Rhodes to Change Coaching
Rhodes to Change Coaching, walking alongside you on your coaching journey
09/09/2024
Great little video... Thanks for sharing Debs Molwuka
The surprising benefits of self-soothing touch | BBC Global Practicing "self-soothing touch" could have positive benefits, according to a new study. Scientists believe the practice is effective because it can help us ...
'Resilience'
If only the world could be a calm sea for us to sail on... However much we might wish for this, it's never going to be a reality. Life is full of challenges, of stretch, of opportunities to grow and create new skills (or lessons).
So Resilience does at least help you to weather the storm... And if you don't feel resilient... Questions are your friends... Watch this short video for why questions can be so helpful when you feel like it's all a bit too much...
29/08/2024
Be more like Batman... (And Batman's Dad) ❤️👏🥰
https://youtube.com/shorts/mS6rvyYImHQ?si=unRI_Niah65Eejqg
social experiment to show power of kindness #attitude #motivation #motivational
28/08/2024
'The Juggle is Real'
You know how life is... You're working hard on your career, then your loved one needs some support with their broken heart, before a big huge scary bill lands on your doormat, you've a new team to manage and they hate each other but what appears to unite them is that they hate you more and then there's that health appointment to organise that you haven't quite found the time for just yet but what is that lump?
Wow, before you know it you're feeling completely overwhelmed and the juggle isn't quite working as smoothly as it once did, and the balls you're juggling are made of fragile glass...that are on fire... And they are burning your palms...You know how life is...
Does this resonate?
Trust me when I tell you..."this too shall pass"... But maybe you have to make some changes to help that process along...
It truly doesn't matter what you bring to the coaching space... All the balls you juggle are welcome... "It's all welcome here"
But also know...that when you bring all these juggling balls, you also bring history, experience, context and solutions and through listening, support, questions and challenges, you will find your groove again and start to trust and apply your techniques, to help you be ready for everything that life throws at you...
Or you may even decide to put the odd juggling ball or two down... Maybe some of them are no longer yours to juggle any more...
25/08/2024
'Calling all People-Pleasers'
Below is a brilliant excerpt from Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts by Oliver Burkeman
I for one, shall be buying this when it is released by the publishers on the 12th September.
Hope you enjoy it as much as I did (and don't feel the need to tell me in the comments either 😂🤣)
‘The liberating truth is: they’re probably not thinking about you’: Oliver Burkeman on how to quit people-pleasing In an extract from his new book about making the most of our limited time on Earth, Oliver Burkeman has some top advice for those who go out of their way to accommodate others
'One minute for yourself'
Hi everyone. No need for a coach for this one! A simple breathing exercise to get you back into your body and climb out of your head and all those swirling thoughts and worries. You can take this breathing habit with you and apply it as needed wherever you go (demo in bed, in the car, when out and about)
Breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and out for 9.
I usually repeat at least three times (but you can keep using until you feel more balanced) before resuming breathing as normal.
I hope you find it as useful as I do.
The music is one of my favourites and has personal meaning to me, Adagio for Strings performed by London's Philharmonic Orchestra.
22/08/2024
On point 🎯
I came across a quote that said:
"You'll always be brave in someone's mind and coward in another's, strong to one and fragile to another, good to one and terrible to another.
You will be seen as annoying to one and comforting to another. Some will feel anxious around you and some will find peace in your company. Some will see you as "too much" while others will see you as a gift.
The world will look at you from their subjective point of view. The world is never going to agree on a definition of who you are.
So you might as well live the way that feels true to your heart."
—Celia (Ctto)
🎨Pinterest
'I'm not as good as I used to be'
There I said it... in the interests of full disclosure, this video post is about a little vulnerability, and a lot of acceptance.
It's about recognising that as we mature, we can no longer maintain the skills that made us excel when we were younger, indefinitely. At some point, there will always be a younger, fitter, leaner, faster version ready to overtake you (no matter how good you are) mentally, physically etc... it's as it should be.
