The 5 Step Path Out of Survival Mode

I posted this comment in a group that I'm in, because even though I don't actively work with ADHD children, I feel I have something to say about it that isn't commonly known.

The mom was asking a question I see a lot in ADHD groups: what supplements can I try to help my child. A valid question. But not the one we should be asking.

So here's my professional opinion on that, and the TL;DR to go with it.

****************************************************

"Supplements for ADHD generally work in the same way as meds, but in "natural" form. For example, most; like L-Theanine, Tyrozine, etc; are pre-cursors to dopamine, which means they help us make more of it.

The problem is this: those of us with ADHD are getting addicted to high dopamine states. Making more dopamine isn't really what we want for them, even though they SEEM more "regulated" when in that state. It can also cause additional problems - now and down the road - as it keeps us in a chronic, low-key "fight or flight" state that robs resources from other body processes, like mitochondrial repair, etc.

What's actually going on is this: because her brain (neurotransmitters, activity in prefrontal cortex) is "wired" to burn through dopamine at different rates than people without mutations on the COMT/DND2 genes, she cannot control her focus, motivation, and drive. That part is pretty clear, as I'm sure you've seen.

What to do, then, isn't give more dopamine, it's to teach her, gently, how to live in a lower dopamine state. We do this in a few different ways:

1, diet (which you're probably already done).

2. functional lab testing. We want to see what her genetics tell us should be happening in her brain, AND what her brain chemicals are actually doing.

3. lifestyle shifts: to "detox" dopamine, getting her used to states with lower "hits" of dopamine,

4. Work on her nervous system. This is likely the one that will make the biggest difference as most ADHD kids have trouble getting into a "rest and reset" state. For this, we use polyvagal therapy.

One additional point of note: helping her to learn to do complex, higher functioning tasks before her system is properly regulated can (and often does) lead to false beliefs about herself that carry on into adulthood. We aren't able to perform/behave the way other kids do, and "failing" all the time sets us up with lack of worth and other harsh "inner critic" voices. I'm not saying this to scare anyone, or make you feel guilty in any way, but I work with adult ADHDers every day, and this is the stuff we work hard to unpick. Helping her learn to regulate (and acknowledging that her disability is not her fault) is key to her self esteem.

Hope that's helpful. Happy to chat with you about it if you'd like some additional information.

****************************************************

That last part was to her, but I'm happy to chat with anyone about this. I'm passionate about changing the lives of people with ADHD, and showing them it doesn't HAVE TO suck.

If you're dealing with brain fog, anxiety, joint pain, or interstitial cystitis, this blog post I wrote on oxalates might be eye opening for you. Let me know what you think!

Understanding Oxalates: What They Are and Why They Matter Oxalates, found in many plant foods, can pose health risks when consumed in excess, leading to brain fog, disrupted neurotransmitter function, interstitial cystitis, kidney stones, and joint pain. Managing oxalate intake is crucial, especially for those on high-oxalate diets like keto and raw vegan....

This week, in the group, we're learning about the toll that nervous system dysregulation has on mitochondrial dysfunction, and how this can potentially open the door for genetic mental health challenges to walk into our lives. Want to hear more?

Join us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/the5steppathcommunity

You're not failing.

Had a great chat with David Gardener today on his podcast where we discussed fear, root cause healing (as opposed to coping), removing ourselves from paradigms that are no longer serving us, and finding our own way to healthier, more peaceful and fulfilling lives. If you're interested, come have a listen!

Michelle Burbidge : Integrative Healing Practitioner. Health and wellbeing outside the system. Michelle Burbidge is a local here in Nova Scotia, and she has an exceptional multifaceted approach to health and wellness, unlike the modern " health" system, which thrives on the " one bug, one drug " paradigm. https://newperceptionwellness.com/ https://the5steppath.com/ Some of the topics we discu...

Hey friends!

Let's chat about something many of us deal with but don't always discuss openly - sensory sensitivities. You know those moments when the world feels a bit... too much? We've all been there.
Here's a quick rundown of some common sensory challenges:

Noise Overload: When even the ticking a clock is distracting, and abrupt, explosive sneezes make you want to erupt.

Light Sensitivity: Fluorescent lights that make you feel like you're under interrogation.

Too Much Touch: Clothes tags that seem to have a personal vendetta against your skin.

Smell Situations: That one colleague who clearly believes more cologne equals more charisma.

Crowd Conundrums: When the grocery store on a Saturday feels like it's closing in around you.

If you're nodding along, I've got something that might just change your life: the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP). It's like a reset button for your frazzled nerves.

Here's what you need to know about SSP:

Nervous System Whisperer: It gently coaxes your vagus nerve (the orchestrator of stress response) to take it down a notch.

Soothing on Your Emotions: Helps blend super-intense feelings into something more manageable.

