Death & Donuts

We're revamping the Death & Donuts program! We're not sure exactly what form this "revamping" is going to take, but I can guarantee the changes will be worth taking a look at! We have put together an advisory group of people that, for the most part, have been with the program practically since we started back in 2018. We'll be meeting over the next couple of months to talk about how the program has progressed thus far and where we want to take it in the future.
We're already planning a special program for our September program at the Library on West Franklin. So stay tuned! I think you'll like what you see!

We're at the Dunigan YMCA again this month! It will be this Thursday, July 11 at 12:30 and we're going to start this program with some information on Advance Planning Directives -- choosing your Health Care Representative, making decisions about what you want your funeral to look like and who will be the executor of your will or trust.
We had a great discussion last month, and we're looking forward to another one this month! Please join us!!

We are so excited about our conversation at the Dunigan Y this month that we're working on continuing that discussion this next month, as well! Almost everyone there was already asking where the next meeting would be before they left this one! So we're working with the Y to make that happen in July! We'll post it here as soon as we know the details.

After that, we do have the next three months already set! Here are the details:

Both the Aug. 8th & Sept 12th meetings will be at 10:00am at the West Side Library on Franklin St. We'll be in the downstairs meeting room.

And the October meeting will actually be on Friday, the 11th at the Newburgh Senior Center on Jefferson St from 11:00am to 12:00pm, and we'll be bringing lunch with us, in addition to the donuts!

You are all invited to join us at any or all of these upcoming meetings!! Hope to see you there!!

Our meeting at the Dunigan YMCA this week was fantastic! We started with introductions all around and found that there were two sets of families joining us! That is always so exciting for us, because that's what this program is all about -- getting that conversation started within the family so there is no guesswork necessary when something happens.

We began the program with a recounting of a Near-Death Experience by one of our long-time attendees, My. Ken Willingham. Ken had done a presentation on this when we first started the program back in 2018 and it was a great success, answering many questions some had about NDE's and how they affect the rest of that person's life.

From there, we began the discussion about how to get those conversations going with other members of the families. Some mentioned the difficulty getting the adult children to agree to even listen, much less take part in a conversation. Some said they had the same problem in reverse -- parents not wanting to talk about death with their children. Others had the problem of trying to use a family get-together to tackle some of these issues. One of our attendees had brought a great game that has been created for just that problem -- called The Death Deck, it literally makes the conversation seem like a strange trivia game! But it gets the discussion going pretty quickly!

The conversation was going so well, -- I was even so involved in the discussion, I forgot to take pictures! -- we actually ran over our time by about 15-20 minutes! We want to say a big "thank you" to the Y for allowing us to continue uninterrupted, and for helping us with setting everything up and tearing it down. Your help with that, as well as your eagerness to extend the use of your facility for our conversation was greatly appreciated! We hope to be able to take advantage of your hospitality in the future.

Here is a picture of our 1st session with the Silver Sneakers group in 2018!

We're so excited to be meeting with the Silver Sneakers groups at both YMCA's over the next two months! And because we're meeting with this group, which is so in tune with their health, instead of donuts, we'll be bringing some of those wonderful bagels and muffins from Donut Bank to the next two meetings! And maybe just a few little Donut Holes! 😉

Our May 9 meeting is at the ASCENSION YMCA downtown and we'll be meeting from 11:45-12:45 right after their workout session. We'll start this program with a discussion of the Five Wishes Advance Planning guide!

The June 13 meeting will be at the Dunigan YMCA on the east side from 12:30-1:30, again after their workout session.

We're so excited to be going back to the Silver Sneakers groups! They were one of the first groups we met with back in early 2019 and they were such a great group! The discussion that day was as active and animated as it could have been! We're expecting nothing less this year!!
HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!

I AM SO SORRY!!! I forgot to post the times and places for the next two meetings!!