But thankfully, that's not the end of the story. In recognition of the change, you come up with other ways to massively contribute to your life and importantly the lives of others, if you choose to make a jump to a second curve of your life. One that will provide challenge, engagement, enjoyment and meaning to your life and enhance the lives of the people around you too.
For me, a huge part of that has been becoming a coach. Far from feeling tired, I'm energised. Far from feeling older than I used to be, I'm feeling purposeful and engaged.
Far from feeling like I've lost my mojo, I've found a new one and I'm even better at it.
Once upon a time I had a career and now I have a calling.
I highly recommend reading Strength to Strength by Arthur Brooks and I'd really like to thank bleasby for the recommendation.
This post doesn't cover even a fraction of the content. The recommendation is really worthwhile for anyone aged 40 and over.
19/08/2024
I went to visit Concorde recently. What a machine! Still unrivalled in her ability to get people from one place to another at MACH II. A real icon of her time... the world has changed since Concorde flew in our skies... War, Financial crashes, 9/11, The Pandemic, all changing how we connect and engage together. And Technology changed too... I was so bowled over to be reminded by Concorde, just how much has changed in my lifetime. Once upon a time, Concorde was the only way to close that deal in America and be back in time for dinner... now we have Teams and Zoom for that... and we can do it in our pyjamas (though I promise I never would).
While I absolutely prefer to coach face to face, I've found over the hundreds of occasions that I coached online since the pandemic, that having a coaching session online really only has imperceptible drawbacks.
Nothing will ever replace the benefits of sitting together over a cup of coffee, observing full body language, posture etc... but honestly (IT glitches aside) it really is a useful medium for coaching.
It has helped me to expand my practice and connect with people across the country, and across the world in a way that negates travel time, cost, it's green, its convenient (and I can put the laundry on before the session starts and hang it out to dry as soon as we're done).
Yes, I'd always rather see you face to face. But for a tool to facilitate change, it's a close runner up.
How has technology enhanced your ability to run business and lives?
19/08/2024
Hell yes!
RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.
When I was at one of the lowest points in my life, even getting out of bed felt impossible. I had no energy, no motivation, and was barely surviving.
Once a week, I’d drag myself to therapy. But during one session, I had nothing to say. My therapist asked how my week had been, and all I could muster was, “I dunno, man. Life.”
He wasn’t satisfied. “No, what exactly are you struggling with right now? When you go home after this session, what will be staring you in the face?”
I hesitated, embarrassed by the answer. I wanted something more meaningful to say, something bigger. But the truth was so small. Finally, I admitted, “Honestly? The dishes. It’s stupid, I know. The more I look at them, the more I can’t do them. I’ll have to scrub them first because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can’t stand there and scrub.”
I felt ridiculous. How could a grown woman be undone by dishes? But my therapist didn’t judge. He just nodded and said, *“Run the dishwasher twice.”*
I started to argue that you’re not supposed to, but he cut me off. *“Why not? If your dishwasher sucks and you don’t want to scrub, run it twice. Run it three times. Who cares? There are no rules.”*
His words blew my mind in a way I can’t fully explain.
That day, I went home, threw the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and ran it three times. It felt like slaying a dragon. The next day, I took a shower lying down. A few days later, I folded my laundry and put it wherever it fit. Suddenly, there were no arbitrary rules holding me back, and I could start accomplishing things again.
Now that I’m in a healthier place, I rinse my dishes, I shower standing up, and I sort my laundry. But back when living felt like a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned one of the most important lessons of my life:
THERE ARE NO RULES. RUN THE DISHWASHER TWICE.
✍️🏻 Author | Kate Scott
🎨Pinterest | Ctto
By: A Friend
16/08/2024
My holiday is drawing to a close. Next week I will be back at work and ramping up for the kids return to school, one back to primary and the other commencing their secondary school life... The holiday has been absolutely fantastic. We've done and seen some truly fascinating things, some real once in a lifetime experiences, but has it been restful and restorative? Absolutely not.
As a mum of two kids, a member of a large family and a curator of a large list of things I want to achieve in life, there is always something to be 'doing'...
