Tucson Friendly & Fearless Death Cafe

Eclipse Season is here! Tomorrow, Monday 25th, Lunar Eclipse starts at 10pm in Arizona, and the next is April 8th Solar Eclipse, get your glasses ready.

The Spiritual Meaning of Eclipses | Spirituality+Health Eclipses hold strong spiritual energy that you’ve probably sensed yourself. Explore the spiritual meaning of these beautiful cosmic events.

This relates to my recent long blog which I hope y'all enjoyed! 🚲

3-2024 TUCSON DEATH CAFÉ BLOG

Thanks everyone for all you bring to our lovely Cafes. Below are musings on a few gems from the last 4 gatherings.

WHAT THE STUFF?!? & “I WANT TO DIE ON MY MOUNTAIN BIKE”
¬¬¬
“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” Thornton Wilder

Things, we live our lives surrounded by them. We may feel that those things have defined us, who we are and how we show up in the world. Things offer us comfort, joy, security, delight, and also pain. Their pursuit, acquisition, and ownership may have helped us live and achieve great things. We give significance to things, whether it’s joy, beauty, power, or the excitement we experience, or the meeting of needs with function and usefulness. Nothing is significant unless we give it significance.

A single leaf pressed in a book, a scribbled note on faded paper, an old photograph, a bit of string, an old car, or a fine set of dishes, can hold big emotions. All of these things can be a space of remembering, reminding us of who we were then, what was happening, how we thought and felt. They are touchstones, reminders of joy and growth as well as danger, foibles, failures.

We may (or may not), come to experience that continuing to maintain, care for, dust, provide space for, whether physical, emotional, or psychic, simply becomes too much. Over a lifetime our cups have been filled and the cupboards are full.

What to do? We are faced with seeing the very things we’ve pursued, loved and cherished, become a bit tangled, troublesome. Is it really that the sweetness they held turns to salt? In some instances, yes, for sure. That can happen in an instant if, for whatever reason, we change our minds about their meaning. Faced with letting go, will we experience this as loss, as suffering, or something else? It can be a big crazy challenge.

Who are we without those things? Is the purpose they served in the past still valid in relation to what our needs are now? Just like we had live music, which translated to record albums, to cassette tapes, then to CD’s, and now to the virtual cloud, whatever that is, we can also grow and expand, transforming old forms into new ones.

I’m personally feeling that this new relationship with those precious things, is a call. It’s a call that clearly says, “and there is more.” There is “more,” but to move into the space of “more” you must make room.

Discover the meaning of the things, acknowledge and harvest the goodness, the lessons, the sweetness, as well as any sorrow. Thank the past and yourself. Open up to finding ways to translate or preserve that treasured meaning to new, more manageable, enjoyable forms. In the Big Ultimately, you are the touchstone and the treasure.

Now, literally, on to the mountain bike. At a recent Café, someone proclaimed with great confidence and clarity, “I want to die on my mountain bike.”

What does this tell us? We want to die as we lived, in love. Whatever it is we love, we are passionate about, that brings us joy, that is what fuels us to live. That is what we want in the moment of our death. Most of us are very sure we do not want everything to wildly change when our time comes, to die in hospital, with strangers, or feeling estranged from ourselves, or from love.

This is a favorite reminder of mine, Viktor Frankl’s “Man Search for Meaning” as required reading. His work (and others) continues to show us the “solve” for this dilemma is within our grasp. If we can work through the potential struggles around our end of life concerns now, we can practice the mindset we wish to depart with. Doing so, may show us a lot about how we want to live, really live, now, and can bring great joy. It’s easy and normal to confuse this, but it never really is about the actual things, but what’s going on inside.

A few practical tips that emerged from our Café regarding things!
Whatever ways we come up with to let go of things, the psychological, emotional, life work may be the most important part. If possible, do that work first.

As our Café conversations illustrate, whether it’s knowledge, history, owls or art, direct family members may show no interest or great interest. Finding someone who understands, needs and will love what you have as you did might be a tall order. For those that have family excited to preserve family legacy that’s wonderful. For others who do not, delayed regret is not uncommon. The basic challenges that losing a loved one, or even talking about it, can present may prevent family from making timely choices. Sometimes this can be overcome and sometimes not. Don’t let that stop you (me) from post noting those favorite recipes or photographing and text messaging them!

