Petty Tyrants
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06/05/2023
16 Reasons The Narcissist Blocks You - (Blocking Part 1) This Video looks at the truth behind why so many NPD's block their ex intimate partners, and how this manipulation technique is almost universally used by na...
23/04/2023
Isolation After Narcissistic Abuse To take advantage of the DeMars Coaching service, please visit https://www.daviddemars.com/This video describes the damage isolation can cause and why victim...
21/02/2023
https://unfilteredd.net/narcissistic-abuse/
Narcissistic Abuse - Unfilteredd The only way to protect and/or heal yourself from narcissistic abuse is to have a comprehensive grasp of narcissism and all it entails
12/02/2023
Why You Lose Yourself During/After Narcissistic Relationships 🤕🪞🩸 Why You Lose Yourself During/After Narcissistic Relationships 🤕🪞🩸
09/12/2022
Loving a Narcissist be like ...
22/10/2022
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRHted31/
❤️‍🩹❤️🪷Mister E 1 on TikTok ❤️‍🩹❤️🪷Mister E 1's short video with ♬ original sound
08/09/2022
When A Narcissist Warns You Of Who They Are Even an unaware Cluster B will warn you that they do possess toxic traits. We just don’t know WHY we are this way. So if you stay, its your fault!🫠1:1 avail...
Reactive Abuse...reminds me of trying to confront a narcissist about lying and ghosting at his work site because that's where I finally could find him after being in a s*xual relationship for 2 years and then in an instant being threatened by inching a backhoe toward me to hit me with a smirk on his face and blaming me for my reaction...I started screaming out of fear and confusion. I walked away FOREVER. No don't EVER want to be friends. Didn't know the term narcissist at the time and it sent me on this journey for the last 5 years discovering what that is. It was that traumatic. I didn't realize that I had been discarded for new supply and I didn't even know all those terms ... it took me a while to figure all this out.
05/08/2022
10/07/2022
This is aimed at a friend I hope to help.
REMEMBER THIS:
The NARC will win if you commit su***de. Their goal will be achieved and their desire for ULTIMATE POWER AND CONTROL will be realized!!!
So YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO NOT HARMING YOURSELF AND GOING NO CONTACT AND DEFEATING THE NARC THROUGH AVOIDANCE, SILENCE AND GREYROCK, under the REALIZATION and AWARENESS that this has happened to you because you possess all those beautiful awesome traits inside yourself that a good, decent, loving, caring, supportive person should have and that's why they selected and preyed upon you.
Because the Bigger you are the harder you fall, so if you feel totally fu**ed and suicidal know that that's because you came from a high place of decency and you Can and you WILL get back there.
The Narc destroys like this because they operate in the dark realm which means not love, connection and meaning, but hate, disconnect and ruin.
You have to REALIZE you were a pawn in their game that they were ONLY playing with themselves and only they knew the rules. You had no hope of coming out victorious and THAT'S FINE!!
You can go NO CONTACT and rebuild your FOUNDATIONAL VALUES AND BELIEFS structure and repair and replace all the vulnerabilities and weaknesses that the Narc ROOTED INTO, with the intention from day one of destroying you.
IT'S FINE. YOU HAD NO IDEA. You were not informed and had no knowledge of this imaginary monster personality masquerading as Perfection.
IT WAS ALL JUST AN ILLUSION but know.......once the ADDICTION and TRAUMA BOND wear off and the COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IS UNDERSTOOD, you will start to realign and come back to a REALITY that sits properly in YOUR TRUTH!
The REAL TRUTH. The TRUTH that YOU ARE A REAL PERSON and the Narc is nothing more than a GRANDIOSE ILLUSION created from inside the IMAGINATION of a traumatized IMMATURE CHILD and there's NOTHING you can do to help, support, fix or heal that.
THEY HAVE TO LOCATE AND FACE THEIR INNER CHILD THEMSELVES AND FIX THEMSELVES AND SEEK HELP THEMSELVES AND THEY NEVER WILL BECAUSE THEY ABANDONED THEIR INNER CHILD TOO LONG AGO AND THEY’RE ALMOST HOPELESS.
Give yourself the time and space to breakdown, CRY, get it all out and READ THIS TWICE and COMPREHEND IT and you will rebuild one day soon.
Do NOT take responsibility for what the Narc has done to you. It was a targeted hit on your MIND BODY HEART and SOUL.
But do TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for going NO CONTACT and Healing your SELF. YOU! Your SELF!!
GREYROCK!
NO CONTACT!!!
EVER!!!
Ever!
E V E R.
