get in on the care package is SOON - aka in two days and more specifically May 6th at midnight.

Insider secrect: Midnight is so silly. I did it because that’s what “people” do (blehhhh) but people like me try not to be awake then meaning it’s likely to be closed as soon as I get up May 7th… 🛌😴 BUT you’d be taking a big gamble and might miss out on a new kind of care. If you know you really want to get in on this plan to get yours before midnight on the 6th. No guarantees past then!

💬 Can we all agree midnight is unnecessary and make our own rules for future deadlines?! No seriously comment and tell me if you’re in agreement or not and why.

2. That brings me to the second must know… being gentle with yourself in yoga/mindfulness is more important than anything else when practicing. Being gentle means you do what you need, support yourself, provide yourself with tools and you stop comparing how you do somet hing to how other people are or the whole dang yoga industry is doing something.

Ask yourself right now - Am I prioritizing being gentle with myself?
How gentle am I being with myself?

The world out there is so harsh + stressful and you likely haven’t been conditioned to think in this way of self directed tenderness and kindness. Whatever your current answers are I promise you’re not alone and if you’re not satisfied with them consider if the Chronic Care Package might be the potential solution or a step in the right direction for yourself.

3. Stressed, anxious, depressed babes - you’re in the right place. These experiences are so often chronic and you belong in this community of care. 🌸

🌒 That’s all for now friends but don’t forget to tell me your midnight deadline feelings!!

Till next time 💛

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There are a variety of goals you might have in mind if you’re considering trying yoga, that you had when you first started practicing or that have evolved with regular sadhana.

If you’ve ever wondered, if practicing *just* meditation is enough to receive a range of significant benefits - the science says heck yeah it is.

These findings come from just a handful of studies. Can you imagine the full scope of benefits and improvements there are to receive?

It’s the last week to pre-order your chronic care package and I’m educating you a little on this today because when I say that you can “Deactivate endure mode,
Elevate your quality of life and
Suppress the pain-amplifying power of stress by just pressing play”

I honestly mean it. All of that is possible for you.

The research shows us that when you need things to change your mind is powerful enough. I know the real transformations available to you and I want you to have them. It thrills me to be able to help you, let you receive the powerful care that supports change, and guide you along on your journey to improve whatever would serve you best right now.

What do you need in order to have a more liberating, content and easeful life experience?

Knowing these facts, if it’s something meditation could help you with consider treating yourself to a Chronic Care Package.

The messages and conversations I’m having with the babes in Challenge Rest are showing that even simple neuroscience based relaxation techniques are making big shifts in the way they are feeling. Those tips - they are just the cherry on top of the method I’m using to give you long term care within the digital chronic care package.

📦 ✨ 💛
Orders close on Saturday ⟨the 6th⟩

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Did you know down dog could be turned into a restorative pose?

I think you can turn any pose into a restorative version with some creativity and the cool thing about that is that when you do you automatically make it more accessible.

I just submitted a homework assignment for my 300hr where we had to pick a pose, come up with as many regressed versions we could think of and take a photo of each regression.

Besides this option I actually had another restorative version of down dog that I came up with too! The other is done seated instead of side lying. I’ll share that variation sometime soon.

While brainstorming my variations, I couldn’t help but think “If it’s not regressed down to a restorative version, you could make it more regressed, and therefore make it more accessible.”

But being restorative alone doesn’t mean it’s as accessible as possible. It just makes it more restorative then it’s vinyasa counterpart.

We deepen the level of accessibility with our cues and language, class structure, the location, audio and lighting, timing and more. The next time you think you’ve made an accessible class ⟨whether it’s for permanently or temporarily disabled babes, beginners, seniors, gentle yoga lovers, etc⟩ challenge yourself by trying to come up with a restorative approach to a pose and then add one more way to deepen the access you’re providing.

Access always requires you to consider who your audience is.

P.S.
The Chronic Care Package is open for pre-orders until May 6th.

It’s a high-powered and effective combination of yoga and neuroscience techniques that address pain sensitization, harmful stress accumulation, and your mental health to improve your experience of life.

It’s chronic ⟨long-term⟩ care and right for you if you’re chronically ill, overwhelmed, disabled, burnt out, anxious, experiencing chronic pain, experiencing some growing pains associated with aging, depleted or constantly experiencing stress. ♥️

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I taught my mom two techniques I’ve included in Challenge Rest. She tried them as she laid down to go to sleep and this is the text I got the next day. ⟨momma was trying to spill the secrets to you 🫢⟩

What isn’t pictured is the phone call where she told me she hadn’t needed her sleeping pills in a week since doing these simple science supported techniques. 🤯

The text? Not surprising because I know they work.

The call however? Now that surprised me!