A long-time Café goer shared this great story of a family partnering with their church to do an auction of their loved one’s art collection. The proceeds went to adding on a much-appreciated bathroom to the church. That’s a legacy! Another attendee highly recommends the local Tucson charity, Bringing Out The Best. They differ from other charities in that they partner with many organizations and do their best to find good homes for items.

“Being seen,” acknowledged by others, is considered a basic human need. This is a conundrum because waiting for or relying on others for this is not sustainable. A young attendee to our virtual Café expressed her love of gardening and told of finding her grandmother’s gardening book. Thumbing through the book she came upon a handwritten list in the margin. In Winter dreaming of what to plant in Spring or some such. She realized that she herself also writes such lists. Discovering this connected her with her grandmother whom she never knew. In tender, sweet, unpredictable moments, love and connection appears. A book is not always just a book. In this true story, the person with whom we may wish to connect with is departed, but the experience of love is no less real. Practicing intentionally acknowledging and appreciating oneself and then honoring connection however it arrives can go a long way.

A Recap: as for those pesky beloved things, doing inner value, meaning, assessment work can illuminate new possibilities, hold the intention to find a good fit, and remain open. No need to invite suffering around this chapter. And, while you’re at it, before you’ve finished your coffee, let yourself imagine what you’d want to be doing and feeling when you meet Death. It just may inform your life right now in the best possible ways. Life is calling!

A DESERT WILDFLOWER COLLAGE from my last 2 hikes for you. Time to get out there and soak up the joy! 🌼

SO MANY WAYS we can remember and continue to share the love & passion we were graced with by others. Thanks Jessica!🍑

Zee you tomorrow on Zoom! 10am MST

Highly recommended at February's Virtual Cafe. Thanks Jane!

At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life

SEE YOU TOMORROW IN PERSON! INFO IN POSTS - SCROLL DOWN - MARCH 4TH!

Interesting piece written by Chris Miller who is the researcher for the Death Cafe study that you may want to join - I am! See call for participants (below).

Remembered by our pets: More animals are getting a mention in obituaries Writing an obituary is one of the many things people do when a loved one dies. And animals are more frequently mentioned in the obituaries of their human companions.

INTERESTING PROJECT! STARTED IN CANADA & EXPANDING. HAVE YOUR THOUGHTS HEARD!

ZEE YOU APRIL 3rd on ZOOM. **GOOGLE AZ TIME** MST/MDT will be incorrect due to Daylight Savings! QUESTIONS? EMAIL ME!

❤️🌟SEE YOU TOMORROW, LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!🌟❤️

Oh, Let's just GET OUR MINDS BLOWN! YEAH SPACE!

NASA’s Webb Depicts Staggering Structure in 19 Nearby Spiral Galaxies - NASA Science It’s oh-so-easy to be absolutely mesmerized by these spiral galaxies. Follow their clearly defined arms, which are brimming with stars, to their centers, where there may be old star clusters and – sometimes – active supermassive black holes. Only NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope can deliver...

MOURNING OUR LOSSES, TRAGEDIES, AND CONTINUING TO LIVE
Tucson Death Cafes January 2024 BLOG

A wonderful start to 2024 Tucson Death Cafés!

At our virtual meeting we talked a lot about the big goodbye to our beloved animal companions. I was led to use a tapestry of what I think of as the puppy home going that day (see photo post), and one of our attendees had recently lost her beloved dog. In trying to write about this, I had to give up after a dozen tissues and tears blurred my vision. It’s very common to experience the loss of our animal companions as far harder than that of our human friends. The more we can talk about all of our losses with great opportunities like Death Cafes, a lot of things, like strangeness, guilt, shame, and confusions can potentially lessen as we realize we are not alone.

We shared creative ways of remembrance, like paw print garden stones, locks of fur, memorial walls, and mourning jewelry. We acknowledged the metaphysical (beyond physical) reality that we often feel/see/know the presence of those that have died as they continue to journey with us in new ways. We discussed the real challenges of making the decision to let go of our animal friends and how to do that – to face that overwhelming heartbreaking moment. As Winnie the Pooh said, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Our first since the pandemic in person Café was a big success. On the coldest day of the year friendly faces from the past reappeared and several new people attended, including one brave soul who drove down from Phoenix! It was wonderful to see everyone.

