Showing Up

I feel you butterfly! What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily? I don't even know how it's still functioning! Every day there seems to be something else wrong with it. Why are there so many damn issues? It's like it just makes stuff up to annoy me. This body needs to go in for repairs. But even then, my care team is like what the actual f**k?...

It’s mostly broken! I feel you butterfly! What’s the oldest thing you own that you still use daily? I don’t even know how it’s still functioning! Every day there seems to be something else wrong with it. W…

I have a hard time being okay with being selfish. Putting myself first is impossible. When it comes to loving myself? I will always think everyone is more important than me. It has been a journey to accept that my struggle is just as important as the next person. When your body just betrays you? It makes it all worse....

The Struggle I have a hard time being okay with being selfish. Putting myself first is impossible. When it comes to loving myself? I will always think everyone is more important than me. It has been a journey t…

Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life. I love a blank journal. I have thousands of stickers. Colored pens? Highlighters? Markers? I can't have enough. High functioning Anxiety takes many forms. For me? It's planning planning planning. I have lists for everything. My calendar.... sorry.... calendars. I have multiple. I have my one for work....my other one for work that also has my whole damn life in it....

Bury me in colored pens Describe one simple thing you do that brings joy to your life. I love a blank journal. I have thousands of stickers. Colored pens? Highlighters? Markers? I can’t have enough. High functioning…

I get it. It's all falling apart. You can't get ahead. Why didn't you catch that? All you want to do is stay in bed. There's stuff that has to be done. Why can't I get it done? I'm so tired. Ugh...... I forgot to take my meds yesterday....and for me? That's not how I work. But I forgot. The last two months have seemed like I can't get the smallest things done, forget about keeping up with everything else....

Well done! (seriously) I get it. It’s all falling apart. You can’t get ahead. Why didn’t you catch that? All you want to do is stay in bed. There’s stuff that has to be done. Why can’t I get…

Do you have any collections? Asking for a friend. That friend is me. Because I have so many of them! Can you make them into anything cute? Dye them pretty colors other than orange? Make wind chimes out of them? Sun catchers? Anything??? Sometimes I want to just throw them all away. See if it's any better without all of the meds....

Can you upcycle pill bottles? Do you have any collections? Asking for a friend. That friend is me. Because I have so many of them! Can you make them into anything cute? Dye them pretty colors other than orange? Make wind chimes…

Lots of squiggly lines? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? I'm the one who always volunteers to be in charge. You know that one? You're stuck in a group and someone has to write it all down then present it? I got you on that. It should be a huge sigh of relief. Oh, you don't mind? Nope. I don't care....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/16/all-the-colors-of-the-rainbow/

All the colors of the rainbow Lots of squiggly lines? How would you describe yourself to a stranger? I’m the one who always volunteers to be in charge. You know that one? You’re stuck in a group and someone has to w…

What's one small improvement you can make in your life? I went into May with a positive attitude. I really did. Added nice prompts to my journal. Self care things. Even scheduled some out. Great intentions. I'm gonna do stuff for me! Sounded good in my head. First week was good. Birthday. Star Wars stuff. But got bogged down with some things at work....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/16/bad-brain-go-away/

Bad Brain, Go Away! What’s one small improvement you can make in your life? I went into May with a positive attitude. I really did. Added nice prompts to my journal. Self care things. Even scheduled some out. Gr…

Advocating for yourself is hard. When your doctors suddenly change course and act like maybe what is wrong with you isn't what is wrong with you, it's a different slap in the face. No! You said this. Why did you say this? Here....here is why I'm asking you these questions. I've done my work. I'm fighting. You need to support me!...

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/12/suck-it-up-cupcake/

Suck it up, cupcake! Advocating for yourself is hard. When your doctors suddenly change course and act like maybe what is wrong with you isn’t what is wrong with you, it’s a different slap in the face. No! …

I didn't want kids. But that didn't work out and now I have a little boy who is everything I could have wanted. He's smart, precocious, loud, sticky and never stops moving. Except when he's sleeping. Even then. They say being a boy mom is something special. And it is. The way they need you and give you hugs and kisses....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/09/110/

myshowingup.wordpress.com I didn’t want kids. But that didn’t work out and now I have a little boy who is everything I could have wanted. He’s smart, precocious, loud, sticky and never stops moving. Except…

List the people you admire and look to for advice... I miss my dad. Every single day. It's been five years but it hits like it was yesterday. Grief is a bitch. It gives zero f**ks about you. We didn't always have the best relationship but as I grew up, we figured it out. We had a very honest relationship. We could literally talk about anything and he would give me incredibly straight up advice....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/07/think-red-thoughts/

