Becoming

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Just keep scrolling.
You do NOT have to comment.
You do not need to be mean or make anyone feel bad for something they like, think, or believe in just because it is different than your own.
You do not know their whole story.
You do not NEED to publicly hurt another person.
IF you feel strongly you need to say something, PM them- NICELY!
Let’s ALL show Christlike Love to ALL!

As I am working on my masters I am learning the more I learn, the less I know! Lol I felt that way raising children too. When my oldest was going through things, I had no clue what to do or say… he taught me so much, poor kid. Now 22, I am still learning from him. My younger children have all been both blessed from the “lessons” I learned from my oldest, and suffered because they are so so different and the same tricks don’t work! Tell me I’m not the only one!?!?

I have been on the sidelines to several heart breaking events lately. I’ve been thankful for the education I have that helps me understand what those I care about have been going through, but still wishing I could do more, knew more to help them. I can only imagine what it would be like to have none of the mental health education or family and marriage education I have. My heart has been hurting. I hope those going through tough times know they are not alone. There is always someone who cares and wants to help.

So I have been working 40-60 hours a week! No joke! Plus my poor family! They have gotten the short end of the deal. Then- pow! I have to have surgery on both my arms! And I am sitting at home, can’t do anything! Not. a.thing. Let’s just say my depression does a number on me when I’m bored! Wondering if I’m the only one!? I do not do well as a patient. I need to be busy, not 40+ hours but busy. Lol I need to find balance that’s for sure!

Wow, I’ve been gone a while. Life kinda took over and I feel like I haven’t even had time to breathe!

Today my feelings are raw. I am angry. Hurt. Sad. Overwhelmed. Scared. Depressed.

I am realizing that I do not have time for fake relationships. You know, those out of obligation or those who say they care, but when it comes down to the hard stuff. They don’t. Not all all. If they did they wouldn’t be hurtful and mean but loving and supportive.

I am thankful for those few who know my life details and are still true, not fake. I hope you all have a few of those people in your lives.

I have been pondering things, mainly what I would like to share or touch on here and on my blog, www.becomingalifejourney.com, I can never come up with just the right words until I am lying in bed, lights off, devices off, trying to turn my brain off and fall asleep... then it hits me... night after night... when I can't record my thoughts with a recording, or turn on a light, because my husband is also trying to sleep... so while I have some great ideas, some are gone by the morning! So if there is a topic on that falls into Marriage, Family, children development, depression... message me! I'd love to hear from you!

(no title) A Life Journey to Becoming who we are meant to Be

It’s been awhile! Life has been a lot crazy! Lol Today as I am working on different things in my home a few thought have come to mind, with questions for you!

How the heck do so many people keep there houses clean and organized while they are working full time and have so many mess makers in the house!? I have 5 kids, one son in law, while one child is out of the home at college, we are still stuffed to the max and there is just not enough space for us and all our stuff! My youngest girls room for example- two girls under 11 sharing a room, with all the clothes and stuff- it is never clean! It blows my mind how much they have! I clean out and go through stuff all the time and it is still crazy!

I know we need a bigger home, but that is not happening right now, so, how!? Once again I am spending the day going through their stuff getting rid of more! It is exhausting!

Plus, my ‘down in a slump’ time is not helping at all!

Sometime I get so busy with work, college, and church or volunteer stuff I forget to do the “little” and yet very important things. Today I got up when I was actually suppose to and then spent 30 minutes or so doing a quick clean in the kitchen and starting dinner in the crock pot. I turned on some music, danced with my girls, and made it fun.
After work I spent 30 minutes finishing dinner and just chatting with my kids.
It wasn’t much of my time or effort, but I had a better day. My girls and I laughed and had a great morning together. And my husband was less stressed when he got home from work. (You see, he has been picking up my slack since I am doing college work all night most nights after working all day, he’s the best!)
Those little things made my favorite people feel loved. And made my day better. I may be beat. Still doing school work at 11pm. But it all was worth it!

YOU ARE BECOMING!
As I see friends pictures, all cute and beautiful, when I feel ugg. It has me thinking how we always post the beautiful, but really most the time we just are, not, or don't feel so anyway. So post your true, right now, no glamour self, and see the beauty in YOU! you don't have to be glamorous to be beautiful! YOU do a lot, YOU take care of other, YOU are learning as you go, YOU are a good person, friend, wife, mother... YOU are amazing! Even without the glamour!

Well, life has been busy! Who new Becoming would be so hard! I am in 5 new amazing classes and am learning so much in college, and in life, as it has a way of teaching us things no school ever can! Here's a little quote that was shared with me, I thought I would pass on.

Yesterday I bore my soul. And I feel like I need to post a follow up or sum up I guess. Lol (No nothing has changed)

I feel as tho I should add a few points.
1- I did not post to gain sympathy or attention. Or to make anyone feel sad.
2- As you should know, I am taking a lot of classes in psychology, I post to share in with other who may be going through the same thing, even a small bit. We each have these moments or days, and when you add depression to your already crazy struggles you get extra. I share so those who are trying to battle this know they are not alone.

I'm gonna be real for a minute. I always try to be, but this is my bare soul right now. Show love. We all have these kind of feelings. Here's mine right now. Maybe you can relate.

I had to leave town for a family emergency, my step father had open heart surgery, so I flew out to help as my mom needed physical and mental support to help him. I planned a week to help, thinking it would be enough time. I didnt really let anyone know I was going other than those I felt needed to know. When I got there I texted local family to let them know I was there. Some jumped through hoops and did whatever to see me for a bit while I was there. Others just got upset I didnt let them know sooner.... I let it go and saw those I could. That's a whole other ball game and story...

Then things weren't going as well as I'd hoped and I decided I needed to stay longer. So I changed my flight and did what I needed to stay another week.

All this while I was feeling bad for being gone so long, leaving my husband and 5 children. I called and everyone was in the kitchen cooking and laughing together. I felt like I wasnt even missed.
I pushed through the second week, the same one I started a new full time, 12 credits college semester, and helped as I could.
I missed my family so much. I had never been gone so long from them. (((Disclosure: I ran out of my depression meds after the first week and a few days))) I was ready to be home. Stressing how I would be able to work, be a mom, and do this semester as it took all my spare time while I was gone and didnt have work or mom'ing to do!

I am not home a full day and get 'teased' about how dad kept the house cleaner, dad did all the shopping almost daily as needed, all while he worked 14 to 16 hour days...
I just want to leave again. I was worried about doing all I need or feel I should be doing already.
I know I get headaches, I get tired, I dont have the energy to get 1000 extra things done daily, I often feel like crap. I am having foot problems. The list goes on and I just wanna run away.
All I wanted was to be home with my family. I had made lists of things I wanted to do to catch up, and to try to do daily. I knew I had been failing as a mom and wife. I had a plan.

And now I just wanna run away.

Wondering... at what age did you feel you were an 'adult'? And why???

Ever wake up feeling great, before your kids, and think its gonna be a good day... to then feel like you cant breath and are having a panic attack, ready to hurt someone 2 hours later??? I fell ya.