But I also know you can't pour from an empty cup. So while I may yearn for more spa days and yoga retreats they are simply not part of my current lifestyle... (hey ho), that time may well come (and then I will probably miss this fizzy, frantic, fun phase).
That means that right now, I need to proactively tap into more accessible micro-ways that help me to lean into Yutori, so that I can achieve balance and re-fuel.
Yes, I did leave the kids with my husband and slink off for a couple of hours to doodle, snooze and read my PSYCHOLOGIES Magazine at a car festival.
Yes, I did go to my favourite Somatic Yoga and Dancefit Classes by Debs Molwuka.
Yes, I did paddle for almost 2 hours in the sea, absentmindedly selecting my favourite pebbles.
Yes, I did journal and craft and create.
Yes, I read two fantastic books.
Yes, I had some of those conversations late in the evening with my husband that reminds you why you chose him.
However you find your time for Yutori, make sure you honour it as much as you would a commitment in your work calendar.
And If, like me, you are a busy person, never forget to show your gratitude for those who help you to create that time too (whether that be your partner or spouse, your family or network of friends, your yoga instructors, the authors of the work you read, the gardeners of the parks where you walk, your babysitter...etc). Without their help and support you may not have achieved Yutori at all.
15/08/2024
Some recent Coaching Feedback:
"Thank you so much for the communication and coaching sessions, they really have been great and I am excited to see how things progress. I did end up having a conversation with my line manager on Monday afternoon after our session and I am excited to see what my future holds. I feel like I've been given some great tools and ways to think in the business world."
It's so very rewarding to see my coachee's believe in themselves and take the steps they need to take to make their goals become their reality. I'm so proud of each and every one of my Coachee's. 💥🙌
12/08/2024
When we communicate effectively, we use so much more than our words to convey and receive messages.
Think about your body language, intonation, facial expressions, tone, pace, volume, non verbal cues, as well as using your observational and listening skills.
Avoiding assumptions, asking clarifying questions and confirming understanding are all vital to avoid miscommunication and ensure your message has been received as intended.
For important and impactful messages, think about where and when you deliver them. Face to Face will always allow for more ability to influence and engage. Following up in writing can provide confirmation and reference.
Choose your words carefully, and choose everything else mindfully, flexing to meet your audiences needs as you go.
The consequences of miscommunication can derail anything important to you, erode trust and confidence and put obstacles in the way (no matter your intention).
10/08/2024
'Calling all Creatives'
Creativity...what comes to mind when you think of the word? Maybe artists, designers, musicians?
Do you recognise your inner creative or write them off... "I'm not creative at all"...
Be under no illusion, if you make choices, decisions or even conversation, you are already more creative than you give yourself credit for.
Now look within, to your inner creative... how well exercised are they? Do you let them play out frequently with gleeful abandon...serving up ideas, options and adaptations everywhere you go? Is your inner creative a little more restrained (though nonetheless present), listening, getting curious, asking insightful questions of your audience... Perhaps somewhere in the middle? A collaborator skilled at getting the best from others or a maximiser skilled at taking others ideas to the next level?
No matter where you sit, we are all part of the same beautiful spectrum of creativity and there is a place for all of our particular creative skills.
Be proud of your creativity and don't box it off by not recognising or downplaying how it shows up for you. Creativity is not restricted to 'creative' pursuits.
Being creative is a mark of how adaptable and resilient you are in real life and not the sole preserve of 'artists'.
10/08/2024
Otherization'
Sadly, you wouldn't have to look very far to find any examples of this "Us vs.Them" mentality that forms the otherization that we see around us.
The news is currently awash with extremist versions, our political parties wield this behaviour like a tool in their arsenal and it often furtively exists in our relationships.
It is conveyed (intentionally or otherwise) in divisive language that serves to put distance between us instead of unity. It downplays the things we have in common and is the opposite of celebrating our differences.
Brené Brown shines on a light on examples that are prevalent in settings closer to home but which has colonized so effectively in many workplaces, which she calls "Common Enemy Intimacy".
