Rachael Rose, Sex & Relationship Coach & Educator

Interested in joining a private “Mast Cell Diseases & S*xuality” Facebook group?

This group is LGBTQIA+ friendly, and welcomes all genders, races, lifestyles (kink, non-monogamy, s*x workers), etc. and is a supportive, inclusive, and s*x-positive space for any folks with, or suspected of having, Mast Cell Diseases (or their partners/loved ones/etc.) to discuss any concerns or questions around s*xuality, s*xual health, s*x education, or relationship issues.

Mast Cell Diseases & S*xuality Facebook Group - Hedonish Join our Mast Cell Diseases & S*xuality Facebook group for open and s*x-positive conversations around s*xuality and mast cell diseases!

Like a lot of people who get their period, my PMS/PMDD is
pretty horrible—but in the last few years it's become so clear the it also impacts my ADHD and can make many aspects of it harder to manage. And it's not just me either, hormone fluctuations during the menstrual cycle, especially estrogen, exacerbates ADHD symptoms and impacts sleep, memory, mood, and the dopamine reward system.

ADHD Clinical Psychologist Dr. Ellen Littman says, "Within a given month, the motivated and assertive woman presenting 4 days after her period has little resemblance to the insecure and demoralized woman presenting 4 days before her period. Hormones also mediate the emotional volatility of adolescent girls, exacerbating observable anxiety and depression, which can easily lead to misdiagnosis. Estrogen exacerbates ADHD symptoms while also affecting sleep, verbal memory, mood, and the dopamine reward system."

If you have ADHD and get your period, how do you feel those factors affect you?

[ALT TEXT: Estrogen exacerbates ADHD symptoms while also affecting sleep, verbal memory, mood, and the dopamine reward system. IF YOUR ADHD FEELS HARDER TO MANAGE AROUND YOUR PERIOD, IT'S BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY IS. logo. Source: apsard (dot) org. Link to sources in Instagram bio]

It's important to let your personal needs be known to your partner in order to feel valued and seen. This communication will make your relationship stronger and happier in the long run!
[ALT TEXT:
What Do You Need From Your Partners To Feel Valued And Seen?]

This is something I've thought about countless times since my friend said it because he's completely right.
My partner and others close to me always know when I'm sick/having an allergic reaction even when I'm putting on an Oscar-winning performance as a "healthy" person.
[Alt Text: Invisible disabilities aren't really that invisible if you're paying attention]

I recently taught a workshop on "Communicating Your Needs and Disclosing Your Chronic Illness," and as I was creating the workshop I realized that we couldn't talk about those topics until we discussed the reason the workshop was so needed and important: ableism—and more specifically, the way we internalize that ableism.

I often find that with my chronically ill and disabled coaching clients, especially those who are AFAB, that these internalized messages heavily impact how they feel about themselves, their actions, and how they expect or allow themselves to be treated in relationships. So many people believe that they should feel lucky to even be in a relationship—even one where they're not getting the kindness, respect, and empathy they deserve.

You do NOT need to tolerate being treated as less than because of your chronic illness or disability. You're no more of a burden than anyone else—95% of the world's population has at least one health problem and 1/3rd has more than 5 chronic conditions—so you're really just a normal person who's life is just as complex as everyone else's.

- If you're ready to stop believing you should feel "lucky" to be in a relationship that's not good for you
- You want to feel less broken and betrayed by your body
- You want to feel good about yourself, your relationships, and your body—regardless of what your chronic illness or disability throws at you
Then I want to be on your team and help and support you in doing those things. Visit www.hedonish.com/coaching for more information on coaching services. I also offer a financial accessibility policy for those who need it.

What makes you feel more connected during s*x?

Once you've learned enough about yourself and your personal needs, make sure you share them with your partner (or future partners).

[ALT TEXT: What makes you feel more connected during s*x? ]

Before I became chronically ill, I didn't know any of this. I didn't need to know any of this either. I feel like this graphic largely speaks for itself, but what I've since learned is that facts like these—whether you realize it or not—impact everyone.

I bet you fall into one of these statistics, and if you don't now, there's a very good chance you will in the future. Some of these statistics clearly can impact your s3x life, but even the ones that seem unrelated can and will trickle down to impact your s3x life and relationships.

