Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

The world does not stop spinning for your grief, the grief follows the curved lines of the day, rising in the east and setting in the west. It is there, it is pungent and does not like to be ignored.

-M.Jacks

Grief is an extended adventure, An adventure where one must explore the life they were living through fresh eyes. Eyes that never bore the sight of a world without you.
- M. Jacks 2024

A Bubble
-Ramblings

My Gift To You
Ramblings '24
*In dedication to A special Mother who is no longer here with us *

If I could, I would have given you my eyes.
So you could see how beautiful you were from my view.
That would have been my gift to you.

If I could I would have granted you time.
Time to do the things you want.
That would be my gift to you.

If I could, I would have given you health.
The health 100% pure and free of disease
That would have been my gift to you.

If I could, I would have given you my heart.
It would have been my gift to you.

If I could I would have given you my liver,
It would have been my gift to you.

If I could I would have given you the very breath from my lungs.
If that meant you could have stayed here with me.
It would have been my gift to you.

My gift to you would have been life.
To see you smile again, fill the room with boisterous laughter.

It would have been the best gift to myself.
To hug you again and enjoy the days together in chaos.

My gift to you now is my life.
Continuing to live, without you.
That is my gift to you.

My gift to you is remembrance.
Always remembering, never forgetting the bond we shared.
That is my gift to you.

My gift to you is Love.
Strong and unwavering in my love for you.
That is my final gift to you.

I wish these gifts could have been given, in full but accept my partial payment until we meet again.

Bury It
Ramblings '24

Bury it, forget about it, it's easier that way.
Bury it deep inside so no one else will see the damage it caused.
Hide it away, away so deep inside yourself that even you forget it's there.
Fight it, don't accept it's there and that it ever existed.
Ignore the consequences, if you ignore it. It can't affect you.

Right?

It's clawing its way to the surface. You chose to bury it and ignorance fueled its need.
It's uncovered, shedding itself in a light that you can no longer ignore.
It's fighting back, desperate to show you it's there.
It cannot be ignored, ignoring consequences is destined to slap you and disrupt your life.
Are you concerned it's not right for you?
How do you know?
Does it radiate negativity?
Or are you blinded by the constant waves of negativity that have come crashing into your life?

Instead do not bury it, embrace it. You do not know the outcome in its presence.

Do not hide it, whether negative or positive it was destined for you. A new part of you that stands to intertwine with your being.

Do not fight it, encourage it, just like you. It will blossom into something completely unexpected.

Don't ignore it, listen to it. Does it sing sweet melodies? Or a stern voice of warnings? Either way the path it will take you is just for you and designed to encapsulate all that you are.
Everyone's journey starts differently, it's up to you to navigate the path less taken. The path that may seem scary at first but the path less taken always leads those who wander to their rightful destinations.

Hello Hump day and all your glory.
May today be the day you confront your demons. Stab them in the eye and stand tall

-Ramblings

Late Night Ramble #1
-Ramblings '24

The saying "You get what you give" or "You get back more than what you give" is a character flaw. Believing that you will receive more than you put out only creates the idea that you have to change who you are and give what is expected of you.
What if giving is a personality trait. A trait that develops from a lack of receiving. Good natured humans automatically give.

Good deeds = Good results.

Why does the amount we give need to be measured. Why not follow the rule. "One small act of kindness can change the world" have we let the changing society dictate what we feel in our hearts to be good.

What is the definition of good? Why cant goodness start a small spark and spread like wildfire. Why does it have to be measured?
Measuring things is for cooking, not for the way one lives their lives.

It's evident that society runs off judgements, competitiveness that lacks morals, compassion and a "good natured" spirit.

We have to show off the "good deeds" we've done to receive praise.
I wonder, at the end of the day after you've posted your latest video so you feel good inside? Is there a small voice that whispers " Do you think your intentions were pure?"

I shake with disgust at the lack of connection that humans have. We exist in a bubble of what others think of us. While those who are of 'pure heart/ good natured' sit in the darkness forgiving the lack of praise.

Helping too much with no reward can be painful because society has taught that we need validation for the actions we complete.

I can only pray for open eyes and open hearts of those who have neglected the true meaning of the word Good.

This has given me hope.
A reminder to fight.
A reminder to not let physical disparities discourage me.
A reminder that my mind may play games but I hold my truth in my heart.
A reminder to remain resilient and accept things for how they are.

-Ramblings

I've recently had a lot of things 'slap me in the face' but this quote has helped soothe my heart.

"Life is about how much you can take and keep fighting, how much you can suffer and keep moving forward. Looking back isn't going to help you. Moving forward is the thing you have to do. Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward" -Unknown

-Ramblings

May Your Heart Explode
-Ramblings '24

May your heart explode from the tender kisses and the looks of comfort they give you.
May your heart explode from the nostalgia on their lips.
May your heart explode from flowers and showings of gratitude.
May your heart explode from yearning.
Yearning for the love they shower you in each day.
May your heart explode from the grandoise of romance and the butterflies that dance around in your stomach.
May your heart explode from the looks of longing coming from their deep eyes.
May your heart explode from the stolen breath that you cannot catch when they are near you.
May your heart explode at the prospect of a lifetime with them and their everlasting effect on your emotions.
May your heart explode as everything You've dreamed of starts crumbling and what you believe in disappears and is replaced by wanderlust.
May your heart explode with love, a love so full that past relationships are non-existent.

Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

My Mind is its Own Universe.
-Ramblings '24

My mind is its own universe.
A span of creativity and depth, that would have you cowering in fear at its splendor.

A universe that bends the boundaries of physics, of imagination, of reality entirely.

A universe so expansive, Dr. Strange would marvel at its ingenuity.
My mind is a rubix cube of knowledge, creativity and theories. Wrapped into one. A complexity that lacks simplicity.

A symphony of rivers, each stream holding a small concept. A tiny notion that leads to a much broader idea.
The analysis of singular idealisms, ones that humans have adopted and manipulated for their own agendas.

My mind simultaneously rotates sparking life and analytical thinking.
My very own complex universe. Over analytical but open to what is normally feared. The unknown..

My mind is a sonata, a beautifully orchestrated masterpiece. A masterpiece of various colors. Musical notes and loud voices, a concoction of what others see as a mess.

In my 'universe' there is no beginning and no end. Just everything that is sandwiched in between. A wonderful universe with vision and reserve.

Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

💖💖
-Ramblings

I Love The Way...
-Ramblings '24

I love the way the trees are made in a surplus of wonder and awe.
Towering over humankind in a 'Jack and the Beanstalk ' fantasy. The trees are giant protectors.

I love the way the sun dances through them. Creating a shimmering kaleidescope of shadows that tell their own story as the day drags on.

I love the way the ocean smells. Like coming home after an extended stay with a distant relative.

I love the way the ocean moves, as if every wave that ripples through the water is a special song. A beautiful song, that tells of fun times.

I love the way the moon and ocean live in perfect harmony. Together in a cacophony of peace. The Moon lends a helping hand, guiding the ocean further onto land and bringing the tide back to calm.

I love the way, I've stopped and noticed the things that gathered my attention and touched my heart with such splendor.

I miss the way. They have made me feel. A shining kid, grinning ear to ear and carefree. 🥰

Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

Standing Tall and Letting Go
-Ramblings '24

You have never made this easy.
You have always been kryptonite.
The young girl inside me screaming, begging, pleading for release.
Release from the binds that threatened happiness.
Release from the hold that you, the 'Puppet Master's has had me locked in.
The young girl has always dreamed.
Always craved the love you could never supply.
She fought tirelessly for your affections, believed that change would come.
Allowed herself time and time again to be crushed under the weight of your selfishness.
Her dreams were reduced to ashes as the truth burned a fire inside her heart.
She was broken, crushed from the unfilled hole in her heart. The expectations and longing ripped to shreds before her eyes.

You never made it easy.
You were always the turmoil.
The turmoil that left the young girl feeling inferior, that she was not good enough to love.
It wasn't until you blew out her last flame that the young girl realized that she never needed you, she only needed herself.

You were never the missing piece of her puzzle.
You hid yourself in plain sight blinding the girl of her true potential.

It wasn't until she stood tall and let go of you that she was able to see the reality of who she became.
A beautiful woman.

While she struggled for indepence.
She flew higher than your expectations.
And Letting go of you, well that was her greatest triumph.

Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

To Give but Never Get
-Ramblings '24

Always the giver.
Always the helping hand.
Always the sound mind.
Always the responder.
Always thankless.
Always the giver.

To Give but never get.
To love but never feel.
To fight but never win.
To satisfy but never satisfied.

Never the receiver.
Never offered help.
Never the quiet mind.
Never thanked.
Never the receiver.

When life is in a constant motion of people pleasing. You become an after thought.
Always thankless.
Always left to bear the burden.

The cycle always repeats.

Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

Yes
- Ramblings ❤️

Oh Mom!
-Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

Oh my Mom,
How you came into my life with a bang.
How you quickly took my hand and guided me through.
Oh Mom,
How you filled that aching hole in my heart with love, compassion and care.
Oh my Wandering Mom,
Your need for adventure amazes me, the explorer heart you have is incomparable.
Oh my Mom,
Do you know how truly amazing you are? The world has knocked you down but your passion for life keeps you fighting.
Oh Mama,
You are a irreplaceable gift, one that I will forever be thankful for.
Oh Momma,
While blood does not make us family, the good Lord brought us together.
To mend the hurt in me, and you a helping hand when you need it most.
Oh My Beautiful Mother,
How we were made to help each other, we were brought into each others' lives at exactly the right time.
My dad may have been my savior. But, you are my guardian angel!
A beautiful angel, who holds and guides me through the good and the terrible.
Oh My Funny Mom,
How you make me laugh and sway my mood with your sly comments and happy-go-lucky demeanor.
Oh Mommy,
How I've dreamt for a lifetime to have a mother like you!

Oh My funny, Beautiful, and Caring Mom,
I can never express just how much love I have for you. I pray that my acts of service show you what my swords can never truly explain. I Love You.

I Am a Work in Progress
-Ramblings

They May Have Lit a Match
-Ramblings

They may have lit the match, but…
I control the spark that will set fire to myself.

