A 28 Year-old thumb-sucker

Marriage and sucking my thumb

I cannot imagine doing laundry with my hands. I am almost always on a diet. It doesn't work, but I am on a diet and I eat leaves and prawns. I speak English, A Lot.

I got married to a Xhosa man from Mthatha. One might say this was a bad idea but I can explain...

My husband and my immediate in-laws understand me. Really well. My mom-in-law is one of my favourite people on Earth. I'm mostly on the phone talking to her and I tell her everything. I'd even say she is my best friend. I pierced my nose after I got married and my mom-in-law defended me from those who had something to say. She said:"We all enter nowhere. If you're fine with it and your husband is fine with it. Then, we must all be fine with it". For me, marriage is like extreme mjolo. I thank God.

The anxiety comes when I have to be makoti elsewhere. Such as going to imigidi in the villages. I feel so much pressure to look a certain way, to act a certain way. In fact to be on top of my game when I can hardly clean amathumbu. Remember I get anxiety from being invited to an event where I basically just have to come and chill so how much more when I have to be makoti.

I forget easily so if I'm moving around and a respected man in the village asks me to bring a spoon, I might forget. When he reminds me, I might say "OMG".

I also get told to hang around other makotis more so that I can learn to be a proper makoti. I am a proper makoti. I have zero desire to be like others. Waking up early, being the last to go to bed. I'm not about that life.

I still get asked asked why I am keeping my surname and how could my husband allow it. I could never carry a baby, feed another one, cook and clean at the same time. I can do one at a time.

I definitely have to "suck my thumb" sometimes because being a makoti can be a job and a half. Being a makoti can make me really anxious. There's too many expectations and I can hardly keep up. I'm just too fragile and I like it that way.

My husband treats me like a fragile flower. If I say I don't want to touch something because it smells. My husband will make sure that I never have to touch that thing again. He will make sure!

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you!

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Let's meet at the Centenary Complex, University of Free State, Exclusive books tomorrow and Friday at 17:30. I would love to meet you and have a chat. The book is available for purchase the whole day but I will be there at 17:30. See you then!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Memoirs of a 28-Year-Old Year-Old Thumb-Sucker is available at the University of Free State, Centenary complex at Exclusive books for the duration of the Arts Festival, 11-15 July 2023. Please get yourself a copy!

Ukubhambhatha

My version of "Sucking my thumb". I am just fighting to be understood and for my children to be understood. This is smoking, this is having a glass of wine, this is having a sleeping pill but just more natural and less harmless. Allow me to do this so that I do not lose my mind.

I started with the towel when I was around 9 months old. I think I was born with this but I couldn't come out of the womb and demand a towel. As soon as I could hold things, I basically demanded the towel. Mom heard my demands and bought me the towel. You'll read the details in the book.

I'm one of the lucky ones because my immidiate family totally understands me. My husband and my in-laws. My children have no choice but to understand because they have their own habits too. So no one judges anyone... ❤️

Money - Anxiety and sucking my thumb

Guys! What the actual heck?
One minute I was unemployed, next minute I am employed but then debit orders are taking my money. This is a song that many South Africans sing. The issue now is that when you struggle with anxiety, money problems can hit harder than they should. Or harder than they hit everyone else.

I for one struggle with anxiety caused by finances. I get anxiety just from the debit orders. The money could still there in the account, the debit orders do not finish it completely but I have such a hard time seeing money go. I "suck my thumb" to calm myself down.

But then, here you get to see how anxiety is not always a bad thing. Because I get so anxious about money, I push myself a lot, to make money so that I do not get so anxious. I also try to manage my money well, so far, I have never had more debt than my income. I cannot imagine not being able to pay something because I have to pay something else. That would send me straight into a depression. So here anxiety helps to keep me afloat. Anxiety helps me to manage my life so that I do not get depressed.

The only thing that will make me less anxious, is to constantly have money in my account. Once I hit a 0 balance, I feel so poor. Not broke, but poor.

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Sexuality and "sucking the thumb"

This topic is a bit uncomfortable for me but last weekend, I had a conversation with a friend about our habits. We spoke about how these habits do have an element of being sexually pleasing. This part I deliberately left out of the book because I was ashamed of it. The conversation I had with the friend made me more comfortable to talk about it. I ended up having to confess to my husband what I used to do with the towel when I was younger. I was so ashamed for a long time. But my towel has a way of making me feel really good. Close to how I feel around my husband (if you know what I mean). I feel somewhat drunk. Sometimes I laugh by myself because it feels really good 😅😅, like ahhhh 🥰🥴😅.

I don't know how to describe it exactly but basically if I was a man, every time I use my towel, soft things would probably become hard. But it's not a matter of wanting anything more. You don't want anything more than the feeling. It's just a matter of being in a state of feeling things you can't really describe but they are good. So even if my husband offered his services, I would probably feel disturbed. Because the feeling involves me and my towel and my space. OR, I would be ready because most of the work has already been done by my towel. But I'm too relaxed!

I could be rubbing the towel on my face and get that feeling! It's a pitty I do not do drugs but I'm telling you, it's like a drug or being drunk.

