Deeply Rooted Birth Services

I heard this statement while listening to Mating in Captivity and thought it was just too huge to pass by.

We seldom speak about s*xual identity in motherhood/parenthood. Sexually speaking, we’re ruined. We already did the thing which was to create offspring and now we are essentially useless with the exception of keeping this offspring alive. There is a very specific set of visual expectations for mothers- which certainly does not include crop tops, cleavage, b***y shorts, and tight dresses. How revolting it would be for the public to see our deflated breasts, stretch marks, and loose skin. We are not to speak of the subject of s*x as it is unbecoming of a woman of a certain age. We should be preparing ourselves to go out to pasture- rather than eagerly approaching a new chapter of life which does not include conception, pregnancy, and nursing. We should find a good yoga class and book club and live out the rest of our days in sweat pants and messy buns (no shade to sweat pants and messy buns).

This is a topic I admittedly have not dived into too deeply but I am becoming increasingly aware of as my youngest is exiting her toddler years and my husband and I are attempting to recalibrate many facets of our relationship.

I’m curious what came to your mind when you read this phrase. I’m curious if you’ve given much thought to motherhood/parenthood and s*xuality and how it evolves or devolves. What impacts these things? Besides the very obvious answer that we are physically and emotionally exhausted. I would love to facilitate a conversation about the subjects and continue to look into it, and I also highly recommend the writings and podcast of Esther Perel.

*xualhealth

I feel inclined to say this because I am currently arguing in my own head about the ideologies sleep training and how completely counterintuitive they are to basic newborn/infant needs. Like being close to a parent.

But this isn’t another rant about sleep training because it’s so much more than that. We really need to understand that in the early months of our children’s lives they do not know they are a separate organism. Because they actually are not. They rely on our bodies for the metabolic functions of their bodies. They regulate when we regulate. And this is true throughout adolescence. A disregulated adult who is screaming at a child to get their s**t together is going to find that their child is also disregulated.

Your babies, toddlers, and even preschool aged children are really just acting on their most primordial instincts. We can obviously nurture certain qualities, whether they be desirable or undesirable or helpful or not so helpful, but at the end of the day, it is our responsibility as parents to understand our children’s psychology at that particular point in time. It’s a lot to take on! I’m not telling you that you need to become a PhD in psychology, but we really need to be continuously learning about our children and their developmental stages to make sure we are fu***ng them up the least possible.

None of us are going to be perfect parents and we are going to make mistakes and it’s very likely that are children are going to find something to blame on us in therapy but it’s not our job to be perfect. It’s our job to try. To just try to meet the needs of our children while meeting our own need. It’s our job to be challenged and it is their jobs to challenge us. It is irritating, and I am tired and I yell at my oldest more than I should, but at the very least, I am aware of it, and I am making conscientious steps to change my behavior so that I can continue to be the best parent and my children can thrive.

I don’t think it’s valuable to obsess over any of these things. They’re just data. If you’re somebody who can take data into your mind in an objective way that it might be helpful. But if you’re somebody who has obsessive tendencies, or if you believe that if the numbers don’t match where you think you are and that might discourage you, you can decline a cervical exam. You can decline all of the cervical exams. You can accept a cervical exam if you don’t mind the process but if you think those numbers are going make you crazy, you can ask the staff to just not tell you.

And these things are completely subjective. I’ve been in a hospital setting where a wonderful nurse had told us that the patient was 8 cm and then many hours later the midwife measured her and said she was 6 cm. It’s possible that her cervix shrunk back down, but it’s also possible that the initial reading was completely off. And shame on me for really putting a lot of stocking that initial reading because even though the mother didn’t want to know how many centimeters dilated she was, I kept encouraging her that she was almost there and she was going to meet her baby soon. I was wrong. Sometimes I get it wrong too.

I do recommend a few things. I do recommend continuous bodywork in the way of chiropractic care and exercise throughout your pregnancy. I recommend doing asymmetrical poses to help open up the inlet of your pelvis in the late stages of pregnancy so the baby can begin to put pressure on the cervix and initiate these processes. I encourage you to have as much s*x as humanly possible, whether it’s by yourself or with a partner. What we’re really hoping for is that the prostaglandins in the semen can reach your cervix and soften it overtime. This isn’t something that’s going to happen if you have s*x one time- it is best if you can do it regularly in those final weeks. And I know that sounds really hard and I know you might not be feeling your s*xiest but I really don’t believe your partner is going to mind your massive belly. And it’s a good opportunity for connection and frankly you might not be having penetrative s*x for a long time after you give birth, so keep an open mind.