We had great groups at our February and March programs, both at SWIRCA. At the February meeting, we had five people from one family attending because they knew they needed to get that conversation going at home! So they all joined us and got it going right there!
Our April program is also going to be at SWIRCA and is coming up on the 11th! We're still firming up the locations on the May 9, June 13 and July 11 programs, but at least one of them will be at the YMCA with the Silver Sneakers group!
If your group would like to have us at your event, just give us a call at 812-450-7028 or 812-423-4477 and we'll see what we can arrange! We look forward to having these conversations all over town! 😁

Our program this month will be at SWIRCA at Virginia & Baker beginning at 10:00am. We'll begin the program with a discussion of Advance Planning Directives and let the conversation just naturally take us from there. And don't forget ... there will be fresh, hot coffee and Donut Bank donuts!

As usual, we had another great conversation at our latest Death & Donuts meeting. It was a smaller crowd this month, partly because of the weather and partly because most folks were not familiar with the location and went to the wrong library! For future reference, the East Side Branch of the EVPL is NOT McCullough. It's one of the original Carnegie buildings ... an exact match of the West Side Branch on Franklin St. And it has the greatest meeting room downstairs!
So we'll be going back there, and I hope you will join us the next time.

We had another great discussion this morning! We also talked a bit about setting up some Panel Discussions to possibly make it more comfortable for people to come and ask the questions they need answered about Advance Directives, Hospice vs Palliative Care, financial situations, etc.
We hope to be able to get some of those going in the near future. So be sure and check here for updates on meetings and other events!
In the meantime, have a wonderful holiday and we will see you next year on January 11 at the Evansville Public Library East on Chandler Ave. at 10:00am.

We had a great meeting today! Had several new folks with us today and they enjoyed the conversation so much they're already talking about bringing others with them next month!

We will be meeting at the Red Bank Library next month at 10:00am on Dec 14, and that will take us into the new year! Beginning in 2024, we'll be changing locations and also the time of day of the meeting. I think we will stay with the 2nd Thursday of the month so that will be easy to remember. Then all you have to do is check here to find the location and time!

If you have any questions about the program, please don't hesitate to call 812-450-7021 and ask for Jill! We hope to see you next month!

Our next meeting is Thursday, Nov 9th at 10:00am in Browning Room A at Central Library downtown! Bring your friends!!

We are officially under way again! Our first meeting went very well! We had a small crowd for our first meeting in over a year, but we had a great conversation, and had a couple of new faces to talk with!

Our next meeting will be November 9th from 10:00-11:00am at the Central Library downtown in Browning Room A! We hope to see you there!

We are so excited to announce that our popular program, Death & Donuts, will be returning on October 12, 2023 at 10:00am in the Diamond Room of the Newburgh Library on Bell Rd!

For those of you not familiar with the program, it is a cheerful, open place in which we discuss death & death-related topics. The meetings are educational and informative and designed to empower people to reach their own conclusions through open discussions about death and dying. Our objective is to increase the awareness of death to help people make the most of their lives.

We’ll be rotating our meetings between the libraries in the area, beginning in the Newburgh Library on Bell Rd in Oct. The November 9th meeting will be at the Central Library in Evansville and the December 14th meeting will be at the Red Bank Library.

For more details, call 812-450-7021 or check our page.

GOOD NEWS IS COMING!!! STAY TUNED!!!

For those of you that enjoy listening to podcasts, Anderson Cooper has a new podcast all about grief and how we react to it and the effect it has on the rest of our lives. It's called "All There Is" and it is wonderful! I strongly recommend it for anyone with any interest in end-of-life issues -- which should be everybody!!
There have only been four episodes so far, three of them with guests Stephen Colbert, Molly Shannon and, our favorite, BJ Miller!
So, check it out! I know you will love it!

‎All There Is with Anderson Cooper on Apple Podcasts ‎Society & Culture · 2022

Grief doesn't have to be private, and it doesn't have to be about sadness. Watch how the friends of Seattle artist Briar Bates honored her by performing a joyful water ballet she directed in the weeks leading up to her death from cancer.

Friends honor artist’s last wishes with water ballet in a Seattle kiddie pool Some prefer funerals, some prefer having their ashes scattered, but local artist Briar Bates chose a different way to commemorate her death — instructing her friends to perform a water ballet in the wading pool at Volunteer Park.

We had a good meeting yesterday, although a bit light on participants. But we had two new people and the presentation, questions and conversation that followed kept us going until almost 1:30!