I know how hard of a time my mom has unwinding, staying asleep, relaxing and quieting her mind so to hear her say they were this helpful for her was thrilling.

What’s even better is that it doesn’t have to be one or the other. We can receive the support of medication AND nervous system hacks.

I couldn’t be more excited to offer you this gentle “challenge” so you can try them for yourself and have better quality rest and sleep too.

⏰ TODAY is the very LAST DAY to sign up for Challenge Rest. If you’re curious how they’d work for you or are hopeful at the thought of this level of relaxation pause your social media time for a minute, go get yourself signed up for free and then send the link to your family or friends so your minds can be blown together.

⟨linked in bio for you 😌⟩

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Things I’m doing to not panic about the CT scan I’m getting done tomorrow morning that was placed as a critical order:

- After I explained what was going on to my partner I told him that I was not in a space to have “worry talks” about this. I let his sweet mama know what was going on so if he needs to talk to someone, he doesn’t have to explain it and support is standing by.
- I messaged my friends collectively with a voice note explaining the situation. I didn’t want the first time I said anything about it to be after I had test results because if I’m anxious or overwhelmed, it’s easier to say a test result in to explain the whole situation. I also chose to do this as a way of gathering my support team in case I need to talk, a feel good distraction or something more practical.
- I don’t think anyone can resist the full urge of googling medical conditions, but I’m being very strict with myself. If I’m searching in a level headed and calm mind space, then it’s OK but if I start to get really worked up or anxious then I stop right away.
- Last night I combined all of the relaxation and sleep hacks from challenge rest in order to unwind my nervous system for a good night’s rest last night. I also put on headphones and played a podcast about jellyfish venom ⟨from - you’re welcome⟩ while I fell asleep. I really need to go back and listen because those hacks worked too well!! I didn’t learn anything about jellyfish. 😂
- I am meditating daily, actually twice today haha. Instead of trying to completely pull my mind away from my reality I did one visualization meditation focused on the experience of emotions, and the other was affirmation based with a focus on empowered well-being. During the affirmation meditation, I chose to rest my hands on the area of my body in need of care. It felt more soothing than I imagined.
- I’m keeping my mind focused on other tasks, like completing work for my 300 hour teacher training and some final to-do’s for the release of the Chronic Care Package and Challenge Rest.

Worrying about health is natural but you don’t have to let it consume you.

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🤨 How many things are you constantly thinking you want to do (or need to do) to better manage your symptoms, access more joy, improve your health, or just generally improve your quality of life?

I often catch myself saying not today or not right now but if we keep saying things like “I don’t feel good enough. I’ll wait for a better moment to (start doing the thing)” to ourselves then when will we ever do the things that improve our mental state and quality of life?

Because the undeniable thing I know to be true with chronic illness it that there’s always *something* which means we have to learn to act within the very dynamic nature of illness and pain in order to even feel like we’re still living. 🫂

If we get caught up and sucked into that “later” pattern we never get to do the things that are important, helpful, fun or freeing to us.

Sleep is a huge factor in how we feel and our quality of life. It’s one of the things nearly everyone says needs to be improved.

I know I’m not the only one whose symptoms and pain skyrocket after a sleepless night which is why I’m inviting you to the most chill & truly needed challenge - Challenge Rest. 🛌

It’s a 3-day bedtime-based “challenge” designed to require the most minimal effort from you and be effective in cultivating a sense of deep rest and relaxation. Registration is open for one week.

Swipe for some yoga science if you just like facts or if your aren’t sure you believe how significantly simple + holistic techniques like yoga can benefit you. The one about the vagus nerve should say “act on” not “at on.” 👍🏼🙂

🔗 Link in bio to join - but while you’re at it text the link to a friend because it’s free and let’s be real…we both know that your burnt out friend, do-everything-for-everyone momma, chronically stressed co-workers and literally everyone else in your life would be better off with some realistic (+ accessible) stress management and sleep support tools too.

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⏰ Tomorrow is your last chance to grab an entire year of themes for just $129.

That’s less than half the cost of an average single weekend training and you get support for a year!

Next years theme support will be $280 so grab this version before it’s too late babes.

💬 I’ve had two people in just the last few days reach out to tell me how they used the latest themes, how helpful the calendar and express their gratitude for it. 💛 I’d love for you to feel supported and I’m so excited I can make your job easier on you. xo

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Chronic Babes - Today's the day you find out…

I've given you a hint with an emoji ⟨📦⟩ and by telling you to get ready to rest like you've never rested before.

📢 What have you been waiting for?

The Chronic Care Package

Deactivate Endure Mode,
Elevate Your Quality of Life and
Suppress The Pain-Amplifying Power of Stress by
Just Pressing Play.