I am prefacing with saying: real supply issues exist! Absolutely. That said, many of us falsely attribute some other issue to supply. So, let’s talk about that.

🤱🏿 Does your child have an oral tie?
🤱🏾 Are you malnourished or dehydrated?
🤱🏽 Are you using the wrong sized fl**ge?
🤱🏼 Are you taking medication that is impacting your supply?
🤱🏻 Do you have anxiety?
🤱 Do you actually have no issues at all but you’re left feeling like you do because your breasts never feel “full”?

Nobody said breastfeeding was going to be easy. Or rather, if they did, they lied to you. And very few of us are able to do it without the support of a highly educated and experienced lactation consultant or IBCLC. I strongly discourage you from taking advice from your auntie, your sister, your mom, your uncle, or some lady on Facebook (unless it’s the La Leche League International] group). If it is important to you to give your child milk from your body, let’s utilize all the resources available. And if it feels cost prohibitive, I can tell you for certain that there are free opportunities to receive this type of education and support (La Leche League International] ).

Also- there are a lot of people who decide that it’s better for their mental health to feed their baby a certain way or use formula or even do a mix of expressed milk and formula. I really do not care how you feed your child, but I do care that you are informed about all of the resources available to you and that you have access to those resources. I care that you’re able to achieve your goals and I very much hope that you can enjoy this experience with your child. It’s hard but it shouldn’t be miserable.

♥️ interment fetal monitoring ♥️

Did you know that evidence does not support that continuous fetal monitoring improves outcomes?

If you are unmedicated in your birth, there’s no good reason to continuously monitor the baby’s heart rate. The cords and cables are incredibly limiting, and while some hospitals have Bluetooth options, they tend to be spotty and they’re just not always there. If you don’t have any medication, you should highly consider advocating for intermittent fetal monitoring.

This means that every 20 minutes or so the nurse will take about one minute or more to monitor your baby’s heart rate during a contraction and maybe also when you’re not having a contraction so they have some data points. That’s really all they need is some data points. That way, if there’s a change, they can be more aware and possibly take action. Or maybe not. Maybe they’ll determine if there’s some change that they would like to monitor you continuously and maybe that would be a good thing at that time.

If you are medicated, that is to say, you have pitocin or an epidural, it might be a good idea to do continuous fetal monitoring. Those medications are known to impact baby’s heart tones, and usually the baby’s heart tones are the first indicator of something more severe happening. Again, a conversation to have with your provider- I’m just here to tell you the options because they often aren’t always presented.

In this photo, we have my friend and fellow doula .doula getting her baby’s heart rate monitored by an amazing nurse (whose face is covered because I don’t have her consent to post) who is simply using a Doppler to read the tones. Harleyann went on to have a birth without any interventions. With the exception of the active labor cheeseburger she ate. That was great fuel! 🍔

I met this woman earlier in the month, and I was so inspired by her story. She currently lives in a shelter for Ukrainian refugees in Costa Mesa, along with many others. She left everything behind, and as did many others. Her family, her home, and her livelihood. She was an obstetrician, and from my conversation with her- it sounds like she was one of the better ones. And now she’s here in the United States and she’s hoping to make a difference and I’m so happy to help promote that cause.

these blankets cost just about $22. You can buy one and send it directly to the Ukrainian shelter and then Marina will collect them all and send them to the hospital where she used to work. I’m going to try to make the link active in my bio but for now just go to the main life assist website and in the search bar you can type in “warming cocoon.”

Please share if you can!

My first group series! Please help me make it a success! 😅

I’ve been working with these materials for about 14 months now and I’m finally ready to share in these tools with all of you.

is quite unusual. It’s unlike any birth education I’ve taken or observed. It’s been like therapy to me. It’s allowed me to look within myself to ask deeper questions about my biases, expectations, and judgments. It’s allowed me to step into a world in which I (attempt to) minimize expectations and exist in the moment. My marriage has improved. Relationships with my family have improved. My outlook has improved and I have grown to become a more compassionate person to all but most importantly, to myself.

As you embark on your pregnancy journey, I would be humbled if you allow me to walk this path with you. 🌀

I keep writing a caption and then deleting it. There’s a lot to say about this birth. There’s a lot to say about this family. There’s always a lot to say but you probably don’t need to read an entire birth story this afternoon.

I love supporting pregnant families and birth. I especially love supporting people who have kickass providers.

I cannot promise any outcomes but I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you give birth with the midwives at Mission Hospital or the midwives at Hoag in Irvine you will be treated with basic dignity and respect that is not afforded to most.