Think Red Thoughts List the people you admire and look to for advice… I miss my dad. Every single day. It’s been five years but it hits like it was yesterday. Grief is a bitch. It gives zero f**ks about y…

When you have a chronic condition, it is hard to remember things you love about yourself. I constantly hate my hips and my spine, because why can't they just not for a few minutes? I don't need my spine twisting all weird. And my immune system can calm the f**k down. The last five years have felt like five different lifetimes....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/07/may-flowers/

May Flowers When you have a chronic condition, it is hard to remember things you love about yourself. I constantly hate my hips and my spine, because why can’t they just not for a few minutes? I don& #821…

What do I need to forgive myself for? I am bad at giving myself grace. I have to be all the things, all the time. I don't do failure well. Even when I am not failing. I beat myself up when I'm not taking care of everything. When I get stressed out and don't recognize my triggers. I feel like I've let everyone down....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/07/forgiveness/

Forgiveness What do I need to forgive myself for? I am bad at giving myself grace. I have to be all the things, all the time. I don’t do failure well. Even when I am not failing. I beat myself up when I&…

Literally.....hell Have you ever been camping? Yes. And it's horrible. I cannot imagine anything else I would rather not do. It's wet. It's sticky. It's itchy. And tents. Let me explain why tents are the worst. If I am in one? It's leaking. I don't care what space age NASA fabric that thing is made of? Leaking. Because it's raining. It's gonna rain....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/02/camping-is-hell/

Camping is hell Literally…..hell Have you ever been camping? Yes. And it’s horrible. I cannot imagine anything else I would rather not do. It’s wet. It’s sticky. It’s itchy. And tents…

Lies! When do you feel most productive? Being high functioning is some kind of compliment that really isn't. It's a complex set of skills that you learn so you can hide behind your own mental health problems. I'm not depressed! Because I'm not sad. I'm not anxious....let me take on this extra project, you can always rely on me! And that part is true....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/05/01/what-anxiety/

What Anxiety? Lies! When do you feel most productive? Being high functioning is some kind of compliment that really isn’t. It’s a complex set of skills that you learn so you can hide behind your own …

We didn't want to overwhelm you. We know you have a lot on your plate. We will send help. Cool....hi....I'm not dead? Hell, I'm not even f**king dying. In fact, totally alive over here, handling s**t....as I do. And I do it well. One of the things I have had to learn is that I can't define how other people need help....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/29/im-not-dead/

I’m not dead…. We didn’t want to overwhelm you. We know you have a lot on your plate. We will send help. Cool….hi….I’m not dead? Hell, I’m not even f**king dying. In fact, totally al…

It's been a whole year since my doctor named what I had. Considering how much Googling I had done? It was nice to have a real name for this stuff. But like I've mentioned, this was just the beginning. The start of learning a pile of meds, having my doctor tell me that I'd be better in two weeks, and then learning how to fire my doctor and start to advocate for my pain....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/28/the-name-of-your-arch-enemy/

The name of your arch enemy….. It’s been a whole year since my doctor named what I had. Considering how much Googling I had done? It was nice to have a real name for this stuff. But like I’ve mentioned, this was just…

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret. Firing my last job. That I had been at for ten years. Their loss. Absolutely. But it had to be done. I had just had a baby. My dad had passed away. I was drowning in post partum s**t. And this job? Nah. It wasn't cutting it anymore. I remember the second I was there and I was just done....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/27/just-add-gas/

Just add gas Describe a risk you took that you do not regret. Firing my last job. That I had been at for ten years. Their loss. Absolutely. But it had to be done. I had just had a baby. My dad had passed away. …

There's a light! Write about a time when you didn't take action but wish you had. What would you do differently? I'm a recovering "It's fine" person. I absolutely think that everyone has it worse than me. And because I didn't fit into this make believe checklist or box that apparently was delivered when I was in my twenties, that I needed to make sure everyone else has all the help they need....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/26/im-a-what/

I’m a what? There’s a light! Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently? I’m a recovering “It’s fine” person. I absolutel…

We've all been there. My doctors aren't listening. They don't care. There's something wrong with me and they aren't doing anything about it. I didn't go to medical school. At all. I never even wanted to. I respect anyone who can do that job. Seriously. Even when I'm frustrated with my doctors I had to learn to step back and realize that they are also HUMAN....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/25/be-a-better-patient/