They may have lit the match but…
The flame holds my design, my decisions and autonomy.

They may have lit the match that threatens the progression of 'who is me' but….
I control my destiny and the parts in which the fire WILL burn.

They may hold the match but…
I am the director and will say who lights up my life. Whose flame is allowed to dance in tandem with mine.

He may hold the match but…
The light in me burns to intensely to be smothered by the darkness.

My Breath Shudders
-Ramblings

His fingers trace the outline of my scars and my breath shudders under his touch.
His lifts my chin until our eyes meet, my breath shudders and I melt into him.
His inviting mouth curves into a satisfying smirk, my breath shudders.
He is amused by the way I cave into his wants, there is no limits to his want in me.
I shudder, He is different, inviting, sincere and complex in a mystical way.
He speaks softly whispering my name, My breath shudders as it dances of his tongue and touches my lips.
He envelops me, Both physically and emotionally, our spirits collide.
My breath shudders, If I were to die from his suffocation.
I would die knowing that he truly loves me, adores every inch of me without second thought.
I shudder, his sheer presence reassures my insecurities That I am his and he is mine.
My breath steadies.

Untitled

New writing being posted today. Stay on the look out 👀

-Ramblings.

This ❤️
-Ramblings

🖤🖋️

It's hard too with DA
-Ramblings

Sneak Peak of my upcoming Fiction book: Dark Fascinations!
THANKS!
- Maddie Jackson AKA Ramblings

"A Matter of Fact"
-Rambling from The Mind of a Quiet Woman

I want to tell you a story about a girl who believed that everyone would leave her, that she was unloved. A girl that feared abandonment and was filled with self-doubt.
For years she believed that no one cared or wanted her because of who she was. Not for her personality but her faults that were displayed openly. You see this girl wore many imperfections, imperfections that she tried to hide. Imperfections that she lied about because she believed that if the world knew about what she carried in her heart, mind, and body then the world would be shocked. She feared being an outcast, being used by those that claimed to be her friend. This led to unsafe choices and people-pleasing. She wanted desperately to fit in so she hides behind the perceptions that others created for her. She forgot who she was and the things that she found beautiful. One day she found herself looking up and dreaming of reaching the sky but forgot about the life that she led down below on earth. She had to change that life to reach the sky, she was limited by her own insecurities.
You see it wasn't her fault that made her this way. It was the doubt and the voiceless authorities that neglected to help her. It was not until a voice spoke to her and said "You are a matter of fact" that she saw the life that she was leading. That she began to crave independence and the wonder that finding her own way brought her. It was never about her fears or what she had yet to accomplish, it was the darkness of the past that crept slowly into her present that it corrupted her vision and changed her. Once she was able to sit back and view her life through clearer lenses is when she blossomed, becoming the matter a fact that she needed to be. Changing into every accomplishment that she dreamt about. She continued to find her potential and created a life that she wanted, one where happiness and challenges play an equal part and keep her at bay. A life where she was finally able to say " I am matter of fact, Maddie".

"I Believe, I'm Better Than Everyone Else" What Does That Mean For You?
-Ramblings

How could I be so oblivious to the trauma that you have caused me?
The mental and emotional abuse that I have endured from you for years
Abuse that I did not realize until recently.
Since the last time I can remember you have treated me as though I am a pest to you.
A fragile child with no voice. It made me feel like you did not like me.
That my existence was a stain on your chances for attention.
Was I an inconvenience to you?
You trained me, as a child you trained me to do your bidding.
I was your slave who would do anything you asked because you created my love language.
Still to this day I am trying to break the "acts of service" that you instilled in my for your gain.
I always blamed my mother for the subtle abandonment issues but it was you who left, first emotionally, then finally physically.
Were we ever real? Or was I just a place holder for the life you wished you lived.
Nothing is ever good enough for you, including me.

Now that the tables have turned and my life is good, while you ride your sinking ship, you berate me in an attempt to control the inner child you thought still resided inside me.
What if I told you she's gone? That part of me was healed long ago. I will admit there are times where your bullying takes an ugly turn and I am reminded of the sad girl who cries silently in a corner.
Can you tell me why I'm not good enough to play the role of doting for you?
Or is honesty to real for you?
You have always claimed to be my protector, but the only person I really needed protection from was you.
You used to be my role model, but I'm glad that did not work out because the image that you created for yourself is one that you promised you'd never become.
Your lies used to swallow me whole, like a gut wrenching knife that you constantly jabbed into my gut.
Now, nothing you say is ever good enough. The trust I had in you is washed away. I don't think you can ever gain it back.
I sit idly by and watch the havoc that you create. Do you live off of sucking the emotions out of those that care for you and draining them until they are numb?

I'm a big girl now, mentally, emotionally, I am bigger than you. I have grown greater than the depths that you thought. I have grown bigger than my own imagination.
Maybe I should thank you for the aid but I wouldn’t want to feed your ego more.
You have one big enough for the both of us.
I am not your doll anymore, I am not a toy. I am stronger, smarter and emotionally unavailable to your self righteous attention seeking attempts.