Mutt Bus

Too sad, don't read

I wish she could've at least made it to today so we could've sat outside for her last day. Today eventually got pretty nice weather wise. Yesterday was pouring rain all day and we didn't even spend the whole day together because I had to leave her alone to try and get her to eat since she seemed to refuse more when I tried to feed her these last few days but would eat a bit at her pace if I left a plate in front of her. So I also had to leave Midas in his crate during the time I left the plate out so he wouldn't eat it.

When I was walking her around the yard to try and get her to p**p she seemed to have trouble maintaining the squat position and pushing, but went a little. She kept laying down and didn't seem to mind it was raining. Maybe she was just that tired but she never really was a dog to mind the rain and had her rain jacket on. Even when it's not raining she would lay in the part of the yard where you're basically laying in a puddle sometimes. I left her there for a few minutes to put Midas inside and then I moved her into my niece's playschool house so she could still be out in the fresh cool air if she wanted but would have some shelter and couldn't wander because I put a shovel in the ground in front of the door. I knew she was unlikely to wander since she was having trouble getting up, but just in case and because I didn't realize how bad it was. She's always been stubborn so it was very possible she was refusing to walk just because she didn't want to, but she needed to walk to p**p.

When I brought her in I carried her about half way and then she walked alright to the door. I had a mat and blanket down for her in front of a fan on the side of the basement the dogs stay, next to my room, when not in my room. This is when I tried to get her to eat so I had to put Midas in the crate. She laid there most of the day. I would come out and sit with her and pet her but she would turn away when I tried to feed her. At one point she got up and had moved away from the plate of canned chunk chicken white meat, pumpkin puree, Greek yogurt, and applesauce. Knowing how hard it was for her to get up she must've really not wanted to look at it or smell it, but I kept trying because I thought it would help her. I cooked her a hotdog she didn't want and later she even refused pieces of my steak I had for dinner.

After this I did give up on trying to get her to eat and she spent the rest of the night in my bed. She panted a lot and I kept offering her water because in the days of the past week that was usually the need. One of the reasons for having her in the other side was she did seem to pant less laying on the floor, even in my room, and I had a box fan set up facing where she laid. And since she felt hot, cuddling only seemed to make her more uncomfortable.

At 6 am when she was supposed to get her next dose of meds I was trying to get her out of bed to go outside to see if having to go potty could be adding to the panting. She had tried to sit up a little earlier but had extra trouble because the pad I put down in case of an accident seemed to be slick against the pads of her paws. I rolled her over to me and was holding her in my arms and could feel her chest was hot. I tried to get her down from the bed but as soon as I got her front paws on the floor she basically collapsed and I couldn't get her up. She was panting with her tongue out and her eyes were kind of rolling back. I tried to breathe life into her by holding her mouth closed and breathing into her nose as I begged her to fight but I could tell she was either slipping away or already gone.

I'm so sorry Rajah. I wish I could've been the person you deserved. I love you.

Rajah is gone.

Every time I get Rajah close to eating I have to tell Midas to stop doing something, like pulling on his tethered leash to either trip or choke himself, and then she also stops. I have to keep him tethered because he will eat everything I'm trying to feed Rajah. He's had plenty of food and treats himself. Rajah needs to eat.

Really wish I had learned about this cheaper over the counter cancer treatment while Rajah was still eating and it was easy to get her to take meds. I was worried it was too late to start until I read some stuff on the page about dogs who had stopped eating and moving making a significant recovery. Still it's something I should've started weeks or months ago. If you have a dog I would suggest checking out Tagamet/Benadryl Cancer Remission Protocol for Dogs - Vera Anderson just in case your dog ever gets a lump. Lots of people have apparently had great results and it can be used as a preventative as well. Also that person doesn't recommend aspirations at the vet, which mine did do. So that's something for dog owners to think about too. This picture was taken from the page tagged. The Diphenhydramine HCl can be gotten even cheaper at Sam's, but they didn't have the Cimetidine. Anyway will be starting Rajah on this tonight. Hopefully I can at least get her through the summer with a decent quality of life. Really kicking myself for not finding out about this and starting it sooner. I should've posted to this page as soon as I found out and should've gotten to the vet sooner. Rajah really has like no appetite which will make this difficult. A week sooner would've made a big difference, but probably should've been started like a month ago.

