NBA Related Simpsons Quotes

[Mike D'Antoni and Chris Paul are walking through the Toyota Center just before game 6 and run into Adam Silver.]
Adam Silver: Hey Hot Rockets, win something for your city?!
Mike D'Antoni: Paul, I want that ring! Win that ring for me, Paul!
Chris Paul: Alright Silver, be honest with me. Is it actually possible to win this game?
Adam Silver: If I like you it is.
Chris Paul: Hot dog! Let's go!
[Chris Paul begins shooting baskets.]
Mike D'Antoni: No throw it INTO the basket! Well that's no good! Oh no, are you blind?!
Chris Paul: I'm trying coach, it's hard!
Mike D'Antoni: You're failing, Paul. What is it about you and failure?!

(After Game 7 loss)
LaMarcus Aldridge: Don't blame DeMar DeRozan. If you must blame someone, blame me.
Gregg Popovich: That's pretty much what I was planning to do there LaMarcus.

Derrick Rose: I did it! I did it! ...MY LEG! IT BROKE OFF!!!

Credit: Josh Richardson

Jerami Grant: ‘Good Heavens, this is a palace! How in the hell can you afford to live in a house like this Melo?’

Melo; ‘I dunno, don’t ask me how the economy works’

Grant: ‘Yeah but I live in a single bedroom apartment above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley... I’m sorry isn’t that?

Melo: ‘yep and the guy standing next to me is LeBron James. And this is when I won the scoring title, oh! And here’s a picture of me when I was drafted 3rd overall’

Grant: ‘you were a top 3 pick, you?’

Melo: ‘sure, you never were?... Would you like to see my gold medals?’

Grant: ‘No! I had to work hard every single day and what do I have to show for it? This Thunder Jersey and this seat on the bench. And what do you have to show for your career of sloth and ignorance?’

Melo: ‘what?’

Grant: ‘everything! A dream house, a beautiful wife, a $27 million dollar contract, a place in the starting lineup. And do you deserve any of it? No!’

Melo: *gasps* ‘what are you saying?’

Grant: ‘I’m saying You’re what’s wrong with the Thunder Melo, you coast through the season, you do as little as possible and you leech off of hard working players, like me. If you played in any other league in the world you’d be retired long ago’

Russ: ‘he’s got ya there, Melo’

Grant: ‘you’re a fraud, a total fraud’

Carmelo Anthony: Please don't make me retire. This contract is what keeps me alive! I never won a championship and my career is dead.

JR Smith: Well, we didn't get the championship, but Kevin Durant got what he wanted. LeBron, I'm confused. Is this a happy ending or a sad ending?

LeBron James: It's an ending, that's enough!

(DeMarcus Cousins at his final Sacramento Kings Press Conference...)

DeMarcus Cousins: Oh gosh! You know, I'm not much on speeches, but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you made you're screwed thank you bye.

(Orlando Magic have an emergency meeting...)

Rob Hennigan: I have figured out how to rejuvenate the team! It's so simple! You players would have never have thought of it! What we need is ... a new player! One that today's kids can relate to!

(Everyone looks at each other with uncertainty.)

Elfrid Peyton: Are you absolutely sure that's wise, sir? I mean I don't want to sound pretentious here but the Orlando Magic comprise a terrible chemistry.

Frank Vogel: Hey, this ain't art! It's a business! (to Hennigan). What do ya have in mind? DeMarcus Cousins? James Harden?

Rob Hennigan: No, no. The Orlando Magic chain of command goes Center (points at Vucevic), Guard (points at Peyton), Forward. F-O-R-W-A-R-D!

Nikola Vucevic: Uh, a forward? Isn't that a tad predictable?

Scott Skiles: In your dreams! We're talking the original Forward from hell!

Elfrid Peyton: You mean LeBron?

Scott Skiles: .....We at the Magic front office want a Forward with attitude. He's average, he's "in your face." You've heard the expression, "let's get benching?" Well this is a Forward who gets "bench-ing!" Consistently and thoroughly!

Frank Vogel: So he's proactive, huh?

Scott Skiles: Oh God, yes! We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

Serge Ibaka: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm?" Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.......... I'm being traded, aren't I?

