Momdoctalk with Kristen Cook, MD

Hello my Friends!

I know that I have not posted anything in a very long time. I am so sorry! But I have been in the process of working on new projects. I would be THRILLED if you would join me on my new page, I Got You Mama. It is a group page intended to support Mamas of all ages! You will find community, support, and acceptance on this page. Join us now!!!

The world needs us as parents to be kind. To be understanding. To reserve judgement. To be supportive of each other, simply because we are parents attempting to raise children to the best of our abilities, despite our different upbringings or skin colors or beliefs. The world needs us as parents to look at each other, and look for the similarities in our struggles and in our successes. We can be unique and yet be understanding of each other and tolerant of differences. This is a lesson I hope we teach our children.

We are in uncharted territory. No one know how to do this school thing right. So parents please be kind and understanding. If your friend decides to send their children back to school, please be kind. If your friend decides to enroll their child into virtual school, please be kind. As of July 24, 2020, there is no right answer.

I suggest that all parents assess their risk of developing significant COVID-19 complications, both for you and for your family members. If you or a close family member are at significant risk of developing severe complications from COVID-19 you may benefit from home schooling or from quarantining from a high risk family member for 14 days. Please also understand that this is a fluid situation, and that recommendations may change over time. As parents, the best thing that we can do right now is to be patient. To be flexible. To be kind. To be understanding. Educators are doing the best that they can with the information that they know. Life will be so much easier if we all work together.

Whenever I see a patient ages 4-19 for their yearly physical, I always ask them a few things. I ask them if there is anything they would like to talk about. I ask them if they are feeling healthy. And I ask them if they have any questions for me. Lately, the overwhelming majority of my patients ask, "When will corona go away?". Since I work in corporate America, my response is a very unsatisfying "I wish I had an answer for you."

What I really want to say is this. The COVID-19 pandemic will be over when we realize that we are not invincible and that our actions affects others, including total strangers, in both positive and negative ways. The pandemic will ease up as people let go of their political agendas, misguided beliefs and conspiracy theories, and learn to trust medical authorities instead of Dr. Google. Scientists work with the best data that they have at the time. When people are willing to say "look at what we have learned" and act accordingly, instead of gloating that "science made a mistake", the death toll will drop.

The spread of this deadly virus will decrease dramatically when we are willing to be a temporarily uncomfortable by wearing a damn mask. When people realize that being asked to wear a mask and to physically distance is not a violation of their rights, it is simply a way to be a considerate human being and to protect others from a possible death sentence. This pandemic will cause less damage when parents recognize that it is their responsibility to teach their children proper hand washing techniques, explain the correct way to wear a mask and keep their kids home from school if they are sick.

The fear related to this pandemic will ease when the media reports factual information, instead of focusing on the rarest and most dramatic events that will make them money. The anxiety related to COVID-19 will lessen when people ground themselves in the truth. This means looking for accurate, up to date information and ignoring the hype. What do I mean by this? Understand that your child is much more likely to die in a car accident than they are to die from multi-system inflammatory syndrome in children (MIS-C). I am sorry to be so blunt but that is the truth. Don't drown in the pandemic fear, because if you do your mental health, and the mental health of your children, are at risk.

I wish I could tell you an end date. I wish I could tell you that we will figure it out, and that everything will be okay in the end. I don't have all of the answers. But I do have hope. And in the meantime, I will continue to wash my hands, not touch my face, and wear my mask out in public. Wishing love, health and happiness to you all.

Do your kids have chubby feet? Glue bottles and tennis balls work great to stretch shoes out! What are your parenting hacks?

Right now, the entire world seems to be in chaos. We are in the midst of a pandemic. We are struggling with racial inequality. At times, we seem so incredibly different, and so incredibly divided. When you feel overwhelmed, please take a few minutes to close your eyes and breathe. Controlling your breath has a very powerful way of helping you ground yourself. Please understand that as parents, we are more alike than we are different. We all want our kids to have a better life than we had. End of story. We have a lot to learn about each other, and we need to be supportive of each other in this learning process. Let's fight to be kind, compassionate and open-minded. These traits will benefit our kids dramatically.

If you are feeling scared, you are not alone. If you are feeling broken, you are not alone. If you are feeling hopeless, you are not alone. If you are able to recognize your feelings, you are one step away from feeling better.