We met on January 8th which is a day of remembrance for Tucson. In 2011, a gunman appeared in a supermarket parking lot where a rally for then U.S. Representative Gabrielle Giffords was being held. Six people died, including 9-year-old Christina-Taylor Green, and 13 were wounded. One Café attendee shared that she very likely would have been at that rally if she hadn’t happened to be out of town that day. In the years that have followed, Tucson has commemorated this day in many ways. There is “Embrace,” a large downtown public sculpture, and a city park, hiking trails, and gardens bear the names of those lost. It was good to be able to speak our thoughts and feelings about that tragic day that changed our town, the world, and so many lives forever.

As always, the strong sentiment was voiced that if we could only do this more, talk about death freely, perhaps everything related to it would be less awkward. Being able to have these important conversations that affect all of us could lead to productive re-envisioning and progress in our social and cultural institutions, laws and such, improving the ways in which we can care for ourselves in our dying and deaths. Diverse topics were talked about among the small groups and I’ll share one story I found quite funny. A fellow had been admitted into hospice and was, at some point, being encouraged to “follow the light.” As the story goes, he loudly proclaimed, “f**k the light!” and proceeded to wildly live another 2 years.

Blessings all and thank you for turning out for our 3D in person reunion 11th birthday party. Hope to see you again and please freely share the meeting info with your friends. We know it’s a great way to start a good conversation

JANUARY 3rd VIRTUAL CAFE *PUPPY HOME GOING*

IN PERSON BIRTHDAY WOO HOO! A BIG SUCCESS!

DISCOVER A NEW FREEDOM CELEBRATE MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY!

Creative cooperation is key for all of us & our planet to survive and thrive! I remember this gate sentiment from my time as an environmental educator, but cannot find an author attribution. Photo, Tucson East, Isabel Amorous.

🥳See you THIS MONDAY 8th at our FIRST IN-PERSON since Covid & first ever Meaning & Mortality Creative Conversation Event with Tucson Death Cafe Celebrating 11 years BIRTHDAY PARTY!! Brand new sign on front of building says WARD 2. Go to the West (right) towards the back & look for PINK BALLOONS on the tree. More info & Map on the "Featured" scroll above this post. Bundle up & BYOBeverage (no alcohol of course). There will be cupcakes :)🧁🎂

💕😇Kodi Lee😇💕

Kodi Lee Change Lyric Video WORLDWIDE EXCLUSIVE! Kodi's new original single, CHANGE lyric video! This powerful new song screams out for people to be better, move with kindness and love,...

2023 Year End Musings

Death comes soon enough. I don’t know of any story where hate and horrors create a world that anyone wants to live in. If madmen and meanness rule the day, is it not millennia on repeat?

We can do our best, as all the wise ones say, to fill our days with light, love, kindness, and generosity, to make the world we dream of real.

I hope for you, and everyone, that 2024 reveals many bright clear paths filled with possibility. We are so very capable. We can tell a new story. And we do that at Death Cafes!

Speaking of stories, I recently shared in Café this 2700-year-old Greek myth. I was astounded when I first learned of it. For me, it brings both dismay and a strange comfort - about our shared humanity across time, place, and cultures.

Eris was the goddess of strife and discord. She had many children. Each personified an aspect such as toil, forgetfulness, starvation, peril, fighting, battles, murder, quarrels, disputes and ruin. One child, Horkus, personified deception, damage done when intentionally lying and misleading. Her last child, Eunomia, thankfully stood for she who ends strife.

In this story, Eris is not invited to a big feast. Like Death, she is not usually on the invite list. Enraged, Eris bursts into the banquet hall upon her shining black horse holding high a golden apple. She slams the apple down in front of Hera, goddess of power, Athena, goddess of wisdom, and Aphrodite, goddess of love, seated at the table. Eris challenges the 3, considered to be the fairest goddesses of all, perhaps to say, “and what will you do?” What will we do, what can we do, and what will the stories we create now tell of in the future - something new and wonderful?

All the Very Best,
Isabel