Broken Becoming Beautiful

So brave. 👏🏽👏🏽

“Anyone who knows our family knows we have two men with debilitating anxiety.

Both came into this world with a brain that makes them their own worst critic, and they fight day in and day out.

My son Croix has a passion for football that doesn’t quit. He eats, sleeps, and breathes football.

If he’s not playing, he’s practicing. If he’s not practicing, he’s studying plays or watching games (Chiefs for life) or highlights.

This season has been one full of adversity for this kid. He’s quarterbacking our senior’s 5th-grade team, and if I’m going to be frank, he’s taken more hits and been on the bottom of more piles than any mom likes to see.

In the second game of the season, my dude came to the sidelines crying and hyperventilating after taking his first-ever blindside hit.

He was sent over to me where we sat down and analyzed what was happening: headache, stomachache, his face was going numb, and his arms were tingling from the shoulders down.

After getting his breathing under control and talking with one of the coaches, Croix sat for the rest of the game. Our coaches don’t mess around with safety.

We got home, talked it through, and it finally clicked for my husband Michael and me. Croix had his first ever full-fledged panic attack.

We knew we’d be here someday, but I can’t explain the feeling of devastation and heartbreak that enveloped me and Michael.

Our 11-year-old baby was in fight or flight so hardcore that his body was pulling blood from his limbs to support his racing heart.

We talked with Croix and talked some more. We hugged him and loved him and talked some more.

We asked if football was worth this. We asked if he wanted to be done.

His response? A resounding, ‘I LOVE FOOTBALL. I’M PLAYING FOOTBALL.’

Then we went to work. How can we support this kid doing what he loves while supporting mental strength and resilience?

I did a lot of research and talked with people who’ve played elite sports, and we came up with our game plan.

Croix and I now do anxiety meditations. We tap it out. We breathe. We tell ourselves affirmations: ‘I’m safe.’ ‘I’m in control.’ ‘I’m okay.’

So, if you see my child bolting to me from the sidelines, or see him sitting alone with his eyes closed tapping it out, he’s doing the hard work.

He’s fighting the rising panic that’s threatening to debilitate him. He’s mastering the lies his brain tells him.

If you think he’s a wimp, you’ve clearly never experienced true anxiety. If you think he needs to man up, come on over. I’ll show you the tapes of the beatings that he takes and gets back up from, over and over.

My kid knows some people don’t get it, and he’s learned they don’t matter. He’s learned to talk about his anxiety to trusted friends and adults.

He’s learned that many people he cares for struggle, but they just don’t feel comfortable talking about it. He’s working to change that.

This kid is my freaking hero.”

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Shared with permission via Allie Fish

We need each other. May we give it and may we receive it. ❤️‍🩹

You are so strong. ❤️🙏🏽

You’re going through a hard time, and it’s been quite a while.

The first thing you need to know is that this won’t last forever. You’ve heard this before. I know. But really, it won’t.

I know it’s been a really long time since you’ve felt like your old self. I know you‘ve been patiently waiting for that one nagging matter to dissolve into thin air. I know you’ve been asking over and over again for the answer to that big, heavy question on your heart. I know that there are days you wish you could just turn back time to before life took a surprising and unexpected turn.

But hey, the you that you know is still there. This season is just stretching you, growing you, teaching you. You see, broken is becoming beautiful. The you that you know will be a little different now, and that’s okay. In time, you’ll recognize a stronger you, a healed you, a wiser you. When this season is over, and it will be over, you’ll see why you had to wait so long for what you wanted. The heaviness of that big question will lighten as the answer finally comes. In time, you’ll see that the surprising and unexpected was not what you wanted or asked for, but what was needed. If not for you, for someone else.

I don’t know if it’s been months or years, but I promise you, this won’t last forever. Every season has a beginning and an end. The sun will set and the sun will rise. Your beautiful will come. 🙏🏽

-Gina Jelinski, Writer