The Moon Doula

Have you heard of DMER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex)? I've had it mildly with both my babies, but more noticeably this time round. It's a very strange and, at times, unsettling experience and is such a vivid example of what an impact our hormones have on our emotional state.

'Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex is a condition affecting lactating women that is characterized by an abrupt dysphoria, or negative emotions, that occur just before milk release and continuing not more than a few minutes.'

Read more here:
https://d-mer.org/

Welcome to D-MER.org D-MER is a condition affecting breastfeeding women that is characterized by an abrupt dysphoria, negative emotions, or sadness when breastfeeding.

Following on from my last post about postnatal mental health during lockdown, here are some easy tips if you're struggling. Read more about them in the blog post - link below 💗https://themoondoula.wordpress.com/2020/05/09/maternal-mental-health-week-postnatal-mental-health-during-lockdown/

It's Maternal Mental Health Week so I wrote something about postnatal mental health in the current lockdown situation...

https://themoondoula.wordpress.com/2020/05/09/maternal-mental-health-week-postnatal-mental-health-during-lockdown/

Maternal Mental Health Week: postnatal mental health during lockdown I’m not sure where to begin other than this week is Maternal Mental Health Week, which just screamed out at me that I should share how I’m feeling. For two reasons; 1 – to process…

If you need breastfeeding support at the moment this helpline is still running💗

May 4th-10th is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week 2020.

If you need to talk to someone about some aspect of breastfeeding and you are struggling to access support?
Our wonderful volunteer Breastfeeding Counsellors come together with The Breastfeeding Network to answer calls on the National Breastfeeding Helpline.

We are open 9:30am-9:30pm, 7 days a week.
0300 100 0212

COVID-19 Has Taken Away the Village: How New Parents Can Cope Experts say new parents need to share the load with child-raising and housework. They should also seek virtual assistance from family and friends.

This is amazing 💗

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Did you know, since the Covid-19 lockdown began in the UK, mums and midwives across the country have seen an increase in the number of babies coming back up to their birth weight by day 5! - Something that has not been seen in decades!

It is totally normal for your baby's weight to decrease post birth, however in recent years, it's been known to take up to day 10, or longer, for babies to get back up to their birth weight. This meant, extra measures were advised if your baby's day 5 weigh-in didn’t reach the expected amount.

Interestingly, what the lockdown and self-isolation has shown us is that without a constant stream of visitors, mum and baby have had a better opportunity for uninterrupted bonding which seems to have hugely helped mums and babies to establish breastfeeding and feed for longer, helping them regain their weight far quicker!

Whilst this evidence from midwives and other professionals is only anecdotal, at this stage, we hope that, once the NHS workload has returned to normal, formal research can look into this data in greater detail as this could have a huge impact on how women and their partners prepare for bringing home their baby and breastfeeding.

📸-ashjustine

This is Australian but describes every bit as much how we're all feeling in this situation wherever we are. I want to write more about this from a personal perspective, and maybe I will soon, I know lots of us are in this boat feeling these feels right now

New Parents Raising Their Babies In Isolation Are Grieving For The Experience They Imagined "The minute the mum's groups were closed, that increased the number of calls significantly," said the chief executive of a perinatal depression hotline.

This is so real right now😪

with
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This is not what you had planned. This is not what you’d envisioned. There are no visits from friends, no loving doula bringing you soup, no “mommy and me” yoga classes, no coffee dates, no stroller walks through the park. There is empty space where you had planned comfort and company. There are long days with no one but your little one to talk to and this big transition to navigate all alone.
I know it’s lonely, mama. I know the walls of your house feel tight and the days feel so long, and you crave a warm hand on your knee and the soft embrace of a friend. You wish for someone by your side to marvel at this beautiful baby of yours and to wrap an arm around you when the feelings get too big and scary.
We were never meant to do this alone. Motherhood has never been a solitary sport. And yet here we are, in this odd chapter of isolation and distance, with no choice but to do it by ourselves.
But mama, know this- We are alone. Together. You are surrounded all the other mothers who are navigating this tender time in isolation. You are held by all of us who have walked the path before you and who know how much you must be hurting. You are wrapped in the warm embrace of mama earth, as she too settles into this time of slowness and healing.
This too shall pass. And when it does, hugs and coffee dates and visits from friends will taste so much sweeter. Soft kisses on your cheek and arms around your waist and gentle laughter in your ear will be the joyful medicine after this trying time.
Until then, hunker down mama. Find the coziest, warmest spot on your couch, sink into the pile of unfolded laundry, and sleep the Spring away, with that sweet babe warm on your chest.

