Muslim Aged Care

I've created a Ramadan Calender :)

Who wants a free PDF for their fridge?

إن الصدق يهدي إلى البِرِّ

Be truthful with your elderly loved ones.

Remember, Allah swt is always watching 🙏🏻🤍

القدوة الحسنة خير من الوصية

Actions speak louder than words.

Leaders are great role models.

🪷 Know that everything you do is a process !

🪷 Recognising that there are many steps along the way and that you have already moved through many steps in the past helps you to:

- celebrate where you are at,
- take timely well deserved breaks,
- plan for the next steps towards your goals.

🪷 Take your time :)

🪷 Enjoy the adventure :)

📢📢 WILL THE REAL ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATOR PLEASE STAND UP 📢📢

💡The final communication style in this little series is our champion- the assertive communication style.

💡 Being assertive allows you to voice your needs (even when going against the majority) as well as achieve your goals while being considerate of others around you.

💡 Communicating assertively means being direct but not rude and working to get your point across clearly and concisely. This empowers you to maintain your boundaries and not feel resentful of those around you.

🥳🥳It is the classic WIN-WIN situation 🥳🥳

Examples of assertive communication are:

🙌Stating your opinion - “I think the task should be handled this way because…”
🙌Teaching others how to speak to you - “I may be overly sensitive, but can you please not use that word?”
🙌Expressing your feelings and moving on to rectify the error-
“I’m disappointed in the way this was handled, and let’s see how we can fix it.”
🙌Stating your needs- “I feel stressed when you ask me to do too many tasks at once. Could you send them over one at a time instead?
🙌Being honest - “I wish you had told me this when you first found out so we could have talked it through right away”.

🎁 Using assertive communication means YOU:-
- know what you need and want,
- are not taken advantage of by others people,
- don't just go with the majority just because it's easy,
- can take control of a situation,
- can say NO,
- are not resentful of others,
- know your voice deserves to be heard,
- have positive self-talk,
- have an abundance mindset
- know your boundaries.

🪷 style of communication takes practise and ultimately results in a decrease in overall physical, mental, and emotional stress while improving self-esteem and self-confidence.

🪷 Increasing wellbeing of women is a passion of mine and is at the core of my mission here at Amira Romanowski Consulting

🎁 Working with a coach can help you become more assertive.

Ask me how.
xx Amira

❓In Charge ? Or Just Aggressive?

💡An aggressive communication style is the use of confrontational or hostile language in order to control or dominate others to achieve their own agenda usually while disregarding others needs and feelings.

💡 Those who use this style of communication use tactics such as:

👉Insults - "You wouldn’t get it no matter how I explained it.”
👉Belittling - “ Let me do it for you because you're just not capable"
👉Blaming - "This happened because you just didn't think it through"
👉 Threats - “Just do it, or you'll be sorry"
👉 Name-Calling - "You are so stupid"

⚠️ Verbal signs of aggressive communication include yelling or raising a voice.

⚠️ Physical signs include puffing up and out in order to appear bigger, moving into others' personal space, pointing fingers or clenching fists.

⚠️ Non-verbal signs involve rolling eyes, huffing, scowling and holding a tense expression.

Aggressive scenarios may look like:

🚫 Engaging in arguments or conflicts just to make people uncomfortable,
🚫Making personal attacks or using aggressive language rather than discussing the issues at hand,
🚫Completely dominating the conversation and not allowing others to speak, or frequently interrupting, and not listening to others/ talking at them (or over them),
🚫 Being condescending and not listening to other’s points of view,
🚫 Providing little or no consideration of others’ questions or reactions.

🤫🤫There is a secret that I have learnt that has helped me understand and deal with those who exhibit an aggressive form of communication.

❓ Are you ready for it?

🧠The mindset of any bully is that they believe they are better than others either by status or by intelligence. This is because at one stage in their life, they were not valued and were made to feel like they didn't matter.

🗣Yup, that's right folks- deep trauma has shaped them to act this way (as well as witnessing aggressive behaviour in action) in order to cope with a highly stressful situation. They also often utilise anger as a way to mask the underlying fear.

😉 Knowing this helps you NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

🪷 Instead, it is important to have a strategy with a clear goal when you need to communicate with those who choose to behave in this manner. This is one of many tools I use in my coaching practise.

🎁Working with a coach to become aware of your internal world - which includes your feelings, the thoughts rushing in your mind, recognising how your nervous system becomes dys-regulated gives you the FREEDOM and COURAGE to break through your stress and truly be the best person you want to be.