Hire a midwife.
Get a doula.
Confront your fears.
Educate yourself.
Remember that you can do this.

I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy. I’m not even going to guarantee any outcomes. But, if you want to make sure you are going into your birth experience with every advantage available, you can do those fundamental things. And if you think that finances are going to inhibit you, reach out to me. They don’t need to. The midwives at Mission Hospital take government insurance. There are Doulas like myself that can accommodate under-resourced individuals. There are education opportunities all over the place at a variety of price points. But at the end of the day you have everything you need inside of you. You just need a positive support team to remind you of that fact.

People have asked me how I structure my birth prep classes and it’s really hard to describe. Birthing from Within gives us so many resources and tools and we don’t give every student every resource. We need to decide as mentors will will serve people and what won’t.

I can’t, in good conscience, determine when you’re done learning. I don’t feel comfortable with saying “this is four classes” or six classes or however many. When you feel fully saturated, we can stop. Or pause, and come back. This is a buffet and you decide what you want on your plate and I’m just here to serve it- does that metaphor make sense?

So, here is what to expect. Let me know if this leaves you with questions.

✨A little intro as I begin my journey as a birth educator/mentor ✨
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I am a birth Doula and a birth educator/mentor trained through an organization called Birthing From Within. Birthing From Within is a trauma-informed ideology that is focused more on the internal (hence: within) than external or clinical elements of birth. For that reason it is amazing for first time mothers AND for those who have given birth before.
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The class offers an opportunity to share previous birth stories, confront fears and anxieties, and possibly take the steps to heal from birth trauma. I have found that this methodology of birth education can be very helpful for individuals who have felt that the medical system in which we are more or less forced to birth and has failed them in some capacity. Also for those who have felt unheard by their providers or even in some instances, abused by their providers. I know it may feel that just because we have given birth before that we know exactly what to expect, but I have come to find that there are many third and even fourth time parents who were just very unaware of their legal rights within the medical system; unaware of their choices and the notion of informed consent/refusal, and unaware of how to advocate for themselves. My hope for my class is that I never tell you what to do but simply empower you to make informed and thoughtful choices.
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I would love to promote myself and work with local families and mothers who are expecting. Because I am newer with this specific method I will be very flexible with my price points and hope that I can accommodate the needs of people of all socioeconomic backgrounds.
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If this sounds interesting to you but you don’t know if you want to work with me directly, I can refer you to other amazing and compassionate individuals with similar training that lives throughout Orange County and even around the world.

Gone are the days of continuous 48-hour support. I’ve learned, over the last few years, how to manage my time so much better. And it’s not at the detriment of my clients! It’s actually to their benefit as well.

But really, my primary reason for being more thoughtful about the type of support I provide is that you’re capable. You’re capable in early labor to manage however feels best. You deserve those final quiet and peaceful moments alone with your partner. I want to remind you that there is no urgency and things can move slowly and that’s normal and okay. Go to dinner! Go on a walk! Take a nap! It’s not my role to micromanage you. It’s my role to remind you that you are safe and you are capable.

Instead of spoon-feeding the group why these statements are either misleading or false, please take the time to comment (use the number on the square to let us know which you’re talking about) on where the lies/misinformation exists.

And I will say, I do not believe it’s anyone’s intention to harm you. I just think there’s a lot of bad practice that has become the norm. A lot of interventions in the name of efficiency.

This is the tip of the iceberg but even I got tired of my own cynicism, so here are 8 examples. Feel free to leave more.

Sure, we can focus on high protein and high fat and nutrient dense foods but at the end of the day as a doula, I just want you to eat.

The hospital setting is going to deprive you of food whether or not you have anesthesia which is really not setting you up for success. I’m not going to go on a tangent about how outdated and damaging those practices are because that’s a post for another time. But I will say, it’s really important to eat during one of the most physically demanding days of your life!

Are you looking for inspiration? I do have one solid recommendation. Go buy yourself some popsicle molds. They’re very inexpensive and I’m certain you will use them in the future. Make your favorite smoothie and pour into the molds. The fruit has complex carbohydrates which will give you extended energy, blend it with some coconut water for a simple carbohydrate that will give you very readily accessible energy, nut butter for protein and fat, and if you’re feeling fancy you can throw some protein powder in there too. H**p seeds. Whatever you’ve got and whatever you like. it’s nice because you can eat it slowly which means you’re not gonna fill your stomach up and possibly upset it. And it’s cold so that’s refreshing. And you might not feel like chewing, funny enough. Some people just don’t have the energy to chew when they’re in labor 🤷🏼‍♀️.