Increased Social Comfort Cues: Makes human interaction feel less like an extreme sport.

Sleep Enhancement: Adulting is hard enough without adding sleep deprivation to the mix.

The best part is that it only takes 10 minutes a day, there's no "thinking" involved, and you get a great excuse to escape from life for a bit while you prioritize you.

So, if you're ready to give your senses a break and your nervous system a mini-vacation, Safe and Sound is exactly what you've been needed all this time. And right now, with our group membership plans, it's easier than ever to get started.

Curious to learn more or ready to give it a try? Grab all the details right here:

https://the5steppath.com/safe-and-sound-protocol

It's not our business.

It's NOT.

The way other people perceive us has NOTHING to do with us.

I cannot control your actions, but you can feel controlled by my expectations.

You cannot make me feel guilty, but I can feel guilt from what I perceive to be your disapproval.

They cannot force you to agree. But you can feel pressured by their insistence.

She cannot hurt you. You can only feel hurt by how she shows up in the world.

Accepting responsibility for my own business (what I think, say, do, and feel) is the fastest path to true emotional liberation.

Everything else keeps me locked in suffering.

YOU are that little girl! But the overwhelming evil isn't what you think.

It's fear.

It's disempowerment.

It's negative self talk.

It's subconscious beliefs.

It's not fully and completely believing that YOU are capable, and strong, and limitless.

And when we can recognize all of that, we realize that we don't have to slay dragons.

We join forces with them.

If you need someone to change their behavior in order for you to feel at peace, then it's BEST to walk away.

And it's OK to do that!

I call this moving away from the fire.

Here's the thing though: Don't go away mad. Because that interrupts your peace, too.

Instead, walk away knowing that the way they are behaving is based on ALL the....

🐛EXPERIENCES
🐛INPUT
🐛THOUGHTS
🐛BELIEFS

…and a million other factors that went into them having made the decision to behave they way they did.

It's not their fault. They do not need to change for you, or me, or anyone.

Know that it’s not about you. It’s about THEM.

And know that you protecting your own peace is a choice you make FOR you – not AGAINST someone else. 🦋

This is an article I wrote for Linked In, but seeing as I have so many amazing ADHD business mama friends here, I thought it might be worth a post here, too.

If it resonates with you, please reach out. It's fixable. You just need a path.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/michelle-burbidge-a441542a9_so-many-exceptional-business-owners-also-activity-7203780357169561600-_ule?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

Oh....man! This was my life.

I'm not gonna lie. It was awful.

I'd love to start a dialogue on this! Did you get in trouble for "not living up to your potential?"

Did you parents have unrealistically high expectations of where you "should" be?

And most importantly, does this still affect how you view yourself today?

Even when we DO "burn out", it's often seen as a personal flaw rather than a treatable condition that can be vastly improved.

Neurotransmitters ✅
Neuroception ✅
New Thought Patterns ✅

When we can start moving the snowball in the right direction, we gain momentum. And that's when true transformation happens. 🐛🦋

We're winging what should most definitely not be wung.

Is this kind of interaction showing up in your life right now?

If so, there's a good reason for that:

We have no idea how to take accountability.

When we make other people responsible for how we feel, we lose our "agency". That means that we feel that our well being is in someone else's hands.

In practice, that looks like "you made me feel...." statements, which sounds a lot like accusations.

It's fine to state how you feel. In fact, that's healthy!

But placing "blame" for your feelings on an external source accomplishes a few things:

It sets the other person in a defensive mode,
It assumes external locus of control,
It sets you up for an unrealistic expectation (that someone else can "fix" how you feel)

From this perspective, there's little doubt that an argument will ensure. Conditions are primed for that!

Last call for Ikigai: Finding Your Passion and Purpose. It's starting in 10 minutes over in the Private Member's Group!

We're diving deep this morning into looking at what we love, what we're good at, what the world needs and what we can be rewarded for.

When we can find the convergence of all of these, that's when we know we've hit the jackpot and are aligned with our soul's mission!

Not a member yet? For real!?

SO. Much. Value going on in here for less than the price of lunch!

Perception Connection Member's Group Info This private member's group is for people just like you...women who feel overwhelmed and burned out, often finding themselves stuck in survival mode, swirling through the guilt-blame-shame spiral (yet again!) and unable to see their worth or cultivate true self love and acceptance.  

OK everyone. Grab a cup of tea and sit with me for a minute because this one might take some mental gymnastics.

When you're starting to get invested in an emotional way, stop for a second and think about whose business it is.

Is it something YOU did?

Something YOU said?

Is it something YOU felt, or thought?

If not, it's NOT your business!

This can be a hard one to wrap our heads around, especially if someone said and did something that we felt hurt by.

But do you see what happened there?

What they DID (or said), was something I FELT hurt by.