Living through this pandemic, especially as a wife, mommy and pediatrician has been really hard. And I have struggled to find content that is scientifically accurate, helpful and that won't cause me to be ripped to shreds by people who are inconvenienced by the truth. But my insecurities don't help anyone. So I will be posting about things that are current, things that are relevant and all things related to COVID-19. Of course there will be non-COVID stuff to, because we all need a break! I hope you join me as I go live to discuss safe return to school this weekend.

Lots of love,
Kristen

Parents, help me out. I want to know how you are conversing with your kids about COVID-19. Do you talk about the pandemic with them or do you ignore it? Absolutely no judgement here, just trying to get information so I can help families to the best of my abilities. What concerns do you have about COVID-19? What are you confused about? Please comment and I will do my best to provide medically accurate, unbiased information.

Mamas, stop beating yourself up for how much time your child is spending on electronic devices this summer. We are in the middle of a pandemic. Life is chaotic. There is not much to do outside of our homes that is safe.
If you are intermittently losing your mind about being around your children so much, you are not alone. Do your best, and that is enough. If you can, try to download educational apps onto the IPads and encourage your kids to focus on those apps. Monitor their use of electronic devices. If something that they are watching is inappropirate, it needs to go. But for crying out loud, give yourself some grace for how hard it is to be a parent during these challenging times. Excessive, appropriate electronic use for a few months will not harm your child. Give yourself a break and let the guilt go.

In this chaotic, uncertain and unsettled world that we live in, there is a real opportunity for change. A real way to make the world a better place. Why should we bother when things seem so unhinged? Because our kids and our grandkids deserve it. The grown ups need to start acting like the adults that we are. We need to be aware of what we say, because our kids are always listening. We need to be aware of what we do, because our kids are always watching.

Do you want your child to be treated with kindness and to treat others the same way? Then you must be kind, in words and in actions. Do you want your child to be respected by others and respect others in turn? Then you must be respectful, in words and in actions. When you imagine the world you would like your child to live in one day, be the change you want to see.

Mamas, how many of us have struggled with our bodies after we had our babies? This is an excerpt from my upcoming book "I Got You Mama: A Pediatrician's Guide to Surviving and Thriving During Pregnancy, Childbirth and the First Year of Your Baby's Life":

"I remember what it felt like laying in that hospital bed the day after giving birth. I was so grateful for the birth of my child, but I felt like I had inhabited someone else’s body. I felt weird. And swollen. And gross. I could not wait to start exercising again. I understand your physical and emotional discomfort, and I empathize with your fitness goals. I had similar goals after my pregnancies. However, before you invest in a new wardrobe of workout clothes or a gym membership, I need you to completely embrace what I am about to tell you. Mama you created, grew and just brought a human being into the world. You are a warrior and your body is absolutely amazing. Yes, that swollen, bleeding, hurting body is completely astounding and incredible. But I need to be honest with you. Your pre-baby body is gone, and she is not ever coming back. Ever. Anyone who tells you otherwise is mistaken. Don’t get me wrong. You can absolutely lose the extra weight you gained when pregnant. You can absolutely work towards a new body for yourself through diet and exercise. You just can’t go back to the old body. She does not exist anymore. Mourn her if you need to but find a way to let her go. Trust me, the new you (with the new post-baby body) can be even better than the pre-baby version of yourself."

Happy Independence Day! If you are a parent, please understand that fireworks need fire and some type of explosive device in order to create their desired effect. Which means that you or your child could lose a finger, set your house on fire, or sustain third degree burns if you screw this up. Have fun today, and lots of it. Please just think before you act, that's all I'm saying.

In the crazy, complicated world that we live in, we could all use a laugh. Please post a funny, unexpected or totally ridiculous quote courtesy of your child or grandchild.

It's a bit of a long read, but the American Academy of Pediatrics just released its school re-entry guidelines. Spoiler alert: it is highly recommended that kids attend physical school in the fall

https://services.aap.org/en/pages/2019-novel-coronavirus-covid-19-infections/clinical-guidance/covid-19-planning-considerations-return-to-in-person-education-in-schools/

COVID-19 Planning Considerations: Guidance for School Re-entry The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) supports collaborative decision-making among school districts and local and state public health departments about when it is safe to open schools.