If we're being honest, we've probably all done it to some extent... it's insidious because it starts off so small it's 'barely' noticeable...for example ever heard someone say "Management says..." or "The workers say"... subtle right? But divisive nonetheless...because it 'others'. It starts to ramp up when we couple this othering style of language with common enemy intimacy...
This would typically involve sharing something with a negative connotation about a third party with the intention of getting the buy in, agreement and support from those "like us" e.g. "Management says 'we need to do more with less'...they should come down here and try it for themselves." or "The Workers say they're working harder than ever, but they can't be, when our figures definitely don't agree."
Carry on hearing or using this style of language and Echo Chambers can quickly start to form. Before you know it, your brain is seeking confirmation bias approval and you stop challenging yourself to consider wider perspectives. It becomes a fact rather than an opinion.
If you're surrounded by this, it can be hard to counter your own thinking or that of others, because that would be risky in terms of group mentality. Before you know it, even if you do disagree, it's hard to raise your voice above the 'popular' consensus.
So how to tackle this where you see it?
For yourself this is about actively celebrating our differences and choosing to spend time with people who have different backgrounds, values and outlooks to you. Staying curious and engaging in conversation to learn about different contexts with openness and without judgement. However much it feels that we are marinating in a type of divisive culture, you will equally be able to call to mind many occasions that break with these views from your own lived experience.
As a leader, actively assigning roles and tasks to people to help their exposure to differences can be really helpful. In the right settings like learning workshops, assigning tasks that might impose a way to think differently in certain tasks, such as putting people in a group you feel might be opposed to their typical beliefs and asking them to be the spokesperson about the positives for this shift of position.
'Safe Spaces'
We often do our best thinking in front of others... it's one of the reasons why coaching works... but if we're not careful when we select the person or people to do that thinking with, we can inadvertently get hurt or hurt others if the trust is not mutual and our confidences breached.
This short video shares some thoughts on what it takes to cultivate a good 'safe space' when choosing a thinking partner to help you work through your thoughts towards current goals or challenges. I've listed the following qualities:
- Someone who you Trust
- Someone who has your best interests at heart
- Someone that will push you / challenge you
- Someone that will help you to think creatively
and explore your options (no echo chambers)
- Someone that will hold you to account
- Someone that won't judge you
- Someone that will maintain and respect your
confidentiality
- Someone who you share a mutual respect
with
- Someone who will keep you future focused so that you can work towards a positively focused outcome
These can be hard qualities to find and apply consistently (thinking partners and coaching style conversations are not to be confused with the types of conversations you might have with your mates, colleagues or family), so you're probably able to drill down your potential thinking partners to a few trusted individuals, whether they are a close work colleague, trusted friend, guiding mentor, inspirational leader or an impartial coach. Taking this approach helps to limit your chances of being hurt or hurting others when doing your thinking out loud and working out your next steps.
'The Extremes'
When working on ourselves to address whatever we have come to coaching for (whatever change we're trying to implement to achieve our goals), there is often a temptation to reach for extremes in our spectrum of behaviours in an attempt to resolve things (quickly)... It tends to be a bit of an early reaction and often becomes a trip hazard that inadvertently slows us down...
- the people pleaser thinks "no more of this...now, I'm adopting the ways of a bad ass who isn't going to help anyone...screw you!"
-the perfectionist thinks "no more of this... Now I'm not going to do anything, everyone will have to do it themselves, and then they'll know how much I've been doing all these years... I'm not lifting a finger..."
-the person recovery from a broken relationship that thinks "no more of this...I'll never give anyone with my heart again...no one can be trusted."
It's understandable and often helpful to explore what the extremes might look like to help you work out the boundaries of your authentic behaviours, but staying there (at the extreme end) can be as exhausting as the counter reason that bought you to coaching in the first place.
If you tend to use language like "I always...", "I never..." "I should..." Or "I must not" these can serve as little red flags that you are applying a form of binary thinking where the extremes sit... Instead, getting playful with the wealth of options that sit between may be helpful.
If you find this hard and default consistently to extremes, try experimenting with applying conditions to help you practice... Such as "if this happens, then I will.consider...slowing down / listening more / asking questions" and see if it helps you apply an alternative to the exhausting extremes but also serves to help you feel safe and controlling what you can.
