"Molested Roses"
"MOLESTED ROSES' IS A MEMOIR THAT I WROTE TO EXPOSE THE SEVERE ABUSE THAT I SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF
I have reached 100 followers! Thank you for your continued support. I could not have done it without each of you. 🙏🤗🎉
Being abused in your formative years stays with you for your lifetime. Often I struggle with poor body image. I am often seeing myself as not as worthy of a good relationship or real love choosing to settle for the safe "the way things are". Life has its ups and downs just coping with the usual: bills, breakdowns of vehicles, appliances, sickness. We all have bad days. However some days that ugly cloud of doubt in self seems to permeate my being. So Taylor Swift prompts "Shake it off". OK I will.. and it helps. The most reliable well is nature. I immerse myself in the beauty of the day and I am one with God in his creation. Until the next time...
10/08/2023
Why you should always put a coin on a frozen cup of water before storms.
It's called the one cup tip. You put a cup of water in your freezer. Freeze it solid and then put a quarter on top of it and leave it in your freezer. That way when you come back after you've been evacuated you can tell if your food went completely bad and just refroze or if it stayed Frozen while you were gone. If the quarter has fallen to the bottom of the cup that means all the food defrosted and you should throw it out. But if the quarter is either on the top or in the middle of the cup then your food may still be ok. It would also be a great idea to leave this in your freezer all the time and if you lose power for any reason you will have this tip to fall back on. If you don't feel good about your food, just throw it out. The main thing is for all to be safe.
08/08/2023
I have not posted in awhile. Been in and out of ER. I am ok now. However it reinforced my belief that life is short but beautiful. God wants us to be happy. He wants us to forgive those who have wronged us and to trust in Him for our needs. God saw fit to bring me back to health for a reason. I pray daily for Him to guide my path. As an Eucharisticminister, once well, I had the blessing to bring the Holy Eucharist to those in a local hospital. IT WAS INCREDIBLY REWARDING AND TRULY CHEERED ME UP as well as the sick. I THANK GOD FOR THIS DIRECTION OF MY LIFE.
Well I now have over 100 followers on my book site "MOLESTED Roses". My memoir captures my childhood and adulthood molestation physically and mentally by my father. He is gone now and I forgive him. As Jesus said "Father forgive them for they not know what they do"
I am doing my best to "be good to myself". I struggle with self esteem as many of my followers know. Some of you expressed that you can relate. Years of physical abuse and mental abuse plus turning to drugs as a NUMBNESS endeavor, left a shattered person with HUGE self esteem issues. It overflowed into times when I sabotaged opportunities especially in relationships with GOOD men and work. I never felt WORTHY enough for success. Over the years, I continue to ask God for grace to not be so hard on myself. God is great and has done wonders with putting me back together. I forgave my father years ago. That was a start. I needed to forgive myself. God did. Well BEING A DEEP INTENSIVE AND SENSITIVE person, the cuts went deep as well. I have great days and not so great days. It is part of my life's journey. But we all have crosses. They come and we need to navigate through the hard times. I pray often for those struggling. God has abundant grace to bestow upon those who love and trust in Him. So once again, thank you to my followers on the MOLESTED ROSES website, the title of my published book, by Heather Alexis Moore. God has also blessed me with supportive and caring friends that make daily obstacles easier. One step at a time, HE walks in His footprints and carries us on HIS back.
So 2022...lost mom to dimentia. Oddly enough, I find my heart softening. I no longer harbor ill feelings towards my abusive father. Perhaps he is now in heaven and mom is too. God is merciful and so should I be. One day I hope to be in the presence of my God and perhaps truths will be revealed.
28/07/2022
Molested Roses is a memoir that I wrote as a survivor of abuse. Available on amazon.
Mom turned 99. Mom's dementia has her calling me Mary. Ok so I am her cook, potty cleaner and caregiver. Funny thing.. growing up Mom would not listen to my calls for help regarding father's abuse. She was too busy studying and working. Odd yes. I believe that she couldn't handle this news. Her emotions and feelings died. Her coping mechanism was overloaded and she suffered a nervous breakdown and a series of strokes. Hence her coldness to me. However now I must solely care for her. Yes at times I resent this. Then I recall how loved by mom I felt between age 1 and 6. It all dissolved after that. She was not there for me mentally or physically and that is when I REMEMBER THAT THE PHYSICAL ABUSE BY MY FATHER WAS THE WORST. WHAT A HORROR. By age 12 I would not allow the physical abuse to continue and barricaded my bedroom by pushing my dresser in front of the door. He got the message and stopped. Then the mental controlling ensued. I struggled to exist. I am here today, a survivor by the grace of God. Mom is totally dependent upon me. Isn't it ironic...
It is quite amazing that caring for an elderly parent can shift focus. Oddly I find myself encompassed with challenges that I never expected. Hence I HAVE DISCOVERED STRENGTHS THAT I NEVER KNEW I HAD. GOD HAD THIS ORCHESTRATED MY WHOLE LIFE. An abusive father diminished almost all thoughts of my worthiness. I knew Jesus loved me; why couldn't I love myself? That is where I stand today. I am a survivor and a GOOD person!
My memoir Molested Roses" is about all the mixed emotions growing up. I value the "getaway times" in the protective arms of my beloved grandparents and I abhor the abusive arms of my father. The happy times mingle with the horrific times like oil and water. I never will be a whole person as a result; however I am content and hopeful as I journey through life surrounded by good friends and family. I am richly blessed and urge the "me too" people to read "MOLESTED ROSES".
Life is not always rose colored glass vision when one has suffered abuse at a parent's hand growing up. For many years I endured physical, emotional and mental abuse by my father. Although I am much older now, I still question my self worth when something good comes my way. I overthink it. Fluctuating feelings emerse me...am I worthy enough to deserve this? Rationally of course I am. God put "this" into my life to make me happy. I deserve happiness. Oh but the dark side replies.. but am I worthy enough. These are all constant struggles. Just thought I'd share and why I wrote and published my memoir "Molested Roses".
Every day is a challenge to tell myself "YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH, YOU DESERVE THIS". A survivor of parental abuse this is an ever present thought.
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