We very much welcome the additional clarification from RCOG and RCM about how essential birth partners are. We have had a significant number of advice enquiries about this issue over the last few days including a handful of cases of birth partners being banned altogether. We sincerely hope that this clear guidance will put an immediate stop to policies or planned policies to exclude birth partners, when it is clear that they are needed more than ever at the present time.

Milk for your baby during the coronavirus pandemic - La Leche League GB If your baby is exclusively formula-fed If you are unable to find your usual formula milk, you can use any brand of first stage infant formula milk. They are all required by law to meet the same nutritional standards. “Stage 2” follow-on formula milk must not be used for babies under 6 months. I...

Pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period during the pandemic -what do you need to know? | Sophie Messager If you are pregnant right now, I can imagine that the unpredictability of the pandemic situation might make you feel anxious. I am writing this to try and

Really useful information if you're expecting

Birthing in a Pandemic A place where words matter

Home birth:
If anyone wants to chat about home birth please do get in touch. With everything going on it may be something you wish to consider or have a longer think about if you're pregnant and due soon.
This is an uncertain time this is for us all, and especially for those soon to give birth, and it could feel quite scary. Home birth is a safe option for many women, and at the moment could be preferable to going to a hospital. I know not every birth can happen at home, but many more could with both mother and baby having positive outcomes. Birth doesn't have to be scary, even when times are.
I'd be happy to have a chat about this on the phone or skype (free of charge) if it's something you'd like to know more about. Please reach out💗

Ok, I have to admit that I'm learning this one the hard way. Who else enjoys being productive and efficient? I like getting stuff done....but when you have a newborn (and even more so if you're caring for other children alongside a newborn) you have to take a deep breath and let some things go. I need to print this affirmation out and plaster it all over my house!
On Friday I had a 'trying to do it all' day with my toddler and baby - and boy did it leave me frazzled! I created expectations of myself that I didn't need to, and then felt stressed out when it was hard to meet them. So here is a big fat reminder: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL! This could never be more true than during the fourth trimester when your newborn's needs are so great and you are their main source of food and comfort. Things get easier, and you'll slowly regain more of that productivity, but allow yourself to let things slide and take it easy on yourself.

4 years ago today my incredible oldest daughter was conceived at Birmingham Women's Hospital. 8 eggs were collected from my ovaries, one of which became my sweet, incredible girl💗

Thinking of and sending love to everyone else out there going through IVF x

More about what's involved in the IVF process is on my blog:

https://makingluna.wordpress.com/2017/05/05/discovering-ivf-the-egg-collection-featuring-the-dressing-gown/

Discovering IVF: The Egg Collection (featuring The Dressing Gown) After two days of searching we finally found The Dressing Gown. The weekend before my egg collection was scheduled we went everywhere in search of it. I wouldn’t settle for any old dressing g…

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‘You think you’re tired now? Just wait.’ Can we drop the ‘I’m more tired than you’ act and just lift each other up? I’m sick of this motherhood competition.’: Mom urges ‘just wait mama, it only gets better’ "'Dear excited pregnant mom, you think you’re tired now? Just wait until your baby won’t sleep, your ni***es ache, and you fight with your husband nonstop. You'll probably get depressed, never get your body back, your house will always be a disaster, and your social life with disappear.' Why is ...

/ tell the others /
Ever had a moment like this?!

I'm a big fan of positive affirmations and have been thinking how we often surround ourselves with birth affirmations but (like so much else) it all drops off in the postnatal period. So I'm going to create some loving, supportive, gentle affirmations for the postnatal period. Look out for more on here, and a downloadable PDF coming soon.
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This affirmation is something I'm finding really helpful at the moment, when breastfeeding is feeling incredibly intense, nights are feeling incredibly broken and my whole world is feeling incredibly shook up! But I know I can manage one day at a time, and I am. And so can you💗💗💗(and let's be honest - I think this is a useful one for parents however old your children are!😂)

Who can relate?!