My kids drive me absolutely crazy. They drive me crazy Every. Single. Day.

They believe that I want to watch every stupid YouTube video about people playing video games. They believe that I enjoy chasing them around the house pretending to be the old woman who runs after the gingerbread man. They are convinced that I can drop everything and attend to their immediate need, even if it means bringing them a glass of water that they could have gotten themselves. Kids are exhausting. Yet my kids have absolutely no idea that they drive me crazy. Want to know my secret? I pay attention to my frustration levels. If I had a bad day at work, I kindly tell my son that I need to change into my pajamas before I watch his favorite You Tuber with him. And then I hide in my closet until I am a calm, rationale Mama ready to watch complete strangers play Piggy. If I am stressed out over a family matter I take a few minutes to journal and get my head on straight before I turn into Old Lady chasing Gingerbread Man.

At some point, your kids are going to drive you crazy. This does not make you a bad parent, nor does it mean that you do not love your children. It makes you human. But if you want to be a kick butt parent, you need to figure out how to be completely driven crazy without your kids knowing it. Pay attention to your frustration levels. Take a short break from your kids when you need it. Make sure to engage in some form of self-care. Raising kids is tough! Know yourself, and you will be much more successful in handling kids who drive you crazy.

This morning as I left for work, I went into my daughter's room to give her a kiss. I thought that she was still sleeping, but she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close to her body. I could hear her heart beating. And for a brief moment, I felt joy and completely at peace. My husband I created that heart. My husband and I created this little force of nature. I am blessed to raise this little girl into a woman. And even though it scares the crap out of me, my girl and I will be on this journey together.

It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to feel hurt. To feel lost. To feel like you are surviving, not living. These feelings won't last forever. And they will start to go away once you push youself to see the truth. You are capable. You are a good mom. You are trying your best. Your kids are loved. You don't need to be perfect. You just need to keep trying.

Let's talk sleep regression!

Parents, some of you have been blessed with babies who started sleeping through the night (ie sleeping for at least 6 hours stretches) as soon as your infant was 2 months old. And if you have not been blessed with a baby that sleeps well please do not fret! My kids are still terrible sleepers. The harsh truth is that all babies may go through a phase (or four) of sleep regression, which is where a baby who has been sleeping well all of a sudden starts sleeping poorly. Sleep regression is so frustrating for parents!

Parents, I say this with love in my heart but you cannot force an infant or a child to sleep. You can encourage good sleep habits, but you cannot somehow magically will your child to sleep.

Your best option is to stick with good sleep hygiene. Do you have a consistent bedtime routine? If not you better implement one now. Once that bedtime routine is actually routine, do no change a single aspect of it! If your child experiences sleep regression, the first step is to try to figure out why. Is your child 4 months old and no longer able to be swaddled? Is your child is in a growth spurt? Is your child using nighttime to get extra attention? If your child awakens frequently at night and seems hungry, please feed them. Their nighttime awakening is likely due to necessary growth. If your child awakens at night and refuses a feeding, they might just want attention. Comfort them, but avoid all other aspects of interaction. Don't sing to them Minimize eye contact. This will encourage them to learn that nighttime is for sleeping and not for play. Sleep regression sucks! If anyone has specific sleep regression issues please leave them in the comments below.

In so many ways, life is challenging right now. I think we all need to have some fun, and to get our parental minds, bodies and souls to relax a little.
There is no better way to do this than by laughing. So please, help us all out and leave the answer to this question in the comments. Here goes: I never, ever imagined as a parent having to tell my child....

As parents, when it comes to our little one's sleep, we all have the same goal...please child, sleep through the night!

Most of the families in my pediatric practice want to know when their child will sleep through the night. It’s a great question! But here is the ugly truth. No one will ever be able to predict when your child will sleep through the night on a regular basis. Ever. Sure, people can tell you the “normal” or “expected” sleeping patterns for a child based on their age. But no one can say with certainty when your unique, individual child will sleep through the night.

If someone told you that you could cause your child to sleep through the night with “sleep training,” then I am sorry you received that misinformation. Let me be very clear. Infants and children sleep when they are tired and wake up when they are finished sleeping. Let’s stop the insanity called sleep training.

