The real dack zarpinian

the only wish i have before my death is for every memory of me to be forgotten

in no fictional universe would a character with my backstory be a protagonist, or even a supporting character.

at best, they would be an extra. At worst, a third-rate villain that the protagonist kills in the first arc.

Most profound moments in life are in youth. Recognition of friendship. Realization of love. Processing loss.
Experiences later in life are often just hollow echoes.

The casual cruelty and insipid hatred amongst humans terrifies me. It's present in everything.

if there is beauty in this world, it's not meant for my eyes.

so i never really understood what people meant by, "you need to love yourself first". it took losing my personhood to recognize that i no longer love myself. there's just...nothing to love. nothing there.

Feeling more whole than I have in years. Thanks, K.

Life is sacred.

Life is defined as the capacity for choice and free will.

A creature who utilizes their free will to remove the choice of others is no longer a sacred existence.

Something I struggle to understand in fiction is why a character will fight to survive through incredible hardship, even if they don't have any real responsibilities or ties to their life.

People claim there is beauty in the world, but all I can find is thinly veiled pain and hate. The happiest among us are those who take the most from others.

I'm gonna definitely not f**k this up 🤞

Running list of religions that I believe have better moral systems than Christianity:
1) Zoroastrianism
2) Sikhism

Reasons I'm single:
1) I read pokémon fanfiction
2) I sleep with a Hatsune Miku plush
3) I live in a van down by the river

I think one of the reasons that [people who consider themselves] "smart" or "creative" people (myself included) are so afraid of AGI is because it directly attacks their identities.

As if my best efforts will only amount to a rough sketch that my AI caretaker will pin to the fridge and say "oh that's nice, honey".

I don't know if I'll ever figure out how to forgive myself for my mistakes with my ex.

My mind keeps telling me that I can only hurt others. I can't love. That I'll never deserve love because I cannot reciprocate.

That I'll always be a narcissist. My emotions are shallow and meaningless. I put other people through pain to avoid minor discomfort.

If someone ever likes me, I'll inevitably convince them it's a bad idea. I feel sick to my stomach when I think of the pain I subjected her to. That I will force upon others in my life.

Now isn't the right time for a relationship. Now isn't the right time for s*x. I wasn't ready 5 years ago and I sure as hell don't feel ready now.

How do people forgive themselves?

after soul cultivation with master chang, i've obtained two revelations:
[1] I work very hard, and I can afford to take a break.
[2] self-isolation as a defense mechanism for social anxiety closely mimics the appearance of selfish time management.