The Thoughtful Parent

When I first became a parent, I didn't realize how much time babies cry each day (especially in those early months). I felt like a failure. This is why I love sharing research like this—it helps parents know that they are not alone.

This type of research is not meant to condemn parents or even just point out what seems like an obvious point. I think the value here is to illustrate that what we, as parents, experience on a daily basis is real.

Parenting is the hard work of nurturing little people into responsible adults. It is emotional and tiring, but it is to be valued. Parents in general, but especially mothers, often devalue the amazing work they do each day by simply being patient, kind and loving with their little ones.

Research Reveals the Real Reason Why You're Losing Your Temper with Your Toddler Losing patience with your toddler is not our best parenting moment, but it happens.This offers insight into why it happens.

Anyone else at this stage of summer? 🙋‍♀️

Now, in general, being a mom to a toddler is usually challenging. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, work outside the home, or some combination of both, life with a toddler definitely has a lot of ups and downs. Stay-at-home moms have some unique challenges. We have to somehow figure out how to keep our household running while keeping little hands, heads, and bodies safe from harm and somewhat occupied.

Although I have a degree in Human Development and understand some of the inner workings of a toddler, I still found this stage challenging as a stay-at-home mom. We often forget that, in many ways, toddlers are just “babies on wheels,” meaning they are very mobile but still have very little emotional maturity.

A Stay at Home Mom Schedule that Helps Kids Thrive Toddlerhood has its challenges. Learn how to establish a stay at home mom schedule for toddlers that works for you and your child.

True indeed!
https://www.facebook.com/TimberNook.Camps/posts/pfbid02jTKeUZmRQvKF3SjYGP5oZjQsNsE5Pcir8h5JbqAPtdqax3GB6F3UrQXRpEouY1vxl

So true!! ❤️

Great points!
https://www.facebook.com/DebbieZeichnerLcsw/posts/pfbid02wa68pjV9UBsgHjvUQKGTatWyaZFW5Y7X9sxK1zwAwBPP63BPy24mUz79KBJe9Fryl

If we want to raise "good listeners," it's important to be mindful of how we're showing up for our kids and others. Those young 👀 are always watching.
Self-reflection is 🔑...For example, asking yourself:

🫶 What is my typical tone of voice?
🫶 What is my typical body language?
🫶 What non-verbal messages might I be sending?
🫶 Am I typically fully present or distracted?
🫶 Am I typically listening to understand or to make my point?

"Children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to."
-Jane Nelsen, author, Positive Discipline

With so many baby development books on the market, it’s hard to know how to choose. These books all provide research-based insight with parent-friendly writing.

Baby Development Books to Start Your Parenting Journey Off Right With so many baby development books on the market, it's hard to choose. These books offer research-based insight with friendly writing

Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is key to teens' (and adults') mental health!

https://www.facebook.com/makingcaringcommon/posts/pfbid0Zn6JH3Sg7ct9TABVyPY57XqofrKXM5EYcYBCPKmUEonGzJtguTfzCngQD4yXR6WXl

Do you understand your child's temperament? Do you know how to meet their temperamental needs through your parenting? These and many other issues are all addressed in this toolkit for parents.

Download it here: https://thoughtfulparent.com/childrens-temperament

Yes!
https://www.facebook.com/TimberNook.Camps/posts/pfbid02sQdE1Q8M1LCweTZAuVaUJtSmFQ9FYXgdWMDoxAHJYxCzMC5nEHuzNSvqMJGTLNE6l

It is critical that we allow for babies to explore their environments at an early age. Outdoor play will challenge their senses, muscles, and cognitive skills in ways indoor play can never compete with. 💚

By just adding a few activities and conversations into your day, you can help foster the development of your child's social-emotional skills.

Download Emotion Camp for Kids: https://thoughtfulparent.com/sel-summer-kit

Insightful!
https://www.facebook.com/MaggieDentAuthor/posts/pfbid02KJGNUYGjMpGhwYd8LnTN4Q6jq8bWLmorRVspsF8Deny4XQbY25juQZSiB6PENggPl

Toddlers and preschoolers often can be seen carrying household items around and filling purses or bags with toys for several developmental reasons:

Fine Motor Skills: Picking up, holding, and manipulating objects helps toddlers develop their fine motor skills, which are crucial for tasks like writing and buttoning clothes later on.

Gross Motor Skills: Carrying bags or purses around the house requires coordination, balance, and strength, thereby enhancing gross motor skills.

