DeathWives

Friends, join us on Friday 6/28 and noon MST for a conversation with poet and death philosopher Seth Walker. Poetry is the language of love and grief, come hear and speak what needs to be heard and said.

Happy Birthday Lauren, who has arrived at the fine age of 40 with laughter in her heart, punk style everlasting, and one heck of a legacy already behind her. Let me tell you a little more about our friend.

Lauren got into Deathwork early - when she was 19 - filing death certificates at a funeral home. At the time she was terrified of death. That all changed the day that she was asked to go to the hospital and pick up a stillborn baby to bring to the funeral home. She arrived with a blanket to swaddle the baby… which surprised the nurses who were used to boxing up such tragedy. But not Lauren. She swaddled this baby and carried him out it to her car and held him, crying. She could feel all of the love that was made for this baby. The love of his parents, of spirit. It changed her. That day she went from fearing death - to loving it. Not loving the loss, but loving the PEOPLE enough to stay and serve all the way until the end.

Since then she has dedicated her career to Deathwork. She was a traditional funeral director in California and Colorado before going green. The “conventional” funeral industry has a way of showing big hearted people the errors of the industry, and thank goodness (and in large part to Lauren’s tenured efforts) that “industry” is changing. She left corporate America and began working as a green funeral director - the kind that cares about the family of the dead, the body of the dead, and the integrity of the business. She also began teaching. Holding her first workshops on Home Funerals, teaching others how to care for their own loved ones after death - as it has always been practiced round the world until (approx) the industrial revolution’s.
Recently, Lauren told me how she misses direct client work. She used to work with individuals and families as a home funeral guide and death doula - but now she spends the majority of her career teaching others to do the same. The next day a student reached out - telling her about the local work she was doing, thanks to Lauren’s teaching. We only have two hands. But when we teach others to use their two hands, we have many. Lauren has taught many hands to do this work - her living legacy.

Have you been there?

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Been a pretty greasy day for me. The young friend of mine died of su***de a little while ago.
I kept her own company mostly, and helped a little, and inherited some plants, before the movers come to pack up her stuff.
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It feels pretty enormous today I feel all the grief I've ever felt at once, I feel new griefs for the loss of his friend, and great compassionate grief for her family - most especially my new friend, her mother.
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All things pass. All things go.
This too shall.
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IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! We have heard your voices and have created a whole new way to take our Death Doula Certification Course. Online, on your own time, and with new supplemental supports!

Death Doula 201 merges ancient wisdom with contemporary knowledge, delving deep into our modern experience of death and preparing you to provide optimal support to individuals on their profound journey. Lauren and Erin create a container in which each student is able to explore their own relationship to death and dying, learn techniques and practices, understand cultural and philosophical perspectives, and approach the concepts of conscious living and conscious dying. Death Doula 201 is a supportive, inclusive space where all folx are welcome, and is open to all levels of experience.

The course investment is currently $333 with payment plans available.
Link to enroll in bio or visit deathwives.org/death-doula-201

FALL DEATHSCHOOL REGISTRATION opens in 10 days!

This class sells out every time - with only 13 seats at our intimate table.

For early access and early bird pricing, join the waitlist below!

If you could know the date of your death, would you want to?

Would knowing be a privilege or a burden?

Would you live differently?

Who else agrees? We do!

‘While I am healthy now, I’d like to have a little lethal concoction waiting for the right moment’: Prue Leith on the right to die — Guardian US Recalling the deaths of her first husband and brother, the broadcaster calls for urgent change

With my arms already open ❤️

We’ve been featured!

Read an insightful article in Hospice News with our Lauren Carroll about how death doulas can help improve health equity in hospice - AND - an interview in VoyageUtah about the life of a death doula, told through the eyes of our own Erin Merelli.

It’s never not special that we get to share our stories and the power of death doulaship with you. We hope you love the articles. Links in the comments below.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

ALL NEW CLASS

You know the timeline of the dying process, you've learned about the large arc of death doulaship and how to support someone with a terminal illness - but do you know what terminal illnesses do to the physical body?

In this two hour advanced death doula course (taught by Lauren Carroll of the Deathwives), we will explore the most common diseases Americans die from, their unique symptoms, and how to navigate and support them at the end of life (including how palliative care, hospice, and MAiD can help).

July 9 from 7 - 9 pm MST, Virtual
$99 Investment, Payment Plans Available

Learn more & Enroll at the link in the comments

Love outlives death. Every time. ❤️‍🩹

I AM WILLING

Dear Ones:

This picture of me and Rayya was taken one year ago today.

This picture was taken on the morning of our commitment ceremony — a day on which we bound our hearts to each other forever, in front of a small circle of friends.

What does “forever” mean, when one of the lovers has terminal cancer?

That’s simple: It means FOREVER.

Six months ago this week, Rayya died.