He has NOTHING BUT ANNIHILATION AND SMITHEREENS FOR YOU.
LOVE YOUR SELF.
09/07/2022
Triangulation can also be when an abuser intentionally sabotages communication (say between coparents and a child, a childs teacher/therapist, etc...or friends) by telling each member of that triangle a different story to somehow work in the abuser's favor.
09/05/2022
When your narcissistic mother doesn't deserve a holiday NEW! Online course for Recovery from narcissistic abuse.https://jreidtherapy.com/narcissistic-abuse-course/Read the reviews & testimonials to see if it's th...
06/05/2022
How narcissistic people could use religion to manipulate you. Full vid https://youtu.be/VL6dd2nsHb4
01/05/2022
30/04/2022
Johnny and Amber
I’m sure you’ve heard.
My husband mentioned this morning whilst sipping our iced coffees, taking a boring drive to Mobile to have my oil changed>
& it was obvious his mind was blown with the latest details
"Did you hear" he asked? “She S**T, in HIS BED ! ! ! ”
“She is crazy” he proclaimed, then shot a look my way.
“I mean, obviously they’re both crazy” he quickly answered.
“Or” I began,
“Maybe they both have unhealed trauma and act in the only ways they know how, because that’s what they believe love actually is”
He shot me that “it’s too early for deep convos” look, nodded his head, and turned today’s country back up to 10.
I was raised in and around trauma.
My own family.
Some of my closest friend’s families.
Yelling & Screaming.
Manipulation.
Possession.
Financial belittling.
Self worth questioning.
Worthlessness.
Uselessness.
Unlovable by any “normal” standard to the rest of the world.
Believing at our core, that the only ones who would love us, were the crazy ones.
Love = chaos
Trauma = Lifelong bonding that the rest of the world simply can’t understand.
No one ever s**t on the others pillow from what I can remember, or wrote on the walls in blood. . .but I have my fair share of horror stories that I’d love if they were never, ever broadcast for a general viewing audience. . . for my own sake and the sake of those involved.
The worst part is, not all of those horrible memories are memories from my youth, but also moments from my own marriage, mistakes that I made, from habits I didn’t even realized I’d formed.
I read a quote that said “When you have been raised to believe love is CRAZY, when it doesn’t appear to be, you’ll create your own crazy, simply because it’s what you believe deep down, that love actually is”
We often refer to this as “daddy issues” or being “mentally ill” or “unstable”but at it’s core, it’s unhealed trauma that most of us have no idea we’re even manifesting.
I can count on one hand the number of times my husband has raised his voice at me.
In 16 years, the number of times he’s laid a hand on me remains a zero.
He always walked away when things started to get a bit sideways and yet for years, I questioned how a man so composed could even love me at all.
The movies tell you it’s crazy.
The songs tell you it is.
But yet watching it on court tv tells a different story.
How crazy, is too crazy?
Where is the line?
Between madly in love and just fuggin mad.
I’m going to go off on a limb and tell you how absolutely sad I am for BOTH of them.
I am so sad for Johnny.
I am so sad for Amber.
Sure, they’re celebrities with money and fame, but they represent a much broader demographic of trauma attracting trauma, where neither of them is able to truly help the other out, because truth be told, they don’t know how.
I’m not saying any of it is right.
Don’t misunderstand me.
It’s all wrong.
But it isn’t rare.
There are women in your gated neighborhoods, in your church congregation, at your workplace, teachers in your schools, who are abused regularly. Mentally, physically.
There are men at your office, at your workplace and in your schools and churches who were never taught how to love or be loved. They are manipulated to the point of worthlessness or become manipulators without realizing it.
All they have are the movies.
The sitcoms
The love songs, to teach them what love is.
The worst part is, it's really hard.
Trauma cycles are damn near impossible to escape.
I have spent the past ten years in therapy & have learned that even when we know the opposite of what we currently have is far better for us, as humans we simply can’t help but run to what feels like home, to what we know. . . TRAUMA
I will never ever know why my husband stayed with me, specifically in those early days where I did everything in my power to enrage him, because anger and jealousy and control meant love to me.
It’s taken nearly fifteen years,
but I now know love isn’t telling me I’m worthless.
Love isn’t telling me I’m not talented and unwanted.
Love isn’t crazy “hot” makeup s*x,
after punching a hole in the wall.
Love isn’t buying a nice gift after texting me what a w***e I am.
Love isn’t physically or emotionally damaging.
It’s not draining.
& tbh, most days it doesn’t appear all that exciting.
((because that wouldn’t make for great movies, now would it?)