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"Me too"
Change is hard, even for people trained with skills and strategies to help manage change (really well).
This post is shared with a sense of solidarity about how hard Change can be...accepting change is the catalyst for moving forward and navigating it.
What change do you notice you are resisting. How is the resistance helping? Can you let it go and channel your energy into something more constructive?
I've been to watch Inside Out 2 today with my kids. What a great movie. It definitely underlines the importance of emotional regulation and what can happen when we let our emotions take the driving seat and inform our behaviours.
It's our job to notice when our emotions and thoughts are running the show, so that we can get back in charge.
I highly recommend the movie (it's not just for kids I promise). Thanks to my little dancing emotion emojis for their moral support today.
😃🥺😡😳🤢
07/07/2024
It's a gift to do something that you love for living. That gift needs nurturing and tending so that it can thrive, be supported and keep growing.
So this weekend I'm spending quality time with my fellow coaches on our coaching retreat, and receiving guidance, support, supervision and inspiration which equips me to show up as coach my clients need, so that they can do the same.
I'm looking forward to more reflective practice today.
29/06/2024
It's Armed Forces Day today... and it made me reflect on the loved ones that support those in The Armed forces. Their wives, their husbands, partners and like me, their children.
It's a strange thing to not really have a "home town". As a military child, I spent much of my early life abroad and I'm good at packing as military life requires you to move frequently... taking friends from your regiment with you but always leaving others behind.
When I reflect on what it meant for me and the family role I played as a child in this military world, I can absolutely find links to the person I am today.
Reasons why I've always been good at 'keeping in touch', the ability to form relationships quickly, adaptable to change. Being part of the world that forms the periphery of the Armed Forces makes me incredibly proud. The culture and values it instilled in my parents and military teachers were shared with me and helped to shape the person I've become today...
So that's a little of what makes me, "me"..Without doubt, for me, military life had a huge influence on my upbringing. So I'm very proud to celebrate today.
Do you know what makes you, "you"?
Whether the armed forces feels part of your world or not, I invite you to take a moment this weekend to reflect on where you've come from... What are your roots and how have they shaped your early life and the grown up person you've become today?
Are you the person you are today, informed by your childhood influences or perhaps in spite of them?
Whoever you've become, whatever your start in life... know that you are the adult now. In charge of your own destiny. Able to make changes and decisions in service of the life you want.
"The past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift – that's why they call it the present." is a quote that I love and is claimed by so many people it's hard to know who the author truly is... but that's why clichés are relevant...because most of us can subscribe to them.
26/06/2024
"The art of healing the street is a concept that has recently been gaining traction in Europe, thanks to Ememem’s work. Dubbed ‘the pavement surgeon’, Ememem has been filling potholes with mosaic patterns and ceramic designs, transforming something potentially hazardous and unsightly into a pretty photographic moment.
Ememem started their project back in 2016, but only gained widespread attention in recent years. They call their work ‘flacking’ – taken from the French word ‘flaque’ (meaning puddle) – to mean ‘art of repairing holes’.
Their mission is to bring beauty to places where it is often forgotten or neglected. They believe that by creating something beautiful out of something mundane, they can make people smile and appreciate their surroundings more. It’s an inspiring concept that shows how art can be used for good, not just for decoration."
I found this one on my trip to Paris last weekend... how inspiring to take something with such negative connotations and turn it into a thing of beauty and practicality... can you think of things in your every day life that you transform from mundane to magnificent? Food, a blank page, a relationship, a commute...?
How do you try to get the best out of every situation?
12/06/2024
What if you could be King, or better yet Queen (in the game of chess at least) for a day?
Author Allan Rufus said “Life is like a game of chess. To win you have to make a move. Knowing which move to make comes with insight and knowledge, and by learning the lessons that are accumulated along the way. We become each and every piece within the game called life.”
What if I were to remind you, that as a coach, I trust that you already possess all the strategy, insight and acumen you need to plan the next best move towards your goals? Would you trust me...would you trust yourself?
What permission are you waiting for to take the lead and play out your plans?
