If you are wondering why I started We Nurture, helping parents & nannies create great collaborations, keep on reading!
Studying anthropology I learned how profoundly different the world is perceived from different perspectives. For example, a man’s perspective and a man’s challenges in life differ from that of a woman. A child’s view is completely different again. And what do you think the perspective of a nanny looks like? Through parents, nannies and children they inhabit the same space, the parents and nannies take care of the same children in the same house, their experiences are profoundly different.
Years ago, while applying for PhD programs, I started nannying. I had a lot of experience with children already (I’d helped my mother who worked in daycare on numerous occasions since I was 10 and became a babysitter as a teenager), but it would be the first time I’d take on the responsibility to take care of 4 children after their school hours, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Naturally, because that is the way I am schooled, nannying became fieldwork for me. I learned from the parents I worked with, I learned from the contacts I made on the schoolyard, the talks with the teachers. I learned from the things that went well and the struggles of the children, the parents and my own.
The struggle of the working parent
There were plenty of challenges to learn from. I saw a lot of parents struggle. Feeling guilty about leaving their children to go to work, feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work having children and a job entails, struggling to find a balance in sharing household tasks equally between the parents. Some decided to stay at home to take care of the children full time, despite their longing for a career and adult conversation in their day. Others ran from work meetings to their children’s major events, never really feeling energetic, fully present or relaxt. I saw parent couples split up, because they lost sight of each other along the way.
Some parents however, seem to have found some sort of balance. And I managed to be part of that balance, as a nanny.
Nannying as a career
I loved being a nanny. I read every parenting book on the shelf and did little experiments with the children: teaching them how to play independently, how to calm down after a complete meltdown, how to enjoy eating vegetables, etc. The parents I worked with had great respect for me and never neglected to show their appreciation of my work. But I saw it was different for many other nannies.
I met professional nannies and cleaners who became nannies when children were born. I met au-pairs, young part-time nannies that studied, older nannies and nannies from other parts of the world. Some of them struggled to connect with the parents they worked for. They felt unseen and unheard. I heard their contempt in phrases like: "the only reason I'm still here is because of the children," and "I make all this effort to get them to listen to me, but on Monday after they've been with their parents all weekend, I have to start all over again". As you can imagine, this resulted in less than ideal working relationships with the parents.
Even for those nannies that are happy in their families, there are things that can be improved: One of the downsides of nannying I found is that it can be a lonely job. You may go an entire day without speaking to an adult, especially if you have to stay inside with a sick child for example. Since you don't have any direct colleagues, there also isn't a system in place in which you can ask fellow nannies for advice or exchange resources to continue your professional development. If there is one field that has seen a plenty of exciting developments over the last couple of years, then it would be the field of childrearing. How do you know you are staying up to date?
We Nurture was born
Out of my nanny fieldwork learnings We Nurture was born. Because I see a future in which parenting is an enjoyable, manageable part of the life of working parents. I see a future where parents, especially mothers, don’t suffer from guilt or worry because they know their children are in capable hands. I see happy children, that enjoy an upbringing that follows their parents vision, whether they are physically present or not.
I see a big role for nannies in creating this future. I see knowledgeable nannies that enjoy their work because of the clarity they get from the leadership of the parents. The nannies too show leadership in their work. They are confident that they know how to deal with everyday situations with the children. They know their strengths and weaknesses. In this vision nannies and parents know each other well and communicate well together. The nannies ask for feedback, to avoid the build up of tensions. They are part of a community of professional nannies that continue to develop their professionality. They can always count on this community for advice. With every new phase of life the children enter, the nannies learn more.
I see nannies that are the children's advocates, as well as the parents’ allies. The nannies work with the parents. They follow the lead of the parents as well as offer their expertise when relevant to help build them up in their role as parents. Input of a knowledgeable nanny is highly relevant to parents, because they don’t just know children, they know theirchildren.
We Nurture is the company that helps this vision come into fruition. It’s the company I’m building because I didn’t get the PhD position I (thought I) wanted. I feel very grateful for that.
Contact
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you have any questions, want to be kept up to date or want to connect. You can follow We Nurture on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn or send me an email at [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from you!