Love is steady.
Love is constant.
Love is respecting the other person.
Love is being careful with your words
Love is asking for forgiveness.
Love is sharing financially.
Love is having and actively practicing SELF control
Johnny and Amber are proof that no amount of money, no amount of fame, no amount of good looks, no amount of great friends, no amazing careers or luxury homes or lifestyles can help most of us escape the trauma we grew up in or around.
The EXACT SAME TRAUMA that allows NEARLY ALL comedians, writers, singers, artists, actors and actresses to transform into the characters or create the works of art that we all know and love. . . is the same trauma that ends up ruining relationships and lives, and if we learn nothing else from this, I hope we have learned that.
TRAUMA MUST BE DEALT WITH AND HEALED FOR THE CYCLE TO END
Many of us don’t get the husband I got & even more of us don’t find ourselves in therapy until it’s too late. . . but thankfullybetween and an incredible therapist, I learned to unlearn all the ways in which I perceived love > >
& did so before it was too late > > >
I discovered the cycle and continue to work daily to stop it
- - - - -
Dear Johnny, Amber, young kids in broken homes everywhere,
& the vast majority of young marriages out there where ONE or BOTH partners have unresolved trauma.
TRAUMA IS NOT YOUR FAULT
BUT HEALING IS ABSOLUTELY YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
& if I of all people can do it,
I promise, you can too! ! !
oxo
“ What happened to you was not your fault.
It was not something you asked for, it was not something you deserved.
What happened to you was not fair.
You were merely collateral damage on someone else’s warpath, an innocent bystander who got wrecked out of proximity.
We are all hurt by life, some of us from egregious wrongdoings, others by unprocessed pain and sidelined emotions. No matter the source, we are all handed a play of cards, and sometimes, they are not a winning hand.
Yet what we cannot forget is that even when we are not at fault, healing in the aftermath will always fall on us — and instead of being burdened by this, we can learn to see it as a rare gift.
Healing is our responsibility because unprocessed pain gets transferred to everyone around us.
Healing is our responsibility because every great person you deeply admire began with every odd against them, and learned their inner power was no match for the worst of what life could offer.
Healing is our responsibility because “healing” is actually not returning to how and who we were before,
it is becoming someone we have never been — someone stronger, someone wiser, someone kinder.
When we heal, we step into the people we have always wanted to be.
We are not only able to metabolize the pain, we are able to affect real change in our lives, in our families, and in our communities.
We are able to pursue our dreams more freely.
We are able to handle whatever life throws at us, because we are self-efficient and assured.
We are more willing to dare, risk, and dream of broader horizons, ones we never thought we’d reach..
We are not meant to get through life unscathed.
We are not meant to get to the finish line unscarred, clean and bored.
Life hurts us all in different ways, but it is how we respond — and who we become —
that determines whether a trauma becomes a tragedy, or the beginning of the story of how the victim became the hero. “
-January Nelson
26/04/2022
Ghosting Is Emotional Abuse Ghosting Is Emotional Abuse -- The effects can be devastating --Ghosting isn’t new. People have engaged in disappearing acts from the guy who goes out to get...
A toxic person might not say, "Hey friend, you are doing amazing. Your life looks like you are really taking off. Your relationship is on point and I can tell your partner really respects you. You are such a positive person, and you are humble too. Everything you do is sprinkled with your love and it is just awesome to know someone who is as kind as you" and in fact, they might not say anything at all. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​
⠀​Toxic friends, partners, and family members withhold affection, attention, and praise as a way to keep you in check. Toxic people live in fear of you thinking you're good and prefer that you keep seeking their approval and live in fear of never getting it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​
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Pay attention to how you feel when you are around someone who has a hard time acknowledging you and something you've accomplished that is really awesome. If it feels like you are being ignored or devalued on purpose, most likely this is a sign you should not ignore. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀​​​​​​​​
And by the way, you never needed a toxic person's acknowledgment anyway.
11/03/2022
When a has caused you so much pain, when you’re heartbroken, a narcissist will sit and watch you cry with a glint in their eye, no remorse for the pain they’ve caused you, instead they blame you for feeling how you do, a narcissist is never wrong and doesn’t see themselves as the problem. If you see them during the smear campaign, they can have that glint in their eye with a smirk on their face. That duper’s delight, as they’re manipulating those around you to question your character or reputation and the narcissist believes they’re getting away with their behaviour.
You don’t notice when you first meet a narcissist however as you get further into the relationship, you notice just how empty their eyes are, yet with the games they play, you can not work it out. You don’t see it for what they indeed are until your out and work it all out. Then you understand what your instincts were trying to tell you at the time.