[ALT TEXT:
- Only 40% of Gynos regularly ask patients if they're having s*xual problems
- 7-in-10 Americans take at least one prescription medication
- 16% of the US population has an autoimmune disease
- Medical students in the US and Canada receive 8-10 hours of s*x education during their training
- 15% of the world's population is disabled
- 3 out of 4 vulva-owners experience pain during s*x at some point in their lives
- 2/3 of patients aren't comfortable talking to their doctors about s*xual concerns
- 1-in-8 people in the US takes an antidepressant, which can cause s*xual side effects
- 45% of US adults have at least one chronic health condition
]

It's so easy to stay in your comfort zone. The familiarity, the feeling of knowing what you will achieve and how to get there. But what about all that you can accomplish when you step outside?
What's something vulnerable that you've done, or want to do? Share in the comments!
[ALT TEXT: Do something that makes you feel a little vulnerable ]

Is your ADHD harder to manage around your period? You aren't imagining things...because it actually is.

Estrogen exacerbates ADHD symptoms while also affecting other contributing factors like sleep, verbal memory, mood, and the dopamine reward system.

[ALT TEXT: Estrogen exacerbates ADHD symptoms while also affecting sleep, verbal memory, mood, and the dopamine reward system. If your ADHD feels harder to manage around your period, it's because it actually is. ]

Did you know *xual folks make up the largest self-identified group in the LGBTQ+ community? Yet bis*xual individuals often experience biphobia from both LGBTQ+ and heteros*xual folks, and statistically have higher rates of mental and physical health issues and substance abuse than monos*xual folks (heteros*xual/gay/lesbian). It's believed that this hostility and the stigma around being bis*xual causes stress and anxiety that heavily contribute to poorer health outcomes.

[ALT TEXT:
Bis*xuality:
- is valid
- does not exclude or erase trans or non-binary folks
- doesn't have prerequisite romantic & s*xual experiences to "qualify"
- doesn't require equal attraction to different genders
- isn't a phase (but if it was for you, that's okay too)
- is not dependent on who you're currently dating
]

I made a playlist of some of my favorite podcast episodes I've been a guest on! Take a listen: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3l6ukNO60YGwQQzxk5fzzU?si=d29b140475af4c5c&nd=1

Being a good advocate for yourself and your health is an important form of self-care, and one of the best ways to do that is to be well-informed—especially if you have complex medical issues. Having access to medical journal articles can be an important way to get information and stay on top of current research that you can bring to your HCPs to discuss.

That said, most of us don’t have the $2,000 to $35,000 needed to access the medical and scientific research the journals keep behind paywalls, but there are FREE ways to access this information: http://hedonish.com/free-journal-articles/

L**e makes s*x better (yes, really). You can f**k longer without getting sore, it reduces friction and the odds of a condom/barrier breaking, and it feels better! Needing l**e, or wanting it, isn't shameful—it's normal!

There's a lot of l**es on the market, and a lot contain ingredients you really should avoid (that'll have to be an entirely different post), but here's a quick overview of the types of l**es available on the market.

Check out more s*x ed content at http://www.hedonish.com/

Take a step back and think about where s*x, pleasure, and intimacy fit into your life right now. What do they look like for you?
It's important to remember that you don't need to fit unrealistic ideals of what these things should be in your life.
[ALT TEXT: What do s*x, pleasure, and intimacy look like for you right now? ]

All teens deserve to have access to medically accurate s*x education.
A report from abstinence-only education is harmful and ineffective for the longer term s*xual health of teens. Teens are better off with medically-accurate, LGBTQ+ inclusive, and comprehensive s*x ed!
[ALT TEXT: Teens who pledge they'll wait until marriage to have s*x have the same rates of premarital s*x, STIs, and a**l and oral s*x as their peers who do not take pledges. But teens who take pledges are less likely to use contraceptives, are at higher risk for HPV and have higher rates of non-marital pregnancy compared with those who never pledged abstinence. ]

You never realize how boring as f**k it is to be sick until a chronic illness and ADHD collide.
[ALT TEXT: Tweet from Rachael Rose, :
I have way too much ADHD to be this chronically ill. It's boring as f**k to be sick.]

I get a lot of questions about "when should you disclose your chronic illness." But there is no "should"—everyone is comfortable at their own pace.

But consider this: how are you benefiting by waiting to tell someone? If you feel safer disclosing to someone who you’ve built some trust with, and that helps YOU feel more comfortable, great! But, if you’re hoping that waiting means that they’ll “like you enough” to overlook your chronic illness/disability, reconsider if this is the right strategy.

Letting people know up front allows people who wouldn't be a good fit for you anyone opt out before you waste your time on them. They're not going to become the person you need just because you want them to be. Save yourself the hurt and feelings of rejection—you deserve so much better than that.