Read the Photos I've posted. They describe how different drugs influence sexuality. The point of this, is to say that this is a drug. It is natural and close to being harmless. It functions like a drug in many ways.

In simple words, "Thumb-sucking" can turn you on.

But a child does not know that. All they know is that they feel good. Also, remember children are underdeveloped so they won't get an er****on or anything, they will just feel good.

Death and sucking my thumb

In 2015, I lost my grandmother. She died. When you read the book, you realize just how much I adored her. When she died, I "sucked my thumb" to ease the pain. Sometimes I forget, but sometimes, that pain still comes back. When that pain comes back, I "suck my thumb" so that it does not hurt so much.

Whenever I'm going through a lot, nothing beats hearing someone say, "Bring her towel."

Bring me my towel. I was born like this. This is how I heal myself. Time heals, but my towel heals faster!

I'll be speaking about my book Memoirs of a 28 Year-old thumb-sucker on Motheo FM 88.5 tonight at 9:10pm. Tune in please..... ❤️❤️❤️

"They told me to stop sucking my thumb because I was growing old. They forced me to stop. My family, my friends, and strangers too. I stopped. But then, I spent my whole life looking for that feeling, you know, the feeling. That feeling I got when I sucked my thumb. Damn, I looked in the wrong places. I finally found it. I found it in M**H"

-Stories from retired thumb-suckers

My children are "thumb-suckers".

My children are tongue-suckers. This motivated me to write the book because I thought to myself, "The world did not understand me, so it won't understand you. Let me tell them about me. That way, they will understand you better. "

My children suck their tongues whenever something troubles them. They don't even know it. They are too young to know what they are doing or why they are doing it. But I will explain everything to them soon so that they can understand what this is all about. They also do it out of boredom, but we will deal with it in a gentle manner as they grow.

My children are tongue suckers and I do not want them to be misunderstood.

A review from . Thank you so much! ❤️

Disadvantages of literal thumb-sucking

Literal thumb (Or finger(s)) sucking may cause a speech impediment such as a lisp (Forward looking teeth); thinner fingers, and blisters on the finger. A thumb-sucker might get addicted. There's a risk of a viral infection because usually, thumb-suckers do not wash their thumbs before they suck them. Also, thumb-sucking can play part in social issues. Thumb-suckers are usually misjudged and sometimes either alienated or they may feel that they have no choice but to withdraw from their social circles.

Getting robbed and sucking my thumb to overcome trauma...

I got robbed.

In South Africa, the rate of crime is high. The chances of getting robbed, r***d, hijacked, or murdered are high. Like any other citizen, I try my best to avoid being in situations where I am likely to become a victim of crime. But, now and then, it's really hard to avoid those situations. Like when I found myself going to the salon all by myself, and then things took longer than expected. I ended up walking home in the dark because the distance from home to the salon is ridiculously short for a drive or taxi, so I thought. People on the other side of the fence don't think that any distance is short. All they really need is a second to abuse you emotionally and / or physically and change your life for the worst. The other day, I got unlucky. I was left traumatized and unable to sleep. I kept replaying the scene in my mind. I kept thinking that I should not have gone there and that I should have taken a different route. I should not have had dreadlocks, and I should not have been a female to begin with.

I don't usually take sleeping pills to sleep, nor do I consume alcohol or anything like that. So I "sucked my thumb" to get through the trauma and to sleep.

DM me for a copy of the book... 🖤

I "sucked my thumb" to pass Grade 12

So, at about 7 years of age, I stopped sucking my thumb. I only started "sucking my thumb" again in Grade 12. I felt so much pressure for my name to appear in the newspaper.

I like to describe myself as having been a below average learner. This was because I spent most of my junior school days just going to school and at the end of every term, I only looked at the teacher's comment on the report, it had to say progressed. I copied homework a lot, and for tests, I would go through the textbook on the morning of the test. I never cared about the actual marks.

When I went to Boshof, I saw the top 10 students being called up. I wondered how they got there and obviously quickly realised that they worked hard to be above average. I then spent the last 4 years years of my high school life trying to play catch up because I thought, "I have to do better." I hardly spoke English at the time, and now and then, I'd be made fun of because I hardly knew the difference between in and on. For the first time, I sat and practiced maths and studied in advance for tests and exams. Things got better. But now, better was average.

By the time I got to Grade 12, I could say I was average. My biggest concern was that I wasn't sure if my average marks would be enough to get my name to appear in the newspaper. So, I became anxious. Then, for the first time in about 10 years, I remembered that in the past, I would "suck my thumb" to relax whenever I felt anxious. That's when I went back to "sucking my thumb." I would study in the afternoons, and whenever I took a break, I would "suck my thumb." It would ease the anxiety. I would also "suck my thumb" before heading to the exam room. It would calm me. This was when I began to be intentional about "sucking my thumb." I did not "suck my thumb" just for fun. I knew why I was doing it and when I was doing it. I have kept that mindset to this day.

I always felt like if I had known earlier that the marks on the report mattered and that I should actually study. I would have done much better for myself.
Someone who read the book recently approached me to tell me that he relates to this chapter.