But at the end of the day, even if you’re not feeling hungry, you need to eat and you need your partner or a birth support person who is going to remind you of the importance of eating and force you to eat.

Bon appétit! If you feel like engaging drop me a line with some of the best things you ate during labor.

For my birthday this year, the greatest gift would be that of charity.

On this day (or any day) please consider helping my beautiful friend raise money for

Teissia will personally match all donations up to $2000!

And if fertility journeys speak to you, please listen to Teissia’s podcast . It’s so beautifully done.

A lot of us in this space have consumed our placenta immediately postpartum. Some of us have had really good results and some of us may be neutral or less than stellar results. There’s zero to little clinical evidence to support the use of consuming your placenta, but there is an abundance of empirical evidence to support that it can balance your hormones, improve your mood, improve healing, and regulate milk supply.

I personally consumed my placenta after giving birth to Daisy and I took what I believed to be was too much or too heavy of a dosage. It made me a bit jittery and there were probably some other things at play (like birth trauma or being overwhelmed by my family that was staying with me) but the next time around when I gave birth to Cora I still consumed my placenta, I just took about half to 1/3 of what was recommended. That worked for me.

The thing about consuming your placenta is that you don’t actually need to do it immediately after giving birth. Not if you don’t want to. But I definitely recommend holding on to those pills and maybe sticking them in the freezer and saving them for when you get your first period after pregnancy or when you stop bodyfeeding or any other time you’re going to be experiencing a dramatic hormonal shift.

But again, if the whole idea of consuming your placenta just doesn’t feel right to you, I would still highly encourage that you take it home from the hospital. I have come to learn that the hospitals will sell your placenta to use in medical research. It makes me really sick that the hospital will charge you anywhere from $25-$50,000 for you to give birth and then sell your placenta for another chunk of many tens of thousands of dollars. It’s just completely unethical. So take it home. I don’t care what you do with it. Plant it in your garden. Cook it and feed it to your dog. Encapsulate the pills anyway and save them or give them to a friend or I don’t know there are literally a dozen things you could do just don’t leave it at the hospital for them to continue to profit off of you.

I know that firing your provider can be really complicated for a number of reasons. I know that a lot of us have insurance we don’t love and feel that we don’t have a lot of choice. I know that sometimes the stress of changing a provider can be a huge deterrent.

If any of those above statements are true for you, there are still things you can do at the last minute. I hope that some of these tips can be helpful. They’re not all going to work all the time. I know that for some people this type of advocacy could be challenging but that’s why having a doula or having a partner who isn’t afraid to advocate is so important.

I can’t emphasize enough that for many of our providers, including nurses, this is just another day at the office. I think that sometimes after so many years in this field they forget that this is supposed to be a really special day for you. I think sometimes ego can get in the way. Please do not be afraid to fight for what you want in your birth experience. Please do not be afraid to challenge your providers. We can do this in a way that’s productive and in a way that’s respectful but at the end of the day you are in charge.

Influenced by and because even 20+ years after the publishing of this book, this statement remains to be true.

Homebirth is not inherently better than hospital birth. This is not to shame anybody who gives birth in a hospital or with interventions. This statement reflects the attitudes and behaviors of of a majority of medical practitioners in our country and very likely around the world.

Their objective is to get the baby out by any means necessary in the way that limits their liability. If you happen to walk away with a positive experience that’s just a cherry on top.

As I brought up in my stories recently, I come across so many women who have regrets about their births. And they shrug because maybe they believe they’re lucky just to have a healthy child. If you need permission to identify your birth experience is traumatic, consider this permission. If you feel that the system somehow failed you, you’re probably correct. Even if you are done making humans it is still valuable to continue to fight for decent (dare I say, excellent), anti-racist, anti-classist, and safe obstetric care.

So, here we are. Still fighting the good fight. Sisyphus, rolling a boulder up a mountain for eternity.

One might believe that I, as a doula, have some wealth of knowledge that is inaccessible to the general public and I want to squash that fallacy right now.

Labor doesn’t need to be complicated. Nourish your body, move your body, rest your body.

But how do you know which one of those things to do? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I don’t have an answer to that because there is no answer. A lot of the issues or process is guess and check.

Did labor start at 3am and contractions are gentle and sporadic? Go back to sleep.

Did labor start at 9am after a good night’s sleep and a hearty breakfast? Go for a long walk.

Did labor start at 1pm and you haven’t yet had a chance to eat lunch and also you slept really badly? Eat something and then take a nap.

