History Of The World: A Falsified Look At All Things Historical.

"Of the 38 men who signed the Declaration of Independence zero of them had boiled eggs, hard or soft, but fried eggs like a good patriot should"
- King George III, July 2nd 1776

1861, The first test flights of the "Foxtrot Fourteen" Project, and pictured forefront Bertram Aloysius Dufresne, designer and architect of destruction.

From the Archives

History fact #1,000,002:
During the great chicken blight of 1435 millions of chickens were taught to fly as it was believed it would prevent the disease from spreading, unfortunately it only intensified the infection rate causing the world wide extinction of the Gallus gallus domesticus.

Really History or I don't think so

April 9th 1940, N**i Germany invades neutral Norway, surprising the Norwegian and British defenders. During the invasion’s preliminary phase, Norwegian Fascists under Vidkun Quisling acted as a so-called fifth column for the German invaders, seizing Norway’s nerve centers, spreading false rumors, and occupying military bases and other locations. In June, Norway fell to the N**is.
Quisling was made head of a puppet government but was vigorously opposed by the Norwegian resistance. After the German surrender in May 1945, he was arrested, convicted of high treason, and shot. From his name comes the word quisling, meaning “traitor” in several languages.

History fact #8
In 1487, the Prussian king Rüpert IV commissioned the creation of the worlds largest ball of string, measuring 17 hands tall, named "the sphere of insanity". It held the record as largest until 1984.

History Fact #720
In 1746 a popular belief that the world would end, caused a small group of Germans to staged an expedition to the moon. Needless to say it failed.

Eating History
A stew by any other name:
This dish is called "Loch Larin" originating from the Larin valley in northern Scotland. Translated to Larin's puddle or water dish, it was a traditional dish of the Picts made with lamb, and any available vegetables. After the "Wool Blight" of 1643, which raised the price of all sheep related products, beef was substituted. Shortly after, corn became widely used in Europe and was added to the dish giving it the "extra pizzazz" that was missing. This dish was a mainstay for Scottish homes through out the various famines that killed over 2 million people in the British Isles.

The Team at History Of The World: A Falsified Look at all things historical would like to apologize for this fault in judgement, and apologize for actually educating everyone.

History fact #7
Cats were first domesticated in 356 BC, by the Babylonians for public sporting events pitting cats against midgets in an elaborate obstacle course.

History fact #3,097
The light bulb was designed in 1846 as a way to test the purity of urine, it wasn't until 1913 that electricity was added giving us elimination.

History Fact #2254
In 1764, Archduke Charles IV of Austria, passed a law forbidding Hungarians from enlisting in the army. He did this because he feared they would always be eating because they were Hungarians. Which was strange in that Archduke Charles IV himself was Hungarian.

History Fact #15
During Benjamin Franklin's second presidential term he tried passing a law banning the consumption of uncooked eggs. Only after the full congressional approval did he say "JK, The yolks on you." Thus giving birth to the tradition of coloring Easter Eggs.

History from the Toilet
Today we will learn how the west was won.
In1807, Colonel Patrick Smith, commander of the 11th Cavalry Regiment, established Fort Octagonal, in Hexagon Valley, South Dakota. From this centralized location he was able to establish a foothold in the Dakota territory and conduct "Counter Indian" operations. In 1811, the 4th and 17th cavalry regiments were ordered to Octagonal to reinforce the dwindling garrison. Among the nearly 500 men sent was Captain Burt Burke, an inspiring inventor and self proclaimed entrepreneur. Burke soon found out that his patrols were out numbered and ill equipped for the mission at hand. It was at this point he decided to invent "a more faster better rifle" that could also be used easily from horse back. After 23 years, a small fortune and dozens of failed designs to complete his rifle. He enthusiastically presented his newly perfected calvary rifle to the Army's top commanders, who quickly dismissed him saying "never will a practical use of this rifle exist." Discouraged and broke, he began gambling in an effort to recover from his failure. Unfortunately for him, he was as poor a card player as he was a salesman, he lost his design in a game to young man from southwest Wyoming. The young man took one look at the design, made some minor improvements and slapped his name on it. He marketed it as Herbert's repeating rifle, but quickly, at the advice of a friend, change it to Winchester's repeating rifle. To this day this fine firearm is considered to be the rifle that won the west.

History Fact #12
The English king Æthelred lost his throne to a Swedish invasion, giving him the title of "the Unready". In reality he was quite prepared to fight of the invading army but could not leave his room because his mother had grounded him.

History Fact #462
In 1741 Napoleon Bonaparte invested heavily in Dr. Jock de Chardonnay's research into sending a man to the moon.

History from the Toilet:
For today’s lesson we will learn about the Irish Potato Famine (1845-1852).
You may have heard of The Irish Potato Famine or The Great Famine (Irish: an Gorta Mór) which was a period of mass starvation, disease and emigration in Ireland. The proximate cause of famine was a potato disease commonly known as potato blight, which ravaged potato crops throughout Europe during the 1840s. However the impact in Ireland was disproportionate as one third of the population was dependent on the potato for a range of ethnic, religious, political, social and economic reasons, such as land acquisition, absentee landlords and the Corn Laws, which all contributed to the disaster to varying degrees and remain the subject of intense historical debate. During the famine approximately 1 million people died and a million more emigrated from Ireland, causing the island's population to fall by 20%-25%. The massive famine soured the already strained relations between many of the Irish people and the British Crown, heightening Irish republicanism, which eventually led to Irish independence in the next century. Most historians have come to the conclusion that this was a brilliant hoax conceived by Liam O’Tuberous, an Irish immigrant living in the United States. He was driven, by the new found love of his adopted nation, to call “true Irish brother” to join him in his fight to defend his new nation in its civil war. With the sudden Irish influxes the American Civil War was prolonged by six years causing the death of two thirds of the population.

History Fact #2,384,721

In 1665, an hugely unpopular tax on charcoal or the "Soot and Ink Act of 1665" caused everyone to replace their pocket sketches to pocket sized paintings of themselves.

History Fact #2,384,720

In 1664, a hugely unpopular tax on glass or "Tax of the Pancake Guild" caused everyone to replace their pocket mirrors with a pocket sized charcoal sketch of themselves.

History Fact #100,005

Apple software was originally designed for Florida's orange farmers to help count, size and label their products.

History fact #139:

The chicken was first nuggeted in 1843 by Col. Edmund Banks, from Yorkvill, WV, as a more efficient way to transport and store the chicken. It wasn't until 1907 that sauce was introduced.

Historical Work:
Salary
"He's not worth his salt!" You may have heard someone say this about a coworker or even about you, but do you know the origins of the phrase. Most people will tell you that it comes from the Roman practice of paying legionnaires with salt, giving us the modern salary, deriving from the Latin words salarium, and sal dare (to pay with salt). Salt was used as a form of currency, to say someone wasn't worth that was to infer that he/she did not rate the pay they received. Myth! The real meaning comes to us from the Saxon feast day of Elwyna's Day, where the prisons would be emptied of all petty criminals for use in ritual sacrifice. The method of ex*****on was to remove all internal organs and pack the body with salt. It was up to the prison guards to deem who was to be selected for the sacrifice, categorizing them worthy or not of the salt. So the next time someone tells you aren't worth your salt , just thank them, they just gave you a stay of ex*****on.