Now that's MY business. I can sit down and dig into the whys of my emotion (feeling hurt). I can do work on that. I can find the child who resonates with this feeling, and has a false belief about what that action means about me as a person. Whew. That's heavy lifting.

BUT the thing was said or done? Not my business.

We can go through our whole lives blaming others for "making us" feel a certain way, that's our right!

But if we want to experience peace - and true emotional liberation - we have to accept that the only things we can ever really change are things that are OUR business.

And everything else is none of our business. 🐛🦋

This is so me! 😂

What are YOUR quirky ADHDisms?

Here's a fun little quiz. It's primarily for those of you who feel chronically overwhelmed, stressed out and in "survival mode", but have NOT formally been diagnosed with ADHD. (Please note that this is just for fun, and not - in any way - intended to diagnose):

When you were little, you were told that you were: lazy, making careless mistakes, not living up to your potential, a daydreamer.

You used to feel: chronically late, and/or chronically disorganized

You felt as though others were better than you at (or had an easier time with) almost everything.

You felt a pressure to achieve more to prove your worth.

You felt like you had to hide a big secret and couldn’t let anyone know what a "train wreck" you really were.

As time went on, you started to develop feelings of anxiety/panic, frustration, and overwhelm.

These feelings gradually increased over time (but especially after a big shift, like a job promotion or a new baby).

Many women are walking around with symptoms of ADHD without knowing why they feel the way they do.

Whether you have ADHD or not, these symptoms are a hallmark of dysregulation.

There could be lots of different root causes for this, but the good news is that all of them can get much, much better with the proper neurodivergent-friendly tools. (No more apps, lists, planners, or gimmicks! Most of them don't work for our brains, and they just leave us feeling worse.)

Best of all, there are huge gifts waiting for your unique brain when you learn how to heal, balance and align. 🦄

You're talking with a friend who's upset about a recent conversation and you hear her say "He made me feel.... (insert negative thought about herself here)".

You've probably even said something like this yourself, right? I know I have!

But what are we really DOING when we let ourselves believe that someone else has control over how we feel about ourselves?

Well, the first thing is that we're giving our power to them.

Imagine how little influence we must have over our lives (or what we call "agency") if someone else can use nothing more than WORDS to change our own opinion of ourselves?

The second thing that's happening here is that we're relinquishing our own accountability.

If someone else controls how we feel about ourselves, then they also control our ability to change our own circumstances, something we call "locus of control".

But there's really good news here!!

If we can recognize that we're doing this, shift our perception, and KNOW - from the deepest core of our being - who we REALLY are, then...

NOTHING anyone else says will shake our own foundation. We can let them go, peacefully - without affecting our own value and worth.

Can you imagine how much that would affect your life?

It's OK if you don't know how, or if it seems impossible. Just a few years ago, I thought it was impossible, too.

I was stuck in lack of agency and external locus of control, thinking I had NO power over helping myself feel better. I was firmly rooted in victim mentality.

But I refused to stay there.

I started to believe that other people knew something I didn't. Not EVERYONE was as affected by other people's words as I was.

I was convinced they had a secret. So I set out to discover what it was.

AND I DID.

The secret is in our subconscious beliefs about ourselves. When I changed those - what we call "narratives, or "old scripts" - then everything in my life changed, too.

This is a learned skill. The vast majority of people have no idea how to do it. And that's not your fault.

We were never taught.

But just like I learned it, you can learn it too (way faster than I did).

And you can do it without compromising your integrity, selling yourself out, or any "just-be-happy"-style spiritual bypassing nonsense.

I won't sugarcoat it. This is real work. It takes time and commitment.

But in the end; as my students will tell you; it will change your life. 🐛🦋

Do you believe you have a purpose for being here?

I'm here to tell you that you absolutely, unquestionably do.

Sometimes, in the midst of soccer practices and packing lunches, 9-5 job deadlines ,and the critical voice in our heads, it can be hard to find it.

But there are tools that help.

Ikigai is an ancient Japanese method of combining 4 key elements: passion, vocation, mission, profession to synthesize the life that is waiting patiently for you to discover it.

And THIS Saturday, we are gathering live to do just that over in the group.

Imagine what it would be like to wake up every day and step into the career of your dreams?

Imagine what it will feel like when every relationship in your life starts to shift - including the one with yourself! - because you're living from a newly-aligned perspective.

Some amazing moms are achieving this every day over in the 5 Step Path Member's Group.

Not a member yet?

My friend, you are missing out.

Workshops, inner child work, Vagus nerve toning, new videos each week, live meet ups twice a month and tons of resources. And the BEST community of co-journeying women I could have ever asked to meet.

Check it out right here, and I hope to see you on Saturday to discover YOUR mission:

https://newperceptionwellness.com/5-step-path-member-s-group-info

This is going to be life-changing. 🐛🦋