Keep watching this page for information on a new meeting place and some new innovations to our format! Have a great month of May and we will see you in June!

Hey, FOLKS!! I'm Back!!!!!

Things are loosening up and it looks as though it's going to stay that way this time! And I am finally getting honed in on my new position with Deaconess Hospice! So, I think it might be a good time to start our Death & Donuts talks again!!

I have reserved the Large Group Room on the second floor of Central Library downtown from 12:00pm-1:30pm on Tuesday, May 10, 2022. This will also be a Hybrid meeting, with the Zoom meeting set up for those of you who are not in Evansville, or cannot get away at that time. I will set up the event later tonight.

I'm so anxious to see everyone and get our conversation going again! We have SO MUCH to talk about!!! See you then!

For those of you that are not aware, I have taken a new position at Deaconess Hospice as the Bereavement Coordinator. I'm still working part-time at Alexander's and one of the things we want to continue is this program. However, learning a new position and a new system is more demanding than I anticipated and is taking me a little longer to get up to speed .
So I talked with several of our "regulars," and the general consensus is that we need to take a break for a couple of months and start back fresh with possibly a new format and an exciting new speaker!
Therefore, we won't have our program in Feb. or March, and we'll look toward April as our new beginning! I'll be sending this same message out to everyone on our mailing list, but please pass the word in case I miss anyone. I will still be around and if I find something interesting, I'll be sure and post it for everyone to enjoy.
Please be safe and stay well in the meantime, and if you have any great ideas for a new format and/or an exciting new speaker, be sure and let me know!!
I will talk to you all soon!! 😊

As the thrill of the holiday season is fading, the children in our lives may need extra support if they are grieving the loss of someone they cared about. The National Alliance for Children's Grief recently launched a Family Portal, full of resources to support a child or teen in your life. For more information visit https://childrengrieve.org/resources/family-resource-portal, or call Alexander Funeral Homes or Deaconess Hospice and ask about our Good Grief Patrol Workshops!

Our next workshop is scheduled for Saturday, March 5, 2022 from 10:30am-2:00pm. Call us for more information!

The holiday season can be particularly hard to handle when you’ve lost someone close to you. The loss hurts more on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries or other special days. These feelings are normal and to be expected. Sometimes, those around you will want to be there to help you through these difficult days. But, sometimes, the opposite may happen. Whether because they don't know what to say or they're afraid to say the wrong thing, or because they believe you want time alone to grieve, you may be left alone.

Communication is the key. If that's not what you want, tell them. If you want to be with friends and family, tell them so. Explain that the day may be difficult for you and you don't want to face it alone. Ask for their support and companionship. And if you are one of those friends or family members afraid to say the wrong thing, remember that the only truly "wrong" thing to say is to say nothing.

Here are 5 tips for managing grief during the holidays:

Healing During the Holidays: 5 Ways to Remember Loved Ones While Still Celebrating the Season While holidays will be different after losing a loved one, you can still enjoy them. Here are 5 ways to help you cope with your loss this holiday season.

Grief is a very individual experience, even as it is a universal reality. At some point in our lives, we will all lose something or someone that we hold dear to us, and it will make a significant impact on who we are and how we understand the world. But the thing to remember about grief is that it actually is the flip side of love. We only grieve those things that we loved deeply, whether it be a beloved family member, a relationship, a significant time in our lives, or even a family pet. So to feel deep grief is to also have experienced deep love.

It is also important to understand that grief, while painful, can ultimately lead to a deeper appreciation for life and living. In the end, this can only strengthen our resolve to lead meaningful, full lives. When we are grieving, it can be hard to put into words the wide array of emotions that we feel: regret, outrage, sadness, guilt, and helplessness among them. In times like this, it’s often helpful to turn to the wise words of others who have also experienced grief — both as a means of support and a reminder that things will get easier over time. As renowned painter Henri Matisse once said, “The pain passes, but the beauty remains.”