Understanding Object Permanence: By placing objects in bags and then retrieving them, toddlers learn that objects continue to exist even when out of sight. This helps develop their understanding of object permanence.

Cause and Effect: Filling and emptying containers helps toddlers understand cause and effect relationships as they see the results of their actions.

Concept of Space: Moving objects from one place to another helps toddlers develop a sense of space and how objects fit into different spaces.

Problem-Solving: Figuring out how to fit various items into a bag or purse and how to carry them without dropping helps develop problem-solving skills and spatial reasoning.

Exploration and Autonomy: This activity allows toddlers to explore their environment and exercise a sense of control and independence by deciding what to carry and where to take it.

Self-Expression: Filling bags with their favorite toys can be a form of self-expression, showing their preferences and interests.

Imitation of Adults: Toddlers often mimic adult behaviors. They see adults carrying bags and want to imitate this behavior as part of their play, which is a key part of learning and understanding social roles.

Pretend Play: Engaging in pretend play by carrying bags helps toddlers understand and practice social interactions and daily routines.

Security and Comfort: Carrying around favorite toys or items can provide emotional comfort and a sense of security, especially in new or changing environments.

Categorization and Organization: Filling and emptying bags helps toddlers practice categorizing and organizing objects, which are important cognitive skills.

Cool, right??!!

In our culture, strong-willed children are often seen as a “bug” to be fixed or a glitch in the world of human behavior. In contrast, I’ve come to see strong-willed children (and much research backs this up) as uniquely equipped to face the world in a different way. Yes, their strong-willed nature can be challenging for parents (to say the least!) but it can also be a gift if you learn to see it in a new way.

Parenting Strong Willed Children with an Eye Toward the Future Parenting strong-willed children has its own set of challenges. By focusing on children's strengths you can begin to feel more confident.

Love this!
https://www.facebook.com/brighterschooling/posts/pfbid02sRcETDvKMxt4nvLqM3iyRQLqG1HskycKJrmvtYkA3RR4xhSbBQb1d9Vp8d3ePaWol

via Childhood Rising

On social media and online we see the message all the time that implies that strong-willed children need to be "fixed" to make our lives as parents easier. Sure, strong-willed children are challenging. They demand more of us.

But that doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. If we look deeper, we may see their temperament is where their greatest gifts reside.

More here: https://thoughtfulparent.com/parentingstrongwilledchildren.html

So important
https://www.facebook.com/ThePurposefulParentingMovement/posts/pfbid029jhFRDXfu7uFsLAgK7dTJQQYDsXmL6dsENENxN8pCsdq2PfCPAqmB1BJUK66CzVCl

Electronic toys are appealing with all their sounds and buttons. But research shows that traditional toys still provide babies and toddlers with the most engaging play to support their development.

Read on: https://thoughtfulparent.com/electronic-versus-traditional-toys-what.html

Emotional intelligence for kids has become a popular term in recent years, but what does it really mean? I think most of us want to raise a kind child who cares for and gets along well with others. I think this is probably a goal for all of us when we consider our children’s social-emotional development. Somehow in the day-to-day routine of life, sometimes the kindness part of parenting gets lost.

Emotional Intelligence for Kids: The Best Gift Parents Can Give Nurturing emotional intelligence for our kids is a goal for most parents. Research helps us find ways to foster kindness in our children

So important
https://www.facebook.com/TimberNook.Camps/posts/pfbid02XsnWhF9LK63p6mMkUsXJPtQFBhXcf2qTYy7SUGw8Anq9minTu74rYSKEg3WwtpUPl

"Having the ability to play away from the adult world opens up many opportunities and feelings of freedom. It is fertile ground, a blank slate on which children develop their own stories and preferences.

Coming up with play schemes or ideas is not only great fun but also a mental challenge for children. If they want to play with others, they have to learn how to invite others to join their play. They also have to learn how to present their play opportunity so it sounds worthy and pleasurable.

Once a few children are involved, they start negotiating their play schemes and creating an elaborate form of pretend play." - Hanscom, Balanced & Barefoot

(Image via TimberNook at The Avon Folk School, Minnesota)

True!
https://www.facebook.com/thecontentedchild/posts/pfbid024Q5jRiJCcgMpyHGFgtp8wFJKwxkF4ixZWDWaSdJnZKxqfggm3YkJ3FtxM9EATt62l

Quote of the Day

Forcing kids to say "thank you" doesn't really work in the long-term.