♟️👑♟️👑
Today I encourage you to take some time to think... What do you need today?
09/06/2024
Your weekends are for...?
09/06/2024
Ever met anyone who has been far more head than heart...? How did that make you feel, being on the receiving end?
Once upon a time IQ was the only psychological metric we valued or knew how to measure, but fortunately we've come a long way, and EQ is now as much in the mix (if not more)...
Well said Charlie....
"We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity; more than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost."
Charlie Chaplin
29/05/2024
- Working from Home
- Self Service Check outs
- Shopping online
- Social Media
- AI chatbot replies
- Online banking
- Mental health text services
- Telemedicine
- Virtual Reality
All huge advancements in Technology.
All enablers for humans peering into little screens not other people's faces and body language. Plug and Play.
Have you noticed on occasion a creeping sense of feeling less connected? More Isolated? More alone?
Without doubt, technology is hugely improving what we're capable of achieving, allowing us to communicate without travel, find infinite answers in seconds, purchase at the click of the button. It's all so very easy...
Though, caution is required. We need to be aware that technology also lulls us into more time physically alone, or in the presence of others but attached to our mobiles. More sedentary lives, less reasons to get up, get dressed and step into and engage with the real world. With each other. Are we de-skilling in our awareness and ability to regulate and override the dopamine hits of just how easy and efficient all these technologies are?
AI and technology are game changers, but in a world of people, and nature...truly living, being human, being connected, now THAT brings the excellence and meaning. THAT is memorable. THAT takes time, trust, vulnerability, meaningful connections...None of it is convenient...but it is worth it.
In a recent study, far from the sad connotations we often hold of loneliness being reserved to the elderly, you may be surprised (or not) that it's young men in individualistic societies (like ours in the UK) most at risk of loneliness, but also that we are all more lonely than we used to be...
"The BBC Loneliness Experiment provided a unique opportunity to examine differences in the experience of loneliness across cultures, age, and gender, and the interaction between these factors. This data analysed the frequency of loneliness reported by 46,054 participants aged 16–99 years, living across 237 countries, islands, and territories, representing the full range of individualism-collectivism cultures, as defined by Hofstede (1997). Findings showed that loneliness increased with individualism, decreased with age, and was greater in men than in women. Age, gender, and culture interacted to predict loneliness, although those interactions did not qualify the main effects, and simply accentuated them. The most vulnerable to loneliness were younger men living in individualistic cultures."
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886920302555
If you notice it too, in others, in yourselves, how will you restore balance, create meaningful connections and strategically make often more difficult choices to step into the living world? What 'easy' thing online could you decisively choose to replace with a meaningful thing that adds value to your life in the world outside of your home?
28/05/2024
One of my fabulous Coachee's sent me this image today with the message
"saw this and thought of you"
I have zero problems with being compared to Buzz Lightyear... 🤣😂
To infinity...and beyond!
27/05/2024
I’m pretty sure that giving truly dedicated time and focussed attention to my Coachees during their coaching is one if the most magical things that they enjoy and benefit from during their sessions with me…but the truth is, neither of these are restricted to coaching and it’s a gift I’m afforded because I am so fortunate to have the role that I do…
If I knew before I became a coach how important these qualities were for the people I worked with…well for anyone in my life…I would have dished these out more liberally by prioritising them.
The challenge, I know for all us whether at work, or for our friends, partners, children or aging parents or even for ourselves... is working out how to create time, so that you can truly give your attention to the people that matter most with all the eleventy-hundred other things competing for your attention…the spreadsheets, the cost of living, the life administration, the school commitments, the commuting, the food shop… all necessary, all helpful…but nowhere near as powerful as what you can achieve with that dedicated time and attention on the people you care about
What gets in the way of you truly unlocking and
empowering a set of qualities or habits that work for you? What is currently draining these valuable resources of time and focussed attention? How can you mitigate against it? Who do you need support from, to help you make the changes to create the precious time and attention your most important people crave? Where do you get this quality time and attention from yourself?
If you're finding this tricky... Coaching can help you to unlock your own answers.
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