[ALT TEXT: Chronic Illness Dating Tip: Disclose your chronic illness as soon as possible—you deserve so much better than wasting your time on someone who can't handle you. ]

L**e makes s*x better (yes, really). You can f**k longer without getting sore, it reduces friction and the odds of a condom/barrier breaking, and it feels better! Needing l**e, or wanting it, isn't shameful—it's normal!

There's a lot of l**es on the market, and a lot contain ingredients you really should avoid (that'll have to be an entirely different post), but here's a quick overview of the types of l**es available on the market. I'm personally a really big fan of Hybrid l**es, which stay wet longer and don't need to be reapplied, and aloe l**es, which are really moisturizing and work well with all my sensitivities.
[ALT TEXT: What kinds of l**e are there?

Water based l**e:
Compatible with latex and non-latex barriers and with all s*x toy materials.
Feels the most natural.
Evaporate or absorb into the skin, often requiring you to reapply or rewet the l**e.

Aloe based l**e:
Technically water based (aloe is largely made of water).
Very slippery and has a gel-like quality.
Compatible with latex and non-latex barriers and with all s*x toy materials.
BONUS: Aloe is a natural moisturizer and can help if you experience dryness.

Silicone L**e:
Extremely slippery. Stays on top of the skin (you probably won't need to reapply).
Compatible with latex and non-latex barriers but not compatible with silicone toys.
Highly unlikely to cause allergic reactions.
Can stain sheets/fabrics.

Hybrid L**es:
A mix of water-based and silicone l**e.
Compatible with latex and non-latex barriers and with all s*x toy materials (depending on the amount of silicone in the l**e).
Last longer than water-based l**e.

Oil-Based L**e:
Only compatible with polyurethane barriers - will degrade other barrier materials.
Generally not ideal for vaginal use, as it can cause yeast or other infections.
Some folks DO use Coconut Oil for vaginal use

]

Enjoying the graphics I've been sharing? See them all—and more—in one place by following me on Instagram! http://www.instagram.com/hedonish

Want to check out some of the podcasts I've had the opportunity to be a guest on? I made it easy for you and put together a Spotify playlist of some of my favorites here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3l6ukNO60YGwQQzxk5fzzU?si=d29b140475af4c5c&nd=1

"Sorry" is often used to tone down a statement or demand, and people who are socialized as women are often taught to tone down all the different parts of ourselves. Dress codes teach us we need to tone down our bodies, we're told to tone our feelings or risk being brushed off as sensitive and over-emotional, and if we don't tone down our opinions we're labeled as bitchy.

No, You Really Don't Have To Stop Apologizing: How We Teach Women To Over-Apologize & Criticize Them for Doing It Like many women, saying "sorry" too much is something I learned growing up. It's a problem, but telling women they "have to stop apologizing" isn't the solution—we need to change the culture around why we teach people they have something to apologize for.

Not sure how to support the chronically ill and disabled folks in your life? Here are a few tips to start with. Don't make assumptions about what people need, just ask how you can best support them. Trust what they say about their body and experiences—this is especially important, there are so many things science and research do not know yet, and just because it's not something you're familiar with doesn't mean it isn't real and valid. Don't give unsolicited medical advice (we hear this from so many more people than you probably realize!!) We, like everyone else, have both wants AND needs—and that doesn't mean we're asking for too much.

Most importantly, support us by advocating for us. Ask for more accessibility, even when it's something you don't personally need. Include disabled folks in any conversations around inclusivity and/or diversity—disabled people exist in all other marginalized communities too.

[ALT TEXT:
5 easy ways to support disabled & chronically ill folks:
1) Remember that each person is different—ask them how you can best support them
2) include disabled folks in any conversations around inclusivity & diversity—folks from all other marginalized groups can be disabled too
3) Believe what people say about their bodies and their experiences, and remember invisible and visible disabilities are equally valid
4) Don't give unsolicited medical advice (& if you insist on sharing, at least ask first)
5) having accessibility or medical needs doesn't mean we don't also have things we might want as people. we're not asking for too much by having both needs and wants
]

What's the last thing you thought about your body? Was it kind? If not, it's time to start paying your body the respect it deserves.
Self love is critical in day to day life. I challenge you to give yourself 3 compliments (or more) TODAY!
Share your favorite compliment about yourself in the comments below!
[ALT TEXT: Stand in front of a mirror naked and give yourself three compliments. ]