True gratitude comes through helping our kids notice and consider the gifts they have been given. Then move on to saying, "thank you."

Read the full article: https://thoughtfulparent.com/how-to-raise-grateful-children.html

Focus a lot on teaching self-regulation. While manners and self-regulation overlap in some ways, I still tend to think of them differently. Manners tend to be forms of behavior that adults impose upon kids. Self-regulation is the child’s ability to regulate and moderate his/her own emotions and behavior. If we model and teach self-regulation, then manners will eventually come. Research continues to show that self-regulation, along with a few other executive functions, is a better predictor of children’s future academic and life outcomes than IQ.

Parenting and Child Development: Lessons Learned from My Kids • The Thoughtful Parent Sneak peek: Parenting and child development experts can teach many lessons. However, sometimes just observing and reflecting on our own child’s behavior is the best teacher. As parents, we like to think that parenting is all about how we influence our child’s development. In many ways, that’s ...

YES!
https://www.facebook.com/ThePurposefulParentingMovement/posts/pfbid02EKivy9q3yVWtK8gwqfzv287DRtEqp18yJx91x3xLJCtoMftnRaHUdW3GHo8C7BKPl

Essential!

The types of ordinary stress that helps us and our kids learn new things and reach beyond our comfort zone can be helpful. But kids need our help to learn how to manage this type of stress and reap the benefits of it.

Great points!

❤❤
https://www.facebook.com/ThePurposefulParentingMovement/posts/pfbid0G3sTuTTeZYm7LZBzvTeQ23A9JvvtGGs8fdokKwo5S4GEhMRCg2CEU7CA6vxUNmnSl

Learning how to manage big emotions takes a lot of practice (and patience on our part). Focus on helping your child learn these skills, instead of punishing them for having strong emotions—even when the tantrums keep coming 😩

Good point
https://www.facebook.com/handinhandparenting/posts/pfbid07ygopcupe5SM8MBdhr7UvtGtqdPPcc3SqLFm4FiaQoV9TB4qjGMU6oCLijFBPneNl

This is what we call a "Stop me".

Hand In Hand is not a permissive approach and it is not an authoritarian approach. We are an authoritative, connection-based approach.

We know children feel safe when they know what to expect and can count on their adults to advocate for them and keep them safe.

When we Set Limits early and often with warmth, we help our children build necessary skills and understanding.

When our children are very open or blatant in their off-track behavior, it's an SOS.
It means "I need a warm Limit, and I need to get some feelings out!".

If we can use the Hand In Hand approach of:

👉 Listen (Connect with yourself - can you warmly bring a limit right now? Connect with them as well - enter their world for a moment)

👉 Limit (State the Limit clearly)

👉 Listen (STAYLISTEN - This is where we come in close, connect and allow them to pour out their upset in our loving and attentive presence)

Our children can then offload whatever tension is causing them to feel and behave off-track.

Do you want some help understanding how to set connected Limits?

Search "limits" on our website.

This works A LOT of the time!
https://www.facebook.com/MaggieDentAuthor/posts/pfbid02pP7iaF7cAWTVWuhNv8UWWkDA3HRN25mPjBmpWUww1MotRioakexag6zcL3to9PZKl

One of the toughest things for most of us to do is to stop ourselves in our tracks before we react to our teens' sassiness, snarkiness or attitude.

But we have to remember that teenagers are notorious for displacing their frustration and anger. And, because we're their "safe zone" and they know we'll love them no matter what, we'll always get the brunt of their most "unlovable" emotions. (Take it as a compliment...)

Before we snap, react, jump in and discipline them (which, let's be honest, is certainly necessary at times when our kids cross the line), we have to ask ourselves a few questions. Quite often, there's a reason our kids are acting out. Sure, sometimes, it's just plain hormones that are getting the best of them, but quite often, there is an underlying reason that might require a little "digging" on our part.

A mom here on my FB page () shared this amazing advice with me and I asked her if I could share it. It's some of the best advice I've heard.

Before you react, H.A.L.T. ❤

We hear the phrase “positive parenting” tossed around a lot in the media and parenting circles but oftentimes there is some confusion as to what it really means. Many times people equate it to a “touchy-feely” form of parenting in which no boundaries are enforced. These are common misconceptions. What exactly is positive parenting? Why is positive parenting important?

Why is Positive Parenting Important? Parents often ask: what is positive parenting? A look at why positive parenting is important and how it helps focus on the long view.