Rob Hennigan: Oh, yes. The rest of you players start thinking up someone who can be traded for Ibaka. I dunno, someone along the line of say... Terrence Ross, only more proactive.

Frank Vogel: YEAH!

Elfrid Peyton (after the Hennigan & coaches leave): ...soooo Terrence Ross okay with everybody?

Players: Yeah, yep, yes.

Harrison Barnes: Rick, I don't want to seem ungrateful at all, but I'd like to go back to Golden State. I want to play with my team again.
Rick Carlisle: Harrison, I didn't want to be the one to tell you this... but your team doesn't want you back.
Harrison Barnes: What?
Stephen Curry (on tv): I do not miss Harrison at all.
Draymond Green: I am glad he is gone.
Klay Thompson: as am I.
Stephen Curry (drops sandwich): B'oh.

The moment where Joakim Noah's career ended.

Brett Brown: You've got nothing to worry about Bryan! We don't have any injured draft picks!
Bryan Colangelo *panicking*: the whole trunks full of them, Brett!
Chris Broussard: Hello? Have you injured any draft picks lately?
(Bryan Colangelo drives off. Ben Simmons falls out of the trunk).
Chris Broussard: Mr Silver, it happened again.

Kevin Durant mulling over his options with his agency, Roc Nation Sports, during free agency...
KD: Bah! To hell with this! Get my limo, pump up my basketball - and get these Jordans off my feet!
Roc Nation Sports: Certainly, sir! And uh, the endorsements?
KD: Ohhh we'll hang onto those. Now, to the Warriors! We'll take the bandwagon! Hop in!
Roc Nation Sports: but sir-
KD (cocking gun): ...I said hop in.

Stephen Curry recruiting Kevin Durant to Golden State...
Curry: Come on KD, I need four more guys to fill my Super Team. What do ya say?
Durant: Naaah.
Curry: Come on!
Durant: Naaah.
Curry: Come on!!
Durant: Naaah.
Curry: Oh come on!
Durant: Awww-
Curry (hangs up phone): YES! Now that KD's in, Ray Allen will fall like a domino.

Mark Cuban this free agency

Credit: Mark Holford

(Everyone looking at ayesha curry after game 7)
Watch closely everybody, shes about to do something stupid...

Stephen Curry in Game Six

Kevin Love going through concussion protocol for Game 4.

Credit: Pat Phorbes.

Tyronn Lue: He's spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take it!

Credit: Josh Richardson.

Billy Donovan: At times like this, I guess all you can do is laugh...

Fan 1: Wait! Don't be fooled! It's the same old Utah Jazz jersey with just a stupid new number!
Fan 2: ...But it's got a new number!

Vivek Ranadive: I knew you had the hands full with the team, so I hired Dave Joerger!
Chris Granger: Oh hallelujah, our problems are solved, we have Dave Joerger!
Vivek Ranadive: Well you don't have to be sarcastic.

Teacher: So you see, Leicester City winning the Premier League shows there's hope for anyone.
Kings fan: Even Sacramento?
Teacher: No.

[Luke Walton receives a letter from Steve Kerr. He looks at it with his wife, Bre]
Walton (reading letter): Project 73-9 couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Golden State Warriors, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're in town, Steve Kerr. (looks up on his front lawn) aw, the LOS ANGELES LAKERS?!
Bre: I think coaching the Los Angeles Lakers is pretty good!
Walton: Yeah, yeah.
Bre: Well explain to me why it isn't!
Walton: (sighs) You just don't understand basketball, Bre.

[Derrick Williams has had a nightmare, and goes into Carmelo Anthony's room]
Williams: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamt that Kurt Rambis was staying with our team, and he was about to sign a contract-
Melo: AHHHHHHHHH! KURT RAMBIS!! You lock Madison Square Garden up, I'll get the gun!
[Melo bursts into Porzingis' room]
Melo: Kristaps, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a chance that Kurt Rambis is staying on our TEAM!
Porzingis: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ryan McDonough: Team, today instead of hiring Earl Watson, we'll be hiring .... Earl Watson.

Charlotte fans during Hornets/Heat Game 1....

You have my undivided attention!

Credit: Pat Phorbes

Vivek Ranadive: Relax, George. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...
Karl: Phew...
Ranadive: ...and goodbye! You're fired!!