Stay tuned for the final style of communication.
With love,
Amira

❓PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MUCH ?

💡 Passive-aggressiveness is a communication style that highlights a disconnect between what a person is saying and how they act, what they mean or how they feel.

👓 Passive-agressive behaviour can look like:

- Giving someone the silent treatment
- Using sarcasm or snarky comments
- Pretending you don’t know how to do something to avoid doing it,
- Deliberately ignoring calls or texts and then saying you didn't see them,
- Insulting someone and then saying you were just kidding

👉 At the heart of this communication style is the struggle to truly be assertive about their needs and feelings.

👉 Instead of sharing what’s honestly on their mind, they avoid any situation that may lead to tension in order to feel a sense of control.

👉 In doing so however, they intentionally conceal their own true emotions resulting in underlying anger and feelings of insecurity.

👉 Hence they can say they "are fine", but are acting, speaking and feeling NOT FINE.

This type of behaviour is exhausting and erodes trust and security in one's own self as well in relationships around you leaving you feelings disconnected and lonely.

One of the first steps to dealing with feeling one way and acting another is:

💪AWARENESS !!

👉Recognise your patterns.....

👉What triggers them...

👉Who triggers them...

💓And how you are truly feeling at that moment.

🪷Learning to identify your emotions in the moment and processing them is the core of my coaching practise.

🎁Working with a coach to become aware of your internal world - which includes your feelings, the thoughts rushing in your mind, recognising how your nervous system becomes dysregulated gives you the FREEDOM and COURAGE to break through your stress and truly be the best person you want to be.

Stay tuned for 2 more styles of communication.
With love,
Amira

🤔Do you find it hard to tell others what you truly think / feel ?

🤔 Do you have someone in your life who:

- frequently apologizes when asking for something they need,
- wishes for things to be done but doesnt do it themselves,
- says things like "I guess there's nothing that can be done about that" / "here we go again" / "I'll have whatever you decide" ?

🤔 Do you feel guilty doing what you want to do especially when it's in opposition to what others want ?

🤐Frequent indecisiveness and giving in to others' opinion and needs at the expense of your own needs and goal are sure signs of a passive communication style.

💔This style of communication is a long-learnt habit and often steming from underlying fear, guilt, and helplessness.

💡💡💡As always, AWARENESS of this issue is the first step. The next time you find yourself hesitant to speak your truth, ask yourself the following :

“Am I uncomfortable about asking for what I need?”
“Do I worry others will become upset with me if I have a different opinion?”
“Do I try to avoid being difficult or needy?”
“Do I often try to avoid conflict?”
“Do I sometimes feel resentful or upset that others do not notice my needs?”

💪Coaching is also a great way to move from a place of STUCK to where you want to be in terms of communicating with colleagues, friends and loved ones in a way that brings out the best of you.

Stay tuned for more style of communication.
With love,
Amira

🌞Are you good at communicating?

👉There are 4 main styles of communication:

- Passive 🫦
- Aggressive 😡
- Passive Aggressive 🙄
- Assertive 😎

🫵 Do you know yours?

💥Stay tuned as I will be posting each style for you to consider and recognise (either in yourself or in others around you).

🪷 Struggling???

➡️Whether you are pulling or pushing through…

➡️Challenge every single thought in your mind.

🪷You have the ability to make your thoughts neutral, positive or negative.

🧠Neutral thoughts take everything right back to their most basic form and take out the charge and allow you to connect to your original goal and overall purpose.

📈Positive thoughts can give you the hope, confidence, courage and stamina to keep going.

📉Negative thoughts. Well, isnt that why you are struggling?

➡️Coaching helps you organise your thoughts 💭

🪷Consider a coach when you are struggling to do it on your own Amira Romanowski Consulting

🪷Sometimes we choose for our elderly parents and loved ones based on what we want.

🪷Ask them!

🪷Make their preference the priority.

🪷It’s still their life, they are just not able to do the things they used to, but it doesn’t mean they still dont want to.

🪷Please allow them to choose for themselves what they want.

The ego living in your mind is like a terrified child fighting for its existence.
Allow it to find a home where it is safe 🤍

🪷 Anxiety ends when true faith begins.

🪷 You don’t need to know :

➡️ why
➡️ how
➡️ when

🪷Just take action and have faith.

🪷 Seek your destiny.

What if,
Instead of cursing people, you wished them well?

🏴‍☠️🤔Take a moment every day to reflect 🏴‍☠️🤔

⏳Find the time, the place and the mental head space to just BE.