The saying that people’s eyes are the window to the soul, which in one way means eyes are the window to someone’s true intentions or true emotional state of mind, whatever emotions the narcissist is feeling you are seeing within their eyes, that blank stare is when they feel nothing, empty, that intense stare in the love bombing is the duper’s delight as they’re manipulating, that contempt, is because they believe they’re better than others, the malicious stare is their anger, their hatred with a passion as they seek revenge as they believe you’ve scorned them they believe within themselves that you deserved whatever horrific thing it is they did to you.
Their stare of pure hatred at the time it is exceptionally unsettling and frightening. It’s incredibly unnatural, and like the person you believed them to be, has vanished. You’re left with that body and a person you simply do not know, as their emotional state has gone to pure hatred.
That’s because the person you thought they were was you. They were simply mirroring your dreams, hobbies, passions, likes and dislikes, then selling them back to you as though they wanted them to, then when their admiration face slips, their envious face appears revealing who they indeed are.
For more information about understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse, click the links below.
https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist
(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
https://wasitme.blog/2019/07/26/reactive-abuse-what-is-it-and-why-do-narcissistic-people-rely-on-it/
Break free from Narcissistic Abuse. How to leave your past behind and create your true self again.
I do not look for red flags in others' behavior. That's a losing game--it keeps me focused on the other person and whether their behavior is acceptable.
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I look for the red flags in myself, in what I am experiencing and how I am interacting.
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My experience is the law when it comes to relationships. My experience is the only reality that matters, because relationships are intimately subjective.
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When people talk about red flags, there's often this analysis of how reasonable/unreasonable a behavior is, what the behavior means about now, what the behavior means about the future... none of it is really material to how you will *feel* in the relationship.
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Some of the red flags in myself that get my attention:
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đźš© When my voice is high in my throat and high in pitch
This one usually tells me that a woman is not a fit to be my friend. When I feel connected to another woman in friendship, my voice is low and deep. When my voice goes high, some part of me is performing something. I usually investigate what's going on for me, and if it keeps happening, I have limited engagement with that person.
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đźš© When I explain myself more than once
This one applies to friendships and dating. I am not interested in relating to people who don't understand me on an energetic basis, and sometimes this takes a little verbal explanation to establish. Sometimes when someone understands me, explanation is like whipped cream on top of the delicious connection! But extensive explanation is a sign that I am feeling misunderstood and/or the connection isn't really there. Explaining myself to gain understanding drains my energy and leads to self-doubt, so I don't relate with people when the relationship requires that.
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đźš© When I set a verbal boundary
My boundaries are mostly energetic, and very effective. It's a red flag for me to feel a need to set a verbal boundary, and it is a dealbreaker if I hear the same boundary come out of my mouth twice. I do not question whether I was clear enough, I simply know that person is not for me.
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đźš© When I hear stress in my voice
When my throat is tight and I'm speaking with stressed emphasis trying to convince someone of something (usually this goes along with setting a verbal boundary more than once or explaining myself profusely) I understand that communication with this person is not flowing easily and I am tipping into dysregulation. Nervous system dysregulation on this level is a red flag for more profound dysregulation if the relationship continues or deepens.
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đźš© When I notice myself judging or criticizing the other person
Recently I decided on a rule for myself and my life, "no mean girl energy ever." This applies to me more than anyone else. When I hear my mean-girl energy come out, that is a huge red flag. Sometimes I need to re-center in myself, and sometimes it means the relationship isn't a fit. I want to relate exclusively to people I respect and admire, and it isn't fair to others to invite them into a relationship where they will be silently criticized or judged.
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đźš© When I notice I have a fear of how they will react or respond to something I say or do
I am not available for relationships that inspire fear or contain punishment or consequences. This one is a sign that trust is missing, that I don't trust them to continually respect me. If I continue to relate to them at a certain level, I am at risk for feeling shame, guilt, and self-doubt.
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Here's the super important thing about looking for red flags in yourself--none of this is about condemning the other person. That's what makes it so easy and free to apply.
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Nobody is wrong for how they're feeling. Nobody is wrong for how they're behaving. No experience is wrong or unreal or incorrect or unreasonable. Some people are a resonant fit for me and some are not. There is no justification necessary.
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You'll also notice that I laid a distinction between a red flag and a dealbreaker. These red flags are sometimes signs that I need to tune myself up in order to relate to the person--get more on my center, have more nourishing conditions, feel safer or more authentic, and they're sometimes signs that I can have only limited interaction with a person.