Repeat until you’re ready to push. And then have a baby. It’s that simple. ✨

Trust your intuition. Do what feels good and what feels right. Have a partner or doula to remind you when to eat and drink and move and rest if you’re having trouble motivating yourself. Just don’t overcomplicate things and you’ll be just fine.

Sobbing alone in an empty room. A VBAC not achieved. What could I have done differently? How can I make this better? What if I had nothing to do with it? How do I support this person?

We know that birth can be unpredictable.

We know it can take left turns even when everything is otherwise uneventful.

We know that we only have so much control and yet why do we feel so defeated when we have these undesired outcomes?

I’m still processing and haven’t slept in a long time and also this might not make sense but it feels important to share while it’s fresh. For those of you who have been wheeled off into the OR despite all efforts to avoid that outcome, I see you.

Before you come at me I need to say that I am a supporter of postpartum support groups. Prenatal support groups. All the support groups. They can be very helpful. However, I had an illuminating experience yesterday and I feel inclined to share.

A woman was going to buy a baby product for me on Facebook marketplace. She paid for it she was ready for pick up and at the last second she decided she wasn’t going to buy it because somebody in one of her support groups led her to believe that this product was unsafe. I don’t agree with that and there’s no evidence to support the product was unsafe but it’s not about me it is about her and the fact that she thought it was unsafe so I refunded her the money and she went without this product.

It left me sitting with the thought that when you get a group of women together who are all anxious at their baseline and now their postpartum and their anxiety has been turned up to 11 and they are all sharing a space and they’re all sharing their anxieties and they’re all dumping their traumas on one another and nobody is there to help facilitate, educate, moderate and change the energy, you just get compounding trauma and fear and anxiety.

We absolutely need support groups- it is imperative to our wellness as a community but they need to be facilitated and moderated by individuals who can help curb these anxieties and educate individuals and allow them to trust their intuition as parents because if we don’t have that entire purpose of this group is getting flipped upside down. They should not be spaces to dump our trauma on one another, they should be spaces where we can support one another. We should be feeling better after we consult with our support groups, not worse.

Frankly, it was not a support group they got me out of depression when I was four months postpartum, it was somebody I now consider like a sister. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve been in medicated. If it wasn’t for her, I would’ve been in a very dark place and I am so grateful for that one singular friendship. And it cost me nothing.

✨ Patient-Centered Care ✨

Patient-centered care happens when we throw away policy and invest our energy into the needs and preferences of the birthing person and family.

Patient-centered care means that there is informed consent.

Patient-centered care is calm and courteous and patient and remembers that this is one of the most important days in this person’s life- even if it’s just another day at the office for you.

Patient-centered care is how we minimize (and possibly eradicate) birth trauma. Trauma doesn’t necessarily come as a result of birth plans taking a left turn; trauma comes from someone being taken on a roller coaster ride. When a the patient had lost all control and all autonomy and is verbally or even physically abused.

How do you define patient-centered care?

Thank you to the beautiful .luna for allowing me to use this photo and also to be present for your birth!

With so many unnecessary interventions becoming so commonplace in the birth space, I have observed something significant. These interventions are forced onto birthing people with a false sense of urgency. It’s about language. It’s about removing the choice from patient. It’s intentional. However, there is one phrase, or rather action, that I believe would significantly decrease interventions throughout the birth space and ultimately improve birth outcomes:

A MOMENT YO REFLECT.

It’s that simple. You deserve a moment, hours, even days to reflect on something. But you need to tell the provider (NOT ASK) that you need that time.

This can take place in your prenatal appointments.

This can take place during your labor (you should ask the medical staff to give you and your support people times alone to discuss).

This can happen at any point in any setting.

Because if something was truly emergent, you would be informed.

Ten minutes of provide reflection can save you from a cascade of interventions. And if you decide to DO the intervention, it can come from a place of calm and control instead of cortisol and false urgency. Which will also result in better birth outcomes.

Everyone needs to know this. The midwives at Mission Hospital in Mission Viejo take Medical patients. They have a beautiful space with an amazing nursing staff. Queen beds, built-in tubs, not to mention some of the most capable midwives in the area (along with those at Hoag in Irvine whom I also adore).

This isn’t an advertisement for the as much as it is a reminder that quality care is available to those who are on state insurance. It’s worth the schlep even if you live in North OC, and hey, I can be your doula!

If you’re a birth worker in the region and you didn’t know this, now you do. If you’re a pregnant person wondering if you can afford access to quality care, the answer is yes, if you qualify for Medical.