🧠It’s amazing how your nervous system responds to wind, sunlight, temperature.

👁️It’s amazing how your eyes crave the green of nature around you and the blue of the sky around you.

🤍It’s truly astonishing how your heart softens and trembles in gratitude for all these blessings.

🪷This is true healing

الحمد لله 🙏🏻

Salah is the answer 🙏🏻🙏🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻

🪷Taking care of our elderly family and friends is a command mentioned by God.

🪷There are those who do it with pleasure and honour and those who struggle to fulfill the duty.

🪷It’s always helpful to remember that Allah swt will forgive what has passed.

🪷Draw a line in the sand and start anew and make what ever is left the best of what you have to give and serve those who have walked on the earth serving others before you.

🪷We do this so that InshaAllah in our advanced age and weakness, Allad swt sends someone who will also care and serve us.

🪷 We do this so that we return to Allah pleased with Him and His decree upon us and that more importantly He is pleased with us.

Ameen 🤲🏻

Worship Schedule for The Day of Arafat - Fajr to Maghrib

Allocate specific times for worship and plan for success on this momentous day.

🪷Set your alarm to go off 1 hour before Fajr.

🪷 Offer tahajjud - as many 2 units of prayers as you can.

🪷Make dua for yourself, your immediate family, your extended family, your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and entire Muslim Ummah.

🪷 Make the intention to fast. Eat a light nutritious suhoor to sustain your beloved fast today.

“Fasting on the day of Arafah expiates for the sins of the previous year and of the coming year.”
[Sahih Muslim]

🪷Perform your Fajr Salah
( for bonus points offer 2 sunnah rakats).

🪷 Dedicate 30 minutes to dhikr and tasbeeh.

🪷 Dedicate 30 minutes to read 1 Juzz.

🪷 Perform your Dhuha prayer ( 20 mins after sunrise until the sun reaches its zenith).
- Offer 2, 4, 6 or the full 8 rakats (push yourself to do a little more than you usually do. The rewards are immense during this blessed time).

Carry on your morning as usual - chores / work keeping your tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah ( Tahleel, Tahmeed, Takbeer).

🪷 Perform your Dhuhr Prayer
- Send salutations on the Prophet x100
- AstaghfarAllah x100
- SubhanAllh wabihamdihi x100
- AllahoAkbar x100
- Alhamdollilah x100

🪷 Dua prompt - 50 things you want Allah swt to forgive you for this Day of Arafat.

🪷 Follow the haj journey online.

🪷 Catch the Arafat khutbah from Arafat.

🪷Perform Asr Prayer

Continue making sincere dua and asking Allah swt to forgive you and to enter you into His favour, mercy and light. This time is the most crucial time for dua’s to be answered make them count 🙏🏻

At Maghrib

Break your fast and offer your maghrib prayers in congregation if you can.

🪷 Begin Eid takbeerat

May Allah swt bless you and your loved ones, grant you forgiveness and shower you with His Light and Mercies.

Salam alekom
Sr Amira
Eid Mubarak InshaAllah

Be a person of service in this dunya,
And you will be served in the akhira ان شاء الله

Caring for seniors is an honour and a duty 🙏🏻🤍

🙏🏻الحمد لله🙏🏻

🏜️Surah Al-Ahqaf 🏜️
**Verse 15 **

Allah (swt) highlights different important aspects in each dua He reveals to us in the Noble Quran.

This du’a has 3 components we as humans can ask Allah swt for before we can be in a state of repentance and surrender to The Al-Mighty (swt).

1- Gratitude for His favours upon us and our parents,
2- Living righteous lives that Allah swt approves of,
3- Guidance from Allah (swt) to guide our own children (because we certainly can not do it alone. Our dua’s are integral to our children’s spiritual success as parents).

Please include this du’a in your daily litany/habits 🙏🏻🙏🏻

🪷 Honour yourself by honouring your elderly parents 🪷

🪷"If one desires to be honoured even though his tribe is not distinguished, or to be held in high esteem even though he has no authority, or to be a man whose wealth does not diminish, he should get out of the humiliation of disobedience and enter into the honour of obeying his Lord." (Imam `Ali ibn al-Husain Zayn al-`abidin)

❓How does Allah (swt) honour us?

🤍Allah (swt) honours His servants by making them feel satisfied and content with whatever they have for humiliation verily lies in one being greedy and enslaved by what the dunya has to offer which, in all truth, is insignificant.