People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I’m not always sure how to answer that. It depends on the day. It depends on the minute. Right this moment, I’m OK. Yesterday, not so good. Tomorrow, we’ll see.

Here is what I have learned about Grief, though.

I have learned that Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own schedule. Grief does not obey your plans, or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love.

The only way that I can “handle” Grief, then, is the same way that I “handle” Love — by not “handling” it. By bowing down before its power, in complete humility.

When Grief comes to visit me, it’s like being visited by a tsunami. I am given just enough warning to say, “Oh my god, this is happening RIGHT NOW,” and then I drop to the floor on my knees and let it rock me. It’s a full-body experience. To resist it is to be brutalized by it. You just bow down — that’s all you CAN do — and you let this thing roll through your heart and body and mind, in all its vehemence.

How do you survive the tsunami of Grief?

By being willing to experience it, without resistance. By being willing to feel everything. By being willing to accept the unacceptable.

The conversation of Grief, then, is one of prayer-and-response.

Grief says to me: “You will never love anyone the way you loved Rayya.”

And I reply: “I am willing for that to be true.”

Grief says: “She’s gone, and she’s never coming back.”

I reply: “I am willing for that to be true.”

Grief says: “You will never see her walk in the door again.”

I say: “I am willing.”

Grief says: “You will never have access to her wisdom again.”

I say: “I am willing.”

Grief says: “You will never hear that laugh again.”

I say: “I am willing.”

Grief says, “You will never smell her skin again.”

I get down on the floor on my fu***ng knees, and — and through my sheets of tears — I say, “I AM WILLING.”

I am beginning to understand that Grief is not the same thing as Depression. Depression is unwilling. Grief is a MOVEMENT — catastrophic and mighty — that you ALLOW to rock you and spin you. Depression is refusal to feel. Depression is a refusal to move, or to be moved. Depression is resistance, and resistance is futile.

I am not depressed, in the wake of Rayya’s death. I am DESTROYED, but I am not depressed — but that’s only because I am willing to be destroyed.

I will live on, because I am WILLING. I am willing to take this life on God’s terms, not mine.

Love’s terms, not mine.

Grief’s terms, not mine.

I am willing to surrender to the reality that I will never understand any of this. I am even willing to accept that I may not ever fully heal from the loss of Rayya.

Grief says: “You may never recover from this”

And I say: “I am willing.”

This is the job of the living — to be willing to bow down before EVERYTHING that is bigger than you. And nearly everything in this world is bigger than you. Let your willingness be the only big thing about you.

My friend Martha Beck officiated the commitment ceremony last year for me and Rayya. I will never forget what she said on that day: “True love always liberates the beloved.”

Six months ago, I had to let Rayya go. It wasn’t up to me. It was brutal, and I was willing. I bowed down and wept. God’s will, not mine. But Rayya belonged to God before she belonged to me. She NEVER belonged to me, actually; I just loved her. And true love always liberates the beloved.

I am willing.

Two days ago — on the six month anniversary of Rayya’s death — Martha wrote me a letter. She said, “The spark of absolutely unique, inimitable energy that showed up as Rayya is no longer in form. I can’t wrap my head around it. What is she doing now? What is she BEING now? Death is every bit as common as life, and both utterly baffle me.”

Me, too. I am completely fu***ng baffled. I don’t understand Life any more than I understand Love or Death or Grief.

But I am willing to be here for the duration of the mystery. I am willing to be rocked by every last tsunami.

I don’t know what Rayya is doing or being now. That is not for me to know. I only know that I will love her forever. And I know what I am doing and what I am being:

I am willing.

Onward,
LG

How do you “remember to remember” those you’ve lost? ✨🖤

Death is managed differently throughout the world.

Japan breaks with traditional cemeteries, embraces QR codes and urban columbariums Subscribe to our YouTube channel for free here: https://sc.mp/subscribe-youtubeMore and more people in Japan are breaking with traditions on burial and mourn...

DENVER DEATH DOULA LAB 07/20
Spend a day with us in person to learn, build community, and become a certified death doula.

Death Doula Lab offers a hands-on and methodical approach to death education. You’ll study home funeral and death doula history, philosophy, and practice, participate in a body-shrouding demonstration, and explore the art of crafting ceremony. You’ll leave educated, inspired, and connected to new people who share your same passion.

Includes 2 pre-requisite classes: Death Doula 101 & Home Funeral 101 (recordings), a ticket to our immersive day-long training, a beautiful catered lunch, and an optional Certificate of Completion.

Payment plans are always available, and spots are limited. Learn more and enroll at the link in the comments.

Denver, 7/20, 10 - 6pm MST

Hi Friends!

We do alot of introductions that tell the story of how we got to where we are now in the Deathcare space. If you have come to class, you've heard it!