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Dealbreakers mean they are not allowed in my life, full stop.
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I don't have to explain my red flags or dealbreakers to anyone, I simply use them to inform my relationships and what I show up for.
13/02/2022
LIMERENCE: Abandonment Wounds Cue Partners to Discard You Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that...
13/02/2022
THIS Is What Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist Does To A Decent Person Drawing from specific comments from viewers and patients, Dr. Les Carter describes how trauma bonding with a malignant narcissist drains an otherwise decent ...
02/02/2022
Ghosting is for Cowards and a Tool of Abusers
Until recently, I didn’t know what ghosting was. I kept seeing friends post that they had been “ghosted,” generally the comments related to experiences with online dating. Therefore, I believed ghosting was what people did when they were too emotionally immature to have a conversation about their desire to end a casual short term relationship or after a one night stand.
Then it happened to me — at the end of a five year committed relationship. I came home from work, and my ex had moved out taking his stuff but leaving behind his German Shepherd, which he rescued and promised to “love furever.” He gave me no warning and said his good-bye via email.
Then he went into hiding.
He refuses to communicate to address legal matters, the sorting of our storage unit, or any of the debts he accumulated on my credit cards. I am horrified and shocked by his actions. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I once trusted someone who chooses to behave this way.
What is more horrifying is that I am not alone in this experience.
Desperate to make sense of what was happening in my life, I searched online for resources and support.
Ghosting is horrifically common.
I found an online support group of almost 7,000 women whose experiences mirrored mine. Many of the women had been partnered or married for 10, 15, 25, and even 40 years. The majority have children with these men, and many of their exes have extended the ghosting to their own offspring. They walk out without warning, and that is their last contact.
Other things I have in common with the women whose stories I’ve been reading is that many of us were abused — psychologically, emotionally, or physically — by these ghosting men. Gaslighting, or psychological manipulation, seems a favorite tactic.
As I read story after story, I noticed that many of these ghosts walked away once their partners discovered infidelity, uncovered lies, or spoke out against the abuse they or their children were experiencing. Rather than take personal responsibility for the harm they caused, they disappear and recreate their “nice guy” persona to attract their next victim.
Ironically, many of the men have picked up the lingo for the “no contact rule” pervasive in the self-help world. They attempt to flip the script on the partners/ families whom they abandoned — saying their “ghosting” is them implementing “no contact” for their own protection. Thus further gaslighting their previous partners, and trying to make themselves out as the victims.
While “no contact” is useful for victims who need to protect themselves. Ghosting is used by abusers frequently as punishment, to hinder divorce proceedings, default on their bills (including mortgages), and to neglect their parenting responsibilities.
Ghosting frequently continues the abuse cycle.
It demonstrates an extreme lack of respect for you.
It can make you feel disposable or worthless, reducing self-esteem, which may already be low because of other types of abuse experienced in the relationship.
It can cause you to feel traumatized (many women have shared they are being treated for PTSD — especially those who were ghosted after long term relationships).
It can activate the same parts of your brain as physical pain.
It can make you second guess many aspects of the relationship (which can be even worse if you were or are being gaslighted).
Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity.
Ghosts are selfishly avoiding their own emotional discomfort
They don’t think about how their behavior impacts others (demonstrating a lack of empathy).
They lack communication skills.
They may take everything personally, have a distorted sense of self, and may ghost as a way to protect their feelings while knowingly hurting you (without caring that they are).
Ghosting may be a sign of mental illness.
Additionally, the ambiguous loss caused by ghosting may freeze the grief process, and it may take longer to heal than after break-ups, which were handled respectfully and compassionately.
Be kind to yourself, seek support, and remember that healing is not linear. Some days you’ll feel great, and then you may have hard days again. This is normal.
Although being ghosted is incredibly painful, try to remind yourself that you are better off without someone capable of such cruelty and disregard for your feelings. People who ghost are not emotionally or mentally healthy.
LEAVING WAS THE NICEST THING THEY DID FOR YOU.
Ghosting “shows he or she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case, they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship.
A person who ghosts is showing you their true colors.
If you are someone who ghosts people, seek professional help so you can learn to manage your emotions, and gain communication skills. This will help you in many aspects of your personal and professional life, and besides treating people with respect is the right thing to do.
09/01/2022
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Cgne9bVyJ-8
Trauma Bonding and the Brain: What is a Trauma Bond? What is trauma bonding? Well, the trauma bond is a term used to describe the neurochemical reason why victims so often go back to their abusers.Understanding...
06/01/2022