The Chronic Care Package is everything I needed in the worst of my journey so far and what I need now for maintenance.

We could say chronic pain/illness/disability is overwhelming - but WOAH what a massive understatement that would be.

I know what it's like to be...
- Bed bound for 2 years
- All of sudden not remembering what pain free felt like ⟨or anything for that matter hello brain fog⟩
- Sunken with feeling like a burdened
- Sleep deprived and in more pain because of it
- Grieving past versions of myself
- Receiving test result after test result saying I'm "fine" and feeling thankful but also very frustrated
- Suicidal 🫂
- Losing all the things I loved and feeling like everything was pointless
- Without meds that work
- Awaiting results with unmatched anxiety and worry
- Completely wiped out by folding a small load of laundry
- Realizing that the even the people who love us the most forget what we experience daily ⟨dispite their best efforts⟩

I know this experience inside out which is how I was able to curate an experience purely catered to you - my fellow chronic and disabled babes.

It offers support in all the important ways.

🔺Pain relief techniques + quality nourishing rest
🔺A format that doesn't dip into your time and energy reserves or require travel ⟨even to a yoga mat⟩
🔺Personalized phone call care to make sure you feel confident and do what’s right for you
🔺Befriending your body and learning to accept what is
🔺Ways to manage anxiety and stop racing thoughts

Be on the lookout for more information in the next few weeks becuase sign up capacity is limited.

Newsletter babes always find out the big stuff first. Become an insider with the link in my bio. xo

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Calling All Yoga Teachers & Chronic Babes to The Advice Hotline 📞

Imagine a chronic friend calls and wants to start moving intentionally but doesn’t know where to start. They feel pretty intimidated by yoga.

What would be your #1 piece of advice?

Tag a friend who needs so words of support with their movement journey. 💕

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It feels very on brand to choose a headshot that I didn’t put up for voting. 😂

Your votes helped me nail down the best ones for my website though so much appreciation for that.

Now the question is - Do I leave my logo up as the profile picture or do you want to see my face? 😆

P.S.
Chronic babes now that I’m getting my website updated I’ll be launching the special something for you so soon!! Just get ready to be cozy and rest like you’ve never rested before.

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Chronic babes…if you miss practicing with me or you’ve been wanting to stay tuned. 😉

This is your only hint. 📦

If you aren’t signed up for my newsletter DM me your email and I’ll make sure you don’t miss out!

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I don’t believe a single teacher can ever fully nail down all aspects of accessibility.

You’ve heard me say a million times how dynamic chronic illness and disabilities are and that is reflected in the routes to accessibility.

But I don’t say this as a way out of prioritizing accessibility. It just means when you work towards increasing accessibility there will be things we leave out. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re making yoga more accessible and that’s amazing. You just might learn along the way other things you can do to increase your reach.

Just like I have recently.

You know I’ve been experiencing difficulties breathing for the last two weeks now. It’s this experience that highlighted an aspect of inaccessibility in the practice I haven’t felt before.

How many yoga practices include breath manipulation?

99.99% I’d say.

While it’s easy to say “just skip the pranayama cues” being required to do so screams “this wasn’t made for you” plus when someone cues breath it’s hard to stop yourself from trying what they say especially if it’s simple like “deepen your breath.”

I’m craving practices that exclude the breath. In fact I am really turned off to practicing right now because pranayama is being taught in everything.

Shall we call it breathless yoga? 🙃

This desire for breath exclusion isn’t unique to me. Tons of people have difficulties breathing for a vast array of reasons and they would love to have true access to yoga. Even someone who has a cold, our not best friend who has stuck around the past 3yrs, or the flu could benefit from that.

Let’s talk about it. 👇🏼

😮‍💨 Have you ever craved breathless yoga? Wanna share why?

😮‍💨 Do you ever teach yoga ⟨any style⟩ without cueing the breath? Do you want to now?

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⟨Update and Post Urgent Care Self-Care Things⟩

If you saw my story about going to urgent care I wanted to give a little update. I’m alive and well-ish. 🙃 Well enough that all my tests report back that I’m fine at least haha.

Long story short I was having difficulties breathing ⟨mostly pain and being breathless⟩ that intensified over the week. Sunday night I just didn’t feel safe going to sleep because breathing was taking so much effort so we Uber to urgent care. ⟨PSA: Call Ubers at 3am on a Sunday night if you want to ride an hour in a Tesla for $30⟩

The did an X-ray, EKG, and tests for blood clots and heart attack all of which came back normal and we went home.

Luckily I got a same day appointment with my primary care doctor not only because of the breathing issues but because so many new symptoms are keeping me company and others have intensified. Based on all of that she’s running all the lupus tests I never got plus the two new ones ⟨which I had to tell her about⟩. I’m also going for a few MRIs in April for my brain, brain stem and cervical spine to check for MS.