Okay ... I thought I had this figured out, but I still can't get the video from our last meeting onto this page. It will play fine on my computer, but it will not load here. I'm going to have to call my personal geek tomorrow and find out what the problem is. I'm sorry for the delay, but I am working on it. 😠

We had a wonderful meeting yesterday with Dr. Marianne Matzo and Charles Navarrette from Everyone Dies! I'll be sharing the recording as soon as my new laptop cooperates. 😜
In the meantime, please visit their website, www.every1dies.org and check out some of their podcasts and blogs!
And this is a screenshot that Marianne shared from our meeting yesterday with one of my favorite lines from Les Miserables! I thought that was especially appropriate coming into Thanksgiving and Christmas. One of the things we're doing with our Good Grief Patrol kids tomorrow is having them make placemats for their "missing person." So you might think about doing something like that with your family this year. 🥰

It’s Death & Donuts time again!! And we have a great speaker this month! We finally worked out our schedules and Dr. Marianne Matzo is going to be joining us! I am SO excited!! In case you’ve forgotten, Marianne is the creator of Everyone Dies (every1dies.org), and in June of this year, the Everyone Dies podcast exceeded ten thousand worldwide downloads after just fourteen months of operation.
“Everyone Dies podcasts provide evidence-based information to the public on serious illness, dying, and death. Hosted by Dr. Marianne Matzo, FAAN, the podcast covers a wide variety of topics such as grief, writing advance directives for end-of-life care, and providing home care for the terminally ill, talking with children about illness and death as well as managing pain and other symptoms. Dr. Matzo is a certified advanced nurse practitioner in oncology, palliative care, and hospice. She has four decades of extensive practice and teaching in pain and symptom management for people living with serious and life threatening illnesses. She also authored the definitive text on palliative care nursing - Palliative Care Nursing (Springer Publishers) - now in its 6th edition. Dr. Matzo has recently co-authored a children's book on death and dying, Everyone Dies: And Yes It Is Normal, found at https://everyonediesthebook.com.”
I know you’re gonna love her!

Okay, here are the particulars of the meeting this week:
Thursday, Nov 11, 2021 from 9:30-11:00 am CST on Zoom!
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85179138146?pwd=ekRIZHJ5b3RRSlBGTEpUZS9rZXhrUT09
Meeting ID: 851 7913 8146
Passcode: 513705

I’ll see you all then!!

Everyone Dies - And Yes It is Normal Just as everyone is born, everyone dies. This story was inspired by a question from a young boy, and helps to lessen the fear of mortality. This book can help a child develop a simple and true understanding of dying and death.

An "Engagement" Question

Those who have passed can show us signs they are still with us. Whether a song, a butterfly, a penny or something else, what are some of those signs that tell us our loved ones still walk beside us?

Amazing article!! Should make for some interesting discussion at our next Death & Donuts meeting!

[Report] To Be a Field of Poppies, By Lisa Wells | Harper's Magazine The elegant science of turning cadavers into compost

Andrea Lantz was our guest speaker this month, sharing information about her new venture, . She has been in the end-of-life field in various positions for many years and finally decided to branch out on her own with her own consulting firm and What Matters Most?Evansville. She also hosts a podcast entitled River's Fog, which is always enlightening. You'll see that her logo is a droplet of water suspended over ripples. She said that represents her goal of becoming a force for change in this community as it pertains to end-of-life care. She wants to be those "ripples of change" which help people become more accepting of death and thus able to find more enjoyment in living.
Great work, Andrea!
http://facebook.com/wmmevv

What Matters Most? Evansville, Inc WMM?E is a catalyst to create community-wide mindfulness of grief so Evansville and your community i

Unfortunately, our August meeting had to be cancelled due to illness. I had a bad bout with pneumonia. ☹
But, the speaker we had scheduled for August has graciously accepted our request to come next month!
So ... once again ... our guest speaker for our September meeting will be Dr. Marianne Matzo, from Every1Dies.org! Among other things, she'll be talking about her book, "Everyone Dies: and yes, it is normal." You will love her!
Hope to see you all in September!
www.everyonediesthebook.com

Everyone Dies - And Yes It is Normal Just as everyone is born, everyone dies. This story was inspired by a question from a young boy, and helps to lessen the fear of mortality. This book can help a child develop a simple and true understanding of dying and death.