When the time is right.

My father passed on in 2002 and I was just 8 years old. The death of my father had no meaning to me. I didn’t understand that i will never see him again. I was absolutely clueless. I didn’t grieve my father. I did cry but I was not moaning his loss. Later on when I was a teenager I started bawling, moaning and grieving my father’s death. Even today I still cry and wish I could see him one more time.

After the death of my father. I continue living with my two stepmothers, my brothers and other family members. My father played a huge role in my family. He was the breadwinner and everyone depended on him. He was our source of income. When he perished everything left with him. Surviving without him was unbearable. For the first few months we did try to survive. It was hard like hell. My father left some few assets when he passed away. One of them it was his car. According to my tradition, the first born is always the one who inherits the things left behind by the deceased. My brother Ndinho possessed all my father’s inheritance since he was the first child . For the first few months my brother became the head of the family. He took all my father’s responsibilities. He had to feed and proctect us.

Being born in a well off household, and having everything done for you, it’s good until you lose that privilege. My Brother had to adjust his lifestyle. Being a father’s boy was over. He had to take care of his own child, wife, siblings and the rest of the family. It was a huge responsibility for him at that time. However during the early 2000, agriculture was the main source of food. People use to farm and have livestock to survive. Money was not the main thing. However those who were privileged to have enough, life was even much easier for them. Money was not a problem at home. Father worked very hard to take care of his family. But my brother on the other hand was clueless about making money. He decided to carry on with father’s side hustle. My father was working at a mine and also doing deliveries with his car. My brother Ndinho decided to also do deliveries with father’s car. He began doing that.

As for me life became hard and harder. At the age of 8 I wanted to commit su***de. I became an adult instead of a child. I stopped playing with other kids because I had to learn how to become a woman. For me that was abuse.