Today I’m doing feel good things and figured I’d show you what that looks like for me.
1) Light dry brushing on my face followed by using the crunchi balm I’m sampling. I used it like a moisturizing face mask. Divine. is the babe to see if you need nontoxic and luxurious skin care products that work for extremely sensitive skin.
2) bar that y’all were obsessed with in my stories. That one was berry sunflower this one is chaga superfood ⟨don’t be fooled by the name or ingredients it tastes like chocolate⟩.
3) Millie and Turmeric Amber Sun ☀️
4) Watching The Most Beautiful Flower 🌼
5) Restorative yoga and this nidra recording is what I’m settling into now

Resting now - bye bye.

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A few weeks ago during a Sound Healing & Rieki session for my 300hr, the teacher brought in the quote "The wound is the place where the Light enters you" which is by Rumi...

"...I said: What about my heart?
He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?

I said: Pain and sorrow.
He said: Stay with it. The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

While most quotes about healing/health/wellness rub me the wrong way as a chronically ill babe this one landed, settled, and created such a deeply felt and reflective experience for me. Probably because it speaks to the wound - not being healed.

I interpreted it as: Our wounds let us see. They are enlightening. The light is universal intelligence.

Not only does my illness give me a new lens to see the world by gaining a deeper understanding of our reality but has also made me more spiritual.

I've actually never felt like the word spiritual described me, and I'm not completely sure it does now, but I'm unsure how else I can describe the strengthened connection I have to my true self without writing a book.

We don't want our wounds but because they will inevitably happen and make their mark try to let the light enter. It can and will if you don't blockade yourself in the stale dark. It feels safe to melt into the darkness when you feel dark within. It's a place to belong but it's not a place to live let alone thrive. It's extremely easy to get infatuated with the darkness - I was for a long while. You don't really want to be there but at least you're held in what's familiar. The darkness doesn't get your hopes us or let you down because it's always down and pessimistic.

I don't know where I'm going with this but it feels important to keep everything I've written above. Since I can't see the summary or trail to the end of these thoughts we're going to end right here.

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This Saturday I'm sending out a meditation script for the spring equinox that moves through the koshas.

If you want to guide your students through it for your upcoming classes/offerings email me ⟨Do not DM me I don't check them!⟩ so I can make sure you get this week's newsletter.
↪ [email protected]

Here's a sneak peek...

"Manomaya Kosha: The mind, the "I"-ness, past experiences, and sensory processing drift away, leaving you centered, focused, collected, and undistracted. Visualize the mental landscape as rain clouds blocking the sun/clear blue sky. The thoughts fall away, raining down to unify with collective consciousness clearing out the personal mind. The thoughts might be resistant to falling, but when it rains there are countless raindrops. Let tiny pieces drop down, breaking it up, and knowing rain clouds take time to clear up."

You can simply send an emoji or tell me what you hope to find included in future newsletters.
Just be sure to send me the email before Saturday or you won't receive this particular edition.

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📿 Feel confident, knowledgeable, and experienced in guiding meditation for your students or yourself using this simple formula…

Formula Overview:
1. Setup
2. General Relaxation
3. Anchor
4. Space
5. Close

Formula Details & Example:
1. Setup: “Bring yourself into a comfortable seat. Gently close your eyes. Sit up nice and tall.”
2. General Relaxation: A mixture of body awareness and sensation awareness. You could say something like the following but there are numerous ways to guide this - “Take a deep breath in and on your exhale sigh it out. (using the breath to make them present) Feel your shoulders soften down your back. Relax your jaw putting a little space in between your teeth. Ease the space in between your eyebrows. Imagine that your eyes could spread out and away from each other.“
3. Anchor: Here’s one example of an anchor you could use. “On each inhale repeat the word ‘so’ in your divine internal voice and on your exhales say ‘hum.’ Continue repeating this in sync with your breath. This mantra translates as "I am that." Identifying yourself with the whole not just what's within the boundaries of your physical body. Each inhale ‘so’ and each exhale ‘hum.’”
4. Space: Give them 2-3 minutes in silence to do the work. Say once halfway through - “If your mind wanders gently bring yourself back to your anchor. Keep your mind focused.”
5. Close: Bring them out slowly.“Acknowledge where your mind has gone. Feel the flow of your breath. Allow your chin to drop towards your chest and gently rock your head side to side releasing your neck. When you're ready find stillness in your neck and let your eyes flutter open. Take in your surroundings. Notice the colors and textures. Just letting yourself arrive back in this space.”

🪄 TADA
Teaching meditation doesn’t have to be intimidating or so abstract that there’s no guideline to build your teaching skills from.

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