🤍The Almighty places one who persists in praising His Name in the center of honour, instilling love and respect for him in people's hearts.

🤍A servant of Allah who aspires to earn a good share of personifying this Glorified Name has to honour the Messenger of Allah and the righteously guided scholars by showing respect and humility to them.

🧐 As you continue to honour your parents’ needs and wants, become mindful of how content you are with what you have (gratitude of the pure heart) knowing that Allah (swt) has elevated your status and honoured you among the inhabitants of the heavens and earth.

🤍 Remember also that of the 3 dua’s that are answered without a doubt by Allah (swt) are the dua’s of a parent for their child.

🤍How fortunate for you that you still have a parent who can still ask Allah to forgive, guide and protect you.

Humbly yours,
Sr Amira

Mu’awiyah ibn Jahima reported: Jahima came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said,

“O Messenger of Allah, I intend to join the expedition and I seek your counsel.”

The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?”

He said yes.

The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”

Source: Sunan al-Nasā’ī 3104

عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ جَاهِمَةَ السَّلَمِيِّ أَنَّ جَاهِمَةَ جَاءَ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَرَدْتُ أَنْ أَغْزُوَ وَقَدْ جِئْتُ أَسْتَشِيرُكَ فَقَالَ هَلْ لَكَ مِنْ أُمٍّ قَالَ نَعَمْ قَالَ فَالْزَمْهَا فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ تَحْتَ رِجْلَيْهَا

3104 سنن النسائي كتاب الجهاد الرخصة في التخلف لمن له والدة

3104 المحدث الألباني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن صحيح في صحيح

Touch is one of the most powerful sense we have. Humans bond through physical touch.

Skin is the largest organ in your body and sends electrical signals to your brain.

When you engage in pleasant touch, like a hug, your brain releases a hormone called oxytocin.

This makes you feel good and firms up emotional and social bonds while lowering anxiety and fear.

Seniors who live alone often do not experience the simple act of touch on a daily basis.

The reasons vary: spouses and close friends have passed away, families live in other states, or physical limitations may affect activity and contact with others.

Remember this when spending time with your beloved elder.

A simple, encouraging arm around a shoulder or a momentary grasp of a hand conveys a message of affection.

Feelings of affection can make a big difference in the lives of seniors.

The Prophet Mohammed (saw) said:

"God is kind and likes kindness in all things" (Bukhari, 6601).

🪷 How can you bring kindness and care to your ageing loved ones today?

رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا.

Rabbirhamhuma k**a rabbayani ṣaghira

My Lord, have mercy upon them [my parents] as they brought me up [when I was] small.

❗️In a Consumer’s World and The Land of Hustle, instant gratification soon gives way to apathy, numbness and wondering what it’s all for.

🪷Finding your purpose starts with knowing yourself- whats important to you, what makes your heart expand and brings forth your adventurous spirit.

🪷Anytime you experience curiosity and a willingness to learn, you are onto a good thing.

💪🏼And when you finally apply who you are with what you know to a cause that is much bigger than you, you will truly find the meaning of joy- even when you come home “happy tired”.

🪷The world is full of people who need your skills and your essense- what are you waiting for!

🪷Go live that amazing life you always wanted 🙌🏼

🪷Share with me in the comments below ⬇️⬇️⬇️ your dreams for thd future as a child.

🪷Words are so powerful 🪷

🪷In all communication with our loved ones and particularly our elderly, the best of words lead to the most favourable of actions.

🪷In Surah Haj, Allah swt talks about the believers who have entered Jannah. How did they get there?

وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلطَّيِّبِ مِنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَهُدُوٓا۟ إِلَىٰ صِرَٰطِ ٱلْحَمِيدِ ٢٤

24- And they had been guided [in worldly life] to good speech, and they were guided to the path of the Praiseworthy.

➡️ Reach out to an elderly member of your family or community and extend to them a good word to ease their heart 🙏🏻🤍

👍 & 💬 ⬇️⬇️

🪷May the highest level of Jannah be written for our parents 🙏🏻

🪷And may you also be rewarded and granted mercy and forgiveness for all that you do to serve and support them.

🪷Allah (swt) sees all and knows how you struggle during difficult times.

🪷Know that our intentions are the foundation of every action (and inaction).

🪷When we are mindful of our thoughts and actions, we are more likely to be aligned with our intentions of serving our parents and ultimately Allah (swt).

🪷Ask Allah (swt) for Afiyah (ease).

Jumuah Mubarak 🕊