I want to try this Tagamet/Benadryl Protocol for Rajah but can't get to the store to get the stuff. I should've started this weeks ago had I known about it, but I waited too long to post on this page. Asked my brother for a ride and he said he can't until tomorrow afternoon. At this point a day makes a significant difference. I hate not having my license or my own vehicle anymore.

I really don't know what to do about Rajah. Someone suggested Fenbendazole as something to fight cancer along with some other things. I joined a group about it and some people had good results. However I can't get her to eat any more so getting her to take meds is difficult. She's choosing to sleep on the floor instead of my bed which is strange.

It's probably too late to start a new treatment. I should've posted on this page as soon as I found out. I also don't have a license currently so getting around to get meds would be difficult too because I don't have anyone to rely on.

Two nights ago we were sitting outside by a fire with my sister and Rajah was having a nice time laying outside getting pet by someone besides me. However my dad didn't like the very true things being said about him refusing to help me with my bus because I'm too meticulous due to my mental illnesses so the threw a tantrum screaming out the window from his bedroom and ruined one of Rajah's last nights. I will literally never forgive that selfish and disgusting piece of s**t. Even if he was just interrupting and ruining the one time his sμ¡¢¡dal son had someone to talk to that would be horrible and disgusting, but he also ruined one of Rajah's last nights.

Then last night was s**tty and overcast, and we didn't have anyone sitting with us. I will literally never forgive him for that. Then the next day he had the nerve to act like it didn't happen.

Hello all,

I stopped posting on here years ago because I couldn't deal with my failure with the bus and to my dogs and to all the people who supported me and I just didn't know what to do and I wanted to disappear. I have completely failed with the bus and am being forced to sell it. I am only writing this post now to let people know Rajah has lymphoma and will be passing on soon.

I am not sure how long she has but I don't think it's long. I'm just taking it day to day with her. This morning I couldn't even get her to eat scrambled eggs and hot dog pieces, so that's definitely not a good sign. She is on prednisone and gabapentin to try and make her more comfortable but it doesn't sound like there's much to be done. Even if I could afford to take her to an oncologist and run all the tests and do all the treatments there's no guarantee it would extend her life at all and the best case scenario would probably just be months and I don't know what the quality of life would be, but that's not an option for me anyway. The last 4 years were supposed to be an adventure traveling the country and her meeting people all over while we made a difference in the world. Instead we've been stuck in my parents basement as my mental health drastically deteriorated and dragging my relationship with my dogs along with it. I'll never forgive myself for failing to give her the life I had planned.

The last 10 months have been especially not good since I crashed my motorcycle and broke my femur last August on my birthday. Since then they've hardly left the backyard since I obviously couldn't walk them and nobody offered to take them out while I am crippled. And I also didn't have them in my room as much because of space on the bed, my mood, and being unable to give them a bath (because of the struggle they put up). But I didn't know this was going to be the last year of either of their lives and it's tearing me apart inside. I'm trying to do what I can with her each day but by the time I found out what was wrong and how serious it is she was already slowed down and acting different. I will literally never forgive myself.

Everyone who ever met Rajah IRL immediately loved her so I felt obligated to make this post and let people know she's sadly not long for this world. If you ever got to meet her she immediately loved you too. She loved getting attention and meeting new people. That was one thing that inspired my idea to try this thing with the bus. I wish so bad I could've made it work and I hope she knows how sorry I am for everything.

I know if she could she would like to give each of you a big kiss goodbye in person.