Flatteringly, folx sometimes think we are a beautiful couple. We get it - we call ourselves Deathwives and we take lots of photos that could pass as engagement photos together. Alas, Lauren has a forever partner and Erin enjoys the single life after years of marriage and child raising. But we are both married to Deathwives and to spending the rest of our lives sharing and living this work.

Here are some other random, transparent, human things about us.

Do you remember being a kid in a new class and getting anxiety before sharing circle? "Tell us one fun fact about you" becomes the hardest question! Let's do it again as adult deathworkers or grievers - tell us some things about you in the comments!

FRIDAY - Free for Members!

Medium Tobi is our trusted medium of 20 years.
She has on many occasions offered us a light in the dark of our own grief, and since become a friend we are very honored to have. Over the last few months, our Deathfolx community has gotten to know and love Tobi, and this month will be her last month with us (for now 😊).

Join us this Friday for one final Afterlife Connections event: an hour of spirit readings from 6 - 7 pm, followed by 15 minutes of audience Q&A.

This is a free event for Deathfolx members - and anyone can join. Registration link is in the comments. 🖤

*This is a small and intimate gathering, and many people will get a reading, but not all participants are guaranteed a reading*

Thank you Edward Lee
~Beautiful Ramblings

#ａｌｏｎｅ

Save the date!!!

Erin and Lauren will be teaching together in our home state of Colorado on July 20th!

Registration will open next week with 25 spots available!

Taken classes with us already? Great! This is the lab component. Let’s get hands on.

Never taken a class? Welcome! We will send you 4+ hours of recordings to watch before class, and you’re sure to feel prepared.

Stay tuned!

Love her!

Death Doula 201 is back - LIVE for the very last time. This weekend intensive will soon be laid to rest as a fully self-study course. Join us as we bid it one last, live goodbye. May 25 + 26, Noon-4pm MST (online)$333, with payment plans available at checkout. “What a wonderful session this was. To feel so empowered and excited just can’t be formulated into words. If you can take these courses, don’t miss them. Thank you again and again”-Melody Registration is open now - link in comments. 💛

Today!! Death, grief and horses.

Meet Daelyn. She’s been through the worst thing a human can - her son Austin died of cancer when he was only 17.

I’ve known Daelyn most of my life, and watched her journey through dispair and learning to live again, to becoming one of the strongest grief warriors I know, healing across many mediums. She’s a writer, an artist, a dog lover, an amateur hot air balloon pilot, and a Master Equine Gestaltist, to name a few. Somehow she has gotten through the worst in life and has still kept a song in her heart.

Have you ever brought your grief to a horse? There is nothing like it.

Join us this third-Thursday at noon to talk with Daelyn about the depths of grief, the movement of energy and the magic ot horses.

This is a free event for Deathfolx members - and anyone can join. Today at noon MST.

We just graduated two classes of Deathschool Students today.

For their final projects, each student presents a funeral. It can be for anyone… someone who died and was misrepresented at their service, or an ancestor they never knew, or the collective grief of war. The well of grief is endless.

How often do we express and expose it in public? To practice it, as a liberation, as a skill.

When we do so, we honor the dead, of course. But we also remember again that life is holy enough to be missed.

Grief in one hand and joy in the other.

Then I opened the internet and saw this (beloved) poem that fits just right.

Deathschool is Sold Out! Thank you!
We are accepting scholarship applications until Friday evening for the last scholarship spot.

Surprise Class! We will be offering Death Doula 201 on May 25 - 26, virtual!

This is our most popular class, and is foundational in building your Death Doula muscles.

Whereas Deathschool is limited to 13 people and comes at a higher tuition, Death Doula 201 is appropriate for all levels of new and aspiring doulas, and is priced to fit. We offer all the payment plans.

This will be the LAST TIME WE OFFER THIS CLASS LIVE, before it becomes a self-paced class in the future. If you would like the experience of learning in real time with us, this is a good one!

Cant wait to meet you!

E + L

Death, grief and horses.

Meet Daelyn. She’s been through the worst thing a human can - her son Austin died of cancer when he was only 17.

I’ve known Daelyn most of my life, and watched her journey through dispair and learning to live again, to becoming one of the strongest grief warriors I know, healing across many mediums. She’s a writer, an artist, a dog lover, an amateur hot air balloon pilot, and a Master Equine Gestaltist, to name a few. Somehow she has gotten through the worst in life and still kept a song in her heart.

Have you ever brought your grief to a horse? There is nothing like it.

Join us this third-Thursday at noon to talk with Daelyn about the depths of grief, the movement of energy and the magic ot horses.

This is a free event for Deathfolx members - and anyone can join.

Relatable content anyone? ❤️💔

Sometimes I don’t even recognize myself in my grief, but that’s probably fine.

Repost from

[image ID: a screenshot of a tweet from abrish that reads “they had to create a new stage of grief for me but other than that i’m doing fine”]