Support
I can't overstate how important support is to new parents during the fourth trimester (and arguably beyond...) yet sadly it's something all too often missing from our parenting experiences.
Having a newborn can be overwhelming, confusing, stressful, tiring, emotional and all the rest! The best way to navigate this time is with support. This could be support from your partner, family, friends and/or professionals. If you're pregnant take time to consider where you'll be able to find support in the early weeks of being a new parent; find out where your nearest breastfeeding support group is; consider a postnatal doula; speak to family and friends about how they'll be able to help you out (maybe cooking you a nice meal or popping round for a chat); ask your midwife what other support you can access.
It's normal to find it difficult to ask for help, but if there is ever a time to do so it's when you have a new baby! you'll often find people are just waiting to be asked and would love to know how they can support you and your family.
- Check out and to find a postnatal doula local to you
- if you need support with breastfeeding you can call the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212 or speak to your midwife/health visitor about a local support group
- also run support groups across the uk, check out their website to find your nearest group
- is a great app to find local baby groups and activities where you'll be able to meet other parents too
What other top tips would you share with new parents for getting support?

Closeness
If there was only one thing I could tell you about the fourth trimester it would be this: Your baby wants to be close to you (or if not you another loving family member). All they have ever known is you, and although we see the process of birth as a separation - they don't. Your newborn doesn't realise that they are not still a part of you. You are their safe place, their comfort, and your body continues to nourish them in many different ways. They're drawn to your unique smell and they recognize your voice. You feel like home.
You may have noticed that your baby doesn't like being put down? That they settle most peacefully while close to you or your partner? This is all normal. Human babies have evolved to need closeness for protection, safety, comfort, and nutrition. In millennia gone by this was our way of staying safe from wild animals and ensuring successful feeding to give the best chance of survival. While our lives are very different today, our babies' instinct to be close to their parent is no less powerful.
This can sometimes come as a shock to new parents, particularly in our Western culture where we're surrounded by expectations to regain our independence and 'normal' (i.e. pre-baby) lives as soon as possible. During the fourth trimester especially, it's helpful to understand our baby's need for closeness and provide for it as much as possible.
Research is showing us again and again that we can't comfort or hold our babies too much - and that all the physical closeness we give our children helps their brain development and gives them a secure sense of attachment.
Some useful ways to make being close a little easier include wearing your baby in a sling or carrier, exploring safe co-sleeping options (especially if your baby won't settle away from you) and having lots of skin-to-skin.

The one time it pays to be married to a teacher - when 2 weeks paternity leave joins seamlessly into half term week.
Really tho - we ought to be giving new families much more support, 2 weeks paternity/partner leave really isn't enough and feels so fleeting. Recovery after birthing - even in straightforward births - takes much longer, not to mention the intense care newborns need (and juggling other children!)
And of course, I'm just in awe of single parents who don't have a partner supporting them - wow.

"The brand new mom is dealing with change on every level - the shape of her family, body, even her identity has shifted, but nothing is yet defined." - who can relate?
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Birth is transformational, whether it's the first, second, third or fourth (+) time. Each birth and each new child changes us physically, emotionally and spiritually. We deserve the time, space, care and support needed to adjust to these changes.
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The fourth trimester is a time when we can feel these changes most intensely as we come out the other side of pregnancy into postpartum. Our worlds have been positively rocked; turned upside down; we may feel like we lose touch with ourselves for a time and don't recognize our lives. It's so important to support new parents during this huge shift, and there's a lot of wisdom in traditions which help the mother slowly adjust to her new life with a period of rest and recovery. (More on this rest and recovery period coming soon...)
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Incredible award-winning photos show the beauty and bravery of childbirth These winning birth photos prove just how amazing mums are.

Amazing resource!

FREE Visual Birth Plan Icons from The Positive Birth Book | Positive Birth Movement Birth plans are essential to a positive birth experience, not only because they clearly document your wishes, but also because in the process of making them, you can become better informed about your many choices. With this free download of nearly 100 icons, a unique collaboration between bestsellin...

I'm in that weird-feeling twilight, the 'due zone': the place between 38-42 weeks-ish, when baby could arrive any day, and every twinge and ache is open to my mind guessing at whether something is beginning. My body feels ready and full, our home is well-nested, our hearts are full of anticipation and excitement. These words rose in my spirit as I communicated with our baby last night (as I tried to subdue the pregnancy insomnia and fall asleep!) She will come when she is ready, I want her to know that she can wait until the moment she chooses. I say these words to placate my own impatience and surrender to what will be. And when she's ready... we will be too💗

"Penny [Simpkin] encourages doulas, midwives, friends, and partners to ask themselves, how will she remember this? This is not just another day in a woman's life, but one that has the ability to transform her and her partner as they give birth to themselves as parents. How we feel about our births lasts a lifetime."
From Or****ic Birth by Elizabeth Davis and