Does that mean you throw in the towel and let your child rule the roost? NO! As soon as possible after your child is born, develop good sleep hygiene. Paramount to this is developing a consistent bedtime routine. I don't care if your bedtime routine involves your child watching you eat strips of bacon! What I do care about is that the bedtime routine is consistent night after night. No deviations. Pick a routine and stick with it. Then institute a mild form of tough love.

When you are putting your child to sleep provide basic comfort needs only so they don't learn that nighttime is playtime. Don't talk to them. Don't sing to them. Rock them only until they are drowsy then stop. Don't provide excessive snuggles. If your child is old enough to look for a reaction from you when then do something cute in the middle of the night, close your eyes or turn your head away. The sooner you implement sleep hygiene measures, the better you will sleep at night

Calling all parents and grandparents! What topics do you want to see discussed on this page? Parenting strategies? Medical conditions? Is there anything that you are struggling with or want advice about? Or do you just want to see more pics of my cute puppy Herbie? As a Mommy with a mission, I want to help as many parents as I can and that starts with feedback from all of you! Please leave your thoughts in the comments! Thank you!!!

There is no one size fits all approach regarding how to talk to our children about racism. Parents, you know your children best and you know what information they can and cannot handle. I personally believe the worst thing we can do is ignore the current events. As hard as talking to kids about racism may be, conversations about tolerance and equality are essential. Here are some tips for discussion from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

https://services.aap.org/en/news-room/news-releases/aap/2020/american-academy-of-pediatrics-condemns-racism-offers-advice-for-families-for-how-to-talk-to-their-children/

American Academy of Pediatrics Condemns Racism, Offers Advice for Families for How to talk to their Children The killing of George Floyd and the subsequent protests across the country have laid bare the nation’s legacy of racism and discrimination and the ways it harms all members of our communities

Parents, let's talk about yelling. We all have heard that yelling is "wrong". We have been told that good parents don't yell; the communicate with their children effectively. We have learned that parents who resort to yelling are somehow "bad" parents.

Here's the truth. There are some situations where yelling is absolutely appropriate and necessary. If your child runs across the street into oncoming traffic or attempts to stick a fork into an electrical outlet, you better yell at them. This may be the only way that they learn how to avoid a situation that could be life-threatening.

In all other instances, yelling is not the answer. So how do you, as a parent, stop yelling? Take a deep breath, and hear me out. Your yelling as a parent has nothing to do with your kids. It has everything to do with YOU and what YOU are going through. If you want to stop yelling at your kids you need to start paying attention to YOU. What do you need? What are you stressed out about? What is problematic in your life? How are your kids adding to your stress level?

If you want to stop yelling, you need to tune into your mental and emotional needs. You need to recognize when you are about to yell and stop yourself in your tracks. How do you do this? Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Recognize that taking a physical and emotional break is better than yelling. When I am at my wits end, I tell my kids that I need to check the mail and I walk outside for a few minutes. Sometimes I walk around the block. The point is that I am self-aware. If you want to stop yelling at your kids the first step is to become aware of your thoughts and your emotions. Don't act until you embrace this awareness.

More tips to come in the future. Love to you all.

Today I almost threw in the towel. My house is a disaster, my kids got on my last nerve over and over again, our new puppy keeps pooping in the house and there is no end in sight-at least in my mind. COVID-19 as well as the racial inequality in our beautiful country has been weighing on my heart, soul and mind. I'm frickin' tired. And sometimes I wish things would just go back to they way they were in 2019.

But that is not going to happen-for me or for any of you. So what do we do? We try out very best, as wives, mothers and daughters. We acknowledge that we are going to make mistakes, and we make a point to apologize for our mistakes-even if that means we apologize to our children. We strive to do better next time. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again. We don't get stuck in the negativity. We strive to create a better future for ourselves and for our children. We are strong and we persevere. We are Mamas, and we are fierce.

Happy June 1st! I know that summer does not look like it normally does. Many summer camps are closed. Many pools are closed. You may not be able to take the vacation that you had envisioned. I get how much that sucks. But you have two choices-stay stuck in the negativity and losses, or accept the situation and look for a way out of the pain. Force yourself to be grateful. Turn off the news. Recognize and accept the truths about your life, right here and right now. Pay attention to your kids. Are they thriving or are they struggling? What do you think that they need? Then ask them and listen to their response!