Be a better patient We’ve all been there. My doctors aren’t listening. They don’t care. There’s something wrong with me and they aren’t doing anything about it. I didn’t go to medic…

If you have your favorite vampire.... What makes you nervous? Medical PTSD is real. Let's just make that clear. No one likes seeing a doctor. It's like the worst job interview or blind date ever. But maybe you found your unicorn and they are listening to you and you get done. Sit in that silence where you're like, oh this was stupid....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/25/another-appointment/

Another appointment? If you have your favorite vampire…. What makes you nervous? Medical PTSD is real. Let’s just make that clear. No one likes seeing a doctor. It’s like the worst job interview or bl…

How do you unwind after a demanding day? Part of advocacy is learning where you will be focusing your energy for the day. Yes. This is a step. Especially with Chronic conditions. You can wake up ready to conquer! Your bed! So what gets your energy? That's a personal question. There's a million things about self care. Personally? Self care adds something ELSE to my already ENDLESS day....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/24/no-spoons-only-knives/

No spoons, only knives How do you unwind after a demanding day? Part of advocacy is learning where you will be focusing your energy for the day. Yes. This is a step. Especially with Chronic conditions. You can wake up re…

How do you use social media? Yes, it is a cess pool. A horrible place. People are awful. But it's also this thing that appeared out of the abyss and connected billions of people. I'm a zennial. I remember the times before social media. And sure, life might have been simpler? But what does that mean? Because I'm sorry....I wouldn't trade me quick searching a recipe for crock pot roast beef for trying to dig through a cook book....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/23/happy-bubble-space/

Happy Bubble Space How do you use social media? Yes, it is a cess pool. A horrible place. People are awful. But it’s also this thing that appeared out of the abyss and connected billions of people. I’m a …

I don't want your sinus s**t, tree! Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind. Being sick sucks. But I am built for this. Am I? Yes. My body is telling me something. You need to stop. You need to reset. And because you ignored all my other signals, guess what? I am filling your face with snot and making sure you try and cough up those lungs that are usually totally okay!...

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/22/its-fine-really/

It’s fine (really) I don’t want your sinus s**t, tree! Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind. Being sick sucks. But I am built for this. Am I? Yes. My body is telling me something. You need to stop. …

Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow. Remember when you were a kid and you were taught that you had to share. Share with other kids. Siblings. People. And somewhere we were taught that being selfish was somehow bad. That putting our own needs first was negative. You need to help others. Even if it caused a deficiency to you....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/20/being-selfish/

Being Selfish Describe a decision you made in the past that helped you learn or grow. Remember when you were a kid and you were taught that you had to share. Share with other kids. Siblings. People. And somewher…

So you did it....you found your unicorn. A doctor who agrees that something is wrong with you. Now what. Cure me!!!!! Fix all of this!!!! Not so fast......here's where things get messy and your job as a patient becomes important. Yes. Being a patient seems like a full time job. One that you are paid with in constant pain and irritating issues....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/19/unicorns-exist/

Unicorns exist! So you did it….you found your unicorn. A doctor who agrees that something is wrong with you. Now what. Cure me!!!!! Fix all of this!!!! Not so fast……here’s where things get …

My happy place Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you. I have convinced myself that I have to do everything. It's not that I can, I must. Everything falls on me. Reality doesn't matter. This is how it works. Because when I rely on other people, things get messed up or don't get done. That isn't true....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/18/it-makes-you-stronger/

It makes you stronger…. My happy place Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you. I have convinced myself that I have to do everything. It’s not that I can, I must. Everything falls on me. Reality d…

Describe something you learned in high school. Stop me if you've heard this one! I wasn't just a good student? I was a great student! I wasn't just involved? I did all the things! I didn't just have a part time job? I was an exceptional employee! I was the one every teacher liked, had everything in on time. Handled everything like a professional....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/14/nothing-to-see-here/

Nothing to see here! Describe something you learned in high school. Stop me if you’ve heard this one! I wasn’t just a good student? I was a great student! I wasn’t just involved? I did all the things!…

Describe one positive change you have made in your life. Chronic illness is hard. Chronic pain sucks. But with all that comes a new inner strength that you didn't know you had. To get up. To take care of yourself. Your family. Work. To do all those things you didn't think you could do. Or maybe you found the strength to say no....

https://myshowingup.wordpress.com/2023/04/13/its-okay-to-not-be-okay/

It’s okay to not be okay Describe one positive change you have made in your life. Chronic illness is hard. Chronic pain sucks. But with all that comes a new inner